Tiny Buddha

Tag: wisdom

  • The Unexpected Path to Living the Life You Dream About

    The Unexpected Path to Living the Life You Dream About

    “Of course there is no formula for success except, perhaps, an unconditional acceptance of life and what it brings.” ~Arthur Rubinstein

    I used to be a big fan of working hard, really hard. I still work hard, but I do it from a place of inspiration and peace, instead of fear and must.

    In the past few years, something has shifted within me. It is both confusing and wonderful. I cannot put my finger on exactly what is going on, but it seems to be happening in just the right way.

    Like Arthur Rubinstein says in the quote above, there are no formulas for living the life you secretly dream about, because if you simply accept and welcome life, it’ll reveal itself to you.

    It is not through effort that you mold the universe to your liking, but from allowing the universe to mold you, and show you the way.

    When I began doing what I love, which is showing people how they can be more fulfilled in their work, I thought I had to take a predetermined path to my destination.

    And it almost stopped me, because I didn’t believe in myself. I saw so many others doing what I wanted to do, and they were more accomplished, had more knowledge, and were more successful.

    Or, so it seemed.

    I almost didn’t take action, but I’m glad I did.

    The Biggest Pitfall

    One of the biggest mistakes I made was trying to find the answers outside of myself when the answers were always inside.

    I’m not saying you should abandon learning and research altogether, but for me, it reached a point where I had to listen to my heart, and feel where I should go.

    I resisted going down this path for a long time, and I still sometimes do, because I’ve been a big fan of the mind, of logic.

    However, I’ve realized that I don’t know it all, and when I listen to my heart, I seem to be led to more happiness, peace, and freedom in my life.

    The early days were a struggle, but as I began seeing results, I started trusting my heart more and more. (more…)

  • Book Giveaway and Interview with Rick Hanson: Develop a Buddha Brain

    Book Giveaway and Interview with Rick Hanson: Develop a Buddha Brain

    Update: The winners for this giveaway have already been chosen. Subscribe to Tiny Buddha for free daily or weekly emails and to learn about future giveaways!

    The Winners:

    I read a lot of books about mindfulness; this was by far one of my favorites. In his book Just One Thing: Developing a Buddha Brain One Simple Practice at a Time, Rick Hanson offers practical, daily practices, backed by the latest in brain research, to help us avoid stress, improve our mood, enjoy life more fully, and develop emotional resilience.

    This is not merely a book of mindfulness exercises; it’s a guide that helps us rewire our brains for increased happiness and overall well-being. I highly recommend Just One Thing to anyone who’s felt overwhelmed by disempowering, negative thoughts.

    The Giveaway

    To enter to win 1 of 2 free copies of Just One Thing:

    • Leave a comment below.
    • Tweet: RT @tinybuddha Book Giveaway & Interview with Rick Hanson: Develop a Buddha Brain http://bit.ly/rW3u3N

    If you don’t have a Twitter account, you can still enter by completing the first step. You can enter until midnight PST on Sunday, December 11th.

    The Interview
    1. Your work is based on the idea that meditation and mindfulness can change the brain. Can you expand on this?

    Actually, I’d put this a little more broadly: my work—and that of many other scholars and clinicians—is grounded in the general fact of “experience-dependent neuroplasticity,” which is the capacity of mental activity to change neural structure.

    For example, researchers studied cab drivers who must memorize London’s spaghetti snarl of streets, and at the end of their training their hippocampus—a part of the brain that makes visual-spatial memories—had become thicker: much like exercise, they worked a particular “muscle” in their brain, which built new connections among its neurons.

    Similarly, another study found that long-term mindfulness meditators had thicker cortex in parts of the brain that control attention and tune into one’s body.

    In the saying from the work of the Canadian psychologist, Donald Hebb: “neurons that fire together, wire together.”

    Fleeting thoughts and feelings leave lasting traces in neural structure. Whatever we stimulate in the brain tends to grow stronger over time.

    A traditional saying is that the mind takes the shape it rests upon. The modern update would be that the brain takes its shape from whatever the mind rests upon—for better or worse. The brain is continually changing its structure. The only questions are: Who is doing the changing: oneself or other forces? And are these changes for the better?

    In this larger context, my focus is on how to apply these new scientific findings: how to use the mind to change the brain to change the mind for the better—for psychological healing, personal growth, and (if it’s of interest) deepening spiritual practice. I’m especially interested in: (more…)

  • Balancing Home and Work: When Life Is in the Distractions

    Balancing Home and Work: When Life Is in the Distractions

    “It is not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.” -Unknown

    My son has chickenpox.

    It started a few days ago and today is his third day at home.

    As a work at home mom who is her own boss, I’m fortunate that I can be at home with my son instead of having to ask my employer for time off work.

    I have been working from home for the past five years with three young children, and it was only just a few weeks ago that my youngest child started school full-time.

    I felt that I had reached some sort of milestone, having all three children at school full-time now. But I must say, I was also looking forward to having uninterrupted time at home.

