Tiny Buddha

Tag: wisdom

  • 10 Reasons and Helpful Tips to Make It a Dry December

    10 Reasons and Helpful Tips to Make It a Dry December

    “The very best thing you can do for the whole world is to make the most of yourself.” ~Wallace Wattles

    In all my years of drinking, I never thought I’d hear myself suggesting a Dry December. Nor could I have predicted that the month I’d eventually decide to embrace my sober curiosity would be the holiday month.

    Before I decided to give an alcohol-free lifestyle a chance, I had completed many Dry Januarys, occasional Sober Octobers, and even one Dry July. (Dry July was the hardest for me because I really felt like I was alone in trying to embrace that one.) But now I see any month as a great choice to choose less alcohol and see the physical, emotional, and spiritual benefits in all their glory.

    Here is what really helped me in my very first Dry December and some pieces of advice that might help you too.

    1. I recognized that within my social calendar at the time, December was the booziest month of the year, and I decided that if I could successfully complete December without a drink, then all other months of the year would be easy in comparison. The same could be true for you.

    December meant several office parties, neighborhood drinks, dinner parties with friends, nights in bars and restaurants with other friends, and then the Christmas Eve, Day, and Boxing Day entertaining. There were a lot of places to be, a lot of socializing to do, and with that came an expectation (both external and internal) to drink.

    No wonder we are happy to talk about a Dry January—we’ve often had enough alcohol at that point! Aim to feel good about this holiday period without alcohol. You are not depriving yourself; you are doing yourself a huge favor.

    2. December could really work for you from a goal/intention setting point of view. Why not rethink New Year resolutions and have year-end resolutions? 

    What if we started the upcoming year clearheaded, more emotionally stable, physically feeling better, and with more cash in our pockets? That would be an amazing start. If we’ve already tucked a sober month under our belts by the time Dry January comes around, we are going to be feeling like we’re one step ahead already.

    3. You could use December to prepare yourself for the gentle wintering you might need.

    Imagine enjoying the holiday break feeling relaxed and restored. I know it sounds strange, but it is possible, I promise. Some of my most relaxing Christmases have happened since being sober.

    4. A Dry December could help you make the most of the season.

    In the northern hemisphere, winter is for hunkering down. It’s about cozy fires and warm blankets. It’s also the time for bracing walks in the fresh air. It’s a delight in color and texture. A break from drinking means no hangovers, which means you’re better able to enjoy the season.

    5. You can treat yourself with the money saved from not drinking.

    Get into a new habit of spending your alcohol money on what you might want or really need. Is it a monthly massage? Is it some delicious alcohol-free drinks? How about a personal trainer? What about a new book? Or a sober coach for support? You are worth every single penny. Spend it wisely.

    6. Discover alternative drinks to your usual holiday favorites.

    There is an array of wonderful non-alcoholic options available. Whether it’s experimenting with mocktails, alcohol-free beers or gins, infused waters, herbal teas, or flavorful juices, you’ll find alternatives that will still allow you to enjoy a long cold drink without the added toxins.

    Use your fancy glass, get the ice, and clink your glasses. The atmosphere, the people, and the conversation matter so much more than what is in your glass.

    7. Create new traditions and rituals.

    Replace your drinking Christmas traditions with new ones. Traditions come and go, they change at various points in our lives, and that’s a lovely thing to embrace.

    8. If you are finding December to be emotionally charged, seek out previously tested ways to soothe yourself and/or experiment with some new ways.

    Perhaps you could explore some new and different communities for support. This really helped me during my first Dry December.

    9. Use Dry December as an excuse, if you need one, for friends and family.

    Say you’re joining a revolution and reclaiming December as a month without excess alcohol as a fierce act of rebellion! You can say I’m taking a break because NOW is as good a time as any. Then gently roll into Dry January feeling altogether calmer, more peaceful, and empowered.

    10. Find and take note of all the positive glimmers as you go through the month.

    Use a journal or an app on your phone to keep a record. Does your brain fog lift a bit? Are you sleeping more deeply? Do you notice you have a few extra hours in your week? Do your eyes look a bit brighter? Where can you see the benefits? Use those pieces of great news to propel you further through the month.

