Tiny Buddha

Tag: wisdom

  • 10 Ways to Let Go of the Hustle and Surrender to the Flow

    10 Ways to Let Go of the Hustle and Surrender to the Flow

    “You can’t control everything. Sometimes you just need to relax and have faith that things will work out. Let go a little and just let life happen.” ~Kody Keplinger

    I have always been an overachiever: straight As, the top of my class; whatever I endeavored, I aimed to be the best at it. I strived through high school, college, graduate school, and in the corporate world.

    My hard work came with awards, accolades, and the feeling of accomplishment. But it also came with burnout, exhaustion, and the feeling of never being good enough.

    Once I achieved a goal, I was happy for a minute. But my next thought would inevitably be, “There must be more to life than this.”

    Even though it didn’t feel good, I repeated this pattern of strive + achieve + repeat at every level in my life, until I had an epiphany.

    It happened a few years ago when I traveled to Bali for a yoga retreat. While exploring the small third-world island, I noticed the locals with modest homes tending their fields, or running their local shop. One thing stood out: They all seemed incredibly happy—or at the very least, content—with their lives.

    This struck me for a couple reasons. For one, they didn’t live lavish lifestyles or have big houses or fancy cars. They weren’t climbing any corporate ladder or angling for a big promotion.

    But this didn’t matter. They appeared to be present, at peace, and enjoying the simple things that life offered.

    What a stark contrast this sentiment and lifestyle was with the one I just traveled from. Despite their lack of first world luxuries, these people seemed to have something we Americans (and I) didn’t: happiness, peace, and a sense of “enough.”

    I started to question my own desire for striving, for perfection. I wondered if all my efforts were actually keeping me away from the peace and acceptance I desired most. It seemed like a vicious cycle.

    After I left Bali, I kept this idea of “maybe it’s okay not to strive” in my head. And instead of embracing my perfectionist tendencies, I started to consider another way.

    Throughout the years since my trip, I haven’t totally abandoned my high-achieving ways (though I’m still working on it). But I’m now able to see that there is a time to strive and a time to let go. A time to make things happen and a time to allow things to happen.

    And, perhaps even more importantly, I learned that you can’t necessarily strive your way to happiness. In fact, it’s often the path of surrendering, accepting, and being at peace with where you are that truly helps you tap into that sense of contentment and ease.

    So if you find yourself over-efforting, working hard, toiling without any respite, it may be time to explore the opposite path: surrender. When you surrender, you invite life to flow as it will and you roll with the current instead of fighting to swim upstream.

    When you surrender to the flow, you open yourself to possibilities instead of forcing opportunities that might not be right. You embrace and honor where you are, without worrying about where you need to be.

    When you notice yourself striving but feel like what you really desire is peace, these ten steps help you to let go of the hustle and embrace the flow.

    1. Trust yourself.

    Cultivating trust in yourself is by far one of the most grounding and stabilizing forces you can experience. Trusting yourself means that you know what’s best for you. In order to trust yourself, you must stop looking outside of yourself for guidance and start looking inside. Even as you seek advice or answers, always run it by your inner barometer to see if it truly resonates with you.

    2. Know that you already have the answer.

    Your answer might be blocked by fear and resistance. But when you find a way to put aside those fears, you can tap into what your intuition is telling you. Know that the answer already resides within you, even if it’s not clear at this moment.

    One way to get better acquainted with your intuition is to ask yourself what your gut is telling you. Over time, the more self-aware you become, the easier it will be to hear the voice of your intuition.

    3. Recognize that what you want to achieve is already within you.

    In order to have conceived a dream, you must already have created somewhere in your mind. When we desire something, we imagine it in great detail, and feel what it would be like to experience it. The simple fact that you’ve seen or imagined that vision for yourself means that the outcome is possible for you. Believing that you can—and will—bring this vision to life is the key to receiving it.

    4. Embrace the resistance.

    Resistance comes to us in the form of fear, self-doubt, procrastination, and other roadblocks. It shows up in our lives when we are at the precipice of doing something important and meaningful to us.

