Tag: wisdom
-
How to End Your Stress and Live a Life of Peace and Balance
“To experience peace does not mean that your life is always blissful. It means that you are capable of tapping into a blissful state of mind amidst the normal chaos of a hectic life.” ~Jill Botte Taylor
I used to be a stress bunny. Something was always driving me to want to do better—to be more, to have more, to compete and win at everything.
I thrived on pushing myself, thinking achievement was a great thing.
I was also restless. I always had to be going somewhere—doing something—never sitting still. I was bored, frustrated, and trying to find happiness outside myself.
One day after I graduated from college, I became totally paralyzed by a rare syndrome and landed in the hospital. The doctors couldn’t tell me when or if I would ever walk again.
I soon understood why I pushed myself so hard. I was running from myself so I didn’t have to face all the inner thoughts that were fueling my stress.
Suddenly I couldn’t even walk away. I still wanted to run, but I was forced to lie there—tortured by my own racing thoughts.
Talk about stress! This frightening experience taught me many valuable life lessons. One of them is that stress has no redeeming value. You can live a much happier, more successful life by transforming your stressful inner thoughts.
Tying Our Emotions to Specific Outcomes Trips Us Up
We’re all striving for certain things in life. Security, love, happiness, purpose, success, and independence are among our top goals, however we define these for ourselves.
We live our lives trying to find happiness. But, as John Lennon sang, “Life is what happens while we’re busy making other plans.”
Sometimes our disappointments can be extremely jarring, like when I landed in the hospital. Other times life is on a roll, and we become elated. But then things turn, and we’re headed for a crash landing. Life’s ups and downs can be so distressing.
When we feel like we’re being torn apart, we learn to protect ourselves by not getting our hopes up about anything. But then we’re living a life of resignation, which isn’t fulfilling, either.
Tying our emotions to all the ups and downs is like stepping onto a perpetual roller coaster, riding through multiple dips every day. Why live with that kind of stress when a better alternative exists?
How to End Stress and Achieve a Life of Peace and Balance
Wayne Dyer said, “Peace is the result of retraining your mind to process life as it is, rather than as you think it should be.”
If that sounds like giving up or giving in, that’s not what Dyer meant. He was referring to the flow of life. We can train ourselves to take advantage of this flow and stay in balance regardless of any temporary elation or dismay.
1. Loosen up on expectations and attachments.
When we expect something great to happen, we begin to set ourselves up for the roller coaster. We’ll be disappointed if it doesn’t happen, or happy if it does. Pair that with being emotionally attached to the outcome and wham—there’s an even bigger charge. You just stepped onto life’s roller coaster.
If you realize every situation offers growth and opportunity, you can more easily live without expectations. You can feel confident being open to whatever happens, knowing that you can appreciate good events and accept the challenge of things you feel are negative.
Some of us have a general fear that bad things might be just around the corner. Try to detach yourself from fear of what might happen and experience life as it unfolds.
2. Remember, nothing is permanent.
When life is great, we hope it continues forever. When we’re in a dip, we can’t wait until it ends. But nothing is permanent. That’s hard to remember when we’re stuck in a bad situation and hard to accept when life is good.
Reminding yourself that all things must end (and new situations will replace them) is a great way to begin detaching, and maintaining balance no matter what.
Being paralyzed and not knowing what was in store was terrifying. But I faced each day with hope that the paralysis would stop progressing. When it did, my doctor told me I had actually willed it out of myself because nothing he had given me had the power to stop it.
3. Catch yourself when you’re judging and evaluating.
Life just is. It’s easier to relax and meet it with a smile when you can. If you practice living and being in the moment, rather than evaluating how everything is affecting you, events will lose their grip.
Human beings experience physical pain differently than animals do. We exaggerate pain by thinking about how bad it is and how much we don’t want it. But we can get control of our pain by focusing on the actual size of the area it covers and how it truly feels. Observing instead of judging can help us see reality.
The same applies to events we label as bad. Next time, try to take your focus off of feeling bad long enough to assess the reality. Then shift your mind to finding a positive aspect of the experience or thinking about something good that is also happening.
For example, when I was still adjusting to being paralyzed and in the hospital, coworkers and neighbors who I thought were just acquaintances came to see me. I was amazed that so many people I hardly knew cared about what was happening to me. Experiencing this was a great comfort.
4. Use the signs life provides to guide you.
Life is like a flowing river. We can do three things when we jump in: We can go with the natural flow, letting the current carry us forward; we can try to go upstream; or we can hang onto a rock to try to stay put.
If we go with the flow, we’ll be carried along peacefully. If we try to go upstream, we’ll have a real battle on our hands. If we hang onto a rock, we’ll risk being battered against that rock.