    When Dry January rolls around you’ll feel like an expert, and your friends and family may even ask you for advice and tips. Enjoy the ripple effect!

  • There’s a Point in Your Healing Journey When…

    There’s a Point in Your Healing Journey When…

  • Love Them from a Distance

    Love Them from a Distance

  • Just One Person

    Just One Person

  • Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff

    Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff

  • How Your Worst Days Can Shape Your Best Self

    How Your Worst Days Can Shape Your Best Self

    “It is often those moments you feel least connected that you are actually making your greatest progress. The chaos around you is an invitation to pause, reflect, and grow. You are more than equipped to deal with this. If you weren’t, you wouldn’t be here.” ~Benjamin P Hardy

    It’s 1 a.m., and the silence is broken by a cough that can only be described as sounding like someone who has smoked two packs daily for the last thirty years. There’s no way to predict when I’ll be woken again, but if the past week is any indication, this won’t be the last.

    Unbeknownst to me, I’ve been dropped into the notoriously rigorous training program known as “Hell Week” that Navy SEAL candidates must endure. It’s a gruelling, continuous training exercise lasting several days with little to no sleep, intense physical challenges, and mental stress. Hell Week aims to test candidates’ physical and mental resilience and their ability to work effectively as a team under extreme conditions.

    Here’s the problem: My hell is a twenty-month-old with a nasty cough that she can’t shake. She’s obviously not torturing us on purpose, but it doesn’t make the experience any less exhausting.

    When I finally fall back asleep and am once again awakened by a foghorn for the sixth night in a row, the tears start welling up in my eyes, as I have no idea how the hell I’m going to make it through another day of calls and projects that are relying on me.

    Bipolar and sleep deprivation go together as well as a clown juggling chainsaws in a hurricane—a disaster waiting to happen, with a side of chaos and potential accidental amputations.

    So, if I’m going to be perfectly honest, and to borrow another military term, the team is experiencing a clusterf*ckunder these extreme conditions.

    How else would you describe the frustration and disorder that arises when things do not go according to plan?

    Our team is hanging on by a thread. The fights between my wife and I are wearing us down, the outbursts of anger are cringe-worthy, and the feeling that this will never end is causing enough friction to leave our skin raw.

    These are the moments when I catch myself being a victim of my life.

    Then I realize my expectations are out of whack. Things won’t always go smoothly, and sometimes I need to accept that I can’t do everything I’d like to accomplish, or do anything as well as I can when I’m at my best.

    These are not the moments to thrive.

    These are the moments to survive.

    It’s a reminder that life rarely goes according to plan.

    And that’s the whole point of Hell Week.

    Anyone can crush it on a good day, but how do you handle the inevitable hell you will face as a parent, someone who gets crippled by their mental health, or experiencing any number of painful challenges we all face?

    That question has improved my mental health, business success, and life quality more than anything else I’ve encountered in the last six years.

    Why?

    Because it changed my approach.

    Your choices on your toughest days shape your path more than those made on your brightest.

    When I struggled, I found that having an all-or-nothing approach rarely allowed me to progress on the essential things. Instead, it often felt like I was starting from scratch again. I would go off the deep end and find myself drowning in a negative thinking pattern, saying, “Of course I’m back here! Shit like this always happens when I’m making progress.”

    But as author James Clear said, “You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.”

    It taught me the importance of establishing a solid foundation and that sticking to a routine can provide stability and a sense of control (regardless of what’s happening around me).

    I am nothing without hydration, elevation, meditation, and contemplation.

    This can feel high-level when you’re starting out. Don’t overthink the “perfect” way to implement these power-ups.

    • I’ll crush another coffee 👉 I’ll drink a liter of water.
    • I’ll catch up on emails 👉 I’m taking the dog out for a walk and getting some sun.
    • I’ll get ahead on a few of my projects 👉 I’ll sit down and throw on a twenty-minute guided meditation.
    • I’ll watch a few lessons for a marketing course 👉 I’ll sit on the front porch and read something light and fun.

