Source: Steven Aitchison
Tag: wisdom
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How Life Becomes More Beautiful When We Stop Anticipating the Worst
“Few of us ever live in the present. We are forever anticipating what is to come or remembering what has gone.” ~Louis L’Amour
These days I live in the city, but I spent my childhood in a rural English village. It was quaint and quiet and rather lovely—the sort of place you’re desperate to leave when you’re young and full of fire, but begin to hanker for when you get a little older.
Back then, to get to the local school, I had to walk down a long, winding country lane, which had rolling fields on both sides. For half an hour each morning and the same coming home, I had beautiful scenery as far as the eye could see—streams, woodlands, horses frolicking in the fields.
But I never really saw any of this.
You see, this being the countryside, it was common for residents to walk their dogs down lanes such as this one. And this also being the eighties, before people began cleaning up after their dogs, there were quite a few areas on my journey where dogs had relieved themselves.
Now, because of this you had to keep your eyes on the ground pretty much constantly—that’s if you didn’t want to be that kid who walked dog poop into school, (or worse into a friend’s parent’s house, which I did once, but that’s another, much less allegorical, story).
So there I was each morning, eyes on the path, making sure I didn’t step on anything unpleasant, ignoring everything else. Closed off from all the beauty around me.
I’m glad to say that one day I had an epiphany. I realized that by being so cautious, I was actually missing out on experiencing the amazing backdrop to my journey.
On that day I realized that I wanted to walk to school present and mindful of the wonderful world around me.
I wanted to look around more and experience life in all its glory, not just worry about whether I stepped in poop.
So I did.
And yes, perhaps on occasion my shoe may have met with something nasty, but it made that walk so much more enjoyable. I remember the feelings of oneness and freedom it instilled in me to this day.
And really, that’s what being mindful and present is. It’s saying yes to life and noticing your surroundings. Fully.
It’s saying yes, I might step in something unpleasant, I might get hurt, I might feel silly, I might expose my vulnerabilities, but at least I get to experience every remarkable nuance and opportunity life has to offer too.
I’m also glad to say that this has been a lesson that I’ve carried through to my adult life.
Sure, there have been many times in the past when I’ve stepped in something nasty; jobs haven’t worked out, relationships have ended, people close to me have gone away in various different ways.
But throughout any downtime I’ve always tried to keep looking around me, to see the scenery, the bigger picture. Even if this is just catching myself in a negative tailspin, taking a deep breath, centring myself, and realizing that there’s lots to appreciate out there.
So what if you step in something? So what if you expose the real you and then get hurt? It’s all part of the rich tapestry of life, and you’ll deal with it, because you’re living your life completely.
Mindfully.
In the present.
It’s not about pretending there is no dog poop on the path; it’s accepting that it’s there and striving forward anyway; it’s being mindful of what’s happening but enjoying life regardless.
So my advice today is to accept that you might “step in” something nasty, but do it anyway.
Remain mindful and engaged in the moment rather than focusing on what might happen.
Practice presence; give yourself to each experience fully.
When you become present in your interactions, you’ll start to enjoy every encounter so much more. You become involved in your life, fully.
You look around at the scenery and you really live.
What’s great is that presence is like a muscle that you can train. The more you work on it, the more present and mindful you’ll be.
So I’d urge you to spend a few minutes each day training your presence muscle.
There’s a few ways you can do this, but one of the simplest is to count your breaths for a few minutes each day. Taking a deep breath once in a while helps in so many ways.
All you need do is find a quiet place and slowly breathe in and out. And as you do, count the breaths. Ten in and ten out. It sounds simple but it takes a lot of focus at first to get to ten.
If your mind wanders, start again at one. Try and do ten uninterrupted, focused breaths.
I find this is also a great mini-meditation to use if I need to recalibrate and realign with myself, perhaps during an afternoon slump at work.
And of course, I still find myself, on occasion, watching the path too much. We’re all guilty, I think, of focusing inward—concentrating so much on what might happen that we miss what is happening.
