Tiny Buddha

Tag: wisdom

  • Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself Interview: Elizabeth Garbee

    Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself Interview: Elizabeth Garbee

    elizabeth-garbee

    This month we’re celebrating the upcoming launch of Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself, a book about taming your inner critic that features 40 stories from Tiny Buddha contributors. 

    Throughout September, you’ll have a chance to meet some of them through daily interviews here on the blog.

    Today’s featured contributor is Elizabeth Garbee, a college student and regular Tiny Buddha reader who plays the violin.

    Her contribution for the book urges us to stop clinging to people as a means of feeling we are loved.

    A little more about Elizabeth…

    1. Tell us a little about yourself and your self-love journey.

    I’m a work in progress.

    2. Have you ever felt there’s “something wrong with you”? If so, why, and what’s helped you change your perception?

    I’m 21 years old, and have never been in even a casual “relationship.” Not for lack of interest, or even lack of trying. It just hasn’t felt right yet.

    I used to let that really bother me that no one ever asked me out. And whenever I’ve asked someone or tried to gauge their interest, I’ve always received a “no,” “never,” or “I’m not ready for a relationship right now.” With a track record like that, it’s hard not to think there might actually be something wrong with you, something that just turns people off.

    My perception is still evolving. But what helps me the most when that feeling resurfaces is to remember that those thoughts are just part of a worn out story my brain wants to tell me.

    And when I separate myself from the thoughts, the words, and just let my brain chatter away to itself, the volume goes down. Without a captive audience, those thoughts just fade away.

    3. What was your biggest mistake (that you’re willing to share), and what helped you forgive yourself?

    My biggest mistakes have always resulted from not believing people when they try to tell/show me who they are.

    I instead will continue to see them as the person I would like them to be, ignoring the signs and signals they’re sending—resulting in me trusting them with a secret they aren’t able to bear, or giving them responsibilities they can’t shoulder.

    In those cases, the responsibility for the relationship falling apart is mine, because I mistook the person in front of me for the version I had created in my head.

    Forgiveness has always come in hindsight, and often because I’m able to connect the dots that led to the mistake to see that I had to learn that lesson before I could close that door and open the next one.

    When you know better, you do better—and until you know better, you’ll continue to make the same mistake. Forgiveness is giving yourself permission to get back on your feet after you fall, knowing full well that you may land right back on the ground.

    4. Complete this sentence: When other people don’t like me, I…

    …let them. My responsibility is to be authentic to myself and put my best face forward. What other people do with that is up to them, and completely out of my hands.

    5. What are some areas in your life where you’ve compared yourself to other people, and what’s helped you let go of these comparisons?

    In high school, I struggled with something I now recognize as a mild eating disorder: suffice it to say that I had a very adversarial relationship with food.

    I won’t pretend that I don’t still compare my body to that of other women, because I do. It’s something I wrestle with every day. But I make those comparisons less and less because I realized at some point that I don’t actually want what those women seem to have—my body is strong, my body is patient, and has withstood all the crazy I’ve thrown at it.

    I’ve earned this body, and wouldn’t trade it for one that’s taller or has narrower thighs.

    6. What’s one thing you would tell your younger self about looking to other people to complete you?

    It’s gonna happen—inevitably, you’ll find yourself trying to fill the hole in your heart with people you think are the right shape. But don’t punish yourself when those relationships fall apart.

    Rather, take a good look at what qualities made you think that person was the right shape in the first place: chances are, you were drawn to them because they reflected parts of yourself that you have been neglecting. Nourish them and the hole might start to shrink, until you wonder why you ever thought it was there to begin with.

    7. Have you ever felt afraid to show people your “real” self? Why—and what’s helped you move beyond that?

    Oh, every day. It takes so much courage to be vulnerable that some days I would much rather wear a mask and keep myself under the surface. My “real” self changes day by day, and it’s so hard to continue to get to know yourself while simultaneously presenting that self to other people.

    I was, like a lot of people, always afraid that if I truly “showed up,” no one would like what they saw. Or perhaps even worse, that no one would see me at all.

    I think at some point I just got tired of carefully editing and monitoring my behavior. It’s exhausting!

    Just recently, I went through a really rough few weeks and was trying to put on a brave face to avoid having to answer a lot of questions. But I totally lost my composure one night, and rather than back away and leave the room, a good friend sat next to me on my bed and just held me.

    Few people have seen me cry like that, and letting my true feelings out didn’t even faze him. If you let the “real you” come to the surface, baggage and all, the people who truly matter will stick around, I promise.

    8. What are the top three things you personally need to do to take good care of yourself, mentally and emotionally?

    • Drink plenty of water (and tea)
    • Get a good night’s sleep
    • Make time every day to practice my violin. It’s one of the few times when I can check in with myself and reflect with no pretense and no filters. Some people meditate—I play Bach.

    9. What’s something you do regularly that makes you feel proud of the difference you’re making in the world?

    I don’t ever really think about the “difference I’m making in the world.” It always struck me as a bit presumptuous to claim to know how you’re changing the big picture.

    I simply try every day to have a net positive impact on the lives of those I’m with. No grand design or lofty purpose: just a quiet practice of empathy and gratitude. That, and a steady stream of home baked goods.

    *Note: I edited this post to remove info about the pre-order promotion, which ended on October 8, 2013. You can learn more about Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself here.

  • Affirmation Tree

    Affirmation Tree

    Affirmation Tree

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  • Create Your Life: Having Nothing Can Mean Having Everything

    Create Your Life: Having Nothing Can Mean Having Everything

    Man and the sun

    “Breakdowns can create breakthroughs. Things fall apart so things can fall together.” ~Unknown

    A decade ago, as a nomadic adventure-seeker, I traveled and lived in Belize. I’ve always been a dream chaser, which means if I dream it, I start living it.

    My twenty-year-old self was convinced living the island life in the soulful country of Belize was my dream and gateway to happiness.

    After about a year of a major reality check—living on an island is very different than vacationing on an island! I felt totally empty. I felt like I had nothing.

    Seriously, I had no job or city to go back to. Yet, it was just the breakdown I needed to move to the other side of the breakthrough.

    A friend I met down there, another nomadic adventurer, said it so simple and straight:

    “Well, since you got nothing, you’re really free to do anything.”

    And in that moment was a major mental mind-shift:

    Having nothing also means having everything.

    That made it easy to get off my sorry butt and take full charge of the limitless possibilities in my life.

    In the empty space of having nothing, there is plenty of room for the new and incredible to make its way in.

    And that’s what I am sharing today:

    If you feel like something is missing, or if you feel like you are not where you want to be, if you feel like “This is not it!” You know what? Within the “This is not it” rests the answer of your “Yes! This is it” life.

    If you are not living the life you want, the biggest hurdle you face is within your own mind. As said by Anthony Robbins:

    “It’s not about resources, it’s about resourcefulness.”

    Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, use that to fire up what you want.

    If you want anything to change in your life, you need to change your mind first. If you feel like you are in a the midst of a breakdown—like things around you are falling apart and not going the way you hoped, you need to first change your mind and then choose another way.

    The energy around a breakdown is heavy. However, energy is just energy. Instead of labeling the breakdown as “bad,” imagine un-charging the heaviness, and simply seeing it as pure energy. That pure energy is pure potential.

    Take that massive amount of energy from the breakdown and transform it into your breakthrough moment.

    If I had remained in my funked-out state, worrying that I have no job and no home, I never would have started researching new places to live, and new things to learn, and the new life I wanted to create.

    I took the energy of the breakdown and redirected it into taking action to change my circumstances.

    The moment I shifted my perception, my reality changed.

    As Marianne Williamson says, “A miracle is just a shift in perception.”

    And that is what happened to me that day. It was a miracle.

    A shift in my perception led me from living in a situation that was no longer serving any joy or purpose, and directed me to move to Vancouver and study holistic nutrition, which has played a massive role in my joy and purpose.

    Whatever is not working in your life, you can make a miracle out if it, too.

    All you need to do is take that first step and decide.

    If you are feeling in a funk, or like things are just not working out, take that energy and redirect it.

    Start by simply giving yourself permission to fully feel the pain you are in. Once you can accept that your current circumstances are no longer serving you, you can choose to deliberately change it.

