Tag: wisdom
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If You Haven’t Found Your Purpose: How to Feel Good Anyway
“The person who lives life fully, glowing with life’s energy, is the person who lives a successful life.” ~Daisaku Ikeda
We’ve all heard the phrase “find your life purpose.” It gets thrown around so much nowadays. Many of us have been in what feels like an eternal quest to find it, especially if we’ve been feeling stuck, lost, and out of alignment. Finding our purpose then becomes an almost obsessive search for the solution that will solve all our problems.
We’ve been led to believe that a life purpose is a single thing, a calling that we’ll be passionate about, and that we’ll know deep inside that we’ve found it. With it, we’ll feel accomplished and fulfilled and, instead of feeling stuck, we’ll have our answer as to what we’ll do day in and day out, giving meaning to why we’ve been put on this planet Earth.
On the flip side, we believe that without one, we’ll live an uninspired, lackluster life. Without one, we’ll feel out of alignment and be forever stuck.
But what if I told you that’s not true? That what you think you know about finding your life purpose is, in fact, the thing that’s keeping you stuck, and that you can stop searching for your life purpose and still be fulfilled?
I know this may sound like a big claim. But after close to two decades of trying to find my own life purpose, I’ve finally learned that a life purpose is not an actual destination and much less the final step. It’s more about a general feeling than a tangible single thing we do. Let me explain.
I used to be the poster child for doing everything right and by the book. You gave me directions, I followed. I did what I was told to do, no questions asked. I studied what I thought was a sensible career choice and would be expected from a straight-A student that loved math (bachelor’s and master’s in economics, thank you very much).
My interest in finding my purpose first started during what I thought was my last semester at university. As I thought was expected from a math nerd like me, I was doing the honors stream in economics and needed the approval of the head of the department to graduate. Turns out that, even though I had chosen an elective as per the instructions in the program rule book, the head felt my choice was too “easy” compared to what my peers had chosen and, as such, could not let me graduate from the honors program.
I had to either graduate from the regular economics stream or stay an extra semester to do a more “difficult” course. (Spoiler alert: I did the extra course and did my master’s too, even though I knew deep down that was not what I really wanted to do. I did it because that’s what I thought I should do.)
Now, you may think (and I don’t blame you here—these are my thoughts too now in hindsight), what was the big deal about that? Just finish school and get on with life!
But for me, at that moment, my world came crashing down. It was then that I realized for the first time how I was defining my worth based on what I did and what others thought of me instead of from within. And that single event catapulted me to a journey of self-help and self-discovery that has now spanned twenty years.
The quest to find my life purpose thus began.
After graduation, I was feeling so lost that I became obsessed with finding my purpose, sure that once I’d found it, I’d stop feeling so stuck and uninspired, with life just passing me by. I yearned for my life to have meaning and was determined to find my purpose to get that.
For the next few years, I read books about how to find your purpose. I listened to podcasts and talks and even attended workshops. I was convinced that I’d eventually stumble on that thing that I was so passionate about and naturally good at that I could dedicate my life to doing it.
I asked myself what I liked to do and made lists. I asked others what they thought I was naturally good at. I took personality tests. Had my natal chart read. I even looked back to what I enjoyed doing as a kid in hope of finding my nugget of gold.
I tried it all, going down my list like at a grocery store: baking, creative writing, dancing, etc. The trouble was, regardless of what I did, as time advanced, I still felt lost and misaligned. In the meantime, I had to pay my student loans, so finding my purpose took the backseat as I worked in perfectly good jobs that paid the bills.
Fast-forward more than a decade later, and I was keenly aware that I had spent the last fifteen years working in corporate, feeling lost and stuck in a career I did not want, in jobs that didn’t fulfill me at all, leading a perfectly good normal life, married and with kids.