I hope after reading this you might be able to catch yourself being too path-focused and try to live more fully in your current surroundings.
Begin to enjoy the beautiful scenery around you, and know that you are there, in the moment, enjoying every aspect of life, no matter what.
And if you stand on something nasty, know it’s only a small part of a much bigger picture that deserves to be experienced in all its splendor.
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How to Stop Taking Things for Granted and Feel Blessed
“I count my blessings every day, quite honestly, because I take nothing for granted.” ~Mario Andretti
You know that feeling.
When you feel bad about yourself for not being grateful enough. Maybe not often, but surely sometimes.
You are busy working hard, trying to make things work. Busy at life.
But then you see a nine-year-old painting a picture holding a brush with his toes. He has no hands.
And it hits you: You’re so busy trying to make your life better, you forget that it is already beautiful. You feel guilty for not being happy enough.
How I Found My Hidden Blessing in Life
When I left for college it was the first time I went away from home to a different city. My parents were concerned about how I would adjust to life in New Delhi. But I was excited. I wanted to do this.
As my college life began, I faced a problem: I was bad at managing my expenses. I had no idea how to spend money reasonably. Until then, my parents took care of everything.
The unspoken message had been, “You focus on your studies, and we’ll take care of your needs.”
Middle class families don’t lack in money, but the expenses are always modest. So when I ran out on my monthly share in ten days, I was horrified. Exploring the city with new friends, eating delicious meals in restaurants, buying a pair of Nike trousers all contributed to my downfall. Expecting a scolding, I told them what had happened.
But there was no scolding, just a reassuring “I’ll put more money in account today.”
A few weeks later, the same thing happened. I was sure this time they would get angry. But they didn’t. They simply poured in more money.
And that is when I realized: My parents truly loved me, but I had been taking it for granted.
They had always been there for me. Taking care of me. Loving me.
I wasn’t a spoiled child, and I knew they cared about me. But now I felt blessed. Their presence was a gift I cherished. The fact that they loved me unconditionally brought my ignorance to light.
Why Do We Take Things for Granted?
Our minds run around unchecked all the time, either waiting for a better future or regretting the past.
We’re always waiting for the perfect vacation, next promotion, more money, more whatever. We think, “Someday when X happens, I’ll be happy.”
Or we regret the past, like the end of a relationship, a lost job, or financial setbacks. We think, “If only X hadn’t happened, my life wouldn’t be a mess.”
But whether in the future or past, there is one place our minds are not.
The present.
And this is where our blessings reside.
How to Stop Taking Things for Granted and Feel Blessed
When I catch a cold, I realize how nice it feels to be healthy. When there are thunderstorms on the day I plan to go out, I realize the joy of a cheery, sunny day with a cool breeze blowing across my face.
Because our minds are so used to running around uncontrollably, we don’t realize that our focus isn’t where we are. It is almost always somewhere else.
But hidden blessings are available right now, if you can take a step back and notice where you are.
Seriously, do this.
Look at yourself reading this post. Notice the environment around you. I’ll give you a moment.
….
This is your real life. Here are the blessings hidden from your incessant mind.
Ask yourself: What good things have brought me where I am today?
You can start with the fact that you can read. You’re smart enough to follow blogs like Tiny Buddha. What about your wonderful friends? Your pet? Your health?
What else?
Just like time, blessings are relative.
Growing up, I went to a school with lots of children who came from rich families. It would have been easy to focus on what other students had that I lacked, such as new lunch boxes and fancy bags.
However, I was nothing close to sad or miserable. In fact, I had fun at school. Why did I have fun, despite having less than others? I recognized how I was fortunate.
My parents grew up in villages and received modest educations. And yet, they were smart enough to understand the importance of a good education, and made sure that my sister and I studied in the best English school of the city.
Now, that is a blessing.
I didn’t feel unlucky. I feel my parents did their part wonderfully.
It’s time I do mine.
Hidden in life challenges are some wonderful blessings. The difference lies in how you look at them.
