Tiny Buddha

Tag: wisdom

  • 30 Ways to Improve Your Mood When You’re Feeling Down

    30 Ways to Improve Your Mood When You’re Feeling Down

    “The secret of joy is the mastery of pain.” ~ Anais Nin  

    When I was eighteen, I got depressed and stayed depressed for a little over a year. For over a year, every single day was a battle with myself. For over a year, every single day felt heavy and pointless.

    I have since made tremendous progress by becoming more self-aware, practicing self-love, and noticing the infinite blessings and possibilities in my life, but I still have days when those familiar old feelings sneak up on me.

    I’m not always self-aware, I don’t always love myself, and sometimes I agonize over everything I don’t have or haven’t accomplished.

    I call these days “zombie days.” I’ll just completely shut down and desperately look for ways to distract myself from my feelings.

    I suspect we all have zombie days from time to time. I think it’s important to give ourselves permission to not always be happy, but there are also simple ways to improve our mood when we’re feeling down.

    Everybody is different, and everybody has different ways of dealing with pain, but if you’re looking for suggestions, you may find these helpful:

    1. Step back and self-reflect. Whenever I start feeling depressed, I try to stop, reflect, and get to the root of my feelings.  

    2. Reach out to someone. I used to bottle up my feelings out of fear that I would be judged if I talked about them. I’ve since learned that reaching out to a loving, understanding person is one of the best things I can do.    

    3. Listen to music. Music can heal, put you in a better mood, make you feel less alone, or take you on a mental journey.   

    4. Cuddle or play with pets. I have really sweet and happy dogs that are always quick to shower me with love whenever they see me. Spending quality time with a loving pet can instantly make your heart and soul feel better.  

    5. Go for a walk. Walking always helps me clear my head and shed negative energy. It’s especially therapeutic if you choose to walk at a scenic location.   (more…)

  • The Surprising Secret to Being on Time

    The Surprising Secret to Being on Time

    “Smile, breathe, and go slowly.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

    For many years, the only way I knew to get from one place to another was to rush. I was chronically “running late.” In fact I couldn’t conceive of managing time in any other way. I usually would get to an appointment in the nick of time, but never without a rush.

    Now, if rushing occurred in a vacuum, perhaps it wouldn’t be so bad. But the truth is, when we rush, it’s not just about moving faster. It’s an entire frame of mind. The world becomes our enemy—a jungle to machete through on our way to wherever. The nicest person can behave like a demon possessed.

    There’s an old Disney cartoon from the 50’s called Motor Mania, starring Goofy. Baby Boomers will remember Goofy, a not-too-quick-witted but exceedingly amiable fellow with long black ears. But once Goofy gets behind the wheel of his car, he becomes like Dr. Jekyll and  Mr. Hyde.

    His entire personality changes. His eyes begin spiraling in his head, his sweet smile turns into a vicious snarl, and every other driver on the road is in peril.

    We all laughed at Goofy’s crazy behavior because it rang true. We’d seen our parents behave like this, and we would grow up to do the same. In our culture, being in a rush is an excuse to become less than human.

    It’s common to treat each other terribly when we’re “in a hurry.” We get a pass if we’re in a rush. It’s considered “normal” behavior.

    When my kids were young, I believed my job as a good parent was to teach my children how to hurry. My son Charlie was a particularly slow learner in this department. When he was in elementary school, every school day began in a rush. Well, mom would be in a rush; the kids, not so much. This would only add to my internal sense of pressure.

    Arriving at school just before the bell, Charlie would casually start the long walk across the playground to his classroom.

    The kid was infuriatingly slow.

    “Hurry Charlie!” I would yell from the car. (more…)

  • Stop Overextending Yourself to Please Others: 6 Simple Tips

    Stop Overextending Yourself to Please Others: 6 Simple Tips

    “Sometimes the wrong choices bring us to the right places.” ~Unknown

    In a span of one month, my beloved little red Toyota catches on fire, burning to a molten blob; I land in the emergency room with a ruptured disc after lifting a child out of her wheelchair; and I try a do-it-yourself hair highlighting kit, which leaves me looking, well, think Phyllis Diller.

    I feel confused. I have tried so hard to do all the right things. How could my life have gotten so off track?

