Tiny Buddha

Tag: wisdom

  • Realizing Your Self-Worth and Believing in Your Path

    Realizing Your Self-Worth and Believing in Your Path

    “Your outlook on life is a direct reflection on how much you like yourself.” ~ Lululemon

    “My existence on this earth is pointless.”

    That thought crossed my mind every night before I fell asleep.

    It had been several months since I graduated from high school and I had no idea what I was going to do with my life. My future plans were falling to pieces, and everyone around me kept telling me that I needed to start accomplishing things that I had not yet accomplished.

    I was not where I thought I should be in life. Everyone had expectations that I hadn’t met. I became too focused on becoming a version of myself that everyone else wanted, and I constantly compared myself to other people who had already taken the dive into the next chapter of their life.

    I was relentlessly questioned and judged for my slower progression in life, which convinced me that no one supported me or believed in me. I wondered why I even bothered to exist if I was getting nowhere and disappointing everyone. I began to blame everyone but myself for the state of misery I had fallen into.

    My self-esteem began to suffer as the months went by. I felt inferior to everyone and it made me hate myself. I still did not know what I wanted to do with my life—and I was starting to not even care.

    But several months and hundreds of needless self insults later, I decided to block out the negativity, both from myself and other people. I silenced the voice in my head that told me I wasn’t good enough and asked myself what would really make me happy.

    I’ve always been very creative and expressive. I used to sing, act, and dance when I was younger. But my favorite thing has always been writing.

    Some of the happiest moments in my life came from opportunities to express myself or put my heart and soul out for everyone to see. Every path I tried to take always led me back to writing.

    I got to a point where I realized that I was only trying to pursue other paths because I thought that’s what other people would accept. I was afraid that if I let my imagination soar to all the different possibilities, people would tear me down or tell me to be “realistic.”

    The bottom line is that I became paralyzed with this fear of not being accepted. I was afraid to be different or go my own way and pursue what truly made me happy. I put myself in a box.

    One day, I decided that enough was enough. I spent an entire year of my life trying to be “realistic” and conform to the expectations of other people. I realized that you can’t please everyone anyway, so trying will definitely not lead to contentment.

    Real happiness comes from being content with and proud of yourself.

    I finally decided that I was going to devote my time to learning about writing and working on my writing skills. I am happy with that decision and I feel better about myself because I made it for me. (more…)

  • Cherish Your Challenges and Find Your Authentic Self

    Cherish Your Challenges and Find Your Authentic Self

    “Life’s challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they’re supposed to help you discover who you are.” ~Bernice Johnson Reagon

    My quarter-life crisis kicked into high gear about six months ago.

    Take this as evidence: I quit my job. I quit my apartment and moved back home. I quit booze and boys. I quit gluten and sugar. I quit friendships I’d imagined would last a lifetime.

    I’m not asking for an A+ or gold stars for my “self” work. I wasn’t hit by a spark of spiritual lightening and magically committed to this transformation. In a lot of ways, the Universe didn’t give me much of a choice.

    There were cysts, and scans, and rashes, and allergic reactions, which ignited a powerful underlying anxiety about the fact that I hadn’t been “healthy” since I could remember.

    This anxiety festered and danced into relationships with my roommates, ex-boyfriends, siblings, co-workers, and, most importantly, myself.

    It was the perfect mix of elements, a storm front hitting just the right pocket of pressure. And boom—a hurricane showed up.

    I stood in the middle, watching as the winds of change tore through my life, uplifting anything that wasn’t serving my purpose, my passion, my inner peace or my health.

    This ripping and tearing of people, places, and things that I’d brought into my life—assuming they might help me grow into a happier, stronger version of myself—was at first paralyzing, upsetting, and infuriating.

    I was tempted time and time again to numb out, to play the familiar role of the victim. After all, I had more than my fair share of material to work with, courtesy of the endless doctor’s appointments, unrelenting stomach aches, and my never-ending anxiety.

    Instead, I decided to bow my head, nod, and accept that the Universe had sent a storm to help me clean up my act and fall in love with my best self. I surrendered and allowed those gusts to take with them all the other versions of Kate I’d built for everyone else. (more…)

  • How to Create the Life You Want Using Anchors

    How to Create the Life You Want Using Anchors

    “Put your future in good hands—your own.” ~Unknown

    They say that in life, we are never given more than we can handle.

    But sometimes it’s a matter of not accepting more than we can handle. Putting your foot down. Proclaiming, “That’s enough!”

    Recently, a number of stressors confronted me simultaneously. This jolted me out of my comfort zone and forced me to take action toward transforming my life.