    When you recognize resistance as a sign that you’re about to do something big, you can learn to embrace it as the powerful messenger it is. Instead of letting it debilitate you, you can see resistance as a sign that illuminates where you must go.

    5. Trust the process.  

    The path to your desired destination may be a winding road and not a straight line. It might even have some cutbacks and hills involved. But you won’t get to where you want to go unless you’ve first learned the lessons from the present.

    Play the hand you’ve been dealt and trust that this is all part of your journey. There is something in your experience right now that is critical in helping you to become the person you need to be to move to the next level.

    6. Let it go.

    When we have a dream or a wish for ourselves, we can become very attached to it, and guard it preciously. You conceived your vision and believe in it. Now you can release it and be free from it.

    This doesn’t mean you don’t take any action, but it means you’re not holding so tightly to your vision that you worry about taking only the perfect action. Set your vision free into the universe and trust it will happen in its own time.

    7. Seek joy.

    Remember to play and enjoy the process. “Life is what happens when we’re making other plans,” John Lennon said. When you feel yourself waiting, overthinking, indulging feelings of doubt, take this as an opportunity to seek out what makes you feel good. Ask yourself what would make you happiest in any moment, and go do that. Seek activities that you fill you up. Wash, rinse, repeat.

    8. Take inspired action.

    Inspired action means action from a place of feeling pulled toward something, inspired by something, and from a place of “want.” This is directly opposed to taking action from a place of pushing, striving, or a place of “should.” Follow the pull, not the push. Don’t worry about what you or others think you “should” be doing. Explore what you feel called to, and let yourself be guided by your inspiration.

    9. Tap into your intuition along the way.

    If (when), along the way, you feel disheartened or discouraged, impatient or impotent, anxious or depressed, simply press the “PAUSE” button and take a big, long, deep cleansing breath. This is the perfect time to turn back inward and listen to your intuition: your built-in, always-available inner guide. What is your intuition telling you? What do you need to know right now?

    10. Let the universe support you.

    Sometimes it’s not a matter of making things happen, but a matter of letting things happen. Instead of mucking around in the road, get out of your own way. Sit down on the path and open up to receiving what is meant for you.

    When you stop striving and start surrendering, you will see the infinite possibilities and opportunities that exist in every moment. You’ll tune in to the frequency of the universe, and she’ll show you the way.

    Throughout our lives, there will be periods to achieve and periods to receive. Once you tap into your own self-awareness, you can recognize what pattern you’re currently in, and whether or not it’s serving you. If you’ve been striving for too long, it might be time to surrender to the flow.

    Remember that surrendering is not quitting. It’s honoring yourself where you are at this moment in time, and allowing what you want to catch up with you. It’s taking time out for yourself and reflecting on what’s important. So that once the time to strive comes back around (which it will!), you will be supported with the energy, the purpose, and the guidance you need to move forward.

  • I’m Replacing My “I’m Sorry’s” with “Thank You’s”

    I’m Replacing My “I’m Sorry’s” with “Thank You’s”

  • Start Looking at People’s Hearts

    Start Looking at People’s Hearts

  • What to Do When You Want to Feel Closer to Your Partner

    What to Do When You Want to Feel Closer to Your Partner

    “By letting our deep longing for love and connectedness be exposed…[we are] opening up the channel through which love can enter.” ~John Welwood

    When we feel disconnected from our romantic partner what we often want most is to genuinely feel their love again, to feel connected. And yet, it can be so difficult to simply share that longing.

    So instead of explaining or asking for what we want in a loving way, we complain about what is wrong, about how our partner isn’t showing up for us. Or we simply withdraw.

    This is especially true for sensitive souls like me, who are a bit hard up on assertiveness.

    I was the girl once painfully called a “sheep” by the boy I had a crush on because I would follow my friends into social situations where they talked and laughed with the cute boys, but I could only sit smiling and mute at their side. There was just so much at risk in speaking, and my thoughts came slower when I was feeling nervous, which was often.