    I am in the grip of a disorder some people might call manic compression—trying to do everything perfectly in an attempt to please everyone around me. Some of my friends seem to be enjoying life, but I’m definitely not.

    I flounder, looking for answers to this dilemma, without the vaguest inkling that I have created the situation. I call friends and bore them with my woeful tales of angst and doubt. I wake up every morning at 3:00 to wrestle with my pillow for an hour and then, as a last resort, drag my journal off the nightstand and into my lap.

    Most of what I write in that diary is page after page of questions with the same themes: Why are these bad things happening? How can I stop feeling so befuddled? Will I ever sleep again?

    You know how sometimes life sends little presents just when we need them. I was having lunch with a friend who was excited about sharing a story she had just read. She reached into her purse and pulled out a copy of Autobiography in 5 Short Chapters by Portia Nelson:

    I

    I walk down the street.
    There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
    I fall in.
    I am lost. I am helpless.
    It isn’t my fault.
    It takes me forever to find a way out. (more…)

  • What You Need to Do If You’re Struggling with an Eating Disorder

    What You Need to Do If You’re Struggling with an Eating Disorder

    “The human spirit is stronger than anything that can happen to it.” ~C. C. Scott

    It starts accidentally.

    Addicts don’t plan to become addicted to a substance or behavior. It’s an invisible progression, a newly discovered way to feel peace, trust, and control.

    You don’t remember the day you became addicted—the day your addiction became your identity.

    You do, however, remember the relief of the first time your addiction helped you cope.

    Many bulimics remember in vivid detail the day their eating disorders started. Up until that moment, they suffered with chaotic home environments, low self-esteem, the inability to accept themselves, pressure, and feelings of powerlessness, confusion, and distrust.

    And then one day they throw up, without any intention of becoming eating disordered, or losing weight. They just did it.

    The instant after the purge is complete, a sense of peace and wholeness overcomes you. You feel powerful and in control. It results in a perverse but intense high and satisfaction.

    You decide maybe you’ll do it again. What’s one more time? It was so easy the first time anyway.

    And that’s how your addiction begins to infiltrate your mind, body, and spirit.

    Low self-esteem, suffering, and the inability to cope effectively are at the heart of all addictions.

    People with eating disorders also struggle with their identity—with establishing who they are and how that relates to what they want and the world outside.

    The addiction is an effective way to cope with life when you don’t understand your emotions; you have only a limited capacity for self-respect, and you don’t have healthy relationships with people.

    I was fourteen years old when I threw up on purpose for the first time. It was so easy. Too easy.

    It continued to be easy for a while. I lost thirty pounds in two months. I finally felt like I was popular, and I could eat anything I wanted and not get fat. I felt powerful. Stopping was out of the question.

    It was something predictable and comforting. It was dependable. It was my friend. (more…)

  • 6 Ways to Deepen Your Compassion to Help People Who Are Hurting

    6 Ways to Deepen Your Compassion to Help People Who Are Hurting

    “Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive.” ~Dalai Lama

    I thought I understood compassion. Having spent ten years of my life training to be a psychiatrist, I knew how to define it, describe it, and think about it. I thought I got it.

    A few years ago, my brother was diagnosed with a serious mental illness. Being the mental health professional of the family, I took a long break to be with him as he navigated the initial stages of treatment.

    This experience taught me that compassion is more than being nice to someone for a few minutes or hours.

    True compassion is hard work, but it’s worthwhile. As Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, “It is one of the most beautiful compensations of life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.”

    In trying to help him, I too was changed for the better.

    Among the many things I tried as part of the process, some worked. Here are the top six that have stood the test of time.

    1. Listen.

    Often while listening to someone, we are formulating replies in our mind, waiting for a lull in the conversation so we can interject. Try instead to just listen. Suspend all judgment and give the person your undivided attention.

    There is powerful healing in sharing your darkest secrets and having another person truly hear it and still love you. (more…)

  • How Fear Can Deepen Joy and Love If We Let It

    How Fear Can Deepen Joy and Love If We Let It

    “Fear has its use but cowardice has none.” ~Gandhi

    On Monday, my boyfriend and I took a ferry to Catalina Island, where we planned to spend the night.