    Give yourself permission to take “thinking time.” Life can get so busy, and often when we don’t like where our life is, we fill it with things to do so that we don’t have to think about our unhappiness.

    However, this doesn’t help us get out of our funk. This is what keeps us stuck in a perpetual state of unhappiness.

    Give yourself permission to think. Go outside in nature and give yourself an hour of pure thinking time. Ask yourself: What do I want in my life? What is my dream solution?

    The answers are inside of us. All we need is to give a little time to take care of our emotional body so that we can break free from the self-made blocks that leave us feeling heavy and unhappy.

    Once you give yourself time to think, you will often start to shift into a new mindset full of possibilities. The most important thing at this stage will be to make an action plan to actually change how you are living.

    Ask yourself, what step can you take today to make your life lighter? What can you let go of that is no longer serving you?

    Sometimes it will be a radical change, like moving to a new city and starting a new job, or studying something brand new. Other times it can be as simple as integrating a new healthy eating habit or daily exercise routine.

    Whatever it is, make sure you take action so that you actually breakthrough to the other side and live a life of more meaning and fulfillment.

    Now it’s your turn.

    Have you ever experienced a shift in perception that helped you get unstuck? Or are you in a place that feels stuck and you’re finally ready to shift your perspective?

    Share your story and insights in the comments below. Your contribution helps us all grow!

    Photo by Leland Francisco

  • Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself Interview: Jennifer Chrisman

    Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself Interview: Jennifer Chrisman

    jenn-chrisman

    This month we’re celebrating the upcoming launch of Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself, a book about taming your inner critic that features 40 stories from Tiny Buddha contributors. 

    Throughout September, you’ll have a chance to meet some of them through daily interviews here on the blog.

    Today’s featured contributor is Jennifer Chrisman, a psychologist, wife, and mother of two, who believes wholeheartedly in the healing power of compassion, tolerance, and human connection.

    Her contribution for the book explores how we can stay connected to the belief that we deserve a life of love, instead of feeding our fears and insecurities.

    A little more about Jennifer…

    1. Tell us a little about yourself and your self-love journey.

    I feel like I started this process at a very young age, always questioning my purpose, and trying to find the “solution” so that I could finally feel good about myself.

    I went into the helping profession because I wanted to be an advocate and a role model for other young women, who may have been struggling with the same insecurities, fears, and addictions that I was, but deeper than that I think I was hoping that with enough therapy and education I would be able to heal myself.

    My journey is an ever-evolving process. I tend to view myself as a recovering perfectionist, and for me that means allowing space in my life for all of myself, all of my experiences, the ups and the downs.

    2. Have you ever felt there’s “something wrong with you”? If so, why, and what’s helped you change your perception?

    I can remember as early as elementary school always feeling different from my peers. I was painfully shy and for me, to feel different meant to feel less than.

    When I was 10 years old my father committed suicide, and while I think there was already groundwork being laid, that event solidified in my mind the evidence that I really wasn’t special or loved.

    I spent the next two decades of my life trying to fix all of my flaws. I truly believed that if only I lost a little bit more weight, was just a little prettier, made a certain amount of money, earned the affection of certain people, then I would  feel worthy of love.

    Along the road, I lost the weight, I earned the degrees, I made the money, everything “looked” the way it was supposed to, but I still couldn’t tolerate being in my own skin because I still didn’t have any concept of self-love.

    I didn’t know what it meant when people told me, “it’s an inside job.”

    I think we all come to a point in our lives where we realize that something’s got to give, and for me that was the year my son was born. On the outside, my life looked perfect to everyone around me but on the inside I came to what would be considered my “bottom.” I felt like a secret and I felt like a fraud.

    Today I believe that we are always provided with exactly what we need, when we need it, and that things change when we are ready to make change, and not a moment sooner!

    A series of events led me to finding a spiritual solution, one that I was aware of and familiar with, but unwilling, up until that point to open myself up to. That is when I began to critically examine my faulty belief systems, to challenge my old ideas of how I thought things needed to be done, and how they should look, and to simply LET GO.

    3. Have you ever thought something was a flaw only to realize that other people actually appreciate that about you? What was the “flaw”?

    I used to think that to need anything from someone else was a flaw. I thought that any form of dependency was a weakness and I defended against it for most of life.

    Unfortunately, there is no one among us that doesn’t have needs or can walk this path entirely on their own. When I began to get truly humble and ask others for help, it’s amazing how much love and support showed up in my life.

    4. What was your biggest mistake (that you’re willing to share), and what helped you forgive yourself?

    I genuinely do not believe there are any mistakes in my life, only opportunities. It has taken me a long time to come to this belief because I used to spend most of my time hiding in shame and believing, “if only I’d done things differently.”

    Every single experience I have had in my life has led me to this exact moment, and right now I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I look at the darkest moments in my life, each of the “bad choices” as my sacred wounds. They needed to happen because there was something I needed to learn.

    Finding forgiveness for those I believe harmed me and taking responsibility for my part in each of those experiences helps set me free from living with the bondage of having made “mistakes.”

    5. Complete this sentence: When other people don’t like me, I…

    …often times revert back to old thinking and obsess about what’s wrong with me, or what’s wrong with them, and what do I need to do to “fix” the situation.

    I don’t think anyone ever really gets comfortable with the notion of not being liked. However, today, I’m able to, most of the time, bring myself back fairly quickly from the catastrophe I’ve spun in my head, to recognize that while it’s often times uncomfortable to not be liked, I don’t have to defend myself or change anyone’s opinion of me.

    I’ve spent a lot of time on my self-love journey coming into recognition of, and acceptance of, those things that are within my power to change and those that are not.

    Other people’s opinions of me are not within my power to change, and as is commonly said, are not even really any of my business.

    6. What are some areas in your life where you’ve compared yourself to other people, and what’s helped you let go of these comparisons?

    It can be very easy for me to play what I call, “The Compare and Despair” game because often what happens is I am comparing my internal experience to someone else’s external appearance, and those two will never measure up equally.

    This shows up in almost all aspects of my life: motherhood, my career, my marriage, my body, etc. What I’ve come to realize for myself is that I just need to be willing to be honest and aware of myself when I’m doing it because it’s really just providing me with information.

    I spend a lot of time and focus on creating space between myself and my thoughts, realizing that just because I have a thought, that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s true, and within this space I get to make adjustments when need be.

    So, when I become aware that I’m playing the Compare and Despair game, it’s just information that there’s some part of my life that’s needing a little bit more “work,” often in the form of nurturing and loving attention.

    7. What’s one thing you would tell your younger self about looking to other people to complete you?

    Doesn’t really matter because I probably wouldn’t have listened! I needed to go through the experiences I did, to feel the pain and discomfort of those unhealthy dependencies, until I was ready to let them go.

    8. Have you ever felt afraid to show people your “real” self? Why—and what’s helped you move beyond that?

    I spent most of my life afraid of showing people the “real” me and I believe it’s because I didn’t know the real me. I was so consumed with being who I thought I was supposed to be that I never actually took the time to find me.

    Accepting that I am powerless over other people and their opinions of me has given me the freedom to begin to explore and find myself and to stand by who that is.

    9. What are the top three things you personally need to do to take good of yourself, mentally and emotionally?

    My journey is a one-day-at-a-time process and it’s important for me to consistently remain active in my self-care practices; I can’t rely on what I did yesterday to take me through today.

    Therefore, I start every morning with prayer and meditation, where I get centered and set an intention for myself and how I want to show up in my life. And then I need to get and stay connected.

    I think community is really important and so I make it a point to surround myself with like-minded individuals that are encouraging and supportive. And finally, I need to move my body.

    I’m dedicated to my yoga and Pilates practices and really value making conscious contact with my body through breath and movement.

    10. What’s something you do regularly that makes you feel proud of the difference you’re making in the world?

    Today, I consistently show up for my life. I’m no longer a secret, hiding behind my fears and insecurities. I believe that I walk with grace and dignity, right in the middle, where I’m supposed to be, no better than, or less than any other person trying to figure this life out.

    I’m blessed to work with amazing clients and to be the mother to the two most incredible babies, and there is no doubt in my mind that the woman I am today, and the journey I am trudging, will make a difference in their lives, and countless other lives.