    These small trades can make a big difference to your physical and mental health when you’re struggling.

    It’s easy to feel overwhelmed in the world of self-growth and personal development. Especially when you’re shamed for not having a clear answer to questions like, “Wait, you don’t have a three-hour morning routine carved out to put yourself in a peak state of abundance?”

    I’m going to categorize that as a “nice to have.”

    It’s similar to my intention of cooking gourmet meals for my daughter every night, yet I often resort to buttered noodles and broccoli because they’re a crowd-pleaser.

    There’s substance, and I’m not adding to an already stressed-out day.

    Meaning she gets a better dad who is enjoyable to be around.

    Winning the day comes back to being far more intentional about what you can stick to on your day from hell than what you can accomplish on your dream day of sunshine, lollipops, and prepping Michelin star meals.

    In the midst of our personal Hell Weeks, it’s the small, intentional actions that become our lifeline. It’s not about mastering every challenge but about grounding ourselves in the routines and habits that offer solace and stability.

    So, when the nights seem endless and the challenges insurmountable, remember: your power lies in your tiny, consistent choices. Harness them and watch as they transform your toughest days into stepping stones toward a brighter tomorrow.

  • Knowing When to Leave

    Knowing When to Leave

  • How to Hold Regret Tenderly

    How to Hold Regret Tenderly

  • Life Is Kind of Like a Party

    Life Is Kind of Like a Party

  • I Am Sorry for the Loss of Your Person

    I Am Sorry for the Loss of Your Person

  • Always Exhausted? Native Wisdom to Restore Your Energy

    Always Exhausted? Native Wisdom to Restore Your Energy

    TRIGGER WARNING: This post references sexual assault and may be triggering to some people.

    “Spirit carved by Nature
    Here I am.
    Slowly ascending
    toward my own profundity.”
    ~Elicura Chihuailaf

    That exhaustion you feel when your body is fighting something, the feeling of being completely drained to the point where you can barely move your body…. that’s how I felt when I was living with trauma.

    Over the years it had piled up inside of me—the sexual assault I survived one night after I’d just turned twenty, the physical and emotional abuse that went on almost daily when I lived with my ex-husband… all of it was still living inside of me. And every day it was making me feel more and more tired.

    The difference is, when we come down with, let’s say, a cold, once we fight it and heal, our energy returns, and we feel like ourselves again. But trauma… again, it’s different. At least in this culture; more on that in a little bit.

    That’s why I never “got over” it. I never got my energy back; I never woke up feeling rested or like I was back to being myself. Not until eight years later.

    Too Tired to Listen

    From a very young age, our people are taught the importance of listening… especially to energy. We recognize that energy is in everything that’s alive, from the forest to a rock, the water, the sun, all animals, and, of course, ourselves. And energy will always “speak” to let us know when something is out of balance.

    It’s hard to listen in this culture, though, even as an Indigenous person who comes from these teachings, and even though I’m only the first generation in my family to live in Western society. It’s hard because here we are distracted and so tired of just trying to survive.

    Whatever energy we have has to go to work so that we can pay our bills, rent, food, and whatever else is needed. We don’t have the support of our communities, where everyone helps each other out, growing food, caring for those who are sick or injured, and even raising children. At least that’s how it was in my community, on our reservation, before so many of us were forced to leave.

    It takes a lot of energy to do everything alone, as most of us do in this culture. That’s why so many of us don’t see any other option but to push through, and as a result, we forget to listen.

    Back then, if I’d listened instead of feeling guilt and shame for not doing enough, I would’ve understood myself better. I would’ve shown myself more compassion and known that my energy was telling me something was off.

    The fact that I could barely get out of bed and jumped at any chance to doze off: in parking lots in my car, at work behind some boxes in the stockroom, in bed while watching Friends. It wasn’t laziness or a lack of motivation. It was me, still trying to survive what I’d been through.

    Not Living, Busy Surviving

    While we don’t always think of the stress we go through or even the trauma that happened in our past as something that would be considered surviving—and if we do think of it as surviving, it’s usually past tense—it is how our energy and body respond.