You can list all the things you don’t have and feel sad about it.
Or you could put those very same things as your goals, chase them with passion, and build tremendous character.
Time to Thank, Time to Love
Yes, there will always be things you want to accomplish. There are goals yet to be realized. The future surely does promise better things.
But you know what?
The present, too, is a portal to hidden gifts.
Underneath your routine life is a hidden treasure trove of countless blessings. Each of those blessings has helped you reach where you are today. They played a crucial role in molding your life into the masterpiece it is right now.
So go right now.
Tell your mother you love her.
Pat you pet.
Thank your friends for showing up.
Celebrate life. Right here. Right now.
Go live.
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Natural Beauty Is Accepting Yourself, Just as You Are
“When you are balanced and when you listen and attend to the needs of your body, mind, and spirit, your natural beauty comes out.” ~Christy Turlington
It wasn’t until I stopped wearing makeup that I realized the hypocrisy in every “natural beauty” ad. Be natural, wear a mask, they say. Unleash your confidence by hiding your flaws, they say.
If only it were so simple.
My struggle with body image began at age five. That was the first time I threw up to make myself feel thin.
I began to heal four years ago after I almost killed myself. All the years in between, I spent at least an hour each day putting on makeup, and all the rest of my waking hours obsessing about past and future calories and wondering if my clothes made me look fat.
When I went natural, it wasn’t exactly a choice. I had spent so long altering and concealing myself, making sure that nothing real would show, that nothing real was left—including joy, peace, and sanity.
I could say it was self-hatred that led me into a suicidal hole, but that self-hatred came from something else—my obsession with how I “should” be. I was so obsessed with crafting the perfect mask that I suffocated my authentic self. So, she burst out.
To heal my fractured relationship with myself, I decided to stop hiding. I stopped putting on makeup, stopped dieting, stopped dyeing my hair. I became, truly, natural.
I tried to focus on everything that was positive about the transition—more time, more money, more freedom. I could roll out of bed in the morning, wash my face, put on comfortable clothes, and go! But such moments of gratitude were few and far between.
Every other moment, I was either unaware of my appearance or repulsed by it. The image in the mirror shocked me. Her eyebrows were too light and her skin too blotchy. She had pores. She had pimples.
I kept telling myself that it was good to be natural, but when faced with my actual natural self, my mind revolted. “Not this kind of natural!” my thoughts would scream. “Aveno commercial natural! Blemish-free natural! Not this.”
I fought those thoughts. I didn’t fight them by suppressing them. I fought them by not reacting to them—by choosing my own natural self over this fake natural self I had become so enamoured with.
It took weeks before I got my first glimpse of beauty in the mirror, and it took years for those thoughts to stop tormenting me. One moment I would be feeling fine, but then I’d see an unflattering photo of myself, and I’d be hit with an avalanche of emotion.
It’s like noticing that you have a bug on your face. It’s like—“Oh god, that’s disgusting! How long has that even been there?” Your skin crawls. Your heart races. You feel like you’re dirty.
It’s just like that, but it wasn’t a bug. It was my entire body. My face. Just me. Disgusting. Has it always been like this? Get it off me. Now.
For so long, I was trying to get myself off me, to destroy any evidence of myself from myself. To recover from these behaviors was as difficult as recovering from any addiction. Self-judgment is a cancer. It doesn’t heal overnight.
And as I was learning to love myself, I began to realize just how unhelpful the culture around me was to my healing process. I would hear people around me saying things like, “I hope my children look nothing like me.” And, “I just want to cut this stupid fat off my body.” And everyone would nod. Yes, that’s how it is. That’s how we feel.
The more I became accustomed to my own natural image in the mirror, the more I recognized its absence from the world around me. From the ninety-year-old woman in the grocery store with thick lipstick stuck in the crevices of her wrinkled lips, to the teenager in the bathroom with anxious eyes desperately rubbing concealer onto her chin, I saw the search for beauty rather than the acceptance of it. And there is nothing natural about that.