    How exactly that is, I don’t really know, and so I’ll keep moving forward acting with integrity and smile on my face.

    *Note: I edited this post to remove info about the pre-order promotion, which ended on October 8, 2013. You can learn more about Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself here.

  • Be More Childlike: Life Can Be Beautiful If You Let It

    Be More Childlike: Life Can Be Beautiful If You Let It

    “Children see magic because they look for it.” ~Christopher Moore

    Take a moment to close your eyes and imagine a beautiful, warm, sunny Sunday afternoon. Where could you possibly be—at home, on a beach, or waiting at a bus stop?

    Which of these three scenarios is the most appealing? Most of us would probably choose the beach. However, true enlightenment can be found in all three.

    Recently I was waiting for a bus. It was a beautiful, warm, sunny Sunday afternoon. At the bus stop were three ladies. One was and elderly lady in her twilight years, the other was in midlife, and the final one was just a young child.

    The lady in her twilight years was laughing with the child and having fun, in between complaining to the child’s mother about having to wait over thirty minutes for a bus.

    When talking to the child, the mother in midlife was stressed and impatient. She too was complaining to the lady in her twilight years about the delayed bus.

    The child was enjoying being outside, chatting, laughing, and having fun with the elderly lady. She had no concept of time or impatience. She displayed no distress in reaching her destination.

    Observing this interaction, I asked the elderly lady if she needed to be somewhere. She said, “No, I’m going home but I actually have nothing to go home for.”

    Checking my transit Smartphone app, I attempted to reassure everyone the bus was due in five minutes.

    The child’s mother hurriedly said, “No, no. It’s not coming! I’ve been here over thirty minutes and I also have checked the internet.”

    How did she know the bus wasn’t coming? Well, her experience told her it wasn’t. She was focusing on the past, and more specifically, a past experience. An experience she’d chosen to make significant, real, and relevant to the present.

    I understood how she felt. I’d spent many years thinking that nobody loved me or wanted me after several of my relationships had failed. It was very much like waiting for the next bus, without much hope of it coming.

    The older lady said, “This city is going to the dogs!” She’d made a judgment. One that condemned a whole city to doom based on the delay of one single bus.

    The older lady was focusing on the future. A future she was predicting based on a single thought she’d had; a future for a whole city. Words we use are significant for they communicate our thoughts, feelings and beliefs.

    The young child was in the present. Living in the moment and enjoying her interaction with other human beings, a balloon in her hand, free of judgment and thought.

    She seemed happy with the warmth of the sun and a Sunday afternoon at a bus stop.

    Then the bus came. The driver opened the door and apologized for the delay, explaining that construction had held him up.

    At every stop we encountered, people boarded and complained about the delay to their destination. Throughout this time, the child was oblivious to this, still in the present.

    When I got off the bus several stops later, two more were right behind. Two more buses carrying people from A to B.

    Buses sometimes come in threes because our journey in life isn’t always the same; it isn’t always predictable. Three buses at once is a blessing, three vehicles for you to choose from, three choices instead of one.

    You see, the journey did have beauty. It had a child finding magic in an interaction with another human being, in the warmth of the sun, in the opportunity to stop and play. Unfortunately, some of us sometimes get caught up in getting from A to B.

    We sometimes don’t appreciate what’s right in front of our eyes. Sadly, on this day, the mother missed a few precious moments of her daughter growing up.

    It made me think of my parents and how I missed them. They are in their eighties and live 6000 miles away. Each day I miss them growing older. 

    I feel like they are slipping away, and there is sadness in me not being there to hug them and hear their stories each day.

    I made a resolution to call them more often, to visit them more often, despite the distance and cost (mere details in the grand scheme of things).

    The older lady worried about getting home when she was in no hurry and had expressed nothing to get home for. Sometimes that’s the problem; we don’t have something to travel to.

    Like a meteor hitting the Earth, it reminded me of a painful time in my life, when I had nothing to go home for. It was after a particularly bad break-up that scarred me for a number of years.

    At that time in my life I was running from hurt, but had nowhere to go. I really understood what the elderly lady was feeling. I could wear her pain. I wanted to simply hold her, tell her she would find a new path. Perhaps I should have been brave and told her that?

    As we grow from child to adult, at some point we stop imagining. We stop dreaming. We focus on the details of everyday life that are inconsequential.

    A bus is a vehicle. It simply gets us from A to B. We can choose if we want to appreciate the journey.

    Appreciate your travels today. There is beauty in every one of them.

    Whenever you find yourself getting annoyed, impatient, or frustrated with your journey, ask yourself these questions:

    What’s the hurry? What can I appreciate right now? What opportunity has this delay given me? What am I really being impatient with? What am I missing by being this way? 

    What would a child do right now? What’s truly important to me and what action should I take that I haven’t been?

    Powerful questions ground us. They make us reflect, think, and discover. They get us to challenge our assumptions and confront our thoughts.

    Do something childlike on every journey you take. Skip to the supermarket. Sing in the elevator. Stop and look all around you. Just see, hear, and appreciate. Life can be beautiful if you let it.

  • Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself Interview: Jeanine Nicole Cerundolo

    Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself Interview: Jeanine Nicole Cerundolo

    jeanine-nicole-cerundolo

    This is second week of a month-long promotion for Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself, a book about taming your inner critic that features 40 stories from Tiny Buddha contributors. 

    Over the next month, you’ll have a chance to meet some of them contributors through daily interviews here on the blog.

    Today’s featured contributor is Jeanine Nicole Cerundolo, a yoga instructor and bliss coach who’s on a mission to nurture a world in which we are each more self-affirming through an abundance of self-love, more confident in the power of our dreams, and more fulfilled in the process of reaching them.

    Her contribution for the book explores the benefits of embracing both positive and negative emotions instead of assuming we need to always be happy.

    A little more about Jeanine…

    1. Tell us a little about yourself and your self-love journey.

    As a sensitive soul and highly emotional being, I have been very attuned to both the delights and the darkness of life, simply in feeling each deeply.

    My self-love journey has been a path to first, knowing myself; second, accepting myself; and third, letting myself be and allowing the richness of life to flow, without trying to control it with pre-conceived notions, concepts, or desires.

    As I continue to delve into transformational work and immerse myself in such communities, I’m gaining traction in terms of my growing self-confidence, self-assurance, and self-actualization. I’m becoming all that I dreamed of by simply owning that I have always been what I’ve been seeking.

    It is the recognition of my gifts and gratitude for them that make up the embodiment of self-love. Through this, I know that my life is a gift not through what I do, but in who and how I am in the world.

    2. Have you ever felt there’s “something wrong with you”? If so, why, and what’s helped you change your perception?

    I don’t often feel there is “something wrong with me,” but I definitely am very hard on myself and tend to put a tremendous amount of pressure on myself to achieve, succeed, and blossom.

    I am often impatient with my “flaws” or my “shadow side,” and the resistance to these parts of myself only magnifies their power.

    Tools that help me shift from self-doubt and self-loathing to self-love include breath work (just breathe!), writing a gratitude journal, reminding myself that this too will pass and is simply part of the process, and reaching out for help when necessary.

    As the saying goes: “Joy shared is doubled, and grief shared is halved.”

    I also collect nice things people share about what they value in me and read it when I’m feeling blue, for a little pick-me-up.

    3. Have you ever thought something was a flaw only to realize that other people actually appreciate that about you? What was the “flaw”?

    I am often very self-expressed and can feel that this is a flaw when I share in an over-the-top way, talk too fast in my excitement, or come on too strong.

    I think that this exuberance does have its drawbacks when expressed in excess, but that my enthusiasm for life and the topics that get me jazzed can actually become contagious, and are even admirable.

    I think the key here is to reign myself in a bit by exercising a balanced approach, thinking before speaking, and sharing for the sake of contributing to others, not just because I feel like it.

    4. What was your biggest mistake (that you’re willing to share), and what helped you forgive yourself?

    My biggest mistakes are always when I think that the “truth” or my “happiness” resides outside myself.