Why not take the easy route and go with the flow? This doesn’t mean you can’t shoot for your goals. It means be aware of signs that your chosen path is on or off target. If you’re struggling too hard, try a different approach.
For instance, if you’re beating your head against the wall trying to convince someone to love you and it’s not happening, try finding a different wall with an open door.
5. Find the natural flow of life.
With more practice, you’ll begin to see solid evidence of the flow of life. Experiment to find it so you can really trust and let go.
Maybe you have far too much on your plate for one person to handle, and you always end up completely stressed over not being able to get things done. This is so common today.
Stress further slows your progress as you worry about whether you can ever catch up.
Try stepping back, relaxing, and taking a bigger view. Focus on believing that everything will get done in its own time if you take one step at a time. When you do this, you’ll find that things will fall into place with less effort on your part. You’ll experience the flow of life.
Every day, give yourself a simple list of two important things you want to work on that day. This will ensure that you get to those two important items, which likely isn’t happening if you’re reacting to all the little distractions. Doing so also allows time to handle most of those little items too.
I’ve done this for several years, and I’m amazed at how much more I accomplish, with less stress.
Ending your stress is in your power—what a relief!
—
I survived my ordeal with paralysis and healed perfectly in a few months. This experience was a wake-up call that taught me to stop stressing so much, appreciate life, and live it to the fullest. To do that, I slowed way down and learned what a gift it is to live in the moment, open to whatever life brings.
Like any major challenge, the experience showed me how strong I can be. This helped me reduce general fears of what might happen in the future.
It was a great reminder that even horrible situations are only temporary, and since I can learn so much from them, it’s better to look for the lessons than to focus on how bad things seem.
Life can’t always be just the way we want it. But if we go with the flow and work with each situation as it is, we will often be surprised that things turn out better than we wanted.
A balanced life that is far less stressful makes everything more enjoyable.
-
Think You Can’t Do It? Don’t Let Your Mind Limit or Define You
“The limit is not in the sky. The limit is the mind.” ~Unknown
I was having a conversation with a friend. She was telling me how maybe I should quit my writing and focus on something that wasn’t so challenging for me; that I should accept my limits and work within those boundaries. Her words made me cringe.
You see, I am dyslexic and I struggled greatly to write this story down. I am probably going to read it twenty times and will still have many mistakes that need editing.
My job is a daily struggle, and sometimes I break down and cry because it takes me double the time than it would take a non-dyslexic person. But here’s the thing, I’m not quitting, no matter how many times I cry, no matter how many times the editor sends my story back, or how bad I have it with dyslexia. I won’t quit.
I’ve seen a man with no legs and no arms swimming in the ocean, Albert Einstein was dyslexic, The Beatles were told their music sucked, and I was told I would probably fail in university.
Am I a story of success? That depends on what you think success is.
In a world limited by people’s opinions, I was fortunate enough to have parents who pushed me beyond what I thought were the limits imposed by my circumstances.
I was born with a heavy form of dyslexia that saw me fail over and over again math and Spanish (my native language). Teachers preached to my parents about how I would struggle greatly if I ever decided to go to university.
I felt like a failure, unable to cope within this non-dyslexic world. My parents, on the other hand, pushed me for greatness, but in my own mind I felt I couldn’t go very far. I let my own fear of failure keep me from going to university after high school finished.
For three years I searched for forms of making a living that didn’t involved math or Spanish. I became a waitress, a maid, a bartender, and a dog walker, until I realized I didn’t want to live my life with jobs that weren’t personally fulfilling and that left me no sense of satisfaction. I wanted to write. But how could I if I have dyslexia?
In spite of the great fear I had for my dyslexic mind, I enrolled myself into university. Ironically I chose a career path focused on writing. Journalism.
I pushed myself beyond what I thought were my own limits. I worked harder than my fellow classmates, and if it took them two hours to do an essay it would take me twelve. But I wasn’t fighting against them; I was fighting against my own self. Pushing and working beyond the pain, frustration, and desperation.
I spent countless sleepless nights trying to get each essay perfect and flawless, re-writing every sentence to make it correct and still I had flaws, mistakes, errors that made me feel like a failure.
It came as a surprise to me (but not to my parents) that I actually managed to graduate top of my class and got a freelance writing job in English! Which is not even my native language.
No, I’m not rich, I haven’t written a bestselling book, and I don’t make much money. But I can tell you this: I love my job, I love writing, I cry when I get sent back stuff, and I get very frustrated, but I keep going beyond my limits only to discover that it is limitless on the other side.
I keep improving with every mistake I make, and I’ve been fortunate enough to find amazing editors that value the creativity in my writing more than my mistakes.
Our bodies may have limits. We can only stand certain temperatures; we can only go a limited amount of time without air. But our minds forge their own limits. Those with limited mindsets will work within their limits and stay within the comfort zones that allow them to feel contentment with a sense of conformity.