    I knew the island would be quaint and charming, which was a big part of its appeal, but I was mostly looking forward to breathing in the salty ocean air.

    From vacations enjoyed with beachside lounging, to summer days spent running along the shore, some of my favorite memories involve the hypnotic lilt of crashing waves.

    We hightailed it to the upper deck as soon as we dropped our bags, allowing ourselves the best possible view of any jumping dolphins we might encounter.

    It wasn’t long before we picked up some speed, but this didn’t deter me from sticking my face into the wind.

    I imagined that was what dogs feel like when they poke their heads outside car windows—completely enveloped by the cool, crisp breeze; wrapped in it and yet so free.

    Thirty minutes and ten dolphin sightings in, though still windblown, I felt my cheeks go warm and flush as I giggled, “I love the ocean!”

    It was the kind of pure joy that comes being fully present, clearheaded, and immersed in nature—magnified because I was sharing it with someone I love.

    Three hours later, after we’d checked into our hotel and eaten lunch, I thought, “I hate the ocean.”

    We’d decided to go snorkeling, something my boyfriend loves, and, theoretically, I thought I’d enjoy.

    Nemo-like fish, machine-free exercise, and exploration are all things I appreciate. And we’d done it together once before in San Diego, a few months after we’d first started dating.

    But back then we’d stayed in shallow water, much like I do when I swim at beach. By “swim” I mean wade out to my waist, all the while fearing death by shark. (more…)

  • 20 Ways Life is Amazing (Even When it Hurts)

    20 Ways Life is Amazing (Even When it Hurts)

    “How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.” ~Anne Frank

    I have a confession to make: The last few weeks have been some of the hardest I’ve lived through in my entire life—but not for the reasons you’d think.

    Thankfully, all of my family is safe and sound. Today is actually my grandmother’s 80th birthday, and we’re having a wonderful dinner to celebrate her life.

    My husband and I have just moved into a beautiful new home and are ecstatic to finally have a little nest of our own. I have my health, my family, and my life—so what could possibly be missing?

    The puzzle piece I have lost is what makes me most proud: the results of my intellect and mind.

    In January of this year, I left my corporate job to launch a startup. The business grew, and I achieved many interesting goals. I hired a staff, met amazing new people, served great clients, launched a platform, and even published a mobile app.

    Ten months later, I am now left with only a fraction of what I built. What makes this devastating are not the reasons that things went sour, but the fact that it was all my fault.

    In the aftermath of a very strenuous episode, I can now see that what I feared would happen did actually happen, and the world has not crumbled. My life has not been stripped out from under me, and I still have all that I find precious.

    I have felt anxiety, yes, but it was my own choice to create and suffer it. I have left that behind.

    I choose to let the negativity float away, along with all the thoughts of what could have been, because those are the ones that bring me down.

    In finding the balance between a harsh reality and a smiling heart, I made a list of what I find amazing about life, even when it hurts. Here’s what I came up with: (more…)

  • Letting Go When It’s Time to Dream a New Dream

    Letting Go When It’s Time to Dream a New Dream

    “We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.” ~Joseph Campbell

    Growing up in a family of medical professionals, I received an abundance of opportunities with the understanding that my “job” was school. There was immense pressure to bring home straight A’s. I internalized this pressure and spent hours in my room memorizing texts and studying for classes.

    In my mind medicine was the only acceptable career for me. Family, friends, and teachers routinely asked if I wanted to go to medical school, and my grandmother would smile when she saw me studying and say, “Study hard and you’ll be a doctor, just like your father.”

    I felt that everyone was expecting big things from me, and I wasn’t sure what those things were, how to make them happen, or if I even wanted them.

    In the fall of 2007, I was beginning my undergraduate career as a biopsychology and pre-med major at the local university when I became sick with a progressive neurodegenerative disease. I put life on hold as I bounced from doctor to doctor and underwent test after test, which produced few answers.

    In a period of three years, I lost my balance, my mobility, my hearing, and much of my independence.

    The grieving process that accompanied these losses was intense and surreal. I was convinced that finally having a diagnosis would make it easier, but I discovered that labeling an experience does not change its reality.

    Medical science had nothing to offer me, in terms of treatment or a cure for my form of mitochondrial disease, but I found myself moving through grief with a false sense of fluidity and a feigned sense of humor.