I had renewed my search for my life purpose with more vigor than before but kept hitting dead ends. Why couldn’t I have a passion that I could easily gain my life purpose from? What was so hard about finding a purpose that would help me get out of the rut and plug me into the fulfillment and inspiration I so desperately yearned for? Where was my purpose?
And then the unthinkable happened: I lost a very dear friend.
Her passing really shook me to the core. I closed off and broke down, letting myself mourn and feel all the feels. I asked myself some hard questions. If it had been me, would I feel like I’d lived to my fullest? Did I have any regrets? There’s nothing scarier than realizing that I was not living how I wanted to and that the main reasons were my doubts and my fears.
So, in true YOLO (you only live once) form, I made the decision to shake things up. I closed the door on finding my purpose and focused on living my present day-to-day life.
If I only had now, what was it I really wanted to do and have, and if I did have it all, how would I love to feel? And what did I need to do to feel that way today?
I dug deep and anchored myself to this vision of how I wanted to feel day in and day out and, based on that, I learned how to create goals and intentions with feeling. I finally understood the importance of making my decisions to ensure I kept or created this feeling I was aiming for, as opposed to making decisions thinking only about an actual end goal.
You see, it’s amazing how in truth we’re not necessarily chasing a particular thing (e.g., a different dress size, a promotion, a house, completing a marathon, etc.) but instead the feeling that achieving that will create within us (e.g., feeling fulfilled, worthy, peaceful, juicy, complete, etc.).
When you focus on creating that feeling instead of achieving a particular outcome, you realize that it really doesn’t matter what you do as long as what you’re doing is, in essence, making you feel the way you want to feel. In other words, it’s making you feel good inside.
In the end, maybe it isn’t, for example, losing weight that’ll make you feel really good (or happy, worthy, loved, etc.) but instead, changing how you talk to yourself daily when you look in the mirror. Focusing on creating that feeling right now will help you make decisions that will feel good and, as a result, help you do things that feel in alignment.
I also learned ways to quiet my mind chatter, turn down the volume on my inner critic, and become my biggest cheerleader. I learned how to tune in with my body and energy and pause when I need a break. I learned how to build confidence and developed strategies that help me get out of the freeze “deer in headlights” mode I get into when I’m scared and help me get moving forward instead.
And guess what happened? I realized that I had created a balance and flow to my life that felt good to me. I felt aligned, fulfilled, and motivated, exactly how I thought I would feel had I found my purpose.
Throughout this journey, I learned that having a life purpose is not about doing something in particular. It’s actually all about aligning your daily actions with your values and desires. Simply put, your life purpose (and everyone else’s, for that matter) is to make sure that every day, you’re living your life in integrity with what you believe in, what you value, and how you desire to feel in this life. That’s it.
It doesn’t matter what you do, what your career or passions are. It doesn’t even matter if you don’t have one particular passion or career. As long as you are always creating the feeling you want with each action you take daily, you’re living with purpose. And there’s nothing else you need to do.
Embarking on a quest to find your purpose leads you to believe that answering your soul’s call to live your most aligned and vibrant life is a straight line. That you simply need to tune into your soul to discover that particular something that you can dedicate your life to, the magic bullet that will solve it all. And nothing could be further from the truth.
You don’t need to find a life purpose to get unstuck and feel inspired and aligned. You simply need to get super clear on what’s truly important to you, what you really need and want, and how you’d feel having all that, and then take daily actions in alignment with creating this feeling.
Once you do this on a regular basis, you’ll be amazed at how inspired and fulfilled you’ll feel. You won’t feel stuck. You’ll never have to worry again about finding your life purpose because you’ll be living with purpose daily. And that’s what really counts.
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How to Start Saying No When You’re Afraid of Disapproval
“Sometimes what you’re most afraid of doing is the very thing that will set you free.” ~Robert Tew
When I say that my need for people to like me has been one of the hidden rulers of my life, I’m not kidding!
Ever since I was a kid, I wanted everyone to like me, and I had significant anxiety if they didn’t. My fear of the disapproval of others quietly lurked beneath the surface like a shadow under my skin, dictating my behavior and my mood.