But pushing our minds beyond their own limits can give us an indescribable sense of joy by showing us how limitless we truly are. We are what we think we are.
If you think you can’t run a marathon, you’ll never push yourself to start training; you’ll limit your body by your minds perception.
If you think you can’t start a new career in a creative field, you’ll overlook opportunities to strengthen your craft and potentially earn from it.
Doing what you want to do starts with believing it’s possible, no matter how difficult it may be. Achieving what it’s beyond our pre-conceived limits is what strengthens not only our bodies, but also our own minds.
Muhammad Ali didn’t become the greatest boxer of all time by believing it was easy, but by pushing beyond the pain and frustration, by forging a mind that saw him go beyond what he thought were his limitations.
I can whine and quit because I have a learning disability, or I can accept I have a disability and work around it, through it, and over it. For many years I saw my self as a failure for having something I never wished I had, but the moment I took responsibility for myself, my life, and my mind, I found the courage and determination to not let it define me.
Don’t let your mind define you. You are so much greater than what you think you are.
-
How to Live a Rich Life Without Lots of Money
“Ordinary riches can be stolen; real riches cannot. In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you.” ~Oscar Wilde
Does the race for riches leave you unfulfilled?
Does the thought of constantly chasing ever more cash leave you stressed, depressed even?
Does the whole idea of measuring your personal worth in terms of your personal wealth leave you deeply dissatisfied?
It did for me.
Poor in possessions and somewhat fiscally challenged, I never fit in with my richer friends.
And no matter how much I told myself that money didn’t buy happiness, I still felt worthless because I was worth less … financially.
So in my thirties, I finally caved in and chased the money dream.
Five exhausting, stress-filled years of ruthlessly pursuing more money.
But when I got there, it meant nothing to me. It didn’t make me happy. It made me miserable.
In those five years, even to the small extent I succeeded, the so-called riches that money can buy actually left me poorer in happiness, health, and relationships. My heart and head were as full as my work schedule, but not with the people and things that really mattered.
I discovered that rocking a 24-carat rock didn’t rock my world. And bling definitely didn’t make me swing.
So with no idea where to go from there, I found an empty journal and started a record of the True Riches In My Life. For each year of my adult life, I jotted down every experience, achievement, adventure, friendship won or lost, and every decision I could remember making.
What an epiphany!
I realized my life had been full of riches long before I started chasing financial wealth and material gain. I realized most of the truest riches in my life actually came when I didn’t have all that much money.
Sure, when money’s really tight, it’s not so easy to focus on much beyond finding enough for the essentials. When I was lost in the financial doldrums, struggling to pay my rent, and praying there’d be reduced food in the supermarket, it took up a lot of my mental energy. But I wish I’d known then that I would have felt so much better about myself, about my situation, if I’d recognized the riches I did have.
Whether I’d had enough money or not, I’d missed seeing all those infinitely precious things because I’d been looking for the wrong kind of riches. I’d been measuring my inner wealth by my external wealth.
I realized in that epiphany that no matter how much a part of me may have wanted it, I would never be materialistic. It just isn’t in my makeup; I am much more spiritual than material.
Just like you.
And even though you can have lots of money and still be spiritual, spiritual people measure true wealth in different terms.
So forget the race for riches, start your own True Riches In My Life journal, and discover your own inner wealth.
14 Infinitely Precious Things For A Rich Life
1. Authenticity
Forever staying true to yourself and being at peace with who you are is the greatest richness in life.
Each morning, tell your reflection that you are going to do yourself the greatest service of being you. This act alone makes me feel happier, regardless of my personal financial situation or lack of ‘status.’
Start your Riches In My Life journal with a declaration of the authentic, spiritually rich person you truly are.
2. Acceptance
Overcome your natural desire to control the uncontrollable in life, and replace struggle with acceptance and peace.
Every time you catch yourself wishing you could change the unchangeable, write it down in your journal, and say, “It’s okay. I accept this just as it is.”
3. Curiosity
Childish wonder is still within you. Forever questioning and experimenting is the sign of a rich mind. My most enjoyable days are always those marked by a discovery, where I’ve learned something new, however tiny, that I can’t wait to share.
Reignite your spark and excitement for life by reading different types of books, learning about different cultures, and delving deeper into anything of interest. Jot down these new discoveries in your True Riches journal—you’ll be amazed!
4. Creativity
Creating something from nothing is a courageous act that brings a valuable accomplishment amid the practicalities of everyday life.
Let your self-expression rule in your journal—start that book, paint that picture, or maybe just sketch out an idea or inventive solution.
5. Forgiveness
Letting go of anger or hurt rewards one with peace of mind—a priceless freedom. The act of forgiveness is a true testament to your inner strength.