    Ever since I was laid off five years ago, I have been struggling to find a good balance with spending time on my home business and raising three children.

    Now with my youngest finally off at school, it felt as though I had finally crossed that threshold where I was reclaiming my time back.

    Not to become a lady of leisure. Not to go to the gym. Not to go shopping in search of retail therapy.

    But I finally felt as though I had the time, free from the demands of children, to spend on my own business.  I had finally reached that point that I was always trying to get to: being able to work non-stop and to gain the momentum that would hopefully let me move forward in my business.

    On discovering that my son had chickenpox a few days ago, I knew I’d have to keep him at home for the rest of this week. It would—temporarily—be a return back to juggling work and childcare for a few days.

    Today trying to snatch snippets of time to myself to work, I was reminded only too well how I’d really struggled, especially when the three of my children were at home during the long, long summer break. I would barely sit down at my computer only to have to go and break up a fight or find something or help them with something within thirty minutes.

    After lunch today I told my four-year-old son that I had to go upstairs to work for a while and could he please watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse for a little while until I got back.

    My four-year-old son then said, “I wish I was you Mommy and you were me.” (more…)

  • 6 Crucial Lessons to Help You Live Fearless and Free

    6 Crucial Lessons to Help You Live Fearless and Free

    “Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here.” ~Marianne Williamson

    I got my masters in Clinical Social Work and became a therapist in 1997.

    A year later, I got my PHD in Fear.

    After a decade as a talent agent predominantly for super models, I was burned out. I realized it was time for a career change when I cared more about getting models into rehab, therapy, and eating disorder clinics than a lucrative Pantene contract.

    When I landed in the modeling-agent world, I was convinced I would change an exploitive system. I did not, but the system definitely changed me.

    I was desperate to get off the crazy nicotine, caffeine, adrenalin-fueled hamster wheel that had become my life, but did not know how. Apparently, though, the universe had just the plan.

    In 1996, I applied to New York University’s Clinical Social Work Masters Program, never imagining I would be accepted. Much to my amazement I was accepted and spent the next two years remotely running the television department for Elite Modeling agency, getting my degree, and teaching acting as an adjunct professor at NYU/Tisch School of the Arts.

    Immediately following graduation, the single most important life-changing event happened. I fell in love with my now amazing husband, Victor Juhasz. Vic was a widower with three angry, out-of-control teenage boys. As if being the divorced/widowed father of three sons wasn’t enough, he also lived in New Jersey.

    I didn’t care. It was perfect. He was perfect. Intoxicated with love hormones, I thought this talented, successful, gorgeous man could have 22 teenagers, and I would still say, “It’s all good. Love will find a way!” Believe it or not, this was the calm before the storm.

    Four months into our relationship, my father, 61 years old and in prime health, dropped dead of a heart attack.

    Three months after my father’s death, I discovered a plum-size lump at the base of my throat, which was diagnosed as a large, malignant thyroid tumor. My heart ached as I underwent surgery and radiation while building a relationship with the three boys, whose own beautiful mother died of cervical cancer when they were 5, 3, and 1.

    A mere five months later, based solely on my intuition, a more aggressive cancer was discovered on the other side of my thyroid. More surgery, radiation, and isolation followed.

    On a quiet evening, two months after the second cancer diagnosis, I leisurely walked onto the back porch to find a huge stocking-faced man holding a .22 to the back of my husband’s head. We were robbed at gunpoint with our youngest son in the house.

    My PHD in FEAR was officially complete. For the first time in my life I was afraid—all the time.

    The therapist in me knew it was a trauma response; the human in me was still incensed. I made the distinct decision to become a fear expert knowing that I, nor anyone else for that matter, could really live life if fear continued to dominate my mind and my decisions.

    I worked though my own fear with the help of my therapist and spent the next 14 years in my busy private therapy practice in New York City researching the effects of fear and the mind-body connection.

    I turned my pain into purpose and taught thousands of clients and students to transform their own fear into freedom.

    Here are a few truths I have learned about transforming fear. (more…)

  • Be Good to Yourself: It’s Not You, It’s Your Brain

    Be Good to Yourself: It’s Not You, It’s Your Brain

    Update: The winners for this giveaway have already been chosen! Subscribe to Tiny Buddha for free daily or weekly emails and to learn about future giveaways!

    The winners:

    “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”
    ~Buddha

    If you had met me at a party a decade or so ago, I’m sure you would have walked away with the impression I was a bit of a miserable and pessimistic person. I would have happily pointed out to you how much my well-paid job sucked, how stressed I was, and how unfair life was.

    And your impression of me would hardly have been elevated if you had been able to hear the conversations that were going on inside my head.

    I was giving myself a hard time most of the waking day. Every sale I closed meant I was lucky, and every sale I lost proved I was an idiot. And on the rare occasions I wasn’t blaming myself I was blaming everybody else for my inability to be content and happy with my life.

    Do you know there are over twice as many words in the English language for negative emotions and feelings than there are for positive ones? And that’s not exclusive to the English language either because it cuts across all languages and all cultures.