    I thought that if I pretended things were okay, I would not have to face the seriousness of my illness or the underlying grief. (more…)

  • Dealing with Conflict: Speak Up Before You Blow Up

    Dealing with Conflict: Speak Up Before You Blow Up

    “To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

    “I aim to please. It’s okay, no worries. Please don’t worry, its no big deal.” These are some things I’ve said when interacting with others. The truth was that it wasn’t okay, and it was inconveniencing me.

    I could never voice this to people. What if they didn’t like me? Growing up I learned to be polite and to respect my elders, so I considered it rude to tell someone that what they are asking for or what they are doing is actually not okay. I also didn’t want to create any unnecessary problems or conflict.

    I always seemed to end up doing things I didn’t want to do or helping people with things that they should do themselves. I would get frustrated and annoyed and end up taking it out on those people who are close to me. Why did I do this?

    I was sitting in an aisle seat on an airplane once when a man asked me if I wouldn’t mind swapping with him. His friend was sitting next to me, and he wanted to talk to him. The problem was that this guy’s original seat was near the back and was a middle seat.

    I didn’t want to do it, and yet I did. I reluctantly smiled and said, “Sure, no worries.” I then sat in the middle seat on the flight between two very large passengers, feeling cramped and annoyed. This is when it all started going wrong.

    It never rains but it pours. The passenger in the window seat wanted to go to the bathroom, so there was a lot of climbing in and out of the seats. I just smiled and said, “No problem.”

    The meal cart arrived, and because we were at the back, they had run out of the vegetarian choice, so I had nothing to eat. I just said, “Not to worry.”

    My bag was in the compartment above my original seat, so I couldn’t just stand up and get my book. The guy next to me was reading the paper, and it draped into my space. I couldn’t really say anything, because, as you know, reading a newspaper in the confines of an airplane is difficult, and he was trying.

    The other guy next to me was hogging the middle arm rest. My justification was that he was a big guy and he was cramped, shame.

    I was fuming inside because I did not stand up for myself and for what I wanted. I started blaming the guy who was sitting in my original seat for how I was feeling. If he had just stayed in his seat then none of this would have happened. This was the story of my life.  (more…)

  • 5 Tips to Repair the Damage From a Misunderstanding

    5 Tips to Repair the Damage From a Misunderstanding

    “The biggest problem for humanity, not only on a global level, but even for individuals, is misunderstanding.” ~Rinpoche

    There will always be misunderstandings in life. That’s a given.

    The question is, how much damage will they do? How will misunderstandings affect our fulfillment? Our overall happiness?

    And I’m not talking about the “Three’s Company” style of misunderstandings, which result from mistaken identity or eavesdropping. Those eventually get resolved with a cheesy group-hug, until the next episode, anyway.

    No, I’m referring to the more insidious kind of misunderstandings.

    Chances are, you’ve experienced serious misunderstandings that were initially ignored or swept under the rug to fester for a while. Then they popped up later, rearing their ugly heads and negatively impacting cooperation, communication, and teamwork.

    While I’ve had a few of these experiences, this post by social entrepreneur Dan Pallotta paints a very vivid picture of how he suffered through a big misunderstanding.

    I love this statement near his conclusion:

    “Combine the perils of communication technology with our predisposition not to want to talk about the stuff that’s in the middle of the room, and you have a perfect storm of anti-communication. It is the source of all misunderstanding. And misunderstanding is the source of 99% of our problems.”

    Misunderstandings Lead To “Issues”

    My personal experience with misunderstandings has mostly involved presumptions I’ve made. I’ve found that when I base my opinions solely on what I’m observing today—without pausing to consider history, background, or their perspectives—I’m more prone to get things wrong.

    And that often creates an issue, an issue that’s really a “misunderstanding” that I haven’t yet discovered. (more…)

  • There is No End Worse Than the End of Hope

    There is No End Worse Than the End of Hope

    “Kites rise highest against the wind, not with it.” ~Winston Churchill

    We all fall down. And you’ve probably heard that getting back up is the key to moving forward.

    But what do you do when disaster strikes? When a loved one is so injured, so debilitated, that hope seems to have vanished? What then?