Write in your journal and say, “I forgive you, [name].” Don’t worry if you don’t feel forgiveness the first time; it will come in due time.
6. Gentleness
Confucius listed gentleness as one of the greatest virtues, and it is a quality you can see in spiritual people from Buddha to Gandhi. The ability to be strong without being abrupt or harsh is a rare and valuable quality.
Next time the kids or a colleague act up, smile, speak softly, and note in your journal how you stood firm but gentle.
7. Patience
Being patient isn’t easy in this age of instant gratification. However, with patience, you can achieve things over time that may seem impossible. Journaling my ideas and projects has taken me from being “Missy, I need it right now or not at all,” to truly feeling the joy that more substantial, longer-term projects bring.
Next time you start beating yourself up over a missed goal, write a realistic time scale in your journal, and remember to be as patient with yourself as you are with others.
8. Gratitude
It takes dedication to notice what you have and be thankful for it. But acknowledging all the good things in each day will make you rich in happiness.
Challenge yourself to note one thing each day you might have taken for granted, and add it to your journal to build a treasury of blessings.
9. Generosity
Giving when you believe you don’t have enough yourself is true generosity of heart. And doing so leads to the realization that you always have enough to share.
Give someone your undivided attention for half an hour when you think you have no time. In this hectic world, your full attention is one of the most generous things you can give. Write these acts of generosity in your journal.
10. Kindness
Being kind brings its own rich rewards—inner peace, happiness, and the knowledge that you are making a real difference in the world, one people will remember.
Next time you feel unhappy or are beating yourself up, do one small act of kindness for someone, then do one for yourself. Note these in your journal.
11. Compassion
To understand and feel another’s pain is a truly selfless act. It allows you to appreciate the areas of ease and plenty in your own life.
In your journal, note all your compassionate thoughts and actions. I find these to be the most powerful of my journal entries; they wrap a security blanket of all that I’m blessed with round me each time I re-read them.
12. Love
Making that emotional connection with others, whether it’s your partner, family, or friend, brings an abundance into your life that money can never hope to match.
Each day, tell someone you love them, and write in your journal every time those wonderful words are said to you.
13. Vulnerability
Letting down your defenses and showing your weaknesses allows others to see the full picture, not just a silhouette. Being vulnerable builds trust in relationships. This is my Achilles heel, but by consciously letting others in, initially unremarkable relationships have blossomed into great friendships.
In your journal, record all your positive experiences of being vulnerable to help you build this rewarding habit.
14. Contentment
Realizing you already have abundance in your life brings serenity and contentment. Achieving this in a materialistic world takes a special skill.
In your journal, read through all the infinitely precious things other than money that you are wealthy in. Acknowledge all the wealth you already have because, as the proverb says, “enough is a feast.”
Find Your Real Riches
Imagine being unconcerned about the race for riches.
Imagine no longer stressing over constantly chasing ever more cash.
Imagine measuring your personal wealth in terms of your personal worth, and feeling true contentment with the result.
Start that True Riches In My Life journal.
Embrace the genuinely spiritual person you are, and be at peace for the incredible riches you bring to the world.
Woman with coffee image via Shutterstock
-
How Short Rests Can Make You Healthier, Happier, and More Productive
“Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer’s day, listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time.” ~John Lubbock
Do you ever fear taking breaks?
Maybe you think that if you stop working, everything is going to come crashing down?
Sometimes it feels like you’re riding a train of momentum, and if you try to stop or slow down you’re just going to come off the tracks.
I know the feeling. Believe me, I used to feel the same.
I wanted so badly to achieve everything I could, and would beat myself up if I didn’t. Coffee would fuel my mornings, deadlines and adrenaline my afternoons.
At the time I wasn’t completely oblivious to the problems with my lifestyle. No matter how tired I would get, I still wasn’t sleeping well, and I’d often spend weekends thinking about work.
I could be out at lunch on a Sunday, only half engaged in a conversation with friends because I was already mentally rehearsing Monday.
I knew that I was always just a little bit too stressed. And to make it worse, I was confused, caught between the fear of slowing down and the fear of allowing stress to damage my health.
The problem is, it already was. I started getting headaches at work and waking up with chronic tension in my neck and my back. At a certain point I realised it just wasn’t worth it.
Finally I decided it was time to do something.
So I read a few books on how to better manage my energy. Once I started learning about how important breaks were to my body, mind, and well-being, I began to start taking them seriously. And I noticed something strange—I was becoming more and more productive and I had less stress.
So today I want to tell you something, and I really want you to listen.
You need a rest.
I know what your brain is telling you. How will the kids get to school? How will the bills get paid? I have three to-do lists—and that’s just this morning. How on earth am I going to find time to rest?!
Fortunately, short rests can become a part of anyone’s lifestyle, no matter how busy they are. And the truth is that if you don’t rest, you’ll never feel like your body is recharging properly.