    And what’s important to remember about energy and ourselves as nature is that we don’t have an endless amount of it. We’re not like our laptops or phones, with a charger that you can just plug in and recharge. That means when your energy is focused on surviving, it doesn’t have enough left to take care of you.

    Going back to the comparison of having a cold. When you go to sleep, your body doesn’t just stop fighting the virus, right? It continues while you sleep, which is why you wake up feeling exhausted.

    Stress and trauma work the same way. Just because you’re lying down, resting on your couch, or going to sleep, that doesn’t mean your body (and energy) stops protecting you.

    Think of a deer trying to escape a hunter. At that moment, their energy can only focus on survival, right? It’s not until they get away and find safety that their energy changes back to its natural state, balance, because then they don’t need to try to survive anymore.

    But let’s say this deer is living in a place that is not their natural environment. Instead of open meadows and deep forests, there’s a high chain-link fence trapping the deer with the hunter. The deer runs and desperately tries to find a way out, a place to be safe, but can’t find it.

    Eventually, the deer will become tired and lie down because, like us, the deer can’t fight for survival forever.

    My life back then was not focused on living. It was almost exclusively focused on sleep and coming up with excuses so that I wouldn’t have to leave my bed. And to no surprise, my friends eventually got fed up with me always turning them down, so they stopped calling. While I was relieved to not have to come up with excuses anymore, I felt lonelier than ever.

    That’s the strange thing about survival, or it’s not strange; it makes a lot of sense. When we’re in this state, we don’t want to be alone, but at the same time, we’re also too tired to be around people. Or to pick up the phone or answer calls or texts from loved ones. We want to, but there’s not enough inside of us to make us do it.

    So we hide behind the walls we build to protect ourselves, while at the same time, wishing for a way out.

    It was only meant to be temporary.

    It was never meant to be this way. Survival is meant to be temporary, to protect you, to help you through something, to keep you alive. That’s why you were born with responses to finish it. That’s why you were born with the ability to heal, just as you heal from any other wound or when you’re sick.

    It’s the laws of nature, or else life could never continue.

    And like the deer, when your nge, your energy, knows you’re safe, it changes the message it sends to your body: from doing everything to protect you to taking care of you.

    What keeps us stuck in survival, too drained and exhausted to live our lives, is living in a culture that keeps trying to convince us that we’re not nature and that these responses we have had to be controlled, even stopped.

    Think about the responses you have that would make you embarrassed if they happened around other people, or would make you think of yourself as “weak” but are completely natural. Crying, trembling, shaking.

    Here we learn to look at ourselves as humans without human responses, and it has consequences.

    Too many people are now living too exhausted to engage with life because they can’t finish survival. They don’t know about the gifts nature gave them to heal from trauma and release stress from their bodies. That what comes in must come out, and what starts must finish.

    The arrogance of this dominant culture is thinking they can do better than, and even replace, nature. And the danger of a homogeneous societal culture is that it makes us believe it too.

    Conclusion

    Remember that no matter how strong and resilient you are, your energy can only do so much at a time.

    When you go to sleep, that’s when nothing else is going on and your body can focus on taking care of you. But if it still has to survive what you went through in your past, it can’t do that. No amount of bubble baths, journaling, Tempur-Pedic pillows, medications, or talking it over with logic will change the fact that survival has to end.

    It wasn’t until I healed from trauma (a reality that unfortunately causes a lot of suspicion in this culture) that I finally started feeling rested.

    And that’s the bottom line—no matter how much you sleep, your body can’t truly rest until it feels you’re safe.

    Just like the land we walk on and the water that gives us life, our bodies come with powerful abilities that, today, only ancestral Indigenous wisdom can help us remember and return to. Not just for a good night’s sleep but for all the things we miss when we’re too tired to live our lives.

    We just need to listen.