    You could hear that and be forgiven for thinking that human beings are a miserable, pessimistic lot at heart, but there’s actually an excellent reason for the imbalance.

    As a species we have been sharing this planet with all sorts of creatures that can eat, sting, bite, and even electrocute us for the best part of 200,000 years.

    That’s only really changed in the last few hundred years with the explosive growth of mankind. The accompanying deforestation and expanding urbanization wiped out or marginalized entire species that may have previously posed a danger to our existence.

    As well as having to be wary of nasty creatures with big pointy teeth we also had to ensure we did not bump into enemy tribes or annoy our tribal elders or peers and risk a lowering of our status.

    The brain thinks status is crucial to its survival because tens of thousands of years ago it was status that decided whether you got to stay in the tribe, who (or if) you could marry, and generally how secure and happy you were.

    These days somebody unfollowing you on Twitter can be seen by your brain as a decrease in status, as can be being turned down for a date or losing an online role playing game. As such your brain can create a dopamine crash, and that’s why those things tend not to feel good. (more…)

  • Choose to Be Kind and Change the World

    Choose to Be Kind and Change the World

    “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” ~Plato

    While volunteering my carpentry skills for Fundacion Uaguitupu on the outskirts of Panama City, Panama, I made a difference by assisting Kuna Indian communities in the renovation of their homes and churches. There was an abundance of necessary repairs, but unfortunately, funding could not keep pace with the work to be done.

    After three months of doing what I could with the resources available, I had done little worthy of the evening news, yet a small patch of the world had become a better place because I had been there. Sadly, in many parts of the world it doesn’t take much to be considered an improvement.

    I am forever amazed at the capacity of those who live difficult lives to treat others with kindness and compassion. I was welcomed into many homes, treated with great respect, and graciously thanked for my time in the community.

    It is humbling to think that I have so much to give, when the truth is I have so much more to learn.

    One of the most important things I’ve learned is that each and every one of us can change the world!

    Too many of us believe we have no power to make a difference. I have entertained the thought many times.

    Making a difference often takes time, and our kindness may not grow roots until long after we’ve fertilized the flower beds. Focus on the act of giving, rather than the results of your actions. Detach from outcome, and you’ll be free to make a difference in ways you never imagined.

    You don’t have to eradicate world hunger. Simply do something good everyday.

    It’s not results that soothe our souls; it’s actions. In a difficult world, kindness has amazing power.

    Every day people endure stressful jobs, demanding relationships, and backbreaking responsibility. Every day people battle life threatening disease, face uncertain futures, and struggle to survive.

    Each moment of our lives, someone, somewhere, is in need of kindness.

    What you do for others energizes the universe. What you do for the universe energizes you.

    Go slowly. Breathe, smile, and be present. Seek opportunities to make a difference, embrace the moments, and be grateful for every choice you make. (more…)

  • You Already Know Your Soul Mate

    You Already Know Your Soul Mate

    “You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” ~Buddha

    During the summer, my husband and I decided to take our lovely nieces and nephew out for a day-of-fun in the city. I expected a day filled with fun, laughter, and connection; I was in store for much more—a lesson in love and truth, told by my eleven-year-old niece.

    We were all at dinner and decided to play a game where one person asks a question of their choice, and everyone else answers. The question “Who do you have a crush on?” arose, and around the table we went.

    All the kids had normal answers such as “um, Jason—no Adam—well, sometimes Chris,” “Definitely Sarah,” “I am not sure if I want to say,” and so on.

    Then the question came around to one of my nieces and she answered with a big smile on her face, “Myself!”  Wow, what an answer, I thought. If only I had that kind of wisdom and self-love at that age. I was so proud and happy for her that she saw herself through such a beautiful lens.

    Her answer started to make me think. How many of us have spent endless hours and years trying to find our true love, the one who will finally find us and make all that time we waited worth it—ultimately, our soul mate?

    As my niece pointed out to me, could it be possible we have been searching for a connection that has been within us the whole time?

    What if we took that term, soul mate, and looked at it from my sweet niece’s eyes. What would we see? Maybe we would see that a soul mate is not always someone else; it does not have to be outside of you. It could be the meeting of your soul and self within you.

    Sometimes, we use so much of our time waiting and searching for someone else to fill us up and love us that we forget how much love we all already have inside that is patiently waiting to be released. We could find that missing piece if we turn inward and remember how special and beautiful we are in our core.

    But more often, we forget how to release this innate gift and fall into our own joy and divinity. We forget to connect to our power within ourselves.

    When this happens, we usually end up giving our power away and allowing someone else to define us. We allow ourselves to been seen through others’ eyes, and eventually, forget what we look like through our own. (more…)

  • Being Happy in the Present: See the Tree

    Being Happy in the Present: See the Tree

    “Have respect for yourself, and patience and compassion. With these, you can handle anything.” ~Jack Kornfield

    I sometimes find myself smiling for no reason—a good mood, perhaps, or maybe a thought about friends and loved ones. What I notice is that every time I contemplate my own smile, it comes back to the thought of being here, now, and feeling for those around me with understanding instead of judgment and love in place of anger.