    When I admire another to the point of being jealous or insecure, or when I want something (an opportunity or a relationship) so badly that I miss out on the joy and wholeness of the present moment, that is when I am robbing myself of the truth that I am already complete.

    There is a spiritual teaching that says, “Everything hurt shall be healed again, everything lost shall be found again.”

    The process of trusting myself and reminding myself to go within for the answers and the peace that I seek allows me to feel relief from the grasping or desperation that feeds the myth that I am “not enough.” Lately, prayer and meditation have really helped center me in that knowing.

    5. Complete this sentence: When other people don’t like me, I…

    …curl up in a ball and get sad.

    6. What are some areas in your life where you’ve compared yourself to other people, and what’s helped you let go of these comparisons?

    I compare myself to others in the area of doing-what-you-love. Because writing, yoga, coaching, and entrepreneurship are so important to me, those are the areas where I am hard on myself or become jealous of others.

    If someone is a nuclear physicist, I think, “Hey, more power to you.” It doesn’t trigger me because it is not in me by any means to by a nuclear physicist.

    But if someone is a “better” yoga teacher, published author, or seemingly experiencing more success than I am in the zones that I am working on, then that actually highlights the places where my potential is unrealized and itching to be fulfilled.

    I can become uncomfortable in those moments, but in the end, returning to the knowing that I am on the path, and then feeling grateful for these opportunities to see where I can still grow—and becoming inspired by those people who are already in the game—are ways I can shed the destructive comparisons and replace them with affirmations.

    7. What’s one thing you would tell your younger self about looking to other people to complete you?

    I would tell my younger self that it is important to neither be dependent nor independent, but to be interdependent.

    It is vital to be and feel whole and complete for who you are and to love yourself, and it is also vital to feed that soulfulness through nourishing interactions with others and in a loving community.

    Not looking to others to complete you doesn’t mean to become an island, it just means not feeling like you are missing something or that your worth is contingent on what others think about you.

    8. Have you ever felt afraid to show people your “real” self? Why—and what’s helped you move beyond that?

    I have to admit that I am rarely afraid to show my true colors. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and my work is actually to contain myself a bit more and practice restraint since I’m so eager to be open and vulnerable; but then sometimes feel like I spilled the beans too much and then worry about how my sharing will come across.

    Usually, it’s not as bad as I imagine, so it helps to remember that fear grows with the time and energy that you spend feeding it!

    9. What are the top three things you personally need to do to take good of yourself, mentally and emotionally?

    The top things I need to do to take good care of myself, both mentally and emotionally, are:

    • Daily morning practice of meditation, yoga, journaling, and reading inspirational texts
    • Breathwork and healthy habits regarding nutrition and exercise
    • Practicing gratitude, especially blessing food before eating
    • Being gentle with myself, treating myself as I would a good friend

    10. What’s something you do regularly that makes you feel proud of the difference you’re making in the world?

    When I engage in the pursuits I love most—working in yoga, life coaching, and writing—I become the highest version of myself and feel most generous, gracious, and giving.

    Agapi Stassinopoulos says, “Be a go-giver, not a go-getter” and I think these words are beyond wise! When you do what you love and you aim to serve, and for your work to be a contribution to others and to the world, that alignment is true bliss!

    *Note: I edited this post to remove info about the pre-order promotion, which ended on October 8, 2013. You can learn more about Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself here.

  • Buddha Doodles: It Always Seems Impossible

    Buddha Doodles: It Always Seems Impossible

    Buddha_Doodles_untilitsdone__MollyHahn_grande

    Source: Buddha Doodles

  • Try This If You’re Struggling to Find Your Passion

    Try This If You’re Struggling to Find Your Passion

    “Don’t worry about what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” ~Howard Thurman

    For the past three years, I’ve been in the throes of a quarter-life crisis.

    Just a few months into my first cubicle-bound job, I had the life-altering realization that most everyone comes to eventually: I’m going to work a job every day for the next forty-plus of my life. If I want to make that enjoyable, I need to be living my purpose and engaging my passions.

    Knowing that life is short and the best time to change is now, I dove headfirst into reading and implementing advice on how I could discover and live my passion. 

    In the three-year search, I registered for hobbies that interested me. I researched and pursued various careers. I talked to my friends about what I was good at. I encouraged my husband to find his passions so that we were both supported in this dream. I waited patiently and openly for inspiration.

    Soon enough, some of my passions bubbled up to the surface in easily identifiable ways.

    I loved writing, interacting with people one on one, business, yoga, rescue animals, chocolate, coffee houses, and digital newspapers.

    To see what ideas “stuck,” I started businesses, changed careers, wrote freelance, initiated a local yoga community, volunteered, and truly “discovered” myself.

    But these attempts at finding a passion that could become my career always happened the same way—I’d start out with massive bursts of energy, produce great results, and then hear the small voice in my heart whisper, “This isn’t it…there’s something else out there for you.”

    After a couple of years of trying and failing at finding the passion that would stick, I decided to just stop looking for a while.

    In the meantime, I would work hard at my job and come to terms with the fact that the most people never have careers that engage their passions—and maybe that’s okay. After all, I could still have passions outside my work.

    But the drive to create a career around my passion never went away.

    My turning point came one night as I was sitting at home with my husband watching The Legend of Baggar Vance—a movie about a down-on-his-luck golfer who enlists the help of an inspirational golf caddy (Baggar Vance) to perfect his game.

    In one of the scenes, Baggar says to the golfer:

    “Inside each and every one of us is one true authentic swing. Something we were born with. Something that’s ours and ours alone. Something that can’t be taught to you or learned. Something that got to be remembered.”

    And I sat stunned for a second. Although the movie went on, my mind was stuck on this idea: your passion—your one true authentic gift—has to be remembered.

    For so long, I had been searching, trying new things, exploring jobs, careers, and “attractive” passions outside of myself—without ever trying to remember what passions have been with me all along.

    In an instant of clarity, I remembered that for my whole life, I have been in love with business and personal finance. My father and grandmother had always been very determined to teach me about the flow of money and how starting a business could ensure my freedom.

    From these constant little lessons growing up, I picked up an interest in business that had permeated my life in ways that I just didn’t really recognize.

    I remembered back to the time I was nine years old and told my grandma I’d love to be a financial planner to help people with their business and money, the way she’d helped me develop those skills.

    I remembered too how I sat enthralled reading business magazines on airplanes. I remembered how what I really wanted out of my career was to run my own business one day. I realized that this was a deep, steady current that connected many phases of my life.

    But how could my passion be so… plain? Aren’t passions supposed to be artistic, exotic, or inspirational? Aren’t passions supposed to wow people?

    Perhaps not. Perhaps my passion for the mundane things could be a way to bring life to an otherwise mundane topic—the way your crazy history teacher started talking really fast and excitedly about the Civil Rights movement, making you excited about it too.

    Since this realization, I’ve started pursuing a business in financial coaching, and I am so happy. The small voice in my heart is whispering, “You’re on the right track!” for the first time. I haven’t been distracted by what other things I could be doing. Even better, I am engaging my other passions too.

    If you’re struggling to find your passion, even after trying what feels like doing everything, I encourage you to do this: sit down, open your journal, pour a cup of tea, and try to remember your passions.

    Think back on your life, and remember things you wanted to be, the habits you developed naturally, the games you played, the books you read, and see how they may apply to your life and career today. You might be surprised by the connection points that have been right under your nose all along.

  • Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself Interview: Erin Lanahan

    Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself Interview: Erin Lanahan

    erin-lanahan

    This is second week of a month-long promotion for Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself, a book about taming your inner critic that features 40 stories from Tiny Buddha contributors. 

    Over the next month, you’ll have a chance to meet some of them contributors through daily interviews here on the blog.

    Today’s featured contributor is Erin Lanahan, a holistic health coach who formerly struggled with her relationship with herself and her body, and finding purpose and meaning in her life.

    Her contribution for the book urges us to change our perception of rejection so we can learn, grow, and even benefit from it.

    A little more about Erin…

    1. Tell us a little about yourself and your self-love journey.

    I have been on a path of releasing shame, low self-esteem, and low self-worth for the majority of my life. I became aware of these limitations and how they ruined my ability to be myself and speak my truth at a pretty young age.

