Tag: wisdom

The Benefits of Meditation: 10 Minutes to Peace, Clarity, and Focus

“Meditation teaches us to cure what need not be endured and endure what cannot be cured.” ~Unknown

Do you feel overwhelmed at times? Or slightly lost? Do you struggle with anger, anxiety, or low self-esteem? Are you left with a mind that doesn’t seem to want to slow down?

If the answer is yes, rest assured that you are not the only one. There are many who feel the same way.

This is exactly how I felt five years ago. I was working hard as a musician, and I felt like I’d hit a brick wall. The harder I pushed with gigging, practicing, and writing, the more I felt my creativity take a dip and my overall happiness decline.

I remember feeling exhausted, and my life feeling heavy and serious. I felt burnt out, and the worst part was that the harder I tried, the more disconnected I felt. It was a classic case of burning the candle at both ends.

I was trying to be more creative and found that the opposite was happening.

Overwhelming, worrisome thoughts and feelings would arise, and I wouldn’t know what to do with them. One after the other, they kept coming.

I was very critical of myself at this time. I felt frustrated, stressed, and often, very low, with fear constantly knocking at the door.

I started wondering, “Am I the only one feeling like this? Why do I feel this way? What’s going on?”

Society had taught me that once I achieved what I wanted, I would be eternally happy. But I met people who had achieved their goals and amassed great wealth, and were still hugely stressed and unhappy. How could this be?

In Our Lowest Moment Lies an Opportunity for Personal Transformation

I recognized then that I was constantly blaming the outside world for things not going the way I wanted. I believed that life should make me happy. I slowly began to see this was far from the truth.

One day, I said, “Enough! Stop blaming other people and circumstances and take a good long look in the mirror.” This was hard at first, as a part of me still wanted to point the finger, but I knew this wasn’t going to serve or help anyone, least of all me.

I started reading a load of books, taking courses, and researching human behavior, covering topics such as psychology, self-help/development, emotional intelligence, spirituality, biology, and more.

After all this research, I realized that in order for me to be happier and more productive and have a better quality of life, I had to take a step back and realize that being busy isn’t cool, it’s a lack of priorities; that being stressed and feeling sorry for myself wasn’t the right path; that happiness is actually closer than I may have thought. The journey had begun…

An Inner Win to a Greater Outer Win

I have discovered that we can overcome our negative thoughts and feelings and deal with all of our challenges with a greater understanding and a sense of ease.

The secret is that first we must feeling centered within (our thoughts, feelings, and emotions), and then we can move to what our outer purpose is. This enables us to deal with challenges from a place of inner calm.

If the mind and body are working together, we have a much greater chance of knowing what we want and how to face it, rather than constantly trying to fill the void within with external gratification. External gratification can be beautiful, but first we need a strong foundation, anchoring our drive so that it can serve us and the people around us in an authentic way.

You deserve to live an amazing life. You deserve to be inspired. You deserve to be free and to live a life on your terms. And you can do all these things.

Transformation starts with ourselves, so in order for us to move into a happier state of being, we first need to be kind to ourselves, and to have a little bit of discipline and the willingness to awaken our greatest selves.

Creating Some Well Deserved Headspace

Imagine you’re watching your favorite play. During the show many different scenes occur; there’s a love scene and moments of anger, tragedy, and betrayal, along with a whole load of excitement.

Now, imagine that during the play, you run onto the stage and cause a load of confrontation because you don’t like one of the scenes and want to stop it.

Once you jumped up there you’d probably feel a little foolish, and might leave with your tail between your legs, feeling baffled and confused after turning and seeing an angry audience now wanting their money back.

Well, what if you viewed the mind in the same way? Let’s say you’re sitting at home, minding your own business, when an angry thought suddenly arises.

It may have a character and there may be a storyline within it—something that happened that bothered you or something someone did that upset you. What do you do? A lot of the time, we get sucked into our negative, angry thoughts and are left feeling worse than we originally felt.

We have metaphorically run onto the stage in our minds, and the angry audience is usually our close family or friends.

Now what if I told you that you don’t even have to go into the angry thought? You can simply watch it and let it play, like you would at the cinema or the theater. You simply see it, with little judgment, and let it pass. The seeing of the thought is the beginning of liberation.

This is one of the first major steps toward a healthier, happier mind. By simply seeing the thought, we begin to disassociate with it, leaving space for it to pass while we continue with our day.