    It is in the here and now that I find happiness.

    Contemplate a tree: In the blazing heat of the summer, does it cry and complain, or does it sway in the passing breeze? In the deathly cold of winter, does it shutter and wither, or does it catch the falling snow from the sky and offer us pleasing scenery?

    Now ask yourself the same question: In the crests of life, do you lose your legs and sink, or do you stay afloat with the rolling tides? Oftentimes we forget that happiness is usually a choice, and it is in times of need when we need to be patient with ourselves in order to stay afloat and choose to be happy.

    Last year was rough for me. I felt manipulated by a (now ex-) girlfriend for a year before finally leaving her, was hurt twice again over the summer, and as a result, became slightly jaded. I was prepared to live the next year in solitude, not caring to find romance.

    I experienced something we all experience. Heartache does not discriminate against any particular person, life, or event. How then can you stay strong, positive, and happy in the face of misfortune?

    What I’ve learned is quite simple:

    See the world, free of implication, free of self-deception, for what it truly is.

    It is easier said than done, but once you have the basic mindset in place practice will eventually bear many fruits. So follow these general guidelines to find strength when dealing with troubles:  (more…)

  • When You’ve Lost Your Sense of Purpose

    When You’ve Lost Your Sense of Purpose

     “Tell me, what is it you plan to do/ with your one wild and precious life?” ~Mary Oliver

    I was always the child with armfuls of books and big dreams. I wanted to be a writer. When the limit at the local library was six books, I borrowed all six, and then talked my sister into letting me borrow some of her weekly ration.

    While I had many friends, most lived several minutes away, and public transportation wasn’t available. When I couldn’t arrange a sleepover, my sibling and my books were ever at the ready to play school.

    My parents were not academics, but they heartily encouraged my own goals, which always included a clear objective: college. Step-by-step, from AP English courses, SAT preparation, catalogue perusing, and campus visits to placement testing, that long-held goal became a reality.

    My life burgeoned with canvas backpacks of Brit lit, philosophy, and cultural anthropology texts; club meetings; and hours hunkered in the campus newspaper office, ordering pizza at 10pm and pulling all-nighters with fellow staff writers to make morning deadlines.

    While I knew upon graduation that I would ultimately go back to school for a masters, first I’d chip away at student loans and work first jobs for the resume notches. As one year post-graduation stretched into four, then five, the time had arrived for my return to backpacks, midnight study sessions, and heady discussions unraveling literary criticism.

    So I brushed up with a borrowed GRE workbook, made campus visits, and applied to my favorite. I was going back to school! 

    Grad school proved to be an extension of my childhood dream—hanging out at the university watering-hole discussing line edits and narrative structure, and drafting my thesis manuscript before the hopes of agent shopping.

    This time, I had become that writer with not one diploma but now two for my wall! Never mind that I had little practical notion of what followed, beyond another day and a student loan.

    The years since walking across that stage to the cheers of fellow literary friends and family have proven a challenge intellectually and spiritually. There have been times I’ve felt unmoored.

    How, I’ve frequently wondered, can I make this life worthwhile without the focus of school, where I’ve always fit in best? What will motivate me now—workaday Mondays and my five-figure debt balance? Hardly.

    How can I lead a life of fulfillment again when many days feel without a center or a greater purpose?

    Maybe you can relate to feeling a loss of purpose, and it doesn’t have to be the end of school. It might be that you’ve just lost a job, or your children might have just left home for college and you’re unsure how to proceed with your newfound empty nest.  Or maybe you’ve earned the promotion you’ve worked toward for years, and keep wondering how you’re going to top that success.  (more…)

  • How to Live in Peace and Balance: 6 Things to Let Go

    How to Live in Peace and Balance: 6 Things to Let Go

    “All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.” ~Havelock Ellis

    Imagine that you have to move in two days. Would you be able to pack all your possessions in that time and clean out your house completely?

    How about your mental baggage? If you have only two days left to finish all the important projects in your life, would you be able to do it?

    Three years ago I left the country where I was born and raised and moved permanently to a different place half way around the globe.

    Packing was not easy because there were so many things that were meaningful to me, but of course I couldn’t take them all. But even more difficult was the part of leaving my friends and family behind. I couldn’t put my friends in a suitcase and smuggle them across the border.

    However, the hardest part was still ahead. Soon after I got to the US I realized that I had to let go of a lot of habits and even my lifestyle. Everything was so different from where I grew up.

    I had two choices: to hold on to my past, complain, and be completely miserable, or let go of everything that was no longer relevant and start a new life while still holding on to my authentic self.

    You may not have had to go through such drastic changes in life. However, we all face the dilemma of letting go and holding on.

    A lot of times if we are not forced to let go of something we keep dragging ten, twenty, forty years of mental and physical baggage behind us. At some point that baggage becomes so unbearably heavy that we just decide to stop moving forward and start living in the past.