    On one fateful Tuesday, I felt so much pressure from the culmination of professional demands, relational conflicts, parenting duties, and financial stressors that I found myself at a familiar crossroads. I felt pulled in a million different directions, with no clear idea of where to go next.

    I was tired of feeling like I was at the mercy of so many external influences.

    The familiar situation always presented me with the following options: find a temporary fix for all of these issues and continue reliving a veritable “Groundhog’s Day” of an existence, or commit to a plan of change and take action.

    This time, I chose action.

    I proclaimed, “That’s enough!”

    Thus commenced “The Anchor Project.”

    “The Anchor Project” is a way of clarifying the primary values for your life, and strengthening them by taking consistent, manageable steps to focus on the life you want and minimize the impact of external factors.

    I began to list the things I wanted in life. I removed all extraneous or superficial goals from this list, and decided to stick with the core values that I considered to be essential.

    I realized that many “goals” were distracting me from obtaining the things I really wanted out of life. So things like, “Run a 5K in under 27 minutes” did not make the cut.

    I didn’t need more on my “to-do” list. I needed transformation.

    I found that there were four primary focus areas that I wanted to improve. These are the non-negotiables in my life, the things that keep me grounded and fulfilled.

    I call them “anchors” because anchors provide stability and security, even in rough seas.

    Once I identified what my anchors were, I began to build on them and fortify them by listing all activities or experiences that might constitute each one. (more…)

  • Giveaway and Interview: Cultivating Radiance by Tamara Gerlach

    Giveaway and Interview: Cultivating Radiance by Tamara Gerlach

    Note: The winners for this giveaway have already been chosen. Subscribe to Tiny Buddha to receive daily or weekly emails and learn about future giveaways!

    The winners:

    Have you ever wondered how authors live their messages—if writers who explore mindfulness are generally present and peaceful, or if others who research happiness are predominately upbeat and joyful?

    This often goes through my mind when I read a book that inspires me. I didn’t have to wonder this as I read Cultivating Radiance: 5 Essential Elements for Holistic Self-Care. I’d recently met the book’s lovely author, Tamara Gerlach, who appears to glow from the inside out.

    Owner of Encore Gymnastics, Dance, and Climbing, Tamara formerly served as a National Team Coach for USA gymnastics. Since 2001, she’s worked as a life and business coach, empowering people to change their lives and have fun doing it.

    In her new book, Tamara offers a number of action-oriented suggestions for a positive attitude and a joyful life. With easily digestible chapters, each jam-packed with insight, Cultivating Radiance reminds us to nurture our inner beauty—and shows us how.

    The Giveaway

    To win one of 5 free autographed copies:

    • Leave a comment on this post.
    • Tweet: RT @tinybuddha Giveaway and Interview: Cultivating Radiance by Tamara Gerlach http://bit.ly/pNsJUf

    You can enter until midnight PST on Tuesday, October 11th. If you don’t have a Twitter account, you can still enter by completing the first step. (more…)

  • How to Accomplish Anything Leveraging Collective Energy

    How to Accomplish Anything Leveraging Collective Energy

    “Success will never be a big step in the future; success is a small step taken just now.” ~Jonatan Mårtensson

    I love Zumba, the Latin-inspired dance program that has become a worldwide fitness phenomenon. At the three minute mark of every class, I am alive with how much I enjoy the workout: the rhythm, the moves, the music, the collective energy.

    The room is filled with non-stop music pounding against the walls and ceiling, as over fifty bodies of all ages and sizes come together in synchronized movement.

    At the 12-minute mark, the music is louder and faster. My focus is greater. Breathing becomes more intense.

    By the 33-minute mark, my heart is thumping wildly, more sweat beads are forming, and my quads are sore from all of the deep squats. I feel a little tiredness beginning, but I have no desire at all to stop moving. There is something greater happening in these walls to pull me through any temporary aches.

    When I’m starting to feel the workout burn, I know it’s time to consciously shift my attention to the collective energy in the room. I allow the energy of every pumping heart to lift me up and carry me through the intensity. I connect with energy bigger than my own body.

    As I shake, turn, and step at the 41-minute marker, I remind myself that at every moment of the day, energy of every kind is circling the globe: High energy, low energy, stop-and-go, win-and-exceed, accomplish-and-finish energy.

    A divine balance is always in motion: When I’m feeling a little tired, others in the room are feeling invigorated. When I’m feeling weak, others in the country are feeling strong. When I’m feeling uncertain, others around the globe are feeling absolute conviction.