    This is a true story. It may be hard to believe and beyond what you may think is possible, but it actually happened.

    It took place nearly thirty years ago.

    Disaster

    I picked up the blue referral sheet in the physical therapy office at Brackenridge Hospital in Austin, Texas one morning, like I always did.

    Scribbled on the top of the page was a patient’s name and a room number in the Intensive Care Unit along with instructions: “Physical therapy – range of motion twice daily.” I was supposed to manually move the patient’s limbs and joints to maintain mobility.

    As I walked into the room, I noticed that the patient was a young woman in her early twenties. I assumed that the people seated at her beside were her mother and father. The only sounds in the room were the pulsations of the ventilator, the intermittent beep from the IVs.

    The young woman, I learned later from her medical file, had been strangled and left for dead. She suffered from anoxic encephalopathy—severe loss of oxygen to the brain.

    She had few signs of life. Eyes shut. Body rigid. Non-responsive to touch. The family wanted my opinion and all I could say was that I would do everything I could to help. (more…)

  • The Zen of Dogs: On Mindfulness, Compassion, and Connection

    The Zen of Dogs: On Mindfulness, Compassion, and Connection

    “Joy is the simplest form of gratitude.” ~Karl Barth

    We were lying in bed. I said, “We can’t do it.” She said, “I don’t see what else we can do.” We lay there in silence, trying to figure it out.

    It was the third big decision of our relationship. The first was when I asked Nicole to marry me. The second was when she said yes. And the third—the one we couldn’t figure out—was what to do about Ralph.

    She’d had Ralph—a female German Shepherd—for a little over a year. Nicole had been waiting for years to get a dog, and now she’d found one, and it all felt so right—the timing, everything.

    What she didn’t expect was meeting me.

    And that I’d be allergic to dogs.

    Nicole was heartbroken, but decided that the only way we could live together would be to find a new home for Ralph. So we did—a nice, older couple who’d lost a dog years earlier who looked just like Ralph. We went to their house, and Ralph loved it there.

    But something in us just wasn’t ready to let Ralph go.

    So we lay in bed and tried to come up with a solution. We were getting nowhere.

    Then I surprised both of us by saying, “We’re not giving Ralph away. We’re just not.” We didn’t know what the solution would be, but we went on faith.

    I ended up trying new allergy medicines, and here we are ten years later. Ralph, hard to believe, is almost eleven. Our decision to keep her turned out to be one of the best we made—not just because we love her (and dogs in general), but because Ralph has been such a spiritual teacher.

    The first thing Ralph taught us is that you can’t predict the specifics of your life. You just can’t. You can envision the future, but life often turns out to be not quite what we were planning.

    And this is a good thing.

    So often we strive for control, certainty, predictability, but imagine how dull life would be, how much less wondrous, if we knew the specifics of our lives—the challenges as well as the joys—before they happened. (more…)

  • How to Drop the Extra (Mental) Weight and Set Yourself Free

    How to Drop the Extra (Mental) Weight and Set Yourself Free

    “Letting go gives us freedom and freedom is the only condition for happiness.” -Thich Nhat Hanh

    Most people I know are carrying extra weight—and I’m not talking about gaining a few pounds.

    I’m talking about the mental and emotional weight we lug around with us. We carry it everywhere—like a backpack full of bricks—and it weighs us down.

    Personally, much of my extra weight comes from the expectations I have for myself to be more—more present, more productive, more enlightened. Although these might be wonderful things to work toward, wanting to be more can easily translate to not being enough now.

    In that way, each desire to be more than what I currently am equates to a few more bricks in my backpack. An extra load to haul around on my back, making life a little harder to navigate.

    For me it happens to be expectations, but our habits can weigh us down too. Watching television that doesn’t nourish our souls, eating foods that don’t nourish our bodies, and holding on to thoughts that don’t nourish our minds. The effects add up.

    And let’s not forget the hand-me-down beliefs. Beliefs like “Good things don’t happen to people like me,” or “I’m just not lucky in love.”

    Or the old memories we replay, or the feelings we refuse to feel that bubble under the surface.

    They are all heavy, needless weight.

    So what?

    Maybe you’re wondering, what’s the big deal? So what if you’re a little weighed down; it could be worse.