Mindfulness Meditation

Mindfulness is the day-to-day seeing of the mind, called “awareness” in many circles. If we are mindful, we see our thoughts and let them come and go like scenes in a show.

By simply seeing the thought, we are then left with a choice: to let it go or hold onto it. We then need to ask ourselves, do I want to react angrily, or do I want to let it go and deal with the situation constructively?

Meditation is training for situations like these. This can simply be a ten-minute space in your day where you may sit, or a part of the day where your attention is focused entirely on what you are doing.

You may have already had moments like this when you exercise, when you are in an intense state of creativity, or when you’re entranced by a beautiful sunset.

You are focused, present, and not distracted. If we can develop this in our practice, we’ll be better prepared to handle challenges in our everyday life.

Meditation can be seen as a little woo woo. The thought of a bunch of monks in robes come to mind, or maybe lit candles, bells, gongs, and floating off to some eternal bliss. We need to let go of the clichés to realize how much benefit it really has. The value it can add to your life is immense.

Who Is Using It and What Are The Benefits?

Mindfulness and meditation have really taken off in the west, with major businesses, military centers, schools, and celebrities all getting involved. The big question is “why?” Why does a major company like Google have its own meditation rooms and courses?

Let’s dig a little deeper into the health benefits so you can see the potential of just taking ten minutes out of your day for your great self.

10 Ways Meditation Benefits Your Day-to-Day Life, Work, and Relationships

1. It lowers your stress level and improves your focus and attention.

2. It reduces worry, anxiety, and impulsivity.

3. It increases empathy and helps you develop positive relationships.

4. It can improve your information processing and decision-making skills.

5. It increases positive emotions.

6. It improves your memory.

7. It enhances your ability to set aside mental chatter.

8. It decreases feelings of loneliness and helps reduce social isolation.

9. It increases feelings of compassion.

10. It increases grey matter in keys areas of the brain associated with compassion and awareness.

Getting Started

What do I do? Where do I start? What type of meditation do I do?

I asked all these questions when I sat down to do my first meditation. There’s so much information out there, and it can be overwhelming at times, so I want to keep it simple and actionable.

First, find a comfortable place to sit; it can be a chair or the end of your bed. If you can find somewhere that has few distractions, that will be helpful. Next, close your eyes and begin to focus on your breath.

Write on your to-do list when you intend to meditate, or couple it with something you do regularly (i.e.: brushing your teeth, before/after a shower). This will help you make meditation a habit.

3 Tips for Once You Begin Meditating

1. Expectation

Don’t expect the mind to stop. The point of meditation is not to stop your thoughts, but rather to clearly see the mind with clarity and non-judgment.

Think of your thoughts as passing cars on the road or clouds in the sky. Remember, it’s a skill, so at first you may be a little shocked by how many thoughts there are. But don’t worry—this is perfectly normal. The mind will, with time, begin to free up a little and the thoughts will lessen. Ahh, peace!

2. Effort—Finding the Balance

We can’t force our mind to be quiet. Think about when you can’t sleep, so you say to yourself, “I can’t sleep,” and you start to try harder. What happens? Ironically, you struggle to sleep. So the idea is to have a nice amount of attention and focus but an equal balance of relaxation and rest.

3. Unveiling Happiness in the Now

Once we have a healthy balance of expectation and effort, we can then move to the realization of stillness. This is the realization that happiness is already here, in this moment now. This will become clearer once you are into regular exercises.

Rather than trying to create peace within, we simply realize it’s already here. This is one of the first steps toward internal mastery.

When Should You Do It?

I normally recommend you do it first thing in the morning, but that’s only if that works for you. Everyone has different schedules, so choose a time when you know you’ll have ten minutes free.

Common Road Blocks

Watch out for the classic excuses, such as “I don’t have time to do it.” Yes, you do! As Tony Robbins once famously said, “If you don’t have ten minutes, you don’t have a life.” If you want to awaken your greatest self, give yourself that well-deserved mini break, so when you come back to your routine you’re rejuvenated and ready for the rest of the day.

“I’ll do it tomorrow” is another classic, and it never happens. There is no time like the present, so just do it!

And finally, the ultimate excuse: “This all sounds to be good to be true; this will never work for me.” We now have so many scientific studies to back up the benefits, so give it a go, follow it along, and enjoy them.