I was so afraid of the disapproval of others that I would ruminate over inconsequential things I had said to people and tiny actions I had taken, trying to determine if they might have been received in ways that could have ignited disappointment or rejection.
Nowadays, when I think back to that version of me, with the need for people to like me running my life, I feel a wave of compassion.
It was that version of me who decided to go through with a marriage I knew was not right for me because I was afraid people would be disappointed or disapproving if I decided to back out of my engagement.
It was that version of me who vulnerably disappeared from friendships when I felt judged because I would rather fade into the distance than meet that experience with curiosity and presence.
It was that version of me who was afraid of saying no to work commitments because I put other people’s needs ahead of my own.
It was that version of me who would overcommit to meet other people’s requests and then have to anxiously backpedal because I could not possibly manage my own over-scheduling.
That version of me was on the fast track to complete depletion, exhaustion, frayed nerves, and burnout.
The time came when I had to meet the shadow within me that was so frightened to displease others because I had lost sight of what truly mattered most: my own inner compass.
My closest family members shared that they didn’t even recognize me anymore.
Sometimes when we reach the depths of our inner darkness—when the shadow of our fears overtakes the light of our spirit—we can experience the richest and most transformational turning points of our lives. For me, this certainly was the case.
Through a cascade of serendipitous events, I began to face my own fear-based shadow. I participated in an intensive gestalt therapy group that helped me rediscover what it was like to feel grounded in my body and belong to a community at the same time. I reconnected with nature and started taking regular walks, taking my shoes off and feeling the earth beneath my feet, and going camping. I reconnected with music and dancing. I rejoined the aliveness within me.
I learned the gift of my “no.” I learned the gift of feeling the strength of my spine and the tenderness of my heart as I voiced my boundaries, my limits, and the clear truth of my honorable “no.”
The gift of giving myself permission to say “no” set me free. I realized that in saying “no” I was offering other people the greatest gift I could offer them, which was my honesty and integrity. If people felt disapproval or disappointment in response to my boundary, I realized that I could have compassion for their struggle without assuming responsibility for it.
Another surprising aspect of giving myself permission to voice my “no” was that this also offered me a new perspective on other people’s limits and boundaries.
Nowadays, when someone answers my requests with a limit or boundary, I recognize the beauty in their response. Even if I feel a little disappointment that they cannot connect with me in that moment in the ways that I am seeking, I feel even more honored that they trust me to hear and respect their boundary. Experiencing other people’s limits in this way has been unexpectedly freeing as well.
Embracing the gift of “no” has also offered me the real possibility of “yes.” My yes rings more clearly, like a beautiful bell. Because I am honoring the truth of my limits, my experience of my openness with my “yes” is so much more filled with aliveness and presence. When I feel my “yes,” I feel the integrity, clarity, and joy of that opening because my limits have been honored within me.
Have I had to face the reality that not everyone likes me? You bet. It hasn’t been easy, either. I find it amusing to reflect on my earlier self, though, and recognize that not everyone liked me then either.
I have been astonished to learn that the gift of my “no” has allowed me to connect more deeply with people who do enjoy my company and celebrate our relationships because I’m showing up more authentically as myself.
Even though the fear of disapproval and disappointment had such a tremendous impact on my life for so many years, I don’t regret this journey. It has not been easy, and it has required a great deal of courage to face my fears, but I feel gratitude to my shadow for offering me such a valuable lesson.
In the end, it was my fear of people not liking me that ultimately led me on the path to growing into more fully liking and accepting myself. It was the darkness of that shadow that became my catalyst to the brilliant and blazing light of aliveness.
Every once in a while, the fear shadow shows up again. Today, though, I can greet that fear as a familiar old friend, reminding me that I’m absolutely, imperfectly human. As I greet my fear, I notice the contrast that nowadays I have the courage to feel my feet on the ground and my belonging within myself.