  • I Didn’t Fold

    I Didn’t Fold

  • I’m Thankful

    I’m Thankful

  • Don’t Feel Guilty About Needing Breaks

    Don’t Feel Guilty About Needing Breaks

  • Don’t Sabotage Your Peace

    Don’t Sabotage Your Peace

  • There Will Always Be More to Do

    There Will Always Be More to Do

  • Trapped in Shame: How I Found Mental Freedom After Prison

    Trapped in Shame: How I Found Mental Freedom After Prison

    “If you put shame in a petri dish, it needs three ingredients to grow exponentially: secrecy, silence, and judgment. If you put the same amount of shame in the petri dish and douse it with empathy, it can’t survive.” ~Brené Brown

    I was in two prisons.

    One physical. One mental.

    The physical version was Otisville Federal Prison.

    I was living so out of alignment with who I was and who I wanted to become and self-sabotaged in a colossal way, defrauding one of the largest tech companies in the world.

    My mental prison, my personal hell, was the all-consuming power of shame. Hurting the one I love, disappointing my family, and letting myself down. Ignoring the voice inside that told me not to commit the fraud.

    I believed with all my soul that I destroyed the most extraordinary gift life has to offer us: love.

    I was trapped in my head and couldn’t see a way out or even a reason to try.

    With every ounce of my being, I believed, “I am undeserving of love, happiness, forgiveness, and peace. I destroyed love and will never be worthy of it again. I deserve a lifetime of punishment.”

    This was my prison. This is where I lived, falling further into darkness every day with no end in sight.

    Shame is an insidious disease that lives, breathes, and grows in the darkness. Shame thrives in isolation, separation, and disconnection.

    Shame wants to be alone.

    Unless we do something about it, it will eat us alive from the inside out.

    What do we do with something that lives in the dark? Something that craves isolation, separation, and disconnection?

    We shine a light on it. We shine a light on it by speaking about it. By being open, by having the conversations we’re afraid to have.

    Shame withers and dies in the face of vulnerability.

    When we are vulnerable, not only do we shine a light on our shame, but we also give others permission to do the same.

    When we shine a light on shame, when we are vulnerable and open up, we take the first step out of the darkness.

    And we realize that we are not alone.

    I couldn’t jump headfirst into vulnerability; I was too afraid. But I knew that if I allowed shame to consume me, it would never release its grip on my life.

    How did I get to where I could be vulnerable, open, and share?

    Here are the first three steps I took.

    Accepting Reality

    I spent my days in prison wishing I wasn’t in prison.

    I spent my days wishing I hadn’t made the choices I made that landed me in prison.

    I wished and dreamed for life to be anything other than it was. I was fighting against a past and circumstance that couldn’t be changed.

    I would never have freedom from shame if I continued to fight for what couldn’t be changed. I had to do what I was so afraid to do.

    I had to accept reality.

    I didn’t want to. It felt like giving up; it felt passive. Fighting equals progress. But does it? What was I fighting against? As much as I wish there were, there is no such thing as a time machine Delorean.

    Accepting reality isn’t giving up; it isn’t passive. It was an act of courage for me to say, “I accept that I betrayed myself and chose to commit a crime. I hit the ‘enter’ button, the single keystroke that started it all. I accept I made the choice to continue in the face of the universe screaming at me to stop. I accept that I am in prison. I accept that I hurt the woman I love, my family, my friends….”

    A weight lifted off of me when I wrote that. I wasn’t trapped in the past. I felt something I thought was impossible in prison: freedom.

    Self-Trust

    I lost trust in myself. How could I possibly trust myself when I am the one who did this to himself?

    There is an emptiness that is all-consuming when you don’t trust yourself.

    It’s a horrible feeling.

    One day, scrolling through Twitter, my friend posted, “Surest path to self-confidence I know: making and keeping commitments to ourselves.”

    That struck a chord. My friend walks the walk; this wasn’t just lip service.

    From that one tweet, I committed to facing my biggest fear: public speaking. It took five years, but I eventually delivered a TEDx.

    The TEDx was incredible, no doubt, but there was so much more than that. It created a way of life for me.

    When you make and keep commitments, you change your inner narrative to one that’s empowering.

    You change your story to being a person who TAKES ACTION.

    You build trust because you kept your word to yourself. When we trust ourselves, we have confidence in ourselves.