Whatever the excuse may be, I promise you that slowing yourself down for ten minutes can begin to change your whole world dramatically.

I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t like a bit more peace, focus, and clarity in their life, and it’s all here for us, right here, right now.

December 25, 2016
Today Be Thankful and Think How Rich You Are

December 25, 2016
One of the Greatest Gifts You Can Give Someone

December 25, 2016
My Only Wish Today

December 25, 2016
Always Let People Know How Important They Are to You

December 24, 2016
I Am Thankful

December 24, 2016
Expect Nothing and Appreciate Everything

December 24, 2016
Whatever Happens Today You Can Handle It

December 23, 2016
9 Things to Give Up If You Want to Be Happy

December 23, 2016
The Importance of Doing Nothing (and No, You’re Not Too Busy)

“Doing nothing is better than being busy doing nothing.” ~Lao Tzu

Whether it’s chores or children, to-do lists or bucket lists—let alone work—modern life moves at a demanding pace. It’s a hamster wheel and, unlike our beloved family pet, we’ve decided it’s not fun.

But as a society we revel in being busy all the time. We consider those who do nothing on the weekend to be dull or lazy. We don’t have time to chew the cud. If William Henry Davies thought his lot “had no time to stop and stare,” he should turn in his grave and see what’s happened since.

Somewhere along the lines, it’s become more than acceptable to live at an unhealthy pace—it’s become “cool.” Instead of saying, “Very well, thanks,” when people ask how we are, today we roll our eyes and reply proudly, “Hectic!”

Where we live, lots of mothers rock up at school, claiming they’ve had four hours of sleep, have no time to walk the dog, and have already been to the gym at 6am. They set the bar high! I feel inadequate if I’m not still replying to emails at 8pm. My phone stays on all night next to my bed in case someone needs me. Every day. Even on holiday. Especially on holiday.

Our house burned down a few years ago—moments after we’d left with our new baby. The fire started in our bedroom where her cot was at the end of our bed.

A lot of the very important stuff we’d gathered around us was lost—clothes, photos, furniture. We knew our attachment to our losses would cause us pain, despite having walked our spiritual path for years.

Buddhism teaches us that attachment causes suffering, so our lesson here was to let go. Our belief system helped avoid the useless “Why me?” type questions that plague us when things don’t seem fair.

No one was hurt. We dug deep, counted our blessings, and tried to go with the flow of things. And we realized (because it was months before we missed “that pair of shoes” or “my favorite” CD) that most of the things we battle for, in the end, we don’t miss at all.

I also realized that much of what I busy myself with all day does matter, but much of it does not. If I don’t do it, it makes no difference. No one notices! But for me, and many people I know, because our poor addled brains are never allowed to switch off, we are often unable to see which is which.

This way of living is not good for us. Trying to juggle everyone’s balls is not good for me! Coloring with my five year old is—if I’m doing it wholeheartedly, mindfully, rather than keeping half an eye on the clock and the other half on the mobile attached to my side. She can color inside the lines; I can’t because I’m not concentrating.

Cortisol, the stress hormone, is as addictive as adrenaline and long been indicated in serious diseases like cancer and stroke. It keeps you awake at night, depletes the adrenal glands, and leads to chronic fatigue.

My husband, once a gym obsessed high-flyer in the corporate world, collapsed burnt out before he was thirty.

He had to completely reassess the demands he made on his body and mind and dramatically scale back both his work commitments (which saw him constantly flying all over the world) and his fitness regime. He learned to relax, something he was not good at.

It has taken him years of practice to heal, and he still suffers chronic fatigue if faced with long, stressful situations.

A wise man once told us, “The mind is like a bucket of dirty water. The more you stir it, the harder it is to see what is in there. If you stop stirring and let it settle, the muck will fall to the bottom and you will be able to see the clear water.”

But admitting that you want to settle isn’t easy in a society that only respects those who can keep it up 24/7. When everyone else is competing to see who’s the busiest, it’s hard to say, “I’m not doing anything this weekend.” People think we’re rude or that something’s wrong.

But it’s vital to rest your brain and body. So here’s my advice. Start small. Start now. You have five minutes to spare. (Yes, you do). Only five minutes of meditating can help calm your mind so you can comfortably relax and do nothing, without feeling anxious.