Struggling to become naturally beautiful is like struggling to become a human being. We already are human. We already are naturally beautiful.
Beauty has been ours all along, even though it was stolen, packaged, and sold back to us. We just want back what’s ours. But we can’t buy natural beauty any more than we can buy natural hair or natural toes. The moment we make a purchase, it’s not natural anymore.
The beauty companies have been criticized inside and out, and I’m not here to be another voice of opposition. I’m here to be a voice of encouragement to that part of you that’s tired of trying to be someone you’re not.
If you want to feel naturally beautiful, you have to let yourself be naturally beautiful.
You have to leave yourself alone and learn to accept what is there—warts, stretch marks, and all. It won’t be easy, but compulsively trying to fix yourself isn’t easy either. The difference is that self-acceptance will one day heal you, while self-judgment never will.
And you aren’t the only one you’ll help. By accepting yourself, you will be another image of real natural beauty in our culture. By liberating yourself, you will liberate others. You will change the world.
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Loving Yourself When You’re Too Fat, Too Skinny, Too Tall, or Too Short
“It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.” ~Henry David Thoreau
Living in NYC, I have seen some crazy and outrageous things. So, I shouldn’t have been surprised to see an ad in the subway that read, “Overcome Your Bikini Fears. Breast Augmentation Made In NY: $3,900,” or another ad from the same plastic surgery office that showed a picture of a woman looking sad, holding a pair of small tangerines in front of her breasts, and the same woman looking happy holding grapefruits, with the same caption, “Breast Augmentation Made in NY: $3,900.”
Still, I was surprised to see that this plastic surgery office would so overtly play into the insecurities of some women, basically implying, “You’re not good enough as you are; let me make you better.”
I understand that this office is simply trying to make a buck—a big buck, that is—but I couldn’t help but be aghast that this sort of message is allowed to be out there, to be seen on the train by many women, especially young women who might be wracked with a poor self-image already.
The truth is, I get it. I grew up wanting plastic surgery pretty much from third grade into my early twenties.
I was obsessed with looking in the mirror, poking around with my fingers trying to see the “better version” of my face, when it would be somehow reconstructed magically or surgically.
My nose was too flat, my eyes were not big enough or deep-set enough, and my jaw was not defined enough. To top it off, my legs were too short and my torso too long. I was not a girl on a magazine cover.
It broke my heart that I felt ugly and plain, and that I wanted something different from what I was. I actually felt beautiful sometimes, but when I looked at myself in the mirror, it wasn’t a vision of beauty, as I understood it.
The vision of beauty was the girl in a Hollywood movie. The vision of beauty was the girl in a commercial. The vision of beauty had features that I didn’t possess.
I kept wishing that my facial and body features would magically change as I grew up, or that I would one day be able to have plastic surgery. But deep down, I knew that I didn’t want to change my physical appearance in order to feel good about myself.
Over time, through the transformational work I did in the past decade, I was able to dissolve self-hatred and the desire for plastic surgery, and give myself total acceptance for who I am.
Now I feel good in my own skin. I’ve learned that the old adage is true: “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” I had appreciated it as a concept for a long time, but now I get it and know that it’s true.
I used to wish that my face and body would change somehow, but in truth, what needed to change was the way I saw myself and how I felt about myself.
My hope is that every person feels beautiful and good in his or her own skin.
Beauty is not a monopoly that only belongs to Miss Universe and the like. We are all beautiful in our own unique ways.
If you’re struggling with a poor self-image like I did, these tips may help.
1. Stop comparing.
My old boyfriend used to tell me that I was beautiful over and over like a broken record, though I didn’t believe him. He said this to me one time and it stayed with me: You can’t compare a rose to a lily; they’re both beautiful and they’re different.
I was constantly comparing myself to others, and I felt inferior because I didn’t measure up to the conventional ideas of beauty.
Since I stopped comparing, I realize that no part of my body is any less beautiful than someone else’s just because it’s shorter, longer, flatter, or bigger. When I stopped seeing with a specific set of beliefs and ideas, my “short” and “crooked” legs stopped being inferior.