    There is always a way through our weak spots by connecting personal energy with the continual swirling movement of collective success and accomplishment. Not only is energy always circling the globe, but we can call on the energy of many to support us at any time with any goal. With this knowingness, there is a strategic secret available for success at any time:

    Anything we want to accomplish is being successfully done right now somewhere in the world.

    When we consciously shift our “right in front of me” perspective and tap into the dynamic flow of continual source, our abilities take on a whole new level of potential. Anything we seek to accomplish, grand or small, is possible. (more…)

  • Why We Sometimes Choose Judgment Instead of Compassion

    Why We Sometimes Choose Judgment Instead of Compassion

    “In separateness lies the world’s great misery, in compassion lies the world’s true strength.” ~Buddha

    We talk about boys these days at our dinner table.

    Boys are sneaking into our home now—or at least the idea of boys. Although I love watching my daughters grow up—it’s much more fun (and much more challenging) than I ever could have imagined—I sometimes feel a certain sadness as their days of early childhood innocence slip behind us.

    Their battalion of stuffed animals, for example, who were accustomed to a life of travel and adventure—and a well-dressed one at that—often live in boredom now, with only an occasional new scarf or hairdo. But I know this is the natural turn of events. I’ll get over it.

    In fact, there is a juicy energy that our daughters bring back with them from their encounters with life these days.  As their view of life becomes more complex and inclusive, their struggles become richer, and I am honored to both witness and participate in this process of growing up with them. And that is what it often feels like to me—growing up with them.

    I know I am “the grown up” but, to be honest, I’m not always up to that title.

    I often struggle with the same kind of things that they do, though my struggles may be less visible and my excuses more sophisticated. Here’s an example of what I mean.

    One Saturday morning we all identified some family contributions that we were going to make. (Thanks to Parenting on Track, we now “make contributions” rather than “do chores”). One of my daughter’s contributions was to bring five pieces of wood in from the mud room for the woodstove.

    We each went about our work independently, with a plan to go sledding once everyone was finished with their list.  Later on, both girls let us know that they were all finished and ready to sled, so that’s what we did.

    But when Gregg was beginning to make a fire that evening, he realized that all the wood at the stove were the logs that he had brought in earlier.

    I heard him ask the question, “You brought in five pieces of wood?” And again, she confirmed she had. “Can you point to the ones you brought in?” he asked her. She was quiet for a moment and then said, “Oh, well…maybe I forgot to bring them in.” And when asked further, she admitted that she had lied.

    I felt disappointed. While this lie was in the minor league of lies, it still was a deliberate attempt to mislead us and avoid responsibility. How long would it have taken to bring in the wood? How should I respond to this lie? When was the last time that I lied?  (more…)

  • 11 Simple Ways to Supercharge Your Time in the Now

    11 Simple Ways to Supercharge Your Time in the Now

    “To be alive is to totally and openly participate in the simplicity and elegance of here and now.” ~Donald Altman

    Five years ago my life was a mess. I was anxious, worried, afraid, and running away from my feelings. I was running away from the present moment.

    So, what happened?

    I started applying what I knew, which were really simple things such as breathing, visualization, and being aware of my thought patterns.

    I haven’t found the Holy Grail; I simply took action. I had no idea how much my life was about to change, I just knew something had to change, because the way I was living (and feeling) wasn’t cutting it.

    I’d had enough of suffering. I wanted more. I’m not perfect, no one is, but I’m moving forward. If you’d like to do the same, I recommend the following.

    1. Breathe.

    What would an article about being present be without breathing at the top?

    I stumbled onto old Buddhist texts early on in my life, and they emphasized breathing, so I started doing that.

    At first it was hard because my mind was racing all over the place, but after a while I became aware of the muscles and subtle energy sensations in my body.

    When I focused on one part of my body, I started noticing a tingling of energy there. When I anchored myself into this very moment through my breath, I felt good, sometimes amazingly good. (more…)

  • Lost Love: What It Means to Move On

    Lost Love: What It Means to Move On

    “‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” ~Alfred Lord Tennyson

    I met a special someone. It was my first taste of love and I was sheepishly drunk with it. His were eyes I could look into forever, and he had a voice I could hear till the end of time. It was absolutely frightening.

    We were colleagues. I unwittingly got involved in his life and eventually found myself wanting to get even more involved.

    After a period of ambiguous yes-no-maybes, he exited the picture for good. He never wanted to talk about it, or wanted anything to do with me again.

    I was distraught, destroyed. Shot.

    “Move on.”

    There was a cacophony of voices, concerned friends, self-help books, parental wisdom all cooing, screaming, demanding me to let it go, let him go, move on.