    Ever since, I have been reaching past my comfort zones, expanding the ways in which I share my message and myself, with friends, family, clients, and students. I have been on an endless adventure, exploring my inner universe so I can best experience my outer universe.

    Self-love has been the cure to all my problems. The lack of it pushed me into drug and alcohol abuse, food obsession, unhealthy and toxic relationships, and all sorts of attempts to escape my current feelings and circumstances.

    Today I am a work in progress, but I am aware that as long as I do not abandon myself and as long as I love myself unconditionally, I will be okay and able to survive anything.

    In fact, I know that I will not only survive if I use self-love as my cure, but I will thrive.

    2. Have you ever felt there’s “something wrong with you”? If so, why, and what’s helped you change your perception?

    There was a time in my life when I would not have been able to give you list of things that were “right” or “good” about me. I lived in the land of self-judgment and conditional love. All I could see was what was wrong with me, and it was pretty much everything.

    I felt so much shame about certain things that happened to me along the way. I was afraid to let myself get too close to others, out of fear that they would leave me if they actually knew everything about me, saw me up close, and knew just how insane I truly am!

    Then, through working with others, working under mentors and coaches of my own, I realized that nothing happens to me, but rather life happens for me. At first, this was hard to swallow. It was a paradigm shift, and yet, it gave me an opportunity to reclaim my power.

    As I began to shift the way I saw the things that happened in my world, I began to experience life in a completely different way. This doesn’t mean life got easier all of the time, but it did get easier for some of the time, and it certainly got more interesting all of the time.

    I continue to ask myself: “If this is happening for me, then how can I take my power back?” This sends me on a treasure hunt, and as a result, I create the opportunity to uncover and discover the hidden treasures of my soul.

    3. Have you ever thought something was a flaw only to realize that other people actually appreciate that about you? What was the “flaw”?

    Absolutely. I used to hate being vulnerable, showing people my insecurities, and letting them in on the secret that I was human. Turns out, my students, clients, friends, family, and partner all connect with me and relate to me on a much deeper level when I share this truth with them. It has become my greatest strength.

    4. What was your biggest mistake (that you’re willing to share), and what helped you forgive yourself?

    My biggest mistake is how many people I hurt by hating myself so much, which was actually all ego.

    My ego-driven fears, such as the lack of belief in myself and shame around who I was, made it impossible for me to show up for life and for those who benefited from my services and presence.

    My shame sent me to a rock bottom, where I blamed everything for my pain. Not taking responsibility for my part in things burned many bridges between me and others.

    I have been able to forgive myself because I see now that I was doing the best I could all those years ago.

    I can feel good about myself for getting the help I needed to heal and to ultimately be living the life I live today, helping others do the same, showing up to life, and showing up for others and myself, no matter what kind of day I am having. Every day I correct my past by taking estimable actions in the now.

    5. Complete this sentence: When other people don’t like me, I…

    I feel the hurt initially, and then I realize that it does not serve anyone to go into self-pity. It is important that I look at my part. Knowing that how they feel is “their stuff,” not mine, I still must look within myself for the place that is triggered by their stuff.

    Their stuff triggers mine. It may be my own lack of self-love, my low self-worth, my self-doubt, my ego and fear. Once I am aware of what they are helping me see and get for myself, I am able to take my power back from the situation and release my attachment to how they see and feel about me.

    Therefore, when people don’t like me I experience a loss of power initially, until I realize the opportunity and go within myself to reclaim my power.

    6. What are some areas in your life where you’ve compared yourself to other people, and what’s helped you let go of these comparisons?

    I have done this a lot in my life. I have compared my body to others, my skin, my hair, my finances, my car, my clothes, my success, my career, my partner, you name it! I have compared everything at some point.

    I still catch myself doing this sometimes. What helps me let go of these comparisons is the pain I feel when I do it. It causes so much suffering, and that’s because it does not come from love; it comes from fear.

    As soon as I feel the suffering, I am aware that I am seeing life from the eyes of fear, and as soon as I know this, I can shift from fear to love. I just keep my awareness of this until I begin to feel the relief that comes when I remember the truth—that I cannot compare myself to anyone, for we have totally different paths and purposes in our lives, and therefore they will look and unfold differently.

    7. What’s one thing you would tell your younger self about looking to other people to complete you?

    It doesn’t work. Feeling complete is an inside job. Others will always mirror how complete you already feel inside yourself. Focus on wholeness within yourself, and as a result, those around you will remind you of your wholeness.

    8. Have you ever felt afraid to show people your “real” self? Why—and what’s helped you move beyond that?

    Yes. I thought they would lose respect for me and no longer be able to value my presence in their lives. I thought it would give them good reason not to love me.

    What’s helped me move beyond this is courage and vulnerability, which is the choice to share what’s in my heart, regardless of the outcome. As a result, I have learned that people truly love me, scars and all—and if they don’t, it’s their stuff, not mine, that makes them feel that way.

    9. What are the top three things you personally need to do to take good of yourself, mentally and emotionally?

    • Speak my truth
    • Eat well
    • Exercise

    10. What’s something you do regularly that makes you feel proud of the difference you’re making in the world?

    I keep working on myself so that I can give even more of my gifts. Every day I go out into the world and I share what’s in my heart, regardless of the outcome. As a friend, a partner, a daughter, a sister, a teacher, a coach, a client, and a writer, this allows me to release my attachment to what others get or do not get from my service or my presence in the world.

    When I release my expectations, everyone, including me, gets exactly what we are meant to get, which is exactly what we need.

    *Note: I edited this post to remove info about the pre-order promotion, which ended on October 8, 2013. You can learn more about Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself here.

  • AJ’s Art Journal: Happiness

    AJ’s Art Journal: Happiness

    AJsArtJournal_Happiness

    Source

  • 4 Ways to Fulfill Your Needs While Helping Others

    4 Ways to Fulfill Your Needs While Helping Others

    Meditating

    “We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves.” ~Dalai Lama

    “Take care of the self.” This was the last line of an email I received from a professor many years ago. It was in response to my message explaining that I would not attend class that week because my brother-in-law had been killed by a drunk driver.

    I had expected a standard offer of sympathy and a summary of the assignments I would be missing. Indeed, my professor offered condolences for my loss, but then he told me not to worry about reading, assignments, or even showing up to class until I felt up to it. “Take care of the self,” he said.

    This is the first situation in which I remember feeling that I had permission to allow myself what I needed. After all, fulfilling our own needs before the needs of others is often perceived as selfish. We feel compelled to make commitments, promises, and sacrifices for others, but rarely for ourselves.

    It was not until several years after my professor’s email that I realized I did not have to choose between fulfilling my own needs and the needs of others. On the contrary, the more I focused on my own needs, the more support I was able to offer others.

    Sometimes acknowledging what we need—physically, emotionally, socially, intellectually—is more difficult that actually acquiring what we need. More often than not we simply need to grant ourselves permission.

    These are four methods I use to address and fulfill my own needs on a daily basis.

    1. Admit when you need a break.

    So often we push ourselves far beyond our mental and physical limits. This is often for a worthy cause, an important goal, or a valued relationship. Unfortunately, when we sacrifice our needs to keep working or giving and “push through,” we frequently sacrifice the quality of what we are doing as well.

    If I have a week full of deadlines or commitments, I will often award myself a timeout. That might mean taking an evening off and just watching TV, curling up with a book, taking a leisurely walk with the dog, or maybe even taking a much-needed nap.

    Taking a break can renew your energy and allows you to tackle projects with improved productivity and new perspectives.

    2. Commit to yourself.

    Smartphones and other technologies have made it even easier to over-commit our time and resources. Without even trying, I used to fill my week with coffee dates, book clubs, volunteering, and other appointments. With my life planned out by the hour, time with my family and to myself became things I had to “fit in.”

    Recently, I made a commitment to reduce social outings and plan “me time” into my schedule. Now I am shocked at all the things I have time to do that I was missing before! Make two or three commitments to yourself throughout the week that help fulfill your own needs; take a yoga class, make time to read for fun, or cook a special, healthy meal.

    Don’t just pencil in me time, write it in permanent marker! Be sure to honor commitments to yourself the same way you would keep plans with a friend. When we respect our own time and our own needs, it allows us the capacity to do the same for others.