    We stop having new goals and dreams. We stop meeting new people. We stop trying new things. We stop learning. But ironically, we still keep buying and acquiring more physical clutter to fill our homes and closets.

    Of course, on the other hand if you throw away everything you love and enjoy, then suddenly you lose your personality. Frankly speaking, you cease to know yourself then.

    So, quoting Havelock Ellis again, how do you mingle letting go and holding on? The answer to this question will give you the ultimate inner peace and balance. (more…)

  • Battling with Your Body: 4 Simple Tips for Overall Well-Being

    Battling with Your Body: 4 Simple Tips for Overall Well-Being

    “Your body is precious. It is our vehicle for awakening. Treat it with care.” ~Buddha

    I believe there are four key aspects to our existence:  mental, physical, spiritual and emotional.  The mind is a fairly straightforward concept, and many people can identify with a spiritual component of life.

    Yet there is one other aspect of life that I believe is essential to a full and healthy journey on this planet—the emotional element of living. And that emotional state seems to be inextricably tied to the physical.

    I have always struggled with the physical. I’ve had a love-hate relationship with my body since I was cognizant of my existence. As a chubby kid, I felt different and defective. I sought relief in my grandmother’s frozen cool whip in the extra freezer located in our garage.

    I gulped down chalky pink Pepto-Bismol when I wasn’t even sick. Why? Because it was sweet.

    I couldn’t handle the monkey bars. The ball always hit me in the face. I was always last to finish running around the field at recess.  As I matured, I grew out of the chubbiness but I was never satisfied with my body.

    I spent the summer of my 11th year frantically emulating a 1984-era Richard Simmons in his 7-Minute Abs video and simultaneously saving enough money to buy a McChicken sandwich, fries, and a hot fudge sundae at McDonalds.

    Disconnected from my body, I grew into a young woman and ignored my physical existence as best I could; becoming what author Geneen Roth calls a “walking head” with that insufferable body attached. 

    I alternated between trying to eat “right,” permitting myself to eat “bad,” and feeling bad about eating bad.  If I ate a salad for lunch, I might have a half-gallon of ice cream for dinner. Alcohol eventually contributed to my lack of self-care, adding extra calories and acting as yet another way to escape my body.

    Fast forward through my twenties: After several attempts at Weight Watchers, a failed relationship, a bout with antidepressants, and a nervous breakdown, I managed to lose over 40 pounds with Weight Watchers. Down to the size I wore when I graduated from high school, I was sure my life would get better.

    It didn’t. It got worse. So I dyed my hair blond. I drank more wine.

    Then I stopped drinking. I stopped smoking cigarettes. I fully embraced sobriety, found a higher power, and earned two master’s degrees. I lost even more weight. Now my life should be perfect, right? 

    Wrong. I still can’t live comfortably in my body. And I’m soothing my discontented soul and body with food. Now it’s ice cream (or more specifically, Ben and Jerry’s Half Baked Frozen Yogurt, which has only 3 grams of fat per serving, compared to Peanut Butter Cup ice cream which has 25 grams of fat, so it isn’t that bad).  (more…)

  • Embracing All of Life Instead of Resisting Pain

    Embracing All of Life Instead of Resisting Pain

    “Don’t seek, don’t search, don’t ask, don’t knock, don’t demand – relax. If you relax, it comes. If you relax, it is there. If you relax, you start vibrating with it.” ~Osho

    As far as I can remember, I have always asked myself questions about the nature of my emotional pain. I analyzed and went on long thinking quests to find answers to all of this deliberation. I was convinced that I would find deliverance by coming up with the exact hypothesis, about why I was chosen to have to live with so much trauma and pain in my childhood.

    I felt like a victim of life.

    I did not wonder about the source of my joy; on the contrary I simply accepted these positive emotions.

    I went through a phase of denying the negative emotions I experienced, and I thought that being positive, at all costs, would “chase” away my suffering. At the time, I used the skills best known to me, to defend myself against the pain I felt.

    For many years I attempted to transform a negative emotion into a positive one. Albeit, the pain did not subside, it was still echoing loudly, and eventually manifested itself at full volume. Then not too long ago, someone gave me the permission to embrace my pain. I felt as though I had been given the authority to grieve the entire trauma that I had ever experienced.

    I began this journey of looking at the source of my pain. Yet, I felt drowned by it, and I felt the constant burn of going through the fire. I indulged in this state and felt some form of relief about acknowledging all of this suffering.

    Upon reflecting on the path I had permitted myself to take, to travel to the depths of my past, I uncovered that I had developed an unconscious belief that someone was guilty for inflicting this suffering on me. As a result, I continued the cycle of victimization, where I was seeking to lay blame on someone for my ill feelings, thus not achieving inner peace.

    Following my last break-up, to the man I call one of my soul mates, I fell to pieces, and delved into the tides of emotions that came my way—sadness, loneliness, fear and depression. The pain was louder than anything I have ever experienced, thus far.

    I blamed him for all of the suffering I was experiencing, I made him the source of my turmoil, and then I used hate towards him to manage my pain. I was in victim mode, and I turned him into the cause of my darkness.