    They were all voices echoing the same rational advice. It’s only logical to disconnect, eject, and proceed. Move on.

    I couldn’t.

    Not a day went by without me cross-examining myself for faults, things I should or shouldn’t have done, things I could do to fix it.

    Self-help books and long runs with blaring earphones only gave a brief respite. Reason left me as soon I put the books down. My mind wandered back to the hurts when I stopped running, breathless and ever-desperate.

    “Move on!!”

    Why linger? It was a horrid state to be in. I really wanted to snap out of that self-absorbed paralysis, but something kept me there.

    After six months of marinating in the much celebrated soup of love, loss, and lament, I finally fumbled out of it. (more…)

  • 11 Ways to Turn Strangers into Friends

    11 Ways to Turn Strangers into Friends

    “Fear makes strangers of people who would be friends.” ~Shirley Maclaine

    Up until a year ago, I saw the world as a place where very few doors opened for me. At first I thought it was due to being extremely introverted. But as time went on, I started to struggle with making friends.

    I didn’t have many of them—and opportunities only knocked a few times a year. That’s when I realized my problems stemmed from my passivity and fear of actually going out and talking to people.

    My few closest friends always told me to join a club or go to parties. People always told me where to meet people. But they never really showed me how to actually create conversation.

    On top of that, I never really liked going to big social gatherings. I’m introverted and tend to be overwhelmed when a lot of people are around. I like talking one-on-one.

    So I decided to do things my own way. I started talking to strangers on my college campus and in the city because I was tired of staying on the sidelines.

    It was scary for a naturally timid person like me, but I decided to fight the fear.

    Great things come to those who are willing to risk rejection and put themselves out there.

    After two months of doing this, I made some great friends, simply by starting conversations.

    It’s an empowering mindset to be able to create conversation with potentially anyone. There is always the choice to talk to whom I want to talk to.

    I asked people what drink they bought from the coffee shop. I asked someone about her customized bike. I asked people to share opinions on things that affected me.

    Some people opened up to me. Some people stayed shut down. Some of them continued talking about themselves when I put the spotlight on them. Others simply answered my question and left the conversation there.

    All of these interactions allowed me to understand how to engage with people. For example, I learned that tone and body language are more important than saying the right thing.

    Through my experiences, I learned that people are usually friendly and happy to talk to you.

    I’ve been able to meet more people than I ever expected just by opening up to them.

    That’s when I learned that it was up to me to be proactive and create my own doors instead of complaining that none were opening for me. It was up to me to create my own opportunities by connecting with people.

    Besides feeling more connected, I feel happier knowing that I have the power to talk to whomever I want to. More opportunities arrived by networking with others. For example, I was able to pursue photography with a new friend simply because I reached out and asked. (more…)

  • How to Achieve Unexpected Success

    How to Achieve Unexpected Success

    “If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with success unexpected in common hours.” ~Henry David Thoreau

    Success.

    A word defined by you and me.

    Do not be manipulated by the definitions applied to that word by others. Choose your own definition.

    Though I believe we all have the potential to succeed in reaching our dreams, I have found that success reaches to a far greater depth in our lives.

    Whenever I hug my wife of 28 years and tell her that I love her, and she responds in the same manner—there is my success.

    Whenever I receive a random text or email from one of my children saying that they love me—there is my success.

    When I write something I feel passionate and excited about— even before anyone else has read it—there is my success.

    When I present a product or a service to a potential customer in the most professional manner I can possibly muster—there is success.

    But as my dear old friend Henry David Thoreau writes, there are four elements that assist us in pursuing the lives we dream about.

    1. Have a dream.

    To discover your dream, ask yourself these questions: (more…)

  • 4 Simple Ways to Experience Great Happiness and True Freedom

    4 Simple Ways to Experience Great Happiness and True Freedom

    “It takes courage to grow up and turn out to be who you really are.”  ~E.E. Cummings

    I love to write. For years I wrote in journals and kept them stacked in piles on my shelves.

    One rainy winter evening when I was 25, I walked into the Bourgeois Pig bookshop on Franklin Boulevard in Los Angeles and saw a book next to the cash register written by Natalie Goldberg called Wild Mind. I bought it and my life change forever.

    Natalie’s book was about writing practice. A Zen monk practitioner, she brings the fundamentals of Zen to the creative writing process. There were some simple rules she suggested. Some of them are:

    • Set a timer and write without stopping your pen—without crossing out or editing. Follow your mind without interruption and see where it leads you.
    • Be specific. Not tree, but cypress. Not a street, but Utica Avenue in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Not a fruit, but a ripe slice of juicy pineapple.
    • Go for the jugular—toward what might scare you. Meet your insides. Dive all the way in.