    Somewhere along the line, I ended up resorting unconsciously to using the tactic of complaining in an attempt to get the affection I wanted. No wonder my first marriage fizzled!

    About two years into my current relationship, which had been going wonderfully, I started to notice that I was generating negative interactions more and more frequently.

    My voice would get a little whiny when I wanted to do something with him. Or I would accuse him of not paying enough attention to me, or of spending too much time working. Sometimes tears would be the only outward sign that I was feeling disconnected.

    This tactic of trying to get what we want through accusation or complaint is very normal for many of us. Because if we straight out say what we long for we are exposing our heart. We are showing our vulnerability. And that can be very uncomfortable.

    This is doubly true for those of us like me who tend to be very sensitive and driven by feeling. We often feel shame about what is seen as abnormal emotionality. We prefer to appear as the culture expects us to be: strong and steady, certainly not needy!

    But because of our conscientious and caring nature, we tend to value and cherish deep connection above much else. This makes revealing our tender vulnerable heart in intimate relationship especially unnerving, as it seems so much is at stake.

    We prefer to stay safely guarded behind our complaint. It is easier to focus on what our partner isn’t giving us. If we never share what we want outright, they could never reject us. Right?

    Wrong. What we often get in response is distance. Which feels to many of us remarkably like rejection.

    Ironically, it is the very act of showing our heart in this naked way that has the power to create that deep intimacy we long for. Scary as it may be.

    I will put simply what years of reading relationship books never made clear for me, but trial and error (lots of it!) have:

    If your subtle hints or outright complaints aren’t working, you need to ask for what you want. With your voice. When you frame your request positively, with no hint of complaint or disrespect, it will blow your mind how effective it is!

    Here are some easy ways to make sharing your desire to connect a positive experience for both you and your partner:

    1. Discover what you desire.

    When you are tempted to accuse, complain, or withdraw in a sense of anticipated rejection, take it as a sign to discover what you actually desire.

    This might require some deep listening—to yourself! Luckily that is a skill that sensitive people are innately good at—we are naturally attuned to what our hearts are asking of us. So use that to your advantage. Ask yourself, “What do l really want? How do I long to connect?”

    There are so many ways to feel a sense of loving connection with our partner. We may desire different types of intimacy at different moments, so the answer may be different every time. And it will be unique to you. Not everyone feels most connected when snuggling, like I do.

    Some of us feel most close when we simply share time together engaging in activity like cooking a meal, dining out, playing a card game, hiking a mountain, etc. For some of us, receiving a gift or some words of appreciating is powerfully connecting. Having long meaningful conversations is another way I feel very close to my partner.

    So take the time to discover your most pure longing for that moment. Perhaps you actually just want time to connect with yourself. But if it is a longing for intimacy with your partner, prepare to present it.

    2. Do not deny or condemn your longing to connect.

    Remind yourself that this longing is simply human. Trust that your desire to feel loved and loving is benevolent. In fact, it is essential for our mental, emotional, and physical health to have affectionate touch and loving attention.

    Did you know that having a loving and supportive long-term relationship predicts longevity more than not being a smoker or not being obese? It’s also the single biggest predictor of overall life happiness. This is especially so for those of us with the tendency toward sensitivity.

    Reassuring yourself of all this helps tremendously when you are amping up your courage.

    3. Make it easier to ask.

    If there is fear, notice it is simple energy in the form of sensations in the body. Melt it with breath by taking a few deep belly breaths. Sense your hands or feet, the softness of your lips. Wiggle them all a little. This will help ease fear’s grip. Then ask for what you want using a positive, confident as possible, non-demanding tone.

    Keep in mind that most partners feel wonderful when they can please their loved ones, especially when they are being respected. So asking in the following ways can be a gift to him, as well as yourself.

    Eliminating the word “you” and simply stating what you want often inspires in your partner a desire to rise up and please you. For example, “I would love to be held right now”.

    Yet, sometimes it can be too frightening to say those words, so make it easier for yourself and say, “I miss you. Any chance you are up for cozying up together on the couch?” Or, “I would love it if you would hold me.”