    Then it dawned on me, and I recognized that I was fighting against the tide again by not accepting my pain.

    That is when I started to wonder about the following: “If I am able to accept the positive experiences of my life, that bring me joy and happiness, without even questioning their origin or trying to avoid them, what if I did the same for the other emotions I fear so much, such as sadness, pain, fear, anger, and loneliness?” (more…)

  • Prescriptions for Peace: How to Combat Anxiety

    Prescriptions for Peace: How to Combat Anxiety

    “When the crowded refugee boats met with storms or pirates, if everyone panicked, all would be lost.  But if even one person on the boat remained calm and centered, it was enough. They showed the way for everyone to survive.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

    Without realizing it, I spent the majority of my childhood in a constant state of anxiety. In my early twenties, after a break-up with a man I dearly loved (albeit a little obsessively) I tried to medicate my grief with too many cups of coffee, bottles of wine, and many cigarettes.

    I found myself one absurd sunny afternoon with shaky, sweaty hands, palpitations that felt like a heart attack, and an overwhelming sense that I was crazy. I called the emergency room and they informed me I was having a panic attack.

    Although I tended toward depression and struggled with not wanting to get out of bed, I didn’t realize depression and anxiety can go hand in hand.

    At one point, my doctor prescribed anti-anxiety medication, but it numbed me out to such a degree I could barely function. Realizing that this was not the answer for me, I made it a life-responsibility to care for and self-treat my anxiety.

    Back then, if someone suggested that I find “peace,” I would toss it away with a roll of my eyes thinking they were some sort of hippie trying to save the planet, or a born-again with a bumper sticker of a white-winged dove. What was peace anyway? I was just trying to survive my inner turmoil.

    Over time, I discovered more about what peace really meant for me. If I could be at peace, I knew then that I could better understand and have compassion for others. But I had to start small and stay simple in order to face the stressors of my life.

    I began with the basics and slowly built my foundation over the years. My pattern for so long was trying to build my ship out at sea. The realization was to learn how to build my mast on stable ground.

    Once I built a basic foundation, I got a little fancier: I kept journals to have a place to put my rapidly thinking mind. I learned how to meditate, slowly increasing from ten to forty-five minutes a day.

    I studied and read countless spiritual books before going to bed (sometimes an excellent remedy for sleep) and found time each week to be creative. I changed my eating habits, learned how to eat more vegetables, legumes, grains, and olive oil, and juiced delicious concoctions to ground me.

    Over a long period of time, I created a daily structure that would include all of the above and more, which solidly holds me and gives me inner-strength. Then, I could start thinking about the bigger things, like the views of the world and how to help make it a better place.

    Today, inner-peace is tangible and real for me. Even when the going gets tough, even when life slams me with loss and difficulties, I have my tried and true structure to come back to. (more…)

  • How to Stop Being a Neat Freak & Stressing About Keeping Things Tidy

    How to Stop Being a Neat Freak & Stressing About Keeping Things Tidy

    “Life’s challenges are not supposed to paralyze you; they’re supposed to help you discover who you are.” ~ Bernice Johnson Reagon

    Have you ever hung up a towel and not straightened it or folded it or arranged it in some way as you did so? Have you ever just casually tossed a towel over the towel rail?

    I did that last weekend and it was a big event. I had to laugh at myself for having this obsessive quirk, but doing that was almost impossible. I was in a hurry putting away the laundry, and there were those two clean towels to be hung back in the bathroom.

    I thought about just stuffing them over the towel railings—but I just couldn’t! However, when I realized how hard it was to do this, I made myself do it.

    I wonder if you are the same as I am about hanging towels “correctly” every time?

    When I asked my sister that question, her reply was, “Gasp! Wash out your mouth with soap!” And then she asked, “How long before you went back and straightened it?”

    The towel stayed in its tossed position until I used it after my shower that night. After I got away from it after tossing it on the rail, it didn’t bother me. I soon forgot about it—the towel itself wasn’t calling me back in there to fix it.

    I went to the bathroom later and managed to leave the towel as it was and just walked away again. It was a good exercise in self discipline.

    I’ve learned that I can make untidiness affect me less by doing my ignoring practice, just like during the towel incident.

    My partner thinks it’s hilariously obsessive to have to hang towels straight and tidy each and every time. Some people think habits like this (in others) are annoying. I wonder if it’s just as obsessive in another way to be annoyed by somebody who needs to tidy?

    My partner hangs his towels nicely most of the time, although not the way I would. I have made myself get used to leaving his towel the way he last hung it—I don’t even notice it any more. (more…)

  • 4 Myths about Doing What You Love for Work

    4 Myths about Doing What You Love for Work

    “Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart give yourself to it.” ~Buddha

    “Big flud strikes Revere!”

    That was the headline of the newspaper I made with my sister when I was six. I hadn’t yet honed my skills as an editor, but I knew a good fake story when I heard it.

