Feeling stuck

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This topic has 6 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 5 years, 9 months ago by Mark.

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February 19, 2019 at 3:18 pm #280947
Sophie
Participant
My boyfriend has accepted a new job which leaves me trapped in a job that makes me unhappy and with limited options to find something else.

We live in a part of the country which has limited options for employment. If my boyfriend takes this job he will need to stay in it for at least a year, I don’t know what my options will be, other than to find a job in a different county which will require us to live long distance.

I am happy for and proud of him, but I feel like he isn’t listening to me when I say that I don’t want to live here long-term. I also moved him with him in the first place to help him pursue a career goal, despite being unsure about whether or not I wanted to live here myself.

I moved from London to the countryside and left a good job and an independent lifestyle behind.

What should I do? I feel like I am the one making all the compromises and sacrifices in our relationship and I know I won’t be happy to accept this in the long run.
- This topic was modified 5 years, 9 months ago by tinybuddha.
- This topic was modified 5 years, 9 months ago by Sophie.
February 19, 2019 at 3:37 pm #280953

Mark
Participant

Sophie,

So you left a good job in the city to a place where the employment options are very limited to be with your boyfriend.

Now he is leaving to another place for a new job.

This means if you want to stay together, you feel that you have to uproot yourself again to follow him to his new job somewhere else where there is no real opportunity for you?

Did I understand your situation?

February 19, 2019 at 3:52 pm #280955

Sophie
Participant

The job is in the same location that we are currently based in, but we had been planning to leave within the next 6 months.

He now has a new job in the same county which means that we will need to stay here for at least another year.

It is a promotion for him, but I am worried that staying here will be to the detriment of my own aims and ambitions. I will have to stay working at an organisation that makes me unhappy.

February 19, 2019 at 4:46 pm #280959

Valora
Participant

Have you thought about looking for jobs that allow you to work remotely (from home)? There are quite a few options out there, so that might be a way for you to get a different job while still living in the same area.

February 20, 2019 at 7:53 am #281011

Inky
Participant

Hi Sophie,

I know you love your boyfriend, but you will probably have to love him long distance. Get a good job even if it’s far from him. When his promotional job or whatever he’s in ends in a few years, HE will be the one making a decision, not you. You do what you need to do.

Best,

Inky

February 20, 2019 at 9:55 am #281021

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Sophie:

“Feeling stuck” is the title of your thread. Trapped is another word you used, “trapped in a job”.

We need to be free, as free as is possible for us, while still being ethical, that is, socially responsible. Examples: a mother who feels trapped should not simply move away and leave her child behind but find another solution that will not hurt her child. An employee feeling trapped should not quit without proper notice, giving the employer a reasonable time to find a replacement. A married woman should not leave her husband the moment she finds out that her husband got sick (in-sickness-and-in-health was the promise).

I say, figure out what is your social responsibility in your circumstance: a notice at your job? A series of honest conversations on your part with your boyfriend? Examining all possibilities?

Fulfill your social responsibilities and then attend to that “call of the wild”, to that inborn desire to be free.

anita

February 20, 2019 at 6:53 pm #281105

Mark
Participant

Sophie,

I am still confused. What is keeping you to go somewhere else to find some job more suited for you? Or even going back to the job that you had before?

Mark
Author

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