    Or maybe you’re thinking that backpacks and bricks go hand-in-hand with responsibility. It’s your burden to bear; best to suck it up and carry on.

    You certainly can go about your life with your backpack loaded up. The weight is rarely debilitating—and that’s exactly when it can be most harmful. (more…)

  • Giveaway and Interview: Turning Dead Ends into Doorways by Staci Boden

    Giveaway and Interview: Turning Dead Ends into Doorways by Staci Boden

    Editor’s Note:

    The winners for this giveaway have already been chosen:

    Subscribe to Tiny Buddha for free emails once weekly or on weekdays and to learn about future giveaways!

    Especially when we’re going through challenging times, it can feel tempting to try to control the future—but this doesn’t change that much lies beyond our control. Try as we may to avoid the unknown, the future remains uncertain.

    How do we navigate change knowing that nothing is guaranteed? How can we develop inner strength to grow, heal, and evolve?

    Healer practitioner Staci Boden answers these questions in her new book, Turning Dead Ends into Doorways: How to Grow Through Whatever Life Throws Your Way.

    From the book flap:

    “With compassionate honesty and a practical sense of humor, healing practitioner Staci Boden shows her readers how to navigate change without clinging to false notions that if they just do this or think that they can determine what happens next. How to let go of false expectations and still make excellent choices. How to grow and heal no matter what life throws their way.”

    I’m grateful that Staci has offered two free copies of Turning Dead Ends into Doorways for Tiny Buddha readers!

    The Giveaway

    To enter to win one of two free copies of Turning Dead Ends into Doorways by Staci Boden:

    • Leave a comment on this post. (If you’re reading in your inbox, click here to do that.)
    • Tweet: RT @tinybuddha GIVEAWAY: Turning Dead Ends into Doorways http://bit.ly/SBYrFX comment and RT to enter!

    You can enter until midnight PST on Monday, November 5th. If you don’t have a Twitter account, you can still participate by completing only the first step. (more…)

  • Choose Love Now

    Choose Love Now

    “Eventually you will come to realize that love heals everything, and love is all there is.” ~Gary Zukav

    Growing up, I was lucky that my parents surrounded me with a strong and steady current of love, despite our family’s own little dysfunctions and a knowingness that I wasn’t like other kids.

    In truth, once I got past my shyness, I was a pretty confident young girl who actually enjoyed being the “different” one, immersing myself in the creative outlet of dance and soothing my soul with frequent trips into nature.

    Broken Bits

    It wasn’t until I fell in love with the world of acting that my bubble of confidence burst and I started to question who I really was.

    I was suddenly thrust into a world where image, judgment, and ego ruled, and my new identify as defined by others came through loud and clear:

    My stomach and thighs could use some work, the gapped teeth I used to cherish no longer fit the bill, and my take on pretty was labeled “small-town,” falling short of Hollywood’s standards.

    I began to believe the lies and little pieces broke inside of me.

    Powerful Words

    Of course it wasn’t all misery, and there were many moments of sheer joy where I seized opportunities to tell great stories and work on projects that fed me creatively.

    I kept at it for several years, riding these highs and lows, until I awoke to the fact that life is not just a ride I’m strapped into, destined to be flung about wherever it takes me.

    Indeed, I had a bigger choice when it came to how I handled the highs and lows and that, even though it would seem I was choosing the life I wanted by pursuing a career as an actress, I wasn’t choosing my most joyful life within the circumstances I had manifested.

    Tuning in, my new mantra flowed through me:

    Choose Love Now.

    I was blown away by the power in these words.

    Choose: Every moment is a choice…

    Love: …to choose either love or fear… 

    Now: …and that choice is made in the only real time there is…the present moment (more…)

  • Happiness is the Value of Every Moment

    Happiness is the Value of Every Moment

    “Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.” ~Norman Cousins

    “What is happiness?” What a completely dense and loaded question this is.

    During my studies in psychology, one of the main principles we learned about writing a manuscript is the importance of defining what you are discussing. If I were to write a paper about happiness, I would then need to operationally define happiness in terms that allowed everyone to understand what I was referring to.

    The problem with this, however, is that we then merely repeat the best definition we come by, thinking we understand the meaning while never truly questioning our own thoughts on the matter; therefore never truly experiencing it.