    3. Reevaluate your external commitments.

    Make sure you are committed to something or someone because of genuine compassion or interest rather than a sense of obligation.

    After reevaluating all your commitments to causes, events, or relationships, you might find that some of them do not align with your values. Continuing to give your time and energy when your heart isn’t truly engaged does you and the person or cause you are involved with a disservice.

    My instinct whenever someone invites me to an event or asks for my participation is to say “yes” before evaluating how that request fits with my own values and needs. Now I try to take a moment, maybe even a few days, to consider whether I have the physical and mental capacity to truly commit to something.

    Spending my time with people whose company I value, or doing work that I believe makes a difference allows me to fulfill my own needs while also connecting with and helping others.

    4. Communicate your needs to others.

    If a friend told you she couldn’t participate in your fundraiser because she was overwhelmed with other commitments, would you make her feel bad? Chances are you would tell her, “No worries! I understand.” Allow yourself the same courtesy and understanding.

    Address your needs with others respectfully, but directly. If someone asks you to commit to something that conflicts with your needs, explain honestly why you can’t: “I’ve been tired all week so tonight I need to stay home and go to bed early,” or “I spent a lot last week so I need to save money; could we have coffee instead of dinner?”

    —

    I often hear people say “I just don’t have the time…” to exercise, take a day off from work, or explore something they’re genuinely interested in. The truth is, without making a commitment to acknowledge and acquire what you need, you will never have the time.

    When you feel too overwhelmed to make time for yourself, remember that the help you can offer others will be limited if you neglect to fulfill your own needs as well.

    Photo by skyseeker

  • Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself Interview: Charlie Tranchemontagne

    Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself Interview: Charlie Tranchemontagne

    charlie-tranchemontagne

    This is second week of a month-long promotion for Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself, a book about taming your inner critic that features 40 stories from Tiny Buddha contributors. 

    Over the next month, you’ll have a chance to meet some of them through daily interviews here on the blog.

    Today’s featured contributor is education technician Charlie Tranchemontagne.

    His contribution for the book focuses on taking off our masks so we can be more authentic in our relationships.

    A little more about Charlie…

    1. Tell us a little about yourself and your self-love journey.

    My self-love journey didn’t really start until age 25; it was then I chose to start loving myself by throwing myself out of an airplane (in flight, of course)! Skydiving was my way of letting go and trusting that if I jumped, a new way of living would open up to me.

    This experience was the first time ever that I felt truly at peace with myself. A deep inner pain from past misdeeds drove me to this threshold. I had tried for years to bury my emotional discomfort by wearing many masks; weightlifter, successful businessman, and being Mr. Perfect, but was unable to keep my “true self” from surfacing.

    After skydiving, I experienced a new feeling of self-love that set me on a path of personal self-discovery. Prior to my awakening, I had been caught in a world of self-deception that I was unable to break free from. It was by truly letting go that I was set free, and a whole new world of possibilities opened up to me.

    2. Have you ever felt there’s “something wrong with you”? If so, why, and what’s helped you change your perception?

    Yes, I have felt at times that maybe I am broken beyond repair. Early in my journeying, I beat myself up about mistakes I made in my past: juvenile delinquent behaviors, alcohol, and drug use.

    These types of early behaviors caused me to feel like I was a fraud as I entered into adulthood. I didn’t think I deserved to be given a second go at life. Practicing self-forgiveness helps me a lot; it is something I have to do constantly.

    3. Have you ever thought something was a flaw only to realize that other people actually appreciate that about you? What was the “flaw”?

    Being a skinny kid growing up, I thought my body was flawed. As a youth, I got lots of attention for being “cute,” even nominated “best looking” in high school, but I never felt comfortable in my skin.

    It took me years of lifting weights and trying to be someone I wasn’t to realize that there was nothing wrong with my body.

    I realized through weightlifting that it wasn’t my outer appearance that gave me true confidence; because even after I transformed myself from a skinny kid to a weightlifter, I still lacked inner confidence.

    It was only when I started doing work on the “inside” that my self-esteem and confidence grew.

    4. What was your biggest mistake (that you’re willing to share), and what helped you forgive yourself?

    Not asking for help as a child, when at age 9, I started traveling down a destructive path of juvenile delinquency. I was raised in a good home, with good parents, but I was misled by outside influences that pulled me away from the people that truly loved me.

    I was too scared to ask for help—not enough self-esteem, self-confidence, or simply courage to overcome such big obstacles for a child.

    Unfortunately, I stayed caught in this web of lies into my early adulthood. What helped me to forgive myself was my choice to face my past and want to move beyond it. Regardless of the work that I have put into forgiving myself, my path to self-discovery is ongoing. I still consider myself a work in progress!

    5. Complete this sentence: When other people don’t like me, I…

    …don’t take it personally. I remind myself that if I am staying true to who I am, then I cannot control what others might think about me. I guess I have to be somewhat selfish, but in a healthy way.

    6. What are some areas in your life where you’ve compared yourself to other people, and what’s helped you let go of these comparisons?

    Body image; I’ve learned to focus on myself and love what I got. Success, the American Dream; I’ve decided to stop buying into it and simplify my life.

    7. What’s one thing you would tell your younger self about looking to other people to complete you?

    It’s not true. Jerry Maguire’s famous line, “You complete me,” is Hollywood at it’s best! I would tell my younger self that before you can love another you must be able to love yourself and that love goes beyond looks and emotions.

    8. Have you ever felt afraid to show people your “real” self? Why—and what’s helped you move beyond that?

    Absolutely! After more than twenty years traveling the road of self-discovery, I wrote a post for Tiny Buddha about removing masks (which is featured in this book). For me, writing this post was my way of stepping outside of my comfort zone and sharing myself with others in a way that quite honestly scared

    I have been wanting to reach out to others for sometime, and thought that by sharing my writing, I may be able to help one person move further along their road to self-discovery.

    9. What are the top three things you personally need to do to take good of yourself, mentally and emotionally?

    • Quiet time in the morning
    • Exercise and activity
    • Simplifying my life (holding on loosely) and carrying a light load

    10. What’s something you do regularly that makes you feel proud of the difference you’re making in the world?

    Connect with people of all ages. I work with children in an elementary school. My role is to support students who are struggling at school by mentoring them and helping them to stay connected to the school, despite the hardships they may be facing.

    Working with youth in a positive way is very meaningful for me because this is the age when I went astray. My hope would be that I could help kids to avoid the pitfalls that I fell into as a youth.

    *Note: I edited this post to remove info about the pre-order promotion, which ended on October 8, 2013. You can learn more about Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself here.

  • If You Can’t Find Any Roses

    Roses to Stop and Smell

    Source: Brave Girls Club

  • The Secret to Happiness: 5 Tips to Feel More Grateful and Blissful

    The Secret to Happiness: 5 Tips to Feel More Grateful and Blissful

    “The secret of happiness is to count your blessings while others are adding up their troubles.” ~William Penn 

    Did you know that gratitude has been scientifically proven to strengthen your immune system and make you happier and more optimistic, as well as less lonely and isolated? It’s true, and although science has just recently caught up to this fact, the Buddhists have known it for years.

    On a recent trip to Bhutan, my husband and I climbed to the Bumdra monastery and camped at 11,500 feet. The air was pure and clean, and the views were spectacular. And yet when the sun went down, all I could focus on were my frozen hands and feet.

    As we huddled around the fire, I just wanted to climb into my sleeping bag and warm myself. The temperatures had dropped just below freezing, and any joy I might have felt was overshadowed by my chattering teeth.

    Our guide, on the other hand, seemed impervious to the cold. He was wearing a Gho, a traditional knee-length robe that ties at the waist—and yet here I was, bundled in my down coat, freezing.

    I asked him if he was cold, and he replied that he was grateful to be able to camp at this sacred site.

    I kept questioning him, as I couldn’t really believe his answer. I truly couldn’t understand how he could ignore this bone-chilling cold. Didn’t he want a warmer jacket; didn’t he need a heater?

    His reply humbled me: “Rather than focusing on what I don’t have, I focus on what I do—I am lucky to have a fire, I am lucky to have this job, I am lucky to have a tent, and I am lucky to have your company.”