    Writing in personal journals was my sacred time just for myself, to have permission to go wild, reach my depths, and be truly free.

    As fate would have it, I ended up taking a workshop with Natalie in Taos, New Mexico and we become friends. At a time of major transition in my life she invited to move to New Mexico and immerse myself in a writing life with her.

    Looking back at the many journals I collected, I see the writing met me for that moment in time, but that once it came out of me onto the paper, it was no longer a part of “me.”

    It came through me but was not of me. It was an expression that had passed no longer fitting the current moment.

    Although the writings still hold energy, the person who wrote them seems unfamiliar. That Lynn is gone, in the past, over.

    If you write in journals and go back to re-read them are you surprised, perhaps interested, sometimes astonished by the person who wrote them?

    Discovering who we are is an ever-evolving process, always changing, expanding, and growing.

    We may think we have arrived, we think we can say that we know who we are now, and then in a snap of the fingers that moment is gone and something new arises—a new insight, a new awareness, a new interest or endeavor.

    This is why we humans are a creative process. And why perceiving ourselves as a process can bring great happiness and true freedom.

    Giving myself permission to just write without trying to be something, become something, make something out of it that defines me gives me incredible freedom.

    Letting go of the need to be labeled by a “noun,” I become more interested in the “verb.” For example, I am not a writer. I write. Now, I am free.

    Then, I have permission to revel in every moment my words move across the page for absolutely no reason except for the great happiness I receive from it. (more…)

  • Giveaway and Interview: Uncertainty by Jonathan Fields

    Giveaway and Interview: Uncertainty by Jonathan Fields

    Editor’s Note: The winners for this giveaway have already been chosen. They are:

    Several years ago, when I lived in New York City, I developed a love for yoga that started in a studio previously owned by Jonathan Fields. I didn’t know it then, but I would eventually look to Jonathan as a role model, mentor, and friend.

    Author of Career Renegade: How to Make a Great Living Doing What You Love, Jonathan Fields is (in his own words) a dad, husband, New Yorker, author and speaker, serial wellness-industry entrepreneur, recovering S.E.C./mega-firm hedge-fund lawyer, slightly-warped, unusually-stretchy, spiritually-inclined, obsessed with creation, marketing and innovation consultant, venture partner and book-marketing educator.

    In his new book Uncertainty: Turning Fear and Doubt into Fuel for Brilliance, Jonathan helps readers leverage fear and uncertainty for creation and innovation. If you’ve ever felt frustrated, overwhelmed, or paralyzed by risk or the potential for failure, this book is for you.

    The Giveaway

    To win one of three free autographed copies:

    • Leave a comment on this post.
    • Tweet: RT @tinybuddha Giveaway and Interview: Uncertainty by Jonathan Fields http://bit.ly/qMrfQy

    You can enter until midnight PST on Sunday, October 2nd. If you don’t have a Twitter account, you can still enter by completing the first step. (more…)

  • You Can Control What You Do Today

    You Can Control What You Do Today

    “What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.” ~Pericles

    Life is full of challenges. These obstacles are the greatest teachers we can have.

    As I’m sure is true for all of us, I have struggled with many things throughout my life. I used to feel a sense of “woe is me,” but I’ve learned to leverage these experiences to make positive changes in life.

    Don’t let your history dominate your life. We have a choice. You can let your past be the ruler of your life—or, you can make a choice to change your attitude and perspective. 

    I grew up in a dysfunctional family. My parents showed little in the way of affection, and I dare say they stayed together “for the kids.” This was a recipe for disaster. Water boils at 212 degrees, and our family was moving closer to that boiling point on a daily basis.

    The inevitable collapse came to fruition during the summer of my freshman year of college, in 1995.  After an intense argument, I had to separate my parents from a potentially disastrous physical altercation.

    A call to the police was made, and my dad was taken to jail for the night. Twenty-six years of marriage gone in an instant. That was it. My dad moved out the next day.

    I felt extreme guilt. I was faced with unending questions about what I could’ve done to save my parents’ marriage. I didn’t allow myself to grieve. I felt the grief my parents were feeling was enough for all of us.

    I buried these feelings and numbed myself. My negativity and destructive thinking overwhelmed me. I was never the same as a college athlete, as I let my personal challenges affect my confidence. My relationship was never the same with my girlfriend. It eventually went up in smoke.