    I believe this happens in the majority of circumstances, and know that I did this for many years. It is much simpler to just go along with life rather than ask yourself those true and deep questions that will rattle your world.

    My whole life I have been searching for tranquility, to feel at peace within myself, for “happiness.”

    After a traumatic adolescence, I spent my life in fear, seeking control to make up for that which was taken from me. This brought me an abundance of pain and so much confusion.

    But I thought I would no longer be hurt if I could control everything around me. This, for obvious reasons, never worked, and I couldn’t seem to understand why.

    A special person in my life always taught me to question what I’m told. On the subject of happiness, he said that he had never heard a definition that made sense to him, and therefore, didn’t believe happiness existed.

    This was the saddest thing I have ever heard. It inspired me to find a definition that would touch his heart. (more…)

  • Are You Too Busy? 5 Signs of Chronic Stress

    Are You Too Busy? 5 Signs of Chronic Stress

    Busy

    “Beware the barrenness of a busy life.” ~Socrates

    A few years ago, the focal point of my life was my work. It took up and made up a huge portion of my life. In retrospect, I would even say that work became a sort of obsession. I became so obsessed with being productive that I set aside almost every minute of my waking hours for some work-related activity.

    I even coupled meals with work; toilet breaks meant mentally drafting reports and traffic jams signaled the start of phone meetings. You may look at this picture and think of me as an efficient multi-tasker. I honestly hope I was that, but no. I was nothing but a person trapped inside “too busy” cycle.

    Some people perceive being “too busy” as a sign of success or a flourishing career. Although this can be true, being constantly overworked and overwhelmed has more detrimental than positive effects. Being crazy-busy implies stress, and our body can only take so much pressure before it activates its stress response and runs on “survival or panic mode.”

    Stress can be helpful and motivating to some degree, but substantial evidence shows that chronic exposure to high levels of stress prompts the body to release hormones called glucocorticoids, which can potentially damage several body systems.

    When I learned about the gravity of chronic stress and my overly busy life, I made an effort to change my habits and keep everyday stress to a minimum. There are so many ways to effectively manage stress, but you can do so only after you actually notice and admit that you are indeed too busy and too stressed out.

    I have listed below some of the things that have made me realize that my “busyness” was out of hand.

    1. I was always looking for something.

    Searching for my car keys, phone, wallet, jewelry, eyeglasses, and documents became a part of my daily routine. Things seemed to be misplaced or lost all of the time.

    Cortisol, the hormone released when you are stressed, damages the brain over time and can lead to memory problems. But aside from that, when we are stressed out, our thoughts tend to be all over the place, and this lack of focus and the disorganized thoughts could very well cause us to lose track of things. (more…)

  • When You Feel Angry More Often Than Not

    When You Feel Angry More Often Than Not

    “If you correct your mind, the rest of your life will fall into place.” ~Lao Tzu

    I spent a lot of time in my life being angry. At one point I hated everything and almost everyone. I had a saying for a while: “God, I hate people.” I hated the people driving in front of me on the way to the store, then in the parking lot of the store, then inside the store.

    I hated my job. I used to love my job. It’s what I chose to do, what I went to school for. But then I started to hate it—the patients, the nurses, everything about it.

    I can’t recall when the precise moment was that it began, this disgust of the world around me. I do know what I was disgusted by: the mindless selfishness of others. I was in total frustration of the way everyone seemed to be wearing blinders to the world around them.

    I was so tired of the judgment and condemnation of others toward those different from them, whether it was race or religion, size, or shape (or that of their bank accounts). The arrogance with which they treated each other, the unfriendly way they regarded each other in public situations, the way I felt I was treated for so many years by people I encountered every day—at my job, within my family, out in public—by unsmiling faces of unhappy people trudging through their miserable lives.

    Misunderstanding can cause a lot of contention.

    I hated the way I was talked down to by other staff at work like I was less significant than them because they didn’t understand what my job title was (Registered Diagnostic Imaging Technologist, or X-Ray Tech), or that I was as educated as they were, or sometimes more so.

    I hated the treatment I received from ungrateful patients who thought they deserved more than I could give. I was called names, screamed at, bled on, vomited on, defecated on, and had the occasional arm reared back in the threat of being hit. This while having to touch, move, and position these people and equipment, all while seeing and smelling the human condition besides.