You might collapse at the end of the day and fall into a deep sleep every once in a while, but that feeling of being refreshed and ready to take on the day when you wake up just won’t be there.
So Why Is Rest Important?
Our modern idea of success is to work longer and longer hours until we crash. Companies who praise the ‘hardest workers’ fuel this. It sets a precedent where everyone gives all their energy, but very little of their best work.
The result is that we have a society where rest is considered to be a reward, or even worse, indulgent. But this is not the case at all; rest is a cornerstone of a healthy, happy, and productive life. In fact, rest throughout the day is as important as food, water, and sleep.
Getting in Tune with Our Natural Rhythms
In the mid-twentieth century physiologist Nathan Kleitman discovered that our energy levels rise and fall in ninety-minute sleep cycles. What isn’t as widely known, though, is that he also found that we have ninety-minute wake cycles.
These are called our ultradian rhythms, and if we don’t take proper rests to manage our arousal, we end up less creative, our stress hormones stay elevated, and our dopamine levels can get out of balance—leading to mental illness.
What happens with most people is that as their focus starts to wane, they continue to push themselves to work. In the process they start to draw from their reserves of adrenaline and cortisol to get through the fatigue and maintain enough arousal to work. While some release of these stress hormones is natural, if you don’t rest enough to allow your body to balance them you’ll end up fatigued and unproductive.
So what you need to do is make sure you take mindful, non-work related breaks, at least every ninety minutes.
Here are some ways to make sure you take effective rests throughout your day.
Take decent size rests.
Rests should be at least five to fifteen minutes long. They should also include an activity that is completely detached from work or technology.
Some effective ways to rest are through mindfulness practices, deep breathing, yoga, light walks, or exercise. Creative activities are also a good way to clear your mind, such as sketching, free-writing, or journaling.
Add it to your calendar.
Treat your commitment to rest with as much respect as you would any other daily task. Put the restful activity in your schedule or to-do list and try to find an accountability partner to make sure you stick to them.
Time your work.
If you can time your work and follow the natural cycles of your body you’ll immediately see a huge improvement in how you feel. Try to stick to the advice above and do no more than ninety minutes of straight work without a break.
Get to know yourself.
We all have certain periods during the day in which we experience dips in our concentration. For a lot of us it is between 2 and 4pm. This is a great opportunity to take a slightly longer rest, such as a short nap, if the option is available.
Remember, rest isn’t an excuse to work less, it’s a natural method to help you work better, and more importantly, feel better!
-
Why Someone Else’s Success Isn’t a Threat to Yours
“Stop beating yourself up. You are a work in progress; which means you get there a little at a time, not all at once.” ~Unknown
I got embarrassed at the gym.
I sat down at the bench press, ready to hoist up 135 pounds of iron. My goal was eight reps for the first set.
Before I started my first set, I heard someone huffing to my left. I looked over and saw a young guy benching 315 pounds!
I counted his reps, and he went all the way up to eight. It was the same number of repetitions that I aimed for, only I was lifting 135 pounds, which is one 45-pound weight on each side (compared to his three on each side).
How embarrassing!
In that moment, I felt like I was wasting my time at the gym.
This young
guybeast was leagues ahead of me in terms of physical strength. For the same number of reps, he could lift 180 pounds more than me. That difference is so much that, despite the point I’m making, my pride told me to omit this story.Pride isn’t a good thing though, so here’s the story!
Others’ Success Is Not a Threat to Yours
I didn’t leave the gym early from discouragement because I realized two things.
1. I can bench press my bodyweight now (150 pounds), which is something I had wanted to do for a long time.
2. LA Fitness has mirrors for walls. Peering into a mirror, I noticed how much stronger I looked than ever before.
In other words, I had a lot of progress to be happy about, and that’s not all that I noticed. Literally one minute before this happened, I saw a man downstairs; he was walking on the treadmill, and he was obese.
I came full circle and realized that here I was feeling embarrassed for my puny bench press, when someone like the guy downstairs could possibly be jealous of my physical conditioning. It helped me understand why the overweight man, the beast, and I should all ignore each other’s progress.
Detach Your Progress from Everyone Else
Unless you’re having a competition with a friendly wager, your personal progress is 100% independent from the world and the people in it.
So what if the guy next to me can bench press a small car? That doesn’t impact me unless I make it my new standard.
So what if the guy on the treadmill is out of shape compared to many others at the gym? That doesn’t change what he’s there to do.
Also, there is a difference between using someone else as a representation of where you want to be and letting their success threaten your sense of satisfaction in the progress you’ve made or are making.
If you need to clarify your goal, you can then say something like, “I want the physique of Hugh Jackman.” That’s useful because it gives you a clear target (visually) of where you want to end up.