The fear simply doesn’t hold the same power over me anymore. I can still choose to feel my strong spine and tender heart, and act from my own truth.
If I can offer any little pearls of wisdom from my own journey, I would offer these.
Invite your fear to be your ally.
If you can invite your fear to be your ally by getting curious to learn more about what it might be trying to protect you from, you then can ask yourself if there is another way you might protect yourself.
In my case, my fear was trying to protect me from disappointing others, and truly I needed to protect myself by offering myself the space to practice saying my “no.”
Start small because small is significant!
By starting with smaller steps rather than bigger steps, we can gradually practice a new habit or way of being with lower stakes at first. This practice is very important because as you gain your footing and balance with the small steps toward setting limits and boundaries, you can work your way to setting the bigger limits you need.
In my case, I started by engaging in activities I loved, such as going for a walk outside, even if some of my family members would have preferred that I engaged in what they wanted to do in that moment instead.
Remember to breathe.
Sometimes when we are facing our fears—no matter how small—we can tense up and constrict our bodies without even realizing it, which heightens the sensations of fear and anxiety within us. Gently remind yourself to take some deep breaths and see if you can ease tension in your body.
Sometimes life has such beautiful twists. Had anybody ever told me years ago that I would be sitting at my kitchen table, writing and reflecting on the gift of my “no,” I wouldn’t have even understood what they were talking about. Of course not; my fear shadow hadn’t led me to this wisdom yet.
I’m so thankful it did.
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How I Found the Good Within the Difficult
“Inner strengths are the supplies you’ve got in your pack as you make your way down the twisting and often hard road of life.” ~Rick Hanson
“I had a rough day. Can we talk?” I asked my husband in 2015 after coming home from work. He nodded, and we sat down on the couch.
I continued: “I got really challenging performance feedback from my manager today. It was hard to hear because I know it’s true.”
It was the most significant critical feedback I had received at once. All afternoon, I’d ruminated on the conversation. I had sat in the meeting speechless, with my heart pounding, as my manager, kind as he could, gave examples of ineffective ways I had been showing up.
While we discussed what I was doing well too, I couldn’t stop thinking about the opportunities to improve. All I remember being able to say at the end is: “I need time to process what you’ve shared.”
I hadn’t realized until that conversation how much what I was feeling on the inside translated to how I behaved.
Inside, I constantly felt frustrated, stressed out, and overwhelmed. And that was the basis for how I interacted with others. I often reacted poorly when things didn’t go smoothly. I repeatedly interrupted others, not fully listening in the first place. I complained a lot in and outside of work. It felt so far from what I knew I was capable of.
Underneath, I was in pain, and I had just become aware that I was taking it out on myself and others.
I had recently been diagnosed with “unexplained infertility” and was preparing to start fertility treatment.
I was having a difficult time coping: I blamed everyone and everything, including myself; I was so self-critical and beat myself up; I felt deeply ashamed; I tried to resist my painful feelings.
When I look back, I have a lot of self-compassion for my past self throughout this experience. I didn’t yet know how I could cope better, and it was incredibly hard.
I shared the feedback I received with him and went onto say, “What happened to me? I used to show up better: calmer, kinder, more approachable. I know I’m capable of showing up like that again. I want to try to improve. I want to learn how to meditate. I think it will help.”
This was my moment of noticing.
In the noticing, I had a choice. I could choose to take responsibility for my behavior. I could choose to try to improve.
I had tried meditating previously and thought I was a “bad meditator.” My husband, on the other hand, meditated daily and taught meditation workshops. He had exposed it to me for years. I had seen how he had benefited from it. However, I had thought meditation wasn’t for me. Until now. I was at a point where I knew I couldn’t keep operating the same way. So I figured, why not try again?
In the few months prior, we had started listening to podcasts and Dharma talks focused on mindfulness that resonated with me. It helped me realize mediation could benefit me.