    Then, I would go home at seven in the morning, get a whopping six hours of sleep, if I was lucky, get up, go about my wifely and motherly duties of house-managing, dinner, and grocery shopping, where I was almost sure to be treated with righteous indignation by a disgruntled cashier who also hated her job (I would sometimes tell them to try my job and then complain), get a shower, relax for maybe an hour or so, and do it all over again, five nights a week. (more…)

  • How to Turn Pain to Joy: 11 Tips for a Powerful Gratitude Journal

    How to Turn Pain to Joy: 11 Tips for a Powerful Gratitude Journal

    “Give thanks for a little and you will find a lot” ~Hausa Proverb

    In my early, dark days of first acquiring a disability, I didn’t feel I had an awful lot to be thankful for.

    It was like I had spent my whole life getting to the point where I had a thriving holistic therapy practice I loved, an amazing social life with great friends, and my beautiful dog, who I would regularly take into the country for long walks and my adrenaline pumping exercise routine.

    Life was perfect. I had so much to be grateful for, but then it was suddenly snatched away.

    I was left with constant pain, immobility, and three children who I felt I couldn’t care for properly. So what did I have to be grateful for, right?

    Well, I was alive, yes. Some people may say that’s enough, but they are probably either people not dealing with chronic pain on a daily basis or those with a far more positive mindset than I had at that time.

    I thought back to all the advice I had given to my therapy clients over the years on healing emotional pain and moving forward, but even though I knew it worked from the positive feedback I’d received, I couldn’t apply it to myself.

    The problem was that I was very good at talking it, but, as I had always felt good about my life, I had never actually had to put it into practice.

    The previous ten years had been the best I had ever experienced, and I was naturally appreciative of all I had. After my accident, appreciativeness soon turned to hurt, anger, self-pity, and eventually self-loathing.

    I caused myself more pain by resisting the enforced lifestyle change and couldn’t see a purpose in anything. It was at this point I knew I had to make a change.

    I looked at the handout sheets I had previously given to clients (practical tips for living a positive life), and since I love writing, gratitude journaling seemed to be an obvious starting point.

    That night I sat with my journal, intending to start with three things I was grateful for that day. Just three. Piece of cake, right? After an hour, I gently closed the cover on the tear-stained, still blank first page and cried myself to sleep, mentally adding “failure at journaling” to all my other perceived shortcomings. (more…)

  • 5 Amazing Blessings from Being Fired

    5 Amazing Blessings from Being Fired

    “Sometimes the wrong choices bring us to the right places.” ~Unknown

    I was fired via email as my plane touched down at LAX.

    I am not the kind of person who gets fired, who gets dismissed, who is asked to leave and is not welcomed back.

    This was not my track record, no. What was happening?

    I had seen the ad on Craigslist, and it looked perfect. An educational theater program for kids was seeking instructors and administrators to help revitalize the company. They needed someone with current experience in the entertainment industry who was an educator and also had the business vision to help them grow.

    Application. Interview. Second interview! This was looking good. The company would soon be expanding into a beautiful, big, new building. They were interested in new ideas. I knew I could bring a lot to the table. 

    They wanted to hire me part time, as a contractor. I was okay with that. I asked if there was any kind of contract or written agreement. In my past experience, contractors had, you know, contracts.

    They said that they didn’t do contracts because they trust the people they hire, but if I wanted one, I could write it up and then we could go from there.

    So I did. I based it off a contract an employer had provided to me in the past and, of course, asked my attorney father if there was anything else I was missing. I made a couple adjustments and fired it off to them. Nothing overly litigious, just making sure we had in writing what our agreement was.

    Days passed. I started to worry. Things had been moving so quickly and so well. Finally, I got an email. Could I come in and talk about the contract?

    So I went in for a third meeting. This time, they had me sit in one of the classrooms. With a faux-paternal furrow in his brow, the owner asked me why I didn’t trust them. Why had I written up such a formal document? 

    Then came the PowerPoint presentation, highlighting each dagger I had thrown at them with my contract, line by line.

    This, ladies and gents, is when I should have picked up my purse, politely exited, and never looked back.  (more…)