Meditating is as simple as breathing. You can do it before breakfast, in the bathroom, in your garage. Focus on the flow of breath in and out of your body, the movement of air, the rise and fall of your chest.

When a thought creeps into your head (and it will), acknowledge it and release it. Bring your focus back to your breath.

The more you practice this technique, the easier it will become and the longer you will go without such thoughts bothering you. At some point they will slow down and the quiet space between them will grow. You can do it anywhere, whenever you sit still for five minutes—on the train, in the bath.

Breathe and watch the muck fall to the bottom of the bucket.

Learning the precious art of being un-busy will calm you. It will give you greater clarity, focus, and concentration for times when you need the energy. It will improve the health of your mind and body, and probably even your bank balance.

So, do you have five minutes?

December 23, 2016
It’s OK to Be Different

December 23, 2016
The Greatest Gift You Can Give Is Your Time

December 23, 2016
How to Forgive When You Don’t Think You Can

“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” ~Steve Maraboli

Have you ever had a relationship, friendship, or marriage that ended so badly it took years, a decade, or even longer to heal? Have you ever wished you could forgive someone but just didn’t think it was possible?

Fifteen years ago I was twenty-six and in a relationship with a man that was destructive. After an intense romance in his home country, I made the poor decision that he should come to live with me in San Francisco—a decision that, in hindsight, was immature.

Three months and one visa sponsorship later, we were living together and immediately fell into the challenges of modern day multicultural relationships.

Aside from the fact that my boyfriend was jealous, obsessive, and immature—a trait I hadn’t seen clearly in the beginning—he couldn’t work legally, we didn’t have a common fluent language between us, and he was far away from his family for the first time in his life.

The worst and most difficult part, however, were our cultural differences. My boyfriend was jealous, obsessive, and controlling, whereas I was a young, driven, independent woman.

He would become despondent, accusatory, suspicious, and sometimes even fly into a jealous rage whenever I left the house.

Our relationship became emotionally abusive, yet I was scared to leave. He was financially dependent on me, he couldn’t work and didn’t have anywhere else to go, and he didn’t have any family in the United States.

I was riddled with guilt and felt horrible, because I had brought him to the US and felt responsible for him.

After a year of struggle, he moved out and I settled into numbness, not wanting to begin to unearth the emotions that needed to be processed in order to recover. I was emotionally scarred and suffered years of nightmares.

Time passed and I pushed the hatred in my heart deeply out of awareness. We never spoke, until a few years ago.

I had just been through a traumatic family experience, and had begun a Metta, or loving-kindness, practice as a means of understanding the circumstances taking place in my life. Surprisingly, the practice enabled me to find forgiveness in my heart for my ex-boyfriend.

Metta is a traditional Buddhist tool for cultivating loving-kindness. In the practice, we sit as if in meditation and let the energy of love into our hearts.

We repeat a mantra in which we hold in mind a life without danger, with mental and physical happiness and ease of well-being.

We start by imagining happiness and compassion for ourselves, and then, progressively, we extend love out into the world, to a benefactor, a friend, a neutral person, a difficult person, groups of people, and finally to all beings.

I sat in the Metta practice for ten minutes daily, and I picked my ex-boyfriend as my “difficult person.”

At first I had difficulty when I held him in mind and wished him a life of happiness and well-being, as I didn’t really feel he deserved that. However, over time it became easier and my resistance subsided.

One day, after about a month of the practice, I was sitting at my computer and on a whim decided to look him up on Facebook. I looked at some pictures of him rock climbing, and a smile came to my lips.

I saw some images he had posted, of cliffs, mountains, and people bouldering, and by and by I came across a girl, a baby a few months old, words of congratulations, a graduation, and more congratulations.

Lots of memories came flooding back, and this time I didn’t block them out. I remembered our tears, his pain at losing me, the very different places we had been at in our lives during the time we were together, how naive and young we both had been.

I came to the realization that I had as much to forgive myself for during that time as I did him. The tears brought about relief and then happiness, as I found myself truly happy for all of the good things that had come to him after we parted, evidenced by what I saw on Facebook.

Then some good memories came to me; I had blocked them out over years of resentment and the inability to see anything good in him.

I remembered what he had given me, how he had opened my eyes to a new culture, helped me explore a new country, revived my love of the outdoors, and supported me during my foibles with Spanish.