You will always be too fat, too skinny, too tall, too this and that, when you compare yourself to others. You will always be “too something” when you play the comparison game. Know that you are exactly what you’re supposed to be—one of a kind and beautiful.
2. Ideas of beauty differ and change all the time.
If you looked into different cultures at different times, you would see that people had (and still have) different ideas of beauty. Some like curvy, some like skinny, some like tall, and some like short.
A lot of times (or maybe all the time), the definition of beauty as we know it is just the opinion of one person or group of people. It’s just so happened that this opinion got popularized.
If you don’t fit their definition of beauty, does it mean you’re any less beautiful? Absolutely not. Don’t let the ever-changing opinions of others affect how you feel about yourself.
Take Sarah Jessica Parker, for example. Some people think she’s the most gorgeous woman on the whole planet, and some quite the opposite. So, who’s right?
The better question to ask would be: Does it really matter? It really doesn’t matter what other people say or think. What matters is how you see yourself and how you feel about yourself.
3. Change the way you see.
Have you had experiences where people you thought were attractive became unattractive in your eyes, and people you thought were unattractive became attractive? I have many times.
When I was nineteen, I met a guy who I thought was “ugly” at first sight. Then I fell madly in love with him two weeks later, and he became the most handsome guy in the whole wide world to me.
Conversely, I met another guy a few years later that I thought had the most gorgeous face. A few interactions later, his face lost all its appeal to me, as I found him to be rather obnoxious.
I’ve had so many of these experiences over the years, and I’ve realized that beauty entails more than just “pretty” features. Whenever I find something lovely about a person, whether it’s their kindness, generosity, or thoughtfulness, their external features seem to start to sparkle with radiance. It’s not that the person changed—my perception did.
Dr. Wayne Dyer often said, “When you change the way you look at things, things you look at change.” I know this to be true because I often experience this in my life.
When I go on my nature walks, I try to observe things without preconceived notions or ideas. I sometimes stop and look at a fly perched on a leaf of a plant, and when I look at it without my preconceived notion (that it’s ugly or disgusting), I can see the exquisite beauty that it is.
Now, I know that you’re not a fly, but the same principle applies. When you remove the gunk—the gunk of beliefs and ideas—from your eyes, you start to see the magnificent beauty of who you are.
4. Change your thoughts.
Recently, when I was video recording myself, I felt rather disturbed by my appearance. I didn’t want to feel this way, but a barrage of negative self-talk dominated my head, and I wanted to just give up on the whole project.
I went for a walk, and when I came back—with a little more space within myself—I realized I had allowed myself to be taken over by the negative voices in my head. I had been totally immersed in them.
Time, space, and a little bit of deep breathing helped me step back from my own drowning thoughts. Then I was able to embrace the other voices that also existed in my head, which were more affirming and kind. And I continued with my project.
How sad it would be if I allowed those negative voices to stop me from offering what I have to give: my knowledge, ideas, voice, gifts, my love, and more. I would be withholding all of those things from people who might need and benefit from them.
If you find yourself in a similar situation where you’re feeling bad about how you look, take a moment to notice what you’re thinking. Step back and take a few deep breaths so you can observe your thoughts instead of being immersed in them.
And remember, you’re more than your skin. You, too, have so much to give (even if you feel like you don’t): your unique gifts, your experience, courage, ingenuity, creativity, and so much more. Don’t let the negative voices stop you from sharing what you have. The world (your neighbors, your friends, your grandma, or whatever your world may be) needs it.
5. Give yourself total acceptance.
I admit, even with all the realizations I’ve had, there are times when I look at myself in the mirror with dismay.
Some of the old, familiar thoughts crop up in my head, telling me I’m plain and ugly. The difference now is that I catch myself falling into my old belief—that looking a certain way makes me undesirable and unlovable.
For most of us, this is the core of the issue: We believe that we would not be desirable, that we would not be loved, if we didn’t look “good.”