    I realized that he had just shared a very important secret to happiness. Focusing on our blessings allow us to celebrate the present moment and keep our attention on the good instead of the bad.

    Human nature is to want what we don’t have and to dwell on the negatives—instead of celebrating what we do have and focusing on what’s going well.

    My husband and I had planned this trip for months and had spent hours hiking up the mountain. And yet during the hike I had complained about being hot, and now here I was complaining about the cold. But as I listened to our guide share his contagious sense of gratitude, my attitude shifted, and I started to focus on my blessings.

    I began to enjoy the incredible darkness and stillness of the night sky. I began to really focus on the stars, which cannot really be enjoyed living in a city that obscures the light. I began to really listen to this wise man and enjoy his stories.

    Here’s the thing: being grateful has the power to block out negative emotions. You can’t really pay attention to what’s missing or what’s not going well if you only let your mind pay attention to what is.

    As I began to enjoy the peacefulness of the night with my husband, my attitude changed, the cold faded, and I was suddenly filled with joy and gratitude for this incredible experience.

    Weather changes, possessions come and go, and experiences—both good and bad–all come to an end. But our attitude of gratitude allows us to be fully present in every moment and to enjoy every last one.

    Here are a few simple things to try to start feeling a little more blissful on a regular basis:

    1. Keep a gratitude journal.

    Make gratitude a daily habit. Every day, jot down ten great things that happened to you or that you are grateful for. Keeping your focus on the positive will really make a difference.

    2. Practice present moment awareness.

    The habit of being fully present and not wishing for something in the future or the past—but just being grateful for what is—can really shift your perspective. Catch yourself when that moment escapes you, and gently remind yourself to come back.

    3. Think bigger than yourself.

    Become involved in a cause that is important to you. As you become aware of other people who are less fortunate than you, you will start to feel a deeper appreciation for what you do have.

    4. Share the love with your family and friends.

    Cultivate appreciation for others and let them know regularly that you are grateful for them and for what they do for you—whether it be helping around the house or always inviting you out for a fun dinner date. Focusing on the positive will make people want to keep doing it!

    5. Replace complaints with gratitude.

    When you find yourself focusing on what you believe you’re lacking—I wish my car were nicer, my house were bigger, I had more money—replace it with thoughts of what you are thankful for.

    What are you grateful for today?

  • 3 Obstacles to Living in the Now (and How to Get Blissfully Present Again)

    3 Obstacles to Living in the Now (and How to Get Blissfully Present Again)

    “Never underestimate the desire to bolt.” ~ Pema Chodron

    I have been trying this present moment awareness thing for a while now, about two years, and I have to say, it’s not going quite like I expected.

    Somehow I got it in to my silly little head that after a while I would stop bolting from reality and I would just be present all the time, with complete effortlessness. Wrong.

    And if there was any lingering doubt as to the flaw in my plan, I then read a number of accounts by people who have been practitioners of present moment awareness for something like twenty or thirty years, and they said they still run away from the present moment sometimes. Damn.

    So clearly my unreasonable expectations have got to be changed.

    I also noticed that since I have been doing this for a while now, the why and how I flee the present moment has changed.

    I used to flee in overt and rather extreme ways, and still do sometimes, like binge eating and excessive TV watching.

    But now that the more extreme behaviors have lessened, bolting from reality happens in much more subtle ways, usually obsessive thought. Here are the three most common ways:

    1. Lack of compassion.

    People do things that tick me off. It’s just a part of life. Anger is a naturally occurring emotion; there’s nothing wrong with that. Where it becomes a problem for me is when I get lost in that mental commentary of “what they did and how awful it was.”

    This track of obsessive thoughts can go on for a long, long time. And when I am stuck in that story of “what they did and how awful it was” I am nowhere near the present moment.

    I don’t have to like everything everyone does. I need to be honest about my anger and feel it. But that story about how stupid and pathetic other people are keeps me in my unhappy mind and not in the present moment.

    Solution? When I remember what I struggle with—my flaws that are most embarrassing to me, that I dearly wish would go away—then I can get in touch with the part of me that needs compassion. And I can feel how painful it is for others to stand in judgment of my flaws.

    The secret is that the part of me that needs compassion is the same part that can give it to others. Remembering specifically how I’m not perfect helps me have compassion on others, and that works to break the spell of the “Unhappy story of what they did.”

    2. Lack of gratitude.

    I recently read that the brain, being a problem-solving machine, has a natural negativity bias for the purpose of identifying problems. That’s great. What’s not great is spending all of your time in your head instead of living in your immediate life experience.

    When I am stuck in my head instead of being in my present moment, my whole life becomes a long stream of obsessive thoughts about “my problems.” I focus on what I don’t like about a situation, what I don’t like about my reaction to that situation—and here is the important part—to the exclusion of everything else.

    Solution? Making the conscious choice to find the good stuff—to identify the things that do work out and what I did get right—makes a huge difference in breaking the spell of “everything sucks.” This helps me see my present moment for what it really is: some stuff I don’t like, but mostly lots of good stuff.

    And there is always good stuff, I promise. Here is a tip: if you cannot think of any good stuff, think of how it could be worse. For example, you could have no limbs or live in a far more dangerous part of the world

    3. Panic.

    When I realize I have been absent from myself, coming back home to my present moment experience can be a struggle. And it can take a long time, because there is panic in me over the idea that I have “done something wrong,” which creates a striving and straining to “do it right.”

    Typically, I over think it, try way too hard, and make it some kind of contest, although I have no idea who I think I am competing with or what exactly is the rush when I tell myself things like, “Hurry up and get back in the present moment!”

    Once the competitor in me is activated, I am back on the treadmill of thought about how to “fix this,” and as with all treadmills, no closer to my destination: the present moment.

    Solution? Relax. Breathe. Impress it upon my mind again and again that strain does not actually help me accomplish. Good enough is good enough. Perfectionism ruins all good things. There is no contest to win and no race to finish. All this kind of panic does is help me to further elude the present moment.

    —

    This process can seem tedious, returning again and again and yet again to the present moment, then doing it all again tomorrow. But as with all things, it’s all about perspective. If I can let go of the competitor, the one who is trying to achieve, win, do it right, staying awake gets much closer to effortless.

    Making present moment awareness something that is achievement based only serves to keep us bound to shame, and make us feel like failures when we inevitably can’t stay present 100% of the time.

    In the crucial moment when I realize I have left the present moment again, instead of rejoicing that I am once again awake by virtue of that knowing, I often times plunge back in to unconsciousness with thoughts like “You failed again to stay present.”

    What a game changer it is, upon coming home to my present moment, instead of hearing “Where have you been?” I say to myself “Welcome back.”

  • Buddha Doodles: Choose to Believe in Love

    Buddha Doodles: Choose to Believe in Love

    Buddha_Doodles_choosetobelieveinlove_MollyHahn

    Source: Buddha Doodles

  • What Would Happen If You Did? (And Other Questions That Can Change Your Life)

    What Would Happen If You Did? (And Other Questions That Can Change Your Life)

    “If it’s still in your mind, it is worth taking the risk.” ~ Paulo Coelho

    I felt stuck. Why could I never achieve anything? Why could I never do anything tangible?

    Everyone else seemed to have no problem. You see, my friends could both work hard and grow themselves at the same time.

    Not me.

    I felt stuck.

    Every day when I came home after work I was just exhausted. I had no energy whatsoever to study my Chinese Mandarin (a long-term project of mine) or to go for a jog in the nearby forest. All my energy had been put into a job I didn’t even enjoy that much.

    I just knew I could get more out of life. What I really wanted was to spend time on my own projects—to do what I love the most. Well, to me, the only way I could shift my reality was to basically to change priorities—to put life before work.

    But how? How does one do that?

    In practice, the only tangible solution I could see was to wake up early in the morning. Really, really early. That way I would be able to pour all my fresh energy into what is most important to me.

    But I can’t do that. It’s crazy, right? That would change my entire way of living. It simply doesn’t fit the rest of the world.

    So I decided it was crazy and went on with my life. Until one day when speaking to a colleague. We came upon the topic and after a while he asked me…

    “What would happen if you did?”