An image flashed through my mind of a day we finished a pitch on a long climb in Yosemite, and I remembered that day with true and genuine fondness.

This experience moved me and was the final step in my full healing from the wounds of many years before.

Letting go of my negativity and resentment toward him brought about a lightness. He no longer appears in my dreams; I am able to look at everything that happened as a learning experience.

The Metta practice served as a tool for me to discover the compassion in my heart, for him but mostly for myself, enabling the pain to surface, be processed, and dissolve.

How can we use the healing power of loving-kindness in our daily lives? Especially when we don’t feel ready to forgive, when the effects of abuse go too deep, or when we simply don’t feel the other person deserves to be forgiven?

Like the Metta Practice, there are tools we can use to overcome our own blocks to forgiveness, even when our minds and hearts aren’t ready.

Here are some tips to remember:

We are the primary beneficiaries of the practice.

Despite the fact that during the Metta practice we focus on others, we are always the primary beneficiaries of our efforts.

We can forgive someone and it doesn’t require getting in touch with that person or making them aware of what we are doing in any way. Just as when we hold hatred in our hearts we are the ones who suffer from it, when we find love in our hearts we benefit.

It is best to start by cultivating love and compassion for someone we already love.

Often the easiest place to start is not with ourselves but with someone for whom we already feel great love—a child, a dear friend, someone we admire or who has helped us in our lives.

Even if we never extend our practice beyond this point, we already reap the rewards of the process itself. We are the ones who feel the great energy in the heart when we focus on our true desire for another to be happy and free from physical and mental pain.

We must forgive ourselves for not being willing to forgive.

Some human experiences are simply so destructive, some abuse so acute that we may not have the energy to process it. In this case, we can still benefit from forgiving ourselves for whatever negativity we hold toward ourselves for not being able to forgive or fully let go of the pain of our experience.

Choosing to keep debilitating resentment and pain out of our awareness so that we can function in the world can also be a positive choice, if we stop feeling guilty about it.

We can always choose to go at our own pace.

We are always in charge of our own pace of change. We might not feel like forgiving now, and this doesn’t mean that we can’t choose it in the future. In the same vein, we can let go of our fear of forgiving by remembering we can always go back and harbor some resentment if we want to.

We do not deserve to suffer.

One of the illusions that we must let go of is that if we stop suffering, our aggressor will somehow benefit or be better off for it. This couldn’t be further from the truth. We hurt ourselves, when we deserve our own compassion. Even when a person doesn’t deserve to be forgiven, we certainly do not deserve to continue to suffer emotionally over them.

Before beginning a forgiveness practice, we can ask ourselves, “What do I have to gain from this?” and “How is holding this resentment harming or benefitting me?”

There is always love and openness to be gained from forgiving, from processing our pain and grief, but when and how much we do is always of our own choosing.

In choosing to forgive we choose ourselves and take back our power. It doesn’t mean that we need to befriend our difficult person or that we should begin spending time again with someone who has deeply harmed us in the past.

In the case of my ex-boyfriend, we did not end up becoming friends again. However, I did end up sending him a Facebook message in which I shared that I had been engaged in a loving-kindness practice and that despite all our troubles, I had forgiven him and truly hoped he was happy.

Almost immediately, there was a response. He was indeed a new father, living in his home country with his wife. He had forgiven me long ago, he said, and he had always felt grateful to me, for bringing him to the United States.

After we parted, he went on to achieve some of his life’s dreams; he had climbed El Capitan, he had gotten his master’s degree, found a good job, and eventually moved back to Colombia with his wife to have a family.

He was happy to know that I, too, was happy and successful in life, he’d always known and hoped that I would be. And truly I am.

December 22, 2016
You Are Not Too Old and It’s Not Too Late

December 22, 2016
Until You Heal the Wounds of Your Past, They Are Going to Bleed

December 22, 2016
If You Want To Know Love, Stop Lying

“Lies may make people feel better, but they do not help them to know love.” ~Bell Hooks

I was once a liar. I didn’t know I was a liar at the time. I didn’t consciously tell an untruth. Instead, my entire being did.

Lying isn’t just something that is done with words. We can lie with our actions. We can lie with our silence. We can lie with our complicity. We can lie by pretending to be who we aren’t.

I was the lie.