What I did in the gym did not start with me—it was from the outside in. I saw the guy in the gym, and I interpreted his strength as a strike against the value of my progress and goals.
I think it’s easy to mix up referencing and enviously comparing, because both involve the desire to improve. One is to clarify an idea while the other is a guilt-ridden, envious focus on who are you not.
No Pain, Still Gain?
I think it’s common to be envious of someone’s progress and want to use that as a motivator. But such “negative motivation” is mentally draining and relatively ineffective (guilt and discontentment are short-minded and inferior ways to move forward in life).
There’s something really important I’ve experienced in the last couple of years: amazing progress doesn’t require emotional pain; it only requires consistent effort. From the story, did you notice what seeing the 315-pound bench presser did to me? It made me hesitate to make progress, which doesn’t make sense.
Seeing him bench that much decreased my motivation to exercise because my efforts seemed futile in comparison. Of course, we’re human and we will always look around to see what others are doing, but when it comes to our progress, it seems we’re better off disregarding what we see.
The Permanent Cure for Envy Is Progress
It’s easier to let go of a disappointing comparison to others when you see and know you’re making progress. Otherwise, a sense of futility and despair can set in (and unfortunately, I know this from experience!) I don’t even expect or care to bench 315 pounds, but I know I can continue to get stronger every week, because I’ve proven it.
I mentioned earlier that I can bench press my body weight (150 pounds). Well, a couple years ago, I had a close call in the gym: I couldn’t get the barbell back up on my fourth rep (without a spotter), and I had to duck my head out from underneath the bar as it crashed into the bench.
How do I know it was close? The rough “grip” part of the bar actually scraped my head on the way down! And it was only 115 pounds. I’ve made a ton of progress since then. But if we’re going to make comparisons, let’s go for the extremes.
Compare my one push-up a day to this guy’s 315-pound bench press. Head-to-head, his achievement makes mine seem less than worthless, and yet, my one push-up a day transformed my life. This is why comparisons are invalid—your progress is only relative to you, not other people.
Since I started my one push-up a day mini habit two years ago, I’ve gained twenty pounds of mostly muscle because the more progress you make, the more you’ll be willing and able to make.
Who or What Is Your Most Bothersome Comparison?
Try this: Think about your version of the 315-pound bench press guy. Does someone else have the fame, power, money, or respect that you crave? Do you know someone who has your dream job?
Whatever you came up with, admit and internalize that it is irrelevant to your journey and personal progress.
There will always be someone who is further along the path than you are in every area. Instead of seeing that as a threat to your success, see it as irrelevant to your success, because it is! I can’t think of a single time that I changed my life because I thought I compared unfavorably to another person. Can you?
It’s great to have other people in life for support, socializing, and new perspectives, but when it comes to your personal progress, it seems best to leave others out of it, and especially so in the early stages of your growth in an area.
If you’re already world class in running, comparisons to other elite athletes might motivate you to get to the next level (and even in a healthy way). But in that case, you already have the solid foundation to build from. Many people don’t have such a powerful foundation, which is possibly why they want to improve, and so the comparison (to someone well ahead of them) makes them overreact.
In my case, I might try to lift too much weight and hurt myself or else quit going to the gym because it’d seem trivial by comparison. That’d be a mistake, as what seems to be a little bit of progress in the world’s eyes can compound and completely change your life.
The only person you have to measure up to is the person you were yesterday. If you can beat that person, trust me, you’re doing very well.
Envy image via Shutterstock
-
Life Goes by Too Quickly to Postpone Our Dreams
“The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up.” ~Paul Valery
As I am sitting at my desk, looking out the window, I am contemplating if I should fly to Germany or not.
My father has been very sick for the past three years. I spent three months in Germany last year to have some time with him and help him get better. He finally recovered and I flew back home to Miami.
When I talked to my stepmom the other day, she gave me the news though that my father had a relapse and seems to be worse than ever.
My first instinct was to get on the next plane to go see him. My father refuses. He doesn’t want me to come. He doesn’t want me to see him suffer, so he prefers I stay home while he is waiting for a place in the clinic.
Situations like these make you realize how precious life is. Everything we take for granted can be gone in a heartbeat. Knowing that, why do we keep procrastinating? Why do we keep postponing our dreams?
We always think the time is not right, we don’t have the resources we need, we don’t have enough knowledge, we don’t have any support; the list is endless.
I was just like that. I always dreamed of going full-time with my personal training business. But even though I felt depressed, kind of empty inside, and even useless once in a while, and I had a day job I wasn’t passionate about that seemed meaningless to me, I kept making excuses.
I kept telling myself, there are too many trainers out there, I won’t be able to make a living, it’s going to be too hard, I am not skilled enough, I am not fit enough, I am not outgoing enough, and—my all-time favorite—right now is just not the right time to take the leap.