    I was silent.

    “Yeah, what would really happen if I did?” I thought.

    And he continued on the same path and said: “What wouldn’t happen if you did?”

    I was silent again. I was thinking.

    I could actually only see positive things happening from making this change in my life. Previously, I hadn’t even had the courage to really get out of the box of the problem and see what choices I had.

    This question expanded my view of the world and literally changed my life. I was not so stuck anymore. And I realized that I had been so focused on the problem that I had been unable to see anything else.

    I guess you can relate to those few moments in life when we finally are able to see something for what it really is. It doesn’t have to happen through a big life-changing question. Sometimes a simple question is enough.

    So with focus on solving my problem I gave it a try, waking up early in the morning. And you see, when I do something, I like to do it big. So I set my goal to rise at 4:00 every morning.

    That would give more than three hours of doing whatever I want with a fresh mind and relaxed body. Hopefully.

    Now, I don’t want you to think that it’s that easy to basically “change time zone” and become an early riser, but with the right mindset anyone is able to.

    For me, it was the question that made it all possible. The question that changed my life.

    I think the main reason this question helped me was because I was brutally honest with myself. There are so many things that actually would (or at least could) happen if I did. At the same time, I realized that none of this would happen unless I went for it.

    For example, I would be able to…

    • Finally start that website of my own.
    • Keep a daily exercise routine without anything getting in my way.
    • Prepare romantic breakfasts for my fiancée, at least once in a while 😉
    • De-stress my entire life by having a few things “under my belt” when work starts already
    • Take a big leap forward in my Chinese studies

    And most important of all, I would be able to…

    • Set the direction of my own life, instead of being just lead down the road life takes me.

    And before I tell you if all this really happened, let’s dig into that questions a little bit more.

    The Question Explained

    I have discovered that this question I mentioned above can actually be part of a bigger pattern. You see, there are four alternatives to this question:

    • What would happen if you did?
    • What would happen if you didn’t?
    • What wouldn’t happen if you did?
    • What wouldn’t happen if you didn’t?

    I like to imagine these questions laid out like four quadrants in a matrix. Usually, we are all stuck in the quadrant “What would happen if you didn’t?”—focusing on the problem at hand.

    What all the other three questions help us to do is to move ourselves away from there and into the other quadrants. You might be able to find that these new quadrants lead to new perspectives and new insights.

    Isn’t that powerful?

    I mean, if you can think of a problem or troublesome situation you have in your life, then you will be able to come out much stronger on the other side after running it through these questions. You can, can you not?

    I have at least realized that by asking myself open and strong questions I can open up my life to more and more possibilities. Asking the questions is just the beginning, but often times getting momentum is the biggest challenge we face.

    So I urge everyone to ask yourself this question as soon as you find yourself stuck. It helped me in one situation and continues to expand my view of the world every day.

    So Does It Really Work?

    It’s not a magic question. But for the purpose of giving me new alternatives of how to live my life, it sure worked well. You see, those things I mentioned before that would happen if I did, that was just the top of the ice berg.

    In fact, I wrote down three full pages, hand written, about how my life could change. And that has been my main source of motivation ever since.

    I can understand if you feel that becoming an early riser is not a really serious life change and that I didn’t have a really tough problem to begin with. If that’s the case, then I encourage you to use this question on ever bigger problems.

    Use it to make real life changes.

    At least I put my life before work nowadays and I feel that I achieve something for me, every single day. That was what the question helped me to do.

    I am now an early riser, speak pretty darn well Chinese, have set up several websites, and am able to take those morning runs almost every day.

    You see, this question literally changed my life.

  • Be Yourself

    Be Yourself

    Be Yourself

    Source

  • Fitting in Cardboard: A Short Film About Being Yourself

    Fitting in Cardboard: A Short Film About Being Yourself

    If you’ve ever tried to fit in based on what you thought you’re supposed to be, you know how exhausting it is. But there’s another reason it doesn’t “work.” Even though there’s a thing called “fitting in”…

  • Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself (and the Self-Love Bonus Pack)

    Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself (and the Self-Love Bonus Pack)

    Tiny Buddhas Guide Cover 3D

    10/9/13: The pre-order promotion is now over. You can learn more about Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself here!

    Two years ago I surveyed the Tiny Buddha community to crowdsource wisdom for my second book, which was going to break apart the idea of success.

    Around the same time, I experienced a series of life-altering events, including a major surgery, financial hardship, a break-in, and the death of my grandmother.

    Within the following months, I dramatically decreased the amount of time I devoted to blogging. After almost three years of regularly sharing my feelings, I wanted space to explore my conflicting emotions without having to put them into words.

    Despite having chosen to do this, I felt immense guilt in seemingly “abandoning” the community. I also felt embarrassed and disappointed in myself.

    After not only announcing my book but also soliciting insight from others, I realized I wasn’t in the right headspace to work on the project. Even though I knew I’d had a tough few months, this inability to deliver deeply distressed the perfectionist in me.

    I planned to work on this later in the year, but when the time came I wanted to work on something different—a book that felt more personally relevant in light of my recent challenges, and extended naturally from the philosophy of this site.

    I wanted to create a collaborative book about self-love, for a few reasons.

    For one thing, it’s something that many of us struggle with, which makes it difficult, if not impossible, to fully love others and life.

    Secondly, my former lack of self-love was the foundation of all my greatest struggles. I once thought my life was a mess because I struggled with depression and an eating disorder, and didn’t have purpose, money, or a relationship, but at the heart of all those troubles was my unwavering self-loathing.

    Lastly, it tied into an unexpected consequence of making, what seemed like, a massive public mistake: announcing a plan and then not following through reinforced that I need my empathy the most when I feel most resistant to giving it.

    It also reminded that sometimes mistakes are opportunities to do something good—and I believe I have with this book.

    Including 40 blog posts from tinybuddha.com, Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself offers more than just advice; it offers in a window into our shared human experience, and universal lessons we can all apply to feel happier with ourselves and our lives.

    These posts have reminded more than 1.5 million monthly readers that we are never alone, and we don’t have to live life controlled by our inner critic. They touch upon ideas that will help you:

      • Release shame about your past and the limiting beliefs that keep you stuck
      • See yourself as beautiful and valuable, with all your flaws and weaknesses
      • Accept yourself more and judge yourself less
      • Forgive yourself for your mistakes and stop being hard on yourself
      • Minimize the need for approval to feel more confident
      • Let go of the comparisons that keep you feeling inferior
      • Feel complete so that you no longer look to others to fill a void within yourself
      • Find the courage to share your authentic self for deeper connections with others
      • Learn to take care of yourself instead of putting everyone else’s needs first
      • Believe that you’re valuable so you can start creating a life you love

    The stories are categorized into 10 chapters, connected to each of these themes.

    At the end of each chapter you’ll find four tips—one from each of the four posts in that section. They’re ideas you can turn to whenever you need help changing your thoughts, and consequently, your feelings and experience of the world.

    Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself launches on October 8th. Over the next month, I’m going to run a pre-order promotion that will involve daily self-love interviews with some of the book’s contributors.

    During the month of September, anyone who pre-orders the book will receive instant access to the “Self-Love Bonus Pack,” which includes 8 digital resources, valued at more than $150.

    Those items include:

      • From Coping to Thriving: How to Turn Self-Care into a Way of Life, by Hannah Braime
      • Flowing Through the Void: Creating Miracles Out of Struggles by Activating Presence, Power, and Passion, by Amyra Mah
      • Complete Confidence eCourse, by Emma Brooke
      • An Awakened Life: A Journey of Transformation, by Julie Hoyle
      • Create a Brilliant Vision for Your Life and Business, by Margie Beiswanger
      • 5 Days of Self-Compassion, by Joanna Weston
      • Be You, Unapologetically by An Bourmanne
      • Tiny Wisdom: On Self-Love, by Lori Deschene (me)

    You can pre-order a copy of Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself here.

    Please note that you will not receive your copy of the book in the mail until October. You will, however, will receive instant access to the bonus items once you forward your sales confirmation email to the address listed on the sales page.

    Thank you to everyone who’s involved with this book—which is all of you. You make this community what it is. You make a difference, and you’re appreciated.