I played dress up for most of my life. It didn’t happen all at once. I didn’t walk into someone else’s closet and come out with a new wardrobe. It happened slowly, over time.

Each time I said or did something that didn’t get approval from the world around me, I chose to pull a garment from the imaginary closet of people who are lovable. By the time I was twenty, my true self was so far hidden that even I didn’t know where she was.

It first began by disappearing. I felt rejected by my peers in grade school. It felt like so much work to be liked and popular. So I decided to give up trying. But instead of just being myself, I decided to hide away. Being unnoticed seemed easier than being seen for who I was.

College was my opportunity to reinvent myself. But when I got there I found out I couldn’t force myself into being outgoing or easily likable. So I turned awkward. I was hyper self-conscious that I was not being myself, but I didn’t know how to let myself just be. So my body got stiff, my movements fidgety, and my voice uncertain.

I began to watch other people and would, in the slightest ways, begin to mimic them. I’d adopt someone’s laugh, another person’s style, and someone else’s slang. This mishmash of what I thought it meant to be likable only kept me further away from the truth of who I really was.

I had friends, but no one really knew me. I was lost and lying about who I was. I pretended like I had it all figured out because admitting that I was clueless would mean my world would come crashing down.

When we build identities for ourselves we can’t risk allowing them to crumble. So we lie. We create more masks to wear and keep ourselves further from the truth. Our egos know that if one brick loosens, everything we’ve worked so hard for will be ruined.

When we choose to deny who we truly are, we are lying. Lying is a choice, one that deeply harms ourselves and oftentimes, those around us. And even though it is a choice, it’s one that is very easy to hide from. In our search for love we will do almost anything to attain our goal even if it means denying ourselves the truth.

The irony, though, is that love itself is impossible without honesty. If you find yourself desperate to know what love really is, take a deep breath and look at how honest you are about you.

Do you really know yourself? Do you share who you are with the world? Are you overly concerned with what other people think about you? Will you change yourself to be accepted by others? These are all great questions to help you recognize how comfortable you are with your true self.

Uncovering yourself is part of the path. It’s okay to share with people that you don’t know. That you’re confused. That you’re lost. That you feel pain. That you’re in the process of getting to know yourself.

You don’t have to use all your energy to put on the facade that you’ve got it all figured out. It’s okay to not have it all together. When you begin to open up and communicate with others about who you truly are, you begin the opportunity to discover what love is.

The people who open their hearts to you will create a beautiful container for love to grow. Those who are triggered by who you are will move their own way. Let them go. Stay connected to your truth and keep sharing with the people in your life.

As I began to test the waters in my friendships I started to open up about my feelings of shame and guilt.

I have one memory of sitting at the kitchen table with a girlfriend and telling her something I had never told anyone. I could feel the space opening between us as she acknowledged my feelings and matched them with her own experiences of similar feelings.

Sharing ourselves allows us to know love. Love makes us feel safe and wanted. It makes us feel connected and like we belong.

We often lie when we’re afraid of the truth. When we lie about who we are, we tend to be afraid that who we are isn’t lovable. If we show our true selves and we aren’t loved and accepted, we don’t know how we’ll recover.

We recover by loving ourselves. But you can’t love yourself if you don’t know who you are. You can’t love yourself if you’re using all your energy to put on an act for everyone else. And other people can’t love you when they don’t know who you are.

So if you want to know love, show yourself. Take off the mask. Let go of all the energy it takes to be someone else and use it to discover who it is you truly are. Love that person up and watch as the world loves you back.

December 21, 2016
Anxiety Comes from Wanting to Control the Future

December 20, 2016
Acceptance Is the First Step Toward Peace

December 20, 2016
Stop Focusing on Your “Flaws” and Let Your Light Shine Bright

“Vulnerability is about having the courage to show up and be seen.” ~Brene Brown

When I was twenty-seven someone told me I had old looking skin.

Up until I heard this comment, I had never given much thought to my skin. Ever since, however, it’s been the only thing I see when I look in the mirror.

Lately, I have been diving deeper into the inner areas of my life that still need further integration. Making themselves most apparent as top priorities are self-love and acceptance.

A good friend recently told me that she has started to look at herself in the mirror every day and say “I love you,” and really mean it.

She said when she first started this exercise, all she could see was the line that was between her eyebrows. Her one flaw.

Before my friend mentioned this line in her face, I had never really noticed it.