You know what though? The time is never right! We will never feel ready and the conditions will never be perfect.
My father’s illness made me realize that I don’t want to continue living this way. When my time comes I want to be able to say “I tried.” No ifs and buts.
Last year I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and promised myself that I would make it happen. I wouldn’t let doubt, fear, or excuses stop me. I quit my dreaded job at the hotel and jumped head first into my entrepreneurial journey.
It hasn’t been easy; I keep making mistakes, and I keep learning. Believe me when I say, you can’t come up with anything the tiny little voice in my head hasn’t already thrown at me.
You might think you don’t have the resources to make your dreams a reality, but believe me, you do, and if you don’t, you can get them. You know enough to get started, and the rest you will learn while you’re on your way.
Your family and friends don’t support you? Find other support systems! Go online, check out groups, go to seminars, events, meet knew likeminded people. If you don’t have a support system, create one!
We think we have all the time in the world to pursue our dreams, but the reality is we don’t know how much time is left. You might have fifty years, twenty years, or you could be gone tomorrow. Do you really want to look back at the end of your life and ask “what if”?
Now is the time to make your dreams a reality.
You want to build your own company? Make a plan, start networking, and check out financing options.
You want to travel the world? Start selling the stuff you don’t need, make a list of countries you want to visit, start figuring out ways to earn money while you are on the road.
Okay, okay, I know what you’re about to say: This sounds great but it’s not that easy. And you are right. We all have responsibilities; we have monthly bills we have to pay, maybe a mortgage, and some of us have children to care for.
I’m not telling you to drop everything you worked for and throw all security measures out the window. My point is that we need to follow our passions; we need to remember what makes us smile, what makes us laugh, what makes us happy.
Sometimes even small steps in the direction of our dreams are enough to bring us back to the present moment and allow us to enjoy life again.
Maybe on the way you realize that having your own company or traveling the world won’t actually make you fulfilled. Or you come to realize that you are indeed on the right path and that you do want to make drastic changes in your life, and then you accept the sacrifices you have to make.
But in order to find out what it really is that gives you joy, you need to start shooting for the stars.
But people will think I’m crazy! It’s too risky! I’m scared!
This is your life. It doesn’t matter what other people think. You deserve to create a life you don’t need a vacation from. You deserve to be able to look back on your life with a smile on your face instead of regret in your heart.
Yes, it is scary, and yes, it might be risky, but if you don’t try you will never find out what could have been. Take every opportunity you get. You might fall once in a while. That’s okay.
I still struggle. I still get anxious because I have months where I try to figure out how to pay my bills. And sometimes I have this awesome idea for a new program and invest all my time into making it happen, just to find out that I was the only one who thought it was a great idea.
It happens. Let’s take things like this as a lesson learned, get back up, and do it again. Just don’t let these challenges convince you that you should give up.
I pray every single day that my father will recover and I will be able to spend a lot more time with him. But even if he doesn’t, I know he won’t go with a lot of regret. He always enjoyed his life, did what he wanted, said what he wanted, and didn’t care about the opinions of others.
Let’s take that as an example, and let’s keep pushing our dreams forward and make them a reality. We deserve it!
Reaching for the stars image via Shutterstock
-
How to Bring the Fun and Excitement of Traveling to Your Everyday Life
“Instead of wondering when your next vacation is, maybe you should set up a life you don’t need to escape from.” ~Seth Godin
Over the last few years I’ve felt a little trapped in a cycle of travel, normal life, travel, normal life, constantly changing externals in an attempt to find a level of contentment.
I travel because it excites me, makes me feel alive, and brings me satisfaction. Then, when the draw of home and seeing loved ones sets in, I’ll return, determined to get a “real job” and settle into daily English life.
This usually lasts a year or two before the boredom and dissatisfaction set in and I head off on another adventure.
Although there is nothing wrong with this existence, the last time the “real life suffocation” set in, I decided to stay to explore those feelings so I could understand what made me feel so alive when I was away and so suffocated when I was at home.
I wanted to discover what away has that home doesn’t—apart from the beautiful vistas, constant change, and sunshine—and if there was any way I could incorporate the feelings of being away when I was back at home.
Here’s what I found.
Be More Mindful in Your Daily Life
I was sitting in a dark, dank Northern Line tube carriage on my daily forty-five-minute commute into central London when I decided, for a change, to look up from my headphone-induced daydream and be totally present in that moment.
I started to hear the sounds of the carriage slicing its way through the underground maze. I studied (in a non-creepy way) the sullen faces of my fellow commuters, who appeared lost in their own daydreams, when it struck me:
When I’m away, I am always fully present in every experience, no matter how mundane or challenging.
When I am trying to be a “real life participant,” I lose that focus and attention to detail, often forgetting completely to be present.