Taking in the Good
One of the first things I did was to look at psychologist and best-selling author Rick Hanson’s book Hardwiring Happiness. I learned about what Hanson calls the brain’s red and green zones.
The red zone, Hanson explains, is the brain’s reactive mode, where you go into fight, flight, or freeze. It’s when your mind focuses on fear, frustration, and heartache. It serves an important function when there is a threat, but it’s supposed to come in brief spurts.
Unfortunately, Hanson shares, in modern life, the reactive mode has become a new normal for many people. I suddenly realized: it had become too common for me. I felt like my brain was in the red zone much of the day.
The green zone, in contrast, is the home base of the brain, according to Hanson. The brain’s responsive mode. Your mind in this mode experiences peace, contentment, and love. When you are in this state, you can respond to life’s challenges without getting overwhelmed by the stress of them.
Through Hanson, I discovered there is a lot we can do to strengthen our responsive mode by taking in the good, no matter what is going on in our lives.
And that’s what I wanted to start doing. I would need to be intentional to take in the good, I learned, since the brain has a negativity bias.
I wanted to take in more contentment—the antidote to frustration. I started with committing to thirty-day daily lovingkindness and gratitude practices.
In the morning, I did a ten-minute lovingkindness meditation. In the evening, my husband and I would say three things we were grateful for, really soaking them in.
At the end of the thirty days, I did feel more contentment toward myself and others. I felt less frustrated. I became more aware of when I was getting triggered. And sometimes, I would remember to pause and give myself space before responding. Other times, I would catch myself after reacting negatively and apologize. It was a start.
I was surprised that there was so much I could do to change internally without changing my circumstances. Did I suddenly become monk-like, where nothing fazed me? No. And that was not my aim nor is it realistic.
Dan Harris, a former ABC News anchor and prior meditation skeptic turned advocate, asserts in his book 10% Happier that practicing mindfulness and meditation will make you at least 10% happier. That was something I could attain.
Perhaps I was 20% less frustrated after a month. Perhaps I had 10% more awareness of my triggers and reacted that much less.
Whatever the exact amount, the changes made a noticeable difference to me. And, over time, I heard positive feedback at work that I was “showing up better.”
The thing with practices is once you start them, to maintain the benefits, you need to keep them a part of your life. In my case, I kept taking action to build upon what I was learning.
Next, I began a daily mindfulness meditation practice, which I continue today. Jon Kabat-Zinn, the founder of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, defines mindfulness as: “awareness that arises through paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgmentally… in the service of self-understanding and wisdom.”
Three months later, I attended the “Search Inside Yourself” mindfulness and emotional intelligence two-day program. As the name suggests, I learned tools and did exercises to grow inner resources for accessing my own self-awareness, empathy, wisdom, and resilience—the me in the green zone. It was the spark that catalyzed more deeply nurturing my well-being.
That was the start of me taking ownership of my experience to improve my well-being. What began as wanting to show up better became so much more than that.
Reflections on the Noticing
Those examples of actions, along with many others over time, transformed my relationship with myself and my life.
They were the first steps for me to develop a more nourishing relationship to myself—one that was more self-compassionate, kind, and loving; one where I could be present enough to take in and enjoy the good; one where I allowed myself to experience the difficult emotions I was facing without judgment.
It was from this place that I could then show up more whole, responsive, and kind.
Within a year period, I grew more than I had in the previous five years combined. This experience of profound growth gave me something positive and exciting to focus on. Something I did have agency over, during an incredibly challenging time in my life. Where much felt out of my control. And it gave me greater skills to get through the hardships that I would continue to face, including burnout and fertility challenges.
I’ve reflected on this time as one that woke me up. It was when I stopped acting like a victim to my circumstances, became more aware, and started doing inner work to grow. Choosing this path was a gift I gave myself.