The truth is, there will always be someone or some people who will find me undesirable or unlovable, but the world is also full of people who will feel the opposite.
Ultimately, the deeper truth I had to find within myself was this: If no one loves me, will I love myself?
The answer was yes, I will love myself. I will not forsake me. I will not take my love away from me.
That’s the truth I needed for myself, and what I truly needed in order to feel beautiful and good in my own skin.
In those moments when I don’t like what I see in the mirror, I make a choice. I make a choice to give myself total acceptance and love for all that I am: good, ugly, bad, and all.
And that’s how I love myself when I’m too short, too tall, too fat, and too skinny.
Woman at beach image via Shutterstock
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How to Connect with Others and Feel Less Alone in the World
“Vulnerability is the birthplace of connection and the path to the feeling of worthiness. If it doesn’t feel vulnerable, the sharing is probably not constructive.” ~Brené Brown
There is very little in life (if anything) more important than our relationships. How connected we feel to others is a strong predictor of our happiness and our feelings of self-worth.
From a neurobiological standpoint, we are wired for connection. Our deeply connected relationships can ultimately give us true meaning and purpose.
But, if we’re feeling disconnected, alone, and segregated from those around us, how can we become more connected? Why does it seem so easy for some to create deep connections while it’s hard for others?
My Struggle for Connection
My struggle for connection came after I broke up with my then-best friend in college. Without that deep connection that I had once shared with her, I realized that my other relationships were pretty shallow. I didn’t have anyone in whom I could confide. There wasn’t anyone to whom I could reveal my true self. As a result, I had never felt more alone.
At the same time, I was surrounded by people. By “friends.” I had cultivated many relationships, but somehow none of them were truly genuine.
As I struggled with my loneliness, I realized that my lack of connection stemmed from my unwillingness to be vulnerable.
I had an intense fear of being rejected, or of being seen as unworthy—unworthy of love, and unworthy of belonging. As a result, I would change myself to fit the situation and person or group I was with.
I would hide parts of myself I felt were controversial or might be frowned upon in some way. I was desperately seeking connection, and changing myself in order to be closer to others without being rejected, but as a result I was feeling less connected than ever.
In short, what it boiled down to was that I was ashamed of being myself, because I didn’t feel that I was good enough.
It took a long time (more than a year) for me to work through my feelings of inadequacy and lack of self-worth. Through that, I learned many things about connecting with people in a deep and meaningful way.
1. Be authentic.
It took a considerable amount of courage, but I learned to tell everyone who I really was at all times.
I started telling others all about what I have been through, about my failures and what I have learned. I wasn’t able to be friends with everyone as a result of sharing myself so openly, but the relationships I did form through doing this were much more fulfilling.
Sure, I felt uncomfortable at times, and sometimes I felt rejected by people. But, I also felt honest, and proud of being true to myself.
Be imperfect. Your imperfections are what make you beautiful and interesting!
2. Show yourself compassion.
I had to learn to be kind to myself. I had to stop putting aspects of myself down. Previously, I felt insecure because I didn’t think I was funny, and I hated my facial expressions, but i had to stop believing that certain parts of me were unworthy of being. I had to truly believe that I was worthy of love and belonging.
I allowed myself to make mistakes. I allowed myself to take care of my own needs. I started treating myself how I believed everyone should be treated.
You must learn to show yourself compassion before you can truly be compassionate to others.
3. Embrace vulnerability.
I cultivated an awareness of my fear of vulnerability, including when I would run from it, and instead forced myself to face my fear.
I invested in relationships even though there were no guarantees. I showed when I was hurt. I told people how I felt, regardless of how it would be perceived. I opened myself up to the possibility of rejection and thus became truly vulnerable.
Opening up to vulnerability was difficult, and this process took a long time. Try and be aware of when you run from vulnerability and push through it. In the longrun, you will be so glad that you did.
Vulnerability isn’t just essential for creating deep and lasting connections with people, it is also the birthplace of joy, creativity, and a sense of belonging and of love.