    When we have confidence in ourselves, we believe in ourselves. We trust ourselves.

    Forgiveness

    Forgiveness is hard. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve done as I’ve rebuilt and reinvented my life.

    I had to forgive myself for the choices that resulted in my arrest by the FBI and my sentence to two years in federal prison and cost me everything: my marriage, my homes, my cars, my sense of self-worth, and my identity.

    I had to forgive myself for planning on killing myself.

    I didn’t think I was worthy of forgiveness. Who was I to let myself off the hook with all the damage I had caused?

    I had to take the first two steps of acccepting reality and cultivating self-trust.

    When I took those first two steps, I understood that forgiving ourselves is one of the biggest acts of love and compassion we can do for ourselves.

    When we forgive ourselves, we demonstrate that we are worthy of love and compassion.

    Forgiveness cultivates our self-trust as well.

    Forgiveness liberates you from a past that cannot be changed. You learn to let go of that baggage weighing you down.

    There’s great freedom when we let go.

    From these three steps, I reached a place where I could be vulnerable and, in turn, walk out of the prison of shame.

    When we own our story, we own our life. When our story owns us, it owns our life.

    Huge difference.

  • 30 Ways to Be Kind: Simple Ways to Spread a Little Love

    30 Ways to Be Kind: Simple Ways to Spread a Little Love

    Can you remember the last time someone was unexpectedly kind to you?

    I’m guessing at least some of the people in your life are kind to you on a regular basis. Or at least I hope they are! But maybe their kindness feels commonplace because it’s made up of lots of little things that they do often… like asking if you want a cup of coffee when they’re getting their own, or saying, “I love you” in that rote way we do before hanging up the phone.

    Small gestures like this are always valuable and worth appreciating and acknowledging. But there’s something about an unexpected act of kindness that can jolt us awake from the trance of daily living and make us feel seen, valued, and loved.

    I’ve been reflecting on kindness a lot lately since revisiting Brad Aronson’s book HumanKind (which is in itself an act of kindness, since all author royalties support the non-profit Big Brothers Big Sisters).

    The book shares some truly inspiring stories about kindness and its impacts, and it’s full of simple but powerful ideas to make a positive impact in someone’s life.

    It’s the kind of book that makes you want to stop whatever you’re doing and find some way to help someone else, whether that means encouraging them, supporting them, or simply believing in them when they’re struggling to believe in themselves.

    So, in that spirit of giving, I decided to make a list of kindness ideas and do one a day for the next thirty days.

    If you’d like to join me in spreading a little love, take this list and make it your own! Do one, do some, or do all; adapt them as you please; expand them if you feel inclined to do more, or scale some back if you want to do a little less. Any act of kindness, no matter how small, can have a massive ripple effect.

    Since we can’t give from an empty cup, I started with ways we can be kind to ourselves. I then thought of some simple ways we can be kind to our loved ones, strangers (or friends we’ve yet to get to know), people online, and people who serve us.

    I hope something in this list inspires you to share a little extra love today and in the days ahead!

    Kindness to Yourself

    1. Look in the mirror and compliment yourself on how much you’ve grown and how far you’ve come. So often we think of what we want to be and where we want to go, or what we think we’re doing wrong, and we don’t take the time to think about and appreciate all the progress we’ve already made.

    2. Make a list of things you appreciate about yourself or, if this is hard, reasons someone else might appreciate you.

    3. Let yourself enjoy something you usually rush or multitask—for example, savor a meal, drink your coffee in a peaceful spot, or take a mindful shower.

    4. Make time for a passion today instead of putting joy on the bottom of your to-do list (if you ever add it to your list at all).

    5. Validate your feelings instead of judging or shaming yourself for being angry, frustrated, overwhelmed, or anything else that doesn’t seem “positive.”

    6. Check in with yourself every hour or two and ask yourself, “What do I need right now?” Then do what you can to meet that need, whether that means moving your body, taking deep breaths, or writing your thoughts and feelings in a journal. (And remember, it’s okay if you have to say no to someone else to say yes to yourself in this way!)