    Eight years later, while wading through my anger toward several people who’d hurt me, I wrote a short book called The Line of the Virtues about the grey area between good and bad. An older coworker at my afterschool job asked, “Are all kids this deep these days?”

    Somewhere between six and fourteen, I’d found my calling: I was a writer who liked to tackle weighty topics. Though I took a lot of detours between realizing that and pursuing writing as a career, ultimately, it brought me to Tiny Buddha—my sweet spot for personal and professional fulfillment.

    Looking back, I realize I took those detours solely because I was scared. I thought writing was one of those careers that only a few people get to do. I figured it was better not to try than to try and fail, because then I could pretend I wasn’t writing by choice.

    I remember the first time I realized I was hiding from my passion. I was twenty-six years old, and part of a marketing team that was walking across the country to promote a number of fitness products.

    A coworker and I got into a ridiculous fight over the meaning of a word. She’d formerly worked as a comedy writer for radio shows—and, for the record, she was right about the meaning. Defending her stance, she shouted, “Don’t you think I’d know? I’m a writer!”

    I responded, “Me too!”

    Then she argued, “Not really!” Further drilling the point home, she continued, “Just wait ‘til you move to San Francisco and call yourself a writer there. Your MySpace blogs just aren’t going to cut it!”

    Since I’d held nothing back from Tom, this hurt—until later when I realized she’d given me a gift. She’d smothered me with the truth, and I had no choice but to acknowledge she was right yet again.

    I got a writing job the second day after I arrived in San Francisco. I was writing about senior care, a topic that interested me about as much as the mating habits of ants. But it was a decision to step onto a new path, knowing full well that, at that point, I had no idea where I was going.

    This is true for all of us whenever we start doing something new. There are never any guarantees about where it will lead, and that can be a scary thing, particularly if your current situation allows you to comfortably meet your responsibilities.

    There simply isn’t a one-size-fits-all formula for discovering what you’re passionate about and then transitioning to a new career. That being said, I’ve learned a few things about doing what you love for work—and I’ve learned that a lot of what I previously believed simply is not true. (more…)

  • 4 Treasures to Leave Behind

    4 Treasures to Leave Behind

    “Just as treasures are uncovered from the earth, so virtue appears from good deeds, and wisdom appears from a pure and peaceful mind. To walk safely through the maze of human life, one needs the light of wisdom and the guidance of virtue.” ~Buddha

    As children, we were all fascinated by our own treasure hunts. We sought the gold at the end of the rainbow. We dreamed of sailing the seas looking for Treasure Island. We pretended to navigate ancient lands looking for the spot marked “X”.

    Growing up in my family, my treasures were little feel-good events that made me smile. I longed for play time so I could climb trees and catch spiders. I looked for friends who could play with me all night long. I loved visiting our local bookshops to scour the shelves for books I’d enjoy.

    As I grew older, I stopped seeking treasures. A life of routine and common dreams had descended on me. It was no longer seeking Treasure Island or the spot marked “X” but rather the acceptable haves of my generation. In my country it was known as the 5 Cs—cash, credit card, car, condominium, and country club membership.

    When I started looking deeper, I asked, “Is that really all there is?” Was life all about acquiring things? It just didn’t feel meaningful.

    I began to look for the real treasures in life, and started thinking about the kind of legacy I wanted to leave behind.

    4 Treasures to Leave Behind

    I have discovered that the real treasures in life have nothing to do with status and everything to do with leading fulfilling lives and sharing them with people. We can’t take anything with us, but we can leave these behind for our loved ones, both to remember us and to help and inspire them: (more…)

  • 10 Ways to Complain Less (and Be Happier)

    10 Ways to Complain Less (and Be Happier)

    Girl in Hat

    “Instead of complaining that the rose bush is full of thorns, be happy the thorn bush has roses.” ~Proverb

    We all complain. Even if you argue that you are the happiest person in the world, you still complain sometimes.

    Sometimes we complain without even realizing it, but rarely is it helpful. Sure, a common complaint can bond two people who may have nothing in common, but too much complaining would just break down the relationship.

    For example, I once had a friend who constantly griped about her health, her family, her relationships, school, and the list goes on. Every time I hung out with her, I felt drained afterward.

    No matter what I said or did, it never seemed to cheer her up. There is no arguing that she was going through a tough time, but her negative attitude certainly made matters worse. Eventually we grew apart because it was more than I could handle at the time.

    So what happens if you are the one stuck in the negative attitude? We’ve all been there. I know I sure have. There are days when everything seems to go wrong, and complaining is the easiest thing to do.

    It’s easier to complain instead of fixing a problem, like quitting a job or having a talk with someone. But I find that when you try to see things from a different perspective and challenge yourself to stop complaining, it is possible!

    Here are some tips to stop complaining and ditch the negative thoughts so you can focus on finding solutions. (more…)

  • The Tiny Buddha Book, Bonus Gifts, and Win a Kindle or DSLR Camera

    The Tiny Buddha Book, Bonus Gifts, and Win a Kindle or DSLR Camera

    UPDATE: Please note that the pre-order bonus promotion described in this blog post ended on December 8, 2011.