Instead, I go through daily experiences almost on autopilot—head down, headphones in, coffee slurped in a rush, lunch eaten at my desk in between dealing with an ever-growing inbox of emails.
If I were away—sitting in a café in New Zealand, on a bus in Costa Rica, or on a beach in Mexico—my eyes would be peeled, studying every color, creature, person, or thing; my ears would be pricked to the sounds of chattering or wildlife; I’d taste every sip of each thirst-quenching drink or bite of a spicy meal; I’d pay attention to the smell of car fumes, or tropical trees. I’d invite magical experiences and synchronicity into each day.
Be fully present in every moment, no matter how mundane. Be nowhere else but where you are and notice how your mindset changes.
Surround Yourself with Your Kind
It always surprises me, every time I come home from being away, how little has changed. Some people are still complaining about their other halves or another friend, regarding something trivial that happened five years ago.
I sometimes find myself, in groups of people I love, feeling like a black sheep, uninterested in the hearsay chatter, feeling so very different from them. I don’t view them or myself as any better or worse off for our life choices; we each carve our own path aligned to what makes us happy.
But I have often dedicated time to people at home, due to habit or obligation, that I might not have if I had met them when I was away.
I’ve been faced, at times, with questions such as: Are you going to be putting your life on hold again to go away? Shouldn’t you start thinking about settling down at your age?
The beauty of life is you always have a choice. You get to choose who is in your tribe.
They say you’re the average of the five people you spend most of your time with. Don’t turn your back on people from your past, but give yourself permission to move on from relationships that don’t serve you, or that bring you down.
When you’re on an adventure and you meet someone you connect with, you spend time with them and perhaps even share part of your journey with them; and there are those you don’t connect with, so you both move on. It’s okay to apply this to “real life” too.
Choose your five people (who you spend most of your time with) carefully, just as you would when you’re away.
Kill Your TV
Seriously. Put it on eBay and buy yourself a concert ticket or a ton of new books. When you’re traveling or on holiday, when do you ever watch TV? The occasional film or show, sure. But you likely wouldn’t spend your evenings or weekends sitting in front of a box, starting at it.
Okay, so maybe don’t get rid of your TV altogether, but you could cut down on how much TV you watch. I hear so many people say, “I haven’t got time to…go to yoga, read, cook, learn something new, draw, play an instrument, be creative, meditate…,” yet they can tell you who’s on Celebrity Big Brother, who’s been voted out of The X Factor, or how many times they’ve seen the same episode of Dinner Date.
Don’t deny yourself your favorite show if it brings you joy, but keep it in a healthy balance with other activities you enjoy when you’re away. Read, go exploring, meditate, go for a walk, go see a local band play. Stay active, stay curious.
Be Authentic
It should be so easy to be yourself, because that’s who you are! But often we find ourselves in jobs, careers, situations, or relationships where we barely recognize ourselves. Cue the “square peg in a round hole” feeling.
I tried so hard in the past, when home, to care about what my peers cared about—DIY, pay scales, job titles—but I just couldn’t.
I was trying to follow a career path that didn’t feel aligned with my passions, but it just led me to those feelings of being trapped or suffocated, and in turn resulting in a “run away” adventure to escape and take a big gasp of air.
It is so important to prioritize staying connected with yourself and your own happiness in everyday life, much like you do on vacation. By doing so, you will show up as your best self in your relationships, commitments, and responsibilities.
You cannot serve others or your work effectively if you are not being true to yourself or them.
Write down, explore, and really understand what it is you love about yourself and your experiences when you’re away.
An easy way to do this is to write down the details of your favorite vacation or trip.
What made it so special? What did you allow yourself to do in order to make yourself happy? What did you love about yourself in that experience? Was it wild adventure or cultural break? Did you take time out for relaxation, walking, or a massage?
Be clear on what you love, what makes you come alive, and try to incorporate that into your “real life.”
For me, I came to realize that I love spontaneity and change, I love being by the sea or in wild open spaces, I love being with and supporting people, and I’m not very good with routine. Therefore, chasing a nine-to-five management career in London simply because it looked good on my resume or paid well wasn’t serving my authentic self.
You don’t have to move to the country or turn your life upside down to be authentic, but rather simply identify the treasures, passions, and interests you’ve uncovered for yourself when adventuring, and then make time for and prioritize them into your “real life” at home.
Join an activity group, write, volunteer, use your weekends wisely, and be unapologetically you, wherever you are on the planet and whatever situation you find yourself in.
And probably most importantly, try not to see “home” and “away” as two separate lives.
Your adventuring isn’t running away; it is a rich life experience. Similarly, don’t see being home as set rules of shoulds or musts to be followed.
There is a beautiful sweet spot in between the two, that, with some time and exploration, you can find.