The willingness to be completely vulnerable is necessary to feel worthy. If you’re not vulnerable, and you never put your true self out there, you will never know that you are worthy of connection. We all are.
4. Don’t numb emotions.
I was lucky enough not to do this, but I’ve learned (and there is lots of psychology research to back this up) that we cannot selectively numb emotions.
You can’t say, “I don’t want to feel anger or jealousy or vulnerability. Let’s leave those out, and I’ll just take a dose of happiness instead.” Unfortunately, it doesn’t work like that. If you try to numb the negative emotions, you’ll end up numbing everything.
If you numb everything, you no longer feel happiness, joy, or love.
5. Don’t mistake vulnerability for weakness.
Our willingness and ability to be vulnerable, to put ourselves in a state of emotional risk, exposure, and uncertainty, is our most accurate measurement of courage. It is absolutely not weak to expose yourself.
Show me a man or a woman who tells someone, “I love you,” for the first time, without any certainty of reciprocation, and you will have shown me one of the most courageous human beings in the world.
If we want to connect with people, we absolutely have to get over this idea that being vulnerable is synonymous with being weak.
This also ties back into compassion—we must be compassionate to those who show us vulnerability. Do not judge them, or make them feel weak for having done so. Look upon them as the truly courageous people they are, and applaud them for that.
Friends holding hands image via Shutterstock
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Now Is the Time to Do the Things That Make You Happy
“The trouble is you think you have time.” ~Buddha
When I first read this quote after graduating from college, I fell headfirst into a tailspin of “do it now, do it now, do it now.”
I had to travel the world, while doing yoga, and learning Spanish, and hiking the PCT, and living in different cities, and building my resume, and reading every book ever written.
With every check I put next to an item on my bucket list, I found ten new things that pulled me different directions. I tried to do it all and ironically, felt like I got nowhere. I was so frantically searching for my place and planning my next step that I often neglected where I was.
I was trying to protect myself from feeling regret for not having experienced life to its fullest, but I was so busy doing this that I missed a lot on the way.
The reality is that in the present moment there is nothing to protect myself from; it is the safest place to be.
I began to look at the quote from a different perspective.
There are things that I can put on my to do list—take voice lessons, read that book, bake that cake, run more, practice more. There will always be more to do. However, there are also things I can do to live the life I want to live right now: love, let go, be a good friend, take care of myself.
I do not have time to be paralyzed by the thought of everything I want to do. Now is the time to take baby steps to achieve small goals and put big goals into action.
Now is the time to go on an adventure. It doesn’t have to be traveling around the world; just something that makes your heart sing.
Now is the moment to be grateful and step outside and listen to the birds chirping.
Now is the time to let go of fear and allow ourselves to be free.
Now is the time to love.
There is no arrival point. There is no point in the future where there will be more time for self-love, for compassion, or for service.
Now is the time to make decisions not based on what I feel I should be doing, but rather what makes me happy, because when I am happiest, I am able to best love and support the people around me.
And I am happiest when I slow down to appreciate the little things, because in the end it is the little things that create a beautiful life.
I strive to check things off my to-do list, but in slowing down I allow myself to appreciate the space in between.
In yoga, the space in between postures is just as important as the postures themselves, but it often gets neglected. So it is in life; I focus so much on my next step that I forget to enjoy the journey and admire the beauty of where I am.
There is never going to be a perfect time to do everything I want, but by working little goals into my day-to-day life, I can focus on the little things and be patient and trust the big things will come.
I can celebrate achievements on a big scale (“I lived in Peru for four months!”) and on a small scale (“I didn’t eat added sugar for a week!” “I taught my first yoga class!”)
My newest goal is to be patient, grateful, and open to taking each day as it comes. I will not throw my time away, but I will not fear its passing.
Is it possible I won’t get to do all the big things I want to do? Sure, that’s possible for all of us. But if we do the little things that bring us joy each day, and choose to be fully present and engaged in each moment, there will be nothing to regret.
Woman riding bike image via Shutterstock