My friend has big, beautiful, blue eyes, and those are all I see every time I talk to her.

This conversation was quite eye opening. It made me admit that I do the same thing.

The only things I see in the mirror are the lines in my face, and I think, “maybe I need to get a facelift.”

I am committed to loving and accepting myself fully and changing this behavior pattern.

My friend said, “Polly, you have to see your lines in a different way. Your lines tell the story of who you are! Your lines show all of your many adventures, all the time you have spent outside kayaking, surfing, and cycling. This is the story your lines tell. Your lines have made you who you are. Love your lines!”

AMAZING!

Love my lines! Really?

Love my biggest insecurity? Accept my flaws as they are?

What if I loved my lines? What if I saw them like she did?

They are the story of who I really am.

I have not been wrapped up in cotton wool, sitting in a cubicle, and my face shows it.

What if I even honored my lines and said thank you?

Thank you for taking on the elements.

Thank you for protecting me and allowing me to do all the sports I love outside for hours in the sun.

Thank you, lines!

Well, this is revolutionary!

Self-acceptance, gratitude, compassion, and forgiveness are my practices today. I forgive myself for letting someone else’s opinion of me dominate me. For giving away my power, and allowing my sense of self to come from outside of me.

In his book The Presence Process, Michael Brown says:

“The behaviors we generate in order to feel safe and accepted in the world are a substitute for real peace and aren’t who we are. By embracing responsibility for our experiences, we embrace the capacity to change them.”

In taking responsibility for my life and experiences I can see that I have allowed my worth and value to be dictated by one person’s superficial observation of my appearance.

I now take back my power. I now change my story. I can choose a different path. I can love and have gratitude. I can forgive this person and myself. I can focus on my gifts instead of my imperfections.

It is commonly believed that the eyes are the mirrors of the soul.

When I talk to people I always look in their eyes. When I look at myself I hardly ever look in my own eyes.

Why? What would I see if I looked beyond the surface? What have I been distracting myself with by only focusing on my skin?

What if I saw who I truly am? What if I saw my own soul? What if I let my light really shine?

Digging deeper, I see that perhaps Marianne Williamson is right when she says,

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be?”

If I fully accept and embrace my imperfection, and believe Marianne Williamson, then what?

Is my deepest fear that I am powerful?

Does my light scare me?

What if I truly let my light shine?

What an amazing gift this would be! To myself and to the world.

This is all I really want.

To be my most authentic, whole, true self. To let my light shine. To be comfortable in my own skin.

I believe this is the point of life, and that my inner work is to see beyond my lines—to see who I truly am.

I now am showing up and having the courage to really be seen. Lines and all!

I know that if I honestly allow this, I will be free.

That no one outside of me can do this for me.

I have begun to edit video footage that I took of myself last year, when I was on a self-searching walk by myself. I spent thirty-two days alone in the wilderness and recorded my journey on video. I haven’t shared these videos because I was self-conscious about my skin, and, as a result, I have been holding back the potential of letting my light shine.

Letting my light truly shine means following my heart and inspiration. Allowing my gut instinct to rule, even when I don’t know why. Smiling big. Saying hello to people with my heart open. Seeing others as a reflection of myself. Asking, “What can I give?” rather than “What can I get?” and being present with everyone I come into contact with.

If I feel like dancing, I get up and dance.

Shining my light means sharing my gifts with generosity, and getting out of my own way. Putting myself out there and allowing my voice to be heard. Through writing, dance, film, art, and by simply being my whole, authentic, true self.

It is well and truly time. Time to get over the insecurity, the reverse vanity, and practice self-love and acceptance.

The only one who needs to love and accept me is me, and I know that once I do this what you think of me really doesn’t matter.

We can all let our light shine bright—you too.

Stop focusing on your perceived imperfections and recognize your inner light.

Look yourself in the eyes in the mirror and say “I love you” or “You are amazing,” and really mean it!

See yourself as your friends see you (without honing in on physical flaws).

“Show up,” however that looks for you, and allow yourself to be seen.

Call back in your power—from all people, places, and situations where you may have given it away.

We owe it to ourselves and to the world to step into our full power, and shine our full brightness. Allowing ourselves to be, express, and create gives others the room to do the same.

Our unique, authentic selves are here now, ready, and waiting for our permission to shine!

December 20, 2016
Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff

December 20, 2016