    Kindness to Your Loved Ones

    7. Think of someone who’s going through a hard time and offer to do something specific to lighten their load. It doesn’t need to be anything big or perfect. Just knowing you care enough to offer will make them feel seen and supported.

    8. Write a hand-written note of appreciation to someone who’s made a big difference in your life.

    9. Put your phone down when someone is talking and practice active listening—making eye contact, repeating what they’ve told you to show you understand them, and empathizing with what they’re saying.

    10. See the wounded child in someone who’s lashing out emotionally and offer them an ear or a hug. (Note: by “lashing out emotionally,” I mean being testy, not abusive.)

    11. Pause before you lash out emotionally to take a few deep breaths, reflect on why you’re really upset, and consciously choose how you want to respond.

    12. Ask someone what their love language is—words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch—so you can do something that’s likely to make them feel loved and appreciated.

    Kindness to Strangers

    13. Compliment a stranger on something non-physical—for example, compliment a mother on her patience or tell someone you love their laugh.

    14. Give someone on the road or the street the benefit of the doubt. Consider that the driver who cut you off might be rushing home to deal with a crisis, or that the surly man who didn’t hold the door for you is grieving the loss of someone they love. This is also an act of self-kindness, because it keeps us from getting frustrated!

    15. Help a stranger with something they’re struggling with—for example, guide them into a tough parking spot, make silly faces to help entertain a fidgety baby, and offer to take a pic when they’re trying to get a group selfie.

    16. Give something you don’t use or need to a homeless person that will help them get through the winter—for example, an old coat or warm socks.

    17. Leave a book that helped or inspired you in your local Little Free Library, with an encouraging note to the next reader.

    18. Write a letter to an isolated elderly person to make them feel less alone or send a card to a sick child.

    Kindness Online

    19. Write something kind to someone who’s struggling online, whether they’ve directly shared what they’re going through or they seem emotionally reactive (which is often a sign of deep pain).

    20. Disagree respectfully instead of getting annoyed or defensive or telling someone they’re wrong. For example, you could write, “Though I see things differently, I understand why you’d hold that perspective.”

    21. Share a helpful resource with someone who needs it. For example, email a link to a relevant article or podcast with someone who’s seeking help or advice.

    22. Leave a positive review for a product or service you’ve enjoyed—and even better, be someone’s first review to reassure them they’re making a difference, even if it doesn’t feel that way.

    23. Support an online fundraiser with a small donation or contribute to a gift for a child who might not otherwise receive a holiday present, through One Simple Wish. If you can’t afford to donate, share a fundraiser for a cause that matters to you with your friends and family on social media.

    24. Congratulate someone on an accomplishment they’ve shared publicly—a degree, a month sober, or even just a mental health day for someone who usually pushes themselves too hard—and include something specific about why you’re proud of them or inspired by them.

    Kindness to People Who Serve You

    25. Be patient with someone who’s serving you, like a barista or cashier, and tell them to take their time.

    26. Put a sticky note with the words “thank you” on your mailbox to thank your mail carrier for a job well-done. If you can afford it, leave a $5 gift card to a local coffee shop.

    27. Compliment someone who serves you in some way on how well they do their job, with a specific example.

    28. Start a call with a customer service rep by saying, “I imagine this isn’t an easy job, so first things first, thank you for what you do and for helping me today.”

    29. Note something you appreciated about a service worker’s efforts—perhaps a retail associate, flight attendant, or bank teller—and email their manager to commend their work.

    30. Add a “Thank you” with a smiley face when you sign your next credit card receipt. (I usually put two exclamation points after “thank you” and make the dots the eyes for the smiley.)

    If you enjoyed this list and you’re feeling all jazzed up about spreading a little extra love, I highly recommend you check out HumanKind by Brad Aronson!

    He has a special stocking stuffer deal going on right now, offering the book for only $8.50 when you buy five or more, and a single copy is currently 25% off on Amazon. He’s also offering the eBook for only $.99 for a limited time.

    Treat yourself to an uplifting afternoon read and keep the kindness chain going by gifting a copy to someone who could use a little light. You never know what could grow from a simple seed of kindness and love.

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