We have talked numerous times about having him go to the Dr to get an official diagnosis of ADHD & Anxiety – he is totally willing to go and take medication. The problem is, he has no health insurance and is so cheap he wouldn’t pay out of pocket.

Honestly, I’m not so sure it’s medication he needs based on what you’ve posted. It sounds more like he needs to learn healthy coping mechanisms, especially if he’s been using substances to try to cope with the feelings he’s had from the deaths of his parents. It would serve him better to work through those feelings and deal with them and hopefully be able to let those feelings go, as well as to learn healthier ways of coping…. so, for me, it sounds like he’d do better to seek counseling with a therapist and cognitive behavioral therapy. Some of the psychotropic medications, after all, can be as addicting as many of the other drugs and come with a host of side effects. They work well for some, but many just need to learn how to deal with their issues.

Thank you for your feedback! At this point, the fact that he is not speaking to me has forced me to look deep within myself to determine if I want this type of relationship. I do not. I’m baffled because we had been on the same page since day one and we did a very good job of being honest with each other – or so I thought. I guess at this point I have to suck it up and accept the fact that he had a change of heart and can’t be what we need him to be. He has a lot of growing up to do.

I don’t have any advice here other than to say that I like this comment. It shows a great maturity and intelligence. I agree that he has some growing up to do and if, later down the road, he matures to your level, you two may make a great couple, but it sounds like it’s just too much of a difference for now.

Christine,

The thing with honesty is that most of us are not self-aware enough to be honest.  We do not know ourselves enough to be truly honest.  Plus us humans are living contradictions.  We may say/think one thing but our unconscious beliefs cause us to do something else.  Plus our beliefs are not consistent.  Bottom line, we all behave according to how we learned to survive which we learned when we were young.

So regardless of what we say to each other, it is not necessarily true for we ourselves don’t know our own truth… which can be fluid and inconsistent.

Mark

Dear Maggie:

Reads like he got scared to move in with you, and he was scared to tell you about it. I am sorry that this had happened to you and that you have to see him every day. I wish he had the courage to face his fears and … the courage to face you in an honest, direct way.

anita