    My biggest mistake was never talking to anyone about what I was going through. I turned to drugs and alcohol to ease the pain. This only caused more problems.  (more…)

  • Love is a Choice: 30 Ways to Love in Action

    Love is a Choice: 30 Ways to Love in Action

    “We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.” ~Sam Keen

    I recently went with girlfriends to hear one of our favorite beach bands play. Since I turn into a pumpkin at midnight, I talked a friend into taking me home early.

    While walking to our car, we witnessed a couple fighting. There was no pushing or shoving.  Fists weren’t involved.  Bizarrely enough, this couple was on opposite sides of the parking lot having their fight over their cell phones.

    Due to the volume of their voices, the fight was easy to follow. Apparently, she didn’t give a rip about anyone but herself (his point of view) and he was a control freak (her point of view). There was much discussion back and forth and the words weren’t very nice, so I’ll gloss over that. However, what struck me about that fight was how pointless it seemed.

    Did that couple realize how lucky they were to have each other? I wanted to scream at both of them, “What if something tragic happened to one of you on the way home tonight—would this fight have been worth it?”

    I see too many couples take their relationships for granted. They forget why they fell in love. They forget the dreams they had and the plans they made. They forget their promises and commitments. The “healthy” of their relationships is based on personal happiness, rather than doing what is best for the both of them.

    Love is a choice, not a feeling or an emotion. It’s a decision you make every day of your life. Even when your mate doesn’t take out the trash, or spends too much time at the mall, or when your new haircut or outfit goes unnoticed, or when poor financial decisions set you back—you can still decide to love.

    Love is for better or worse. And when you choose not to love, you’ve given up and given in.

    It’s a decision you’ll regret.

    Take it from a widow that wishes every day that she had her husband at home to leave the toilet seat up, or scatter Popsicle sticks and papers all around the couch, or smoke stinky cigars in the house, or forget to pay the bills or pick up the kids. All those imperfections about your mate are what you will miss the most when they are gone.

    Choosing to love isn’t always easy, but it is worth the effort.  Here are some ways you can choose to love on a daily basis: (more…)

  • Tiny Wisdom: The Power of Flexibility

    Tiny Wisdom: The Power of Flexibility

    “Stay committed in your decisions, but stay flexible in your approach.” ~Tom Robbins

    This is the post that almost wasn’t—and it’s chock full of irony.

    This weekend I spoke at the first annual Bonfire Heights retreat.

    The founder, Darius, promoted this event as a meeting of “ordinary people doing extraordinary things.” Listening to the stories presenters shared, it occurred to me that “ordinary” was a modest assessment. The lineup included the youngest TED speaker ever—a twelve-year old organic farmer; a teenage paraplegic who started a non-profit foundation called Walk and Roll; and multiple CNN Heroes, to name just a few individuals.

    But it wasn’t just their messages that stirred me—it was their humanity. Since this was the first event of its kind, the crowd was relatively small, which allowed for an intimate experience. From community style meals, to S’mores around the bonfire, to impromptu nighttime beach walks, it felt like a family reunion. It felt like love was the only agenda.

    Yesterday, I planned to write during several hours at the airport, since I hadn’t yet prepared a post for today. But I found myself instead immersed in a fascinating conversation about psychology with a new friend.

    At first I resisted somewhat, since there was all kinds of inspiration percolating in my brain, waiting to be expressed in written words. I also knew I’d likely be exhausted by the time I got home. I have written every week day for more than two years. Not doing it just wasn’t an option.

    Until it was.

    My boyfriend would attest that Tiny Buddha has been the other man in my life. All my heart and soul are wrapped up in this site, and I generally make it my first priority. But in this moment, I decided being was more important than sharing. And I gave myself permission to take a day off from what I always do.

    Of course I woke up at 7:30, fired up to share. But I’m happy to sit here knowing that I do this because I want to; not because I have to.

    Sometimes the best way to stay consistent is to release that sense of urgency.

    Photo by geishaboy500

  • Living in Extremes: Releasing the Need for Chaos and Control

    Living in Extremes: Releasing the Need for Chaos and Control

    “There is more to life than increasing its speed.” ~Gandhi

    The next time I feel it urgent to text someone off Craigslist after 11pm, I may think twice.

    I was obsessed with attaining the body of a fitness model. I had recently been laid off and when life gets tough, I go to work—on my abs. It’s hard to accept that I can’t sweat away my troubles or make my problems magically disappear by tightening my thighs.

    I tend to be a little high-strung, and excessive exercise helps me cope. Or, it possibly just adds more fuel to the fire. Whichever it is, during this particular fitness frenzy I found myself at a Starbucks near LAX waiting for the Craigslist seller I texted the night before. He had what I needed, and at half the price.