While my experience with career burnout was complicated and would continue to have ups and downs, it became more manageable after the noticing. It was another two years before I became pregnant naturally, after choosing to stop fertility treatments when it no longer felt right following failed IUIs.
I don’t want to know what those years would have looked like without my focus on inner work. It taught me how to cope. It enabled me to focus on what I could control, which made it all the more endurable. It showed me how to experience goodness—peace, contentment, and love—daily, no matter what was going on. Most of all, it gave me something meaningful to focus on.
I did not wait until I had a child for the next phase of my life to begin, my original mindset when we started trying to get pregnant. I lived more fully than before the noticing. I learned how to experience the beauty along with the brokenness.
It was the moment of noticing that started me on a path that would significantly transform my life. And it would set me up for creating a life and career more on my terms, with well-being at the center, in the next phase of my life.
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How to Wake Up from the Painful Trance of Unworthiness
“When we experience our lives through this lens of personal insufficiency, we are imprisoned in what I call the trance of unworthiness. Trapped in this trance, we are unable to perceive the truth of who we really are.” ~Tara Brach
Breaking free from the trance of unworthiness is a key part of our evolution process, both at an individual and collective level.
Let me explain why.
What I observe with clients and what resonates with my own experiences is that most (if not all) triggers, limitations we impose on ourselves, and fears of failure or success stem from a deep and profound trance we all find ourselves in at various points in our lives: the trance of feeling “not good enough.”
Once we’re enmeshed in this trance, where we truly feel that low vibration of unworthiness, and the shame that comes with it, we want to hide.
We want to ensure that no one discovers our perceived worthlessness, because that would mean rejection. And rejection is oh so painful. Because we still feel it as being abandoned from the tribe in our emotional body, emotion that’s imprinted during our formative years when our samskaras (impressions or patterns of thinking/feeling/reacting) are being created.
Therefore, humans naturally want to avoid rejection as much as possible.
From then on, we mask. We hide. We reject our true selves and put on a façade that we believe is valuable to the tribe, thinking that we’ll be loved for it. There are different types of masks we can opt for depending on our “culturescape” and family patterns of beliefs.
Your mask might resemble being an achiever. Constantly doing, constantly setting yourself up for success in whatever way your tribe defines it (a university degree, money in your bank account, the size of your house…).
Or your mask might be that of a “good girl” or “good boy,” a people pleaser. Staying nice, acting nice, not too ambitious, not too lazy, making sure you do not make mistakes or get in trouble because getting in trouble would be bad.
Or it could be a mask of service. You serve others, forgetting yourself in the process because thinking of yourself might be seen as selfish.
But all masks have limits. There comes a time when your mask does not serve you, or them. It serves no one because it is not you. So you end up fooling yourself and others into believing that the mask is you. And this misalignment feels awkward, tight, rigid, and stressful because it is stressful not to be yourself. It takes effort to constantly put on an act. It is tiring.
So there comes a time when you get really tired of it. Maybe you call this the mid-life crisis or the dark night of the soul.
It’s just that your soul is tired of the constant acting.
But your mask is really holding on, fearing that if it were to fall off, everyone would discover how worthless you are. So it works hard to stay and punishes you with harsh self-criticism each time you go off track and maybe show a bit more vulnerability, a bit more of yourself.
So how do you remove your mask? Well, it’s not easy. It takes effort and dedication. It’s a long, non-linear journey, more like a spiraling up and down movement. But it’s oh so worth it.
I too had a big mask on for a long time, and figuring out who I was without it was uncomfortable. So much resistance. So much fear. So many limiting beliefs.
I wore a perfectionist mask to keep myself safe for years.
I had a perfect body (according to the standards that were imposed on me at the time through magazines, society’s comments, women’s comments on their bodies), a perfect level of fitness (monitoring what I ate, struggling with anorexia), a perfect job (engineering, as per my family’s expectations).
I was a feminist, working woman (the strict version of feminism that was transmitted to me was to work full-time and not be at home because it was not valued) and an independent woman (able to do everything myself).