    This is a post that’s been a year and a half in the making, and I couldn’t be more thrilled to finally write these words!

    Today is the official pre-order launch day for my first print book, Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions, and I have some exciting promotions to share with you!

    In this post you’ll find:

    -Information about Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions

    -A description of the pre-order bonuses (totaling more than $150 in value) that you will receive if you purchase between now and December 8, 2011

    -Instructions to enter the “Life’s Hard Questions” contest for a chance to win:

    • A Canon DSLR Camera
    • 1 of 2 Kindles, each with a free digital version of my book
    • 1 of 10 free hard copies of my book

    About Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions

    You may have previously seen information about my eBook, Tiny Buddha’s Handbook for Peace and Happiness. This is a compilation of my most popular posts from the first year of the site, and it’s only available as a digital product.

    Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions is entirely original, available both in print and as an eBook, distributed through Conari Press. And it started as a collaborative project.

    Last year, I asked @tinybuddha Twitter followers a number of challenging questions, including “What’s the meaning of life?” “What does it take to be happy?” and “How can you make each day count?

    I received more than 1,000 tweeted responses, and narrowed them down to 200 that form the backbone of this book. Tiny Buddha is a combination of their insightful answers, stories from my life, and lessons from wise teachers around the world and throughout time.

    I wrote this book because I lived much of my life feeling paralyzed by pain and uncertainty. While there is much that may always be unknown, we can still empower ourselves to live peaceful, purposeful lives based on what we do know.

    The Pre-Order Bonuses

    Tiny Buddha, Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions, will ship from Amazon on December 8, 2011 (and will be available in stores by January 1, 2012). (more…)

  • The Days Will Run Out

    The Days Will Run Out

    “If we are not fully ourselves, truly in the present moment, we miss everything.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

    I heard this story recently while listening to a favorite radio show of mine. It was about this homeless man who was detailing some of his experience with homelessness.

    He told stories of sleeping outside in the rain and waiting for hours to get into an overcrowded shelter. He even told a story about another homeless man, who could speak no English, who told him about how he had spent a sleepless night in a trash compactor because he felt safer and was drier than sleeping out on the street.

    He didn’t get much sleep, however, because all night he kept worrying that someone might press “the button.”

    The single story he told that stood out in my mind, however, was the story of the time he was offered the job of house-sitting for a friend.  As you could imagine, the thought of existing somewhere safely, of being sheltered from the weather, of being able to relax on a couch and watch TV was overwhelming for him.

    He was excited like a child might be excited before being told that his parents had decided to go out and buy him a brand new bicycle.

    There was no doubt that he was thrilled about all these things, and he certainly had a right to be. With all that he was about to experience, however, the thing that he looked forward to the most was sleeping. 

    Really? Sleeping? I wondered, how could he be excited about sleeping when he had a house all to himself?

    The thing is, sleeping in a warm bed, to most of us, is something we take for granted. Something we don’t ever think about. But, as this man detailed, sleeping is tough when you’re homeless.

    You don’t get much sleep when the cold and wet are invading every inch of your body. Most of the time, when you do sleep, you sleep with one eye open for fear of having something stolen, or being attacked.

    So when he first fell like a rough heavy stone into the softness of his friend’s bed that first night, all he could do was lay there looking at the dark quiet ceiling and feel grateful. Then he said something that was special to me. Something that resonated inside me like the assertive crisp ring of a bell.  (more…)

  • Interview and Giveaway: Gretchen Rubin of The Happiness Project

    Interview and Giveaway: Gretchen Rubin of The Happiness Project

    Update: The winner for this giveaway has been chosen. Subscribe to Tiny Buddha for free daily or weekly emails and to learn about future giveaways! The winner: +sp.

    I was perhaps the last person on the face of the planet to read The Happiness Project.

    Earlier this year, a friend connected me with Gretchen Rubin, which prompted her to interview me for her blog. After I spent some time exploring her archives, I realized I needed to learn more.

    If you’ve read The Happiness Project, you know Gretchen balances ancient wisdom with contemporary research to create a personal roadmap for happiness that hinges upon everyday choices.

    She spent a year test-driving various “resolutions” for joy in a methodical, measurable way, and chronicled her experiences both on her blog and in her book.

    One thing that drew me to Gretchen’s work is her admission that she was not unhappy before—she simply felt she didn’t appreciate the things in her life that might otherwise have made her happier.

    While we all have different challenges, I suspect this is something we can all relate to.

    I’m excited that Gretchen took the time to answer a few questions, and also that’s offered to give away one copy of her 2012 Page-A-Day Happiness Project calendar.

    The Giveaway

    To enter to win:

    • Leave a comment on this post.
    • Tweet: RT @tinybuddha Interview and Giveaway: Gretchen Rubin of The Happiness Project http://bit.ly/tvUOZt

    You can enter until midnight PST on Sunday, November 13th. If you don’t have a Twitter account, you can still enter by completing the first step.  (more…)