    I have since learned that when you say, “Let’s meet at thatStarbucks by the airport,” both parties need to be very specific about which one “that”is.

    I’ve heard stories where one person is at this Starbucks while the other is at the store two blocks down, but I never considered the possibility of mixing up three locations.

    I got to the first Starbucks and looked for my seller. He said he’d be wearing a black jacket. I told him I’d be wearing workout clothes, as I’d be coming straight from my Barry’s Bootcamp class in West Hollywood. He didn’t need to know this, but I tend to give out unnecessary details.

    When I opened the door to enter the Starbucks, it was the type of entry that brings with it a gust of wind – blowing everyone’s hair and rustling their papers. Since all eyes were now glaring at me, it was hard to tell who was looking because they were selling and who was just pissed off.

    I felt one man looking longer in my direction than the others. I walked up to him and whispered, “Are you the guy with the P90X?” He paused for a moment and then laughed, “No, I’m not.”

    If I had asked someone in, oh I don’t know, Minnesota for P90X, they would probably call the cops. In L.A., the familiarity obviously skewed high. This man knew right off that I was referring to Tony Horton’s 90-Day Extreme Home Fitness Workout DVD Program, and not a new blend of Ecstasy.

    I realized what I must have looked like to that man in my gym clothes trying to score P90X from the streets. I appeared to be an obsessive fitness fiend! I was feeling pretty embarrassed when I got a text from my seller: “Running 15 minutes late. Sorry.” (more…)

  • Simplify Your Life by Eliminating These 7 Problems

    Simplify Your Life by Eliminating These 7 Problems

    Life has a tendency to become overly complicated and stressful, particularly because things change so quickly. I’ve identified seven problems that you can eliminate to make your life a whole lot simpler (which doesn’t mean boring or less interesting).

    Problem #1 – Too Much Responsibility

    Think back to a year or two ago. How much extra responsibility has come into your life since then? You may have too much stuff, too many possessions, too many projects, and too many commitments.

    Spreading yourself too thin reduces focus, increases stress, and lowers overall performance.

    Too much stuff could include anything from a new cell phone to a new swimming pool to a bigger house. It might be nice to have more possessions and new gadgets, but they often come with responsibilities and maintenance. Ask yourself if you’re being owned by the things you own.

    It’s also exciting to get caught up in many new hobbies or projects. I did this when I got into building websites. Before I knew it I was working on twenty projects at the same time and seeing minimal results across the board. It took me a while to realize that I was working like a maniac, yet none of my projects were anywhere near completion.

    These days I’m only working on two to three projects in total. Not only do I feel more relaxed because it’s easier to keep track of what I have to do, but I can also see significant progress in my work month after month since I am doing less.

    Try to simplify your life. Cut down your possessions, projects, and hobbies to relieve some of the responsibilities that you don’t really need to have. (more…)

  • Taking Risks: 5 Things to Know Before Leaping without a Net

    Taking Risks: 5 Things to Know Before Leaping without a Net

    “When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.” ~Unknown

    It was the perfect storm.

    In 2009 my best friend got married. At 48, having never been married, I once again caught the bouquet. Two months later, my mother’s home burned to the ground. At 70 years old, she lost everything, including a pet. Three months later, her husband died.

    During the process of negotiating my mom’s temporary stay at a cabin resort, I fell in love with the cabin developer. To complicate matters, I was already living with a man who I had lived with, inconsistently, for 14 years.

    To summarize, in six months I watched one of my last unmarried friends get married. I saw my mother fall to pieces. I mourned my stepdad’s passing. I terminated a 14-year relationship, to be with another man. I sold my real estate business, moved from Kansas City to the Ozarks, and lost touch with my friends—and myself.

    Two years later, I awoke and confessed what I formerly denied: I had just had a whopper of a midlife crisis.

    Through it, I learned these 5 important lessons about happiness:

    To Thine Own Self Be True

    In Hamlet, Act I, Polonius shared this as his last piece of advice to his son Laertes. To be true to yourself means to not lose sight of what is essential for your happiness.

    When I met the cabin developer who was there for me during a very difficult period, my love (or lust) blinded me of what made me, me.

    Because I thought my marriage chariot had finally arrived, I over-compromised by moving to the country, away from the city culture I adored; by living in a depressing man cave, even though I love new and modern surroundings; and by isolating myself from my friends and simple Brenda basics, like a movie theater and a salad bar.

    Friends warned me upfront that, because of these differences, I should reconsider pursuing the relationship. But I didn’t listen, until one day my inner voice me forced me to fess up. Not only was I unhappy; I was miserable.