On the other side of the trance of unworthiness, life is so different from what your mask was expecting you to live. Maybe the big house you live in is not what lights you up anymore, or maybe it is. But you might find more joy and love in the small moments of life.
It’s so much nicer on the other side, so much more authentic; more energizing, fluid, and beautiful. Not all happy. But authenticity brings some lightness to your life even in the midst of life’s messiness.
Here are a few key steps to practice to break free from the trance and rediscover your true self.
1. Check in with your readiness.
First you need to be ready for it. You need to be willing. You need a strong energy of yes to change and no to staying the same, in that loop of constant self-doubt and feeling unworthy.
2. Practice radical honesty.
Be radically honest with yourself that you have been wearing a mask that kept you safe for a while but was inauthentic.
Feel the mask in your body. How do you feel when you wear it? What physical sensations do you experience? What’s the voice in your head like? What is your inner critic telling you?
Observe all of it. Each time you are back in this sensation, with this inner voice, catch it. Thank it for all the good work and beautiful protective intention all those years but be firm: you are in charge now.
3. Allow the feeling of discomfort.
Spend some time in the discomfort of removing the mask and being formless. Feel the resistance. Observe the internal battle. Feel it in your body.
After the internal resistance, there will be grief. Feel the grief fully. You are letting go of a part of yourself that defined you for most of your life. You will need to feel the loss. Take your time. There is no rushing grief.
4. Ask yourself: Who do I choose to be?
In your redefinition process, ask yourself who you want to be, what quality of being you want to embody. What lit you up when you were young, and what is lighting you up now? How do you want to show up in the world? How do you want to feel? You have the power to be whoever you want to be. What will you choose?
5. Remember your inherent worth.
Remember that you are inherently worthy of love. You were born worthy—a little newborn, a bubble of love. And you still are. Just as worthy of love, regardless of your age and the mistakes you made along the way. You are worthy of love because you exist.
6. Embrace forgiveness.
Forgive yourself for your mistakes. Forgive yourself for abandoning yourself so many times. Forgive others for anything they said or did that caused you to want to hide.
7. Decide that it’s time to shine.
It’s time to wear that new skin. It will feel weird for a while, but it will settle into something beautiful and relaxing. Eventually. Like when you meet someone you can be yourself with, it feels so easy and beautiful. Same feeling.
The world needs the whole of you. Your unique identity. Your unique vibration. Live authentically. Cry when you need to cry. Share how you feel with love and courage, without blaming others. Shine brightly when you feel that energy. Follow those steps that take you toward the vision of yourself you’ve set, those inspiring, energizing steps.
The journey is not going to be all rosy, but acknowledge the impermanence of the ebbs and flows in life so you can move through the challenging parts with trust.
8. Do what lights you up.
Do the things that make you feel awesome, whatever they are. For me, it’s yoga, walks, nature, spending time with good friends, and connecting with my kids.
9. Spend time in nature.
Nature brings out our authentic nature, our worthy nature, because nature is non-judgmental. Nature is authentic. Nature is powerfully beautiful. Nature is healing.
10. Surround yourself with a supportive tribe.
As you remove your masks, as you grow and heal, your relationships will shift. You might find that you cannot hang out with the same people you used to—because they might still be wearing their masks, and because they might struggle with your “new” vibration. That is okay and part of the process. Learn to let go. This will create space for new relationships to come through.
Find a tribe where you feel worthy and valued!
11. Be compassionate to yourself.
Because the mask will want to come back for a while, on and off, in different forms. Your inner critic will get loud. Be patient. Hold this part of yourself and the part s/he is protecting tight. You got this… until the next time where you peel another layer and release another mask.
Don’t forget, the journey isn’t meant to be tackled alone. Getting support from friends, a coach, or therapist is incredibly valuable. It speeds up growth and makes it easier to have someone to guide and cheer you on along the way.