    A good friend of mine has always known who she is, what she wants, and what is a deal breaker in her relationships. She doesn’t date men with kids and, in her words, she doesn’t sleep with Republicans. She’s Aquafina clear on her criteria. To her own self she’s don’t-screw-with-me true.

    We’re just plain happier when we know our needs and honor them. (more…)

  • It’s Time to Make a Change: If Not Now, When?

    It’s Time to Make a Change: If Not Now, When?

    “What you are is what you have been. What you’ll be is what you do now.”  ~Buddha

    These words resonate for me in a deeply personal way. The importance of being in the here and now, of recognizing that every moment is an opportunity to wake up to what is happening and what is possible, saved my life.

    I was a compulsive eater out of my mother’s womb. The youngest of eight children in an abusive home, I used food to feel safe. I overate every day, hated myself for it, and yet could not stop.

    I started addicted to food, and by my teenage years I was addicted to alcohol and drugs as well. By age twenty-four, I was designing my ending and talked regularly about taking my life. I was a fat, depressed drunk who hated herself, until a major shift happened.

    I had recognized my self-harming behavior and had been in Overeaters Anonymous (OA) for months, but my patterns were the same. After meetings, I would go straight to the grocery store and then binge my brains out in the car, thinking, “Well, I’m not ready yet, and I am doing the best I can right now.”

    Part of me was seeking something better and the other part was desperate; one part wanted to live and the other did not, but still I hung on to the belief that something might change.

    Then came the day when I heard four words that rocked my world forever.

    It was February, 1988. My latest New Year’s resolution to heal had died, and I was using food like crazy and drinking like a fish. There was a daylong OA conference, and as disappointed as I was in myself yet again, I knew I needed to go.

    The very first speaker, a normal-sized woman, had a story similar to mine—a lifetime of yo-yo diets and self-hate. She talked about feeling desperate and determined at the same time, of living her life in two parts: the one who knew there was more and the one who felt defeated.

    She talked about all of her excuses and stories and lies and self-betrayals, and how they were digging her grave deeper.

    She, like me, had wanted out of the quicksand, and could never find a hand or a rod or anything to pull her out. Then, one day in a meeting, she had heard a woman share a similar story of attempts to save herself until her life was changed by four words. Those words would forever change the life of this woman and, as soon as she shared them, they changed mine too.

    “If not now, when?”

    When she shared those words, I burst into tears and experienced an actual physical release in my body, an earthquake in my cells. My world was literally rocked and my life forever changed. Just then, I got it. (more…)

  • Book Giveaway and Interview: One Minute Mindfulness

    Book Giveaway and Interview: One Minute Mindfulness

    Update: The winners for this giveaway have been chosen. Subscribe to Tiny Buddha to learn about future giveaways!

    The winners:

    As you can likely tell from the number of author interviews/giveaways I’ve posted during these last few weeks, I’ve been receiving and reading a wide selection of books lately. One-Minute Mindfulness is now sitting on my coffee table, where I know I will refer it often.

    The full title reads One-Minute Mindfulness: 50 Simple Ways to Find Peace, Clarity, and New Possibilities in a Stressed-Out World. It delivers on its promise.

    From the Amazon Description:

    In this book, Donald Altman brings the benefits of mindfulness down to earth and into everyday life. With fifty exercises and practices to build awareness and center attention, you will discover how to savor routine pleasures, build fulfillment in your work, enhance and heal relationships, change unhealthy habits, and connect to peace even in the midst of chaos or uncertainty.

    The Giveaway

    To enter to win one of 5 free copies of One-Minute Mindfulness:

    1. Leave a comment on this post.
    2. Tweet: RT @tinybuddha Giveaway and Interview: One-Minute Mindfulness by Donald Altman http://bit.ly/mQfaHA

    You can enter until midnight PST on Sunday, September 25th.

    The Interview

    1. In your book, One Minute Mindfulness, you offer a variety of practices to create mindfulness in 60 seconds. It’s an accessible practice, since everyone can find a minute here and there throughout their day. Do you find that integrating these practices into a daily routine creates more mindfulness overall?

    In my mind, there’s no question that this increases the level of overall mindfulness. This is actually in line with the Buddha’s teachings—that mindfulness is used every possible moment. And it’s why mindfulness is considered to be a path to enlightenment.

    Each next sixty seconds holds the potential for anyone to open with spaciousness to whatever is happening, to see the truth of that moment. You can only do that in the next minute that is right before you, which is why a one-minute mindfulness practice is so valuable. (more…)