    You can use the same words if you desire to connect in other less physical ways. For example, “I miss you. Any chance you are up for eating a meal alone together by candlelight after the kids go to bed?” Or, “ I would love to go for a hike together tomorrow.”

    Last time I asked my partner in such a way he responded, “I totally want to when you say it like that.”

    Find your own most natural way to express your request, with no trace of complaint.

    Risk your partner seeing your longing. More likely than not they will find it sexy and captivating. They will be inspired to show up more fully, and effortlessly return the tenderness, and you will be deeply awash in connected intimacy.

    4. Understand and honor the Pendulum Principle.

    Know that it is totally normal for partners to have different needs for closeness and space in the relationship. Sometimes the timing is off and your bid for closeness may line up with your partner’s need for space.

    I call it the Pendulum Principle. Like a pendulum, healthy people (and especially highly sensitive people) swing back and forth between needing independence and togetherness. Go far in the direction of independence and it is time to swing back toward togetherness. This happens for all of us.

    For example, there have been times I have asked for connection and my man has been literally falling asleep as I spoke. As tempting as it is to take it personally if they cannot or do not want to connect at that particular moment, please refrain. Speaking from experience, that will only create resentment and distance.

    Remind yourself that your sweetie is simply tired, has something else weighing on their mind, or needs some space to do their own thing for a bit. Trust that your brave vulnerability is still having a beautiful affect and your loving request was heard and appreciated. When the time is right for your partner, they will be much more excited to honor it than when it came in the form of a complaint.

    5. Prep your partner for the next time the complaint monster shows up. 

    As the saying goes, old habits die hard. It is likely you will need to keep practicing this new, more positively assertive way of getting your intimacy needs met before it becomes habit.

    It can help to have a conversation about how this can be hard for you and how deeply you want to be able to voice your need for intimacy in a positive way. Tell them you’d love their support as you navigate the challenge of changing your habit. Ask them to help you out if they ever notice you closing down or beginning to complain about them not showing up for you.

    Your partner will likely be more than happy to help you grow in this way—but you’ve got to ask!

    Ever since I learned how to reveal my deep wish to feel loved in the form of a request, my partner and I have been experiencing richer intimacy that ever. I am letting him see my real exposed self. My vulnerability is magnetic. It allows him to actually feel connected with me, the true tender me, and makes honoring my request a luscious delight.

    Once he said, “It is so great when you ask because sometimes I just get caught up in other things and forget how important it is for me to connect like that. Thank you for reminding me of what really matters.”

  • Don’t Judge When You Don’t Know the Options They Had to Choose From

  • Try Loving Yourself Instead

    Try Loving Yourself Instead

  • The Wisdom of Our Body: Slow Down and Tune In to Take Care of Yourself

    The Wisdom of Our Body: Slow Down and Tune In to Take Care of Yourself

    “There is more wisdom in your body than in your deepest philosophies.” ~Friedrich Nietzsche

    Parked in a dimly lit garage in the middle of the city at around 7pm, I sat in the driver’s seat, seatbelt still on, texting two different male acquaintances who had expressed sexual interest in me.

    “What are you up to tonight?” Waiting for a response back, I checked my phone every few minutes. The resounding emptiness in me that craved to be filled felt like it was growing deeper. After some time of getting immersed in social media, I receive a response back: an invitation from one man to come over to his house for dinner not too far away.

    That night, I ended up drinking several glasses of wine too many, engaging intimately with the man beyond my intention and consent, and feeling emptier than before as I left his apartment in the morning.

    Despite the gaping presence I felt inside, I was able to distract myself. I was a woman in her early twenties with a stable, corporate job. I also had a part-time job that got me out, socializing and exploring the city. I was doing something with my life, and I was just having a good time.

    When my mother expressed some resistance to my social life because I wasn’t spending much time with my family, I responded to her feelings with agitation and dismissal; there she was again, being overly sensitive and ruining my fun.

    Two days later, I had a fully booked day of hot yoga at 5am, a full day at the office, and then an hour-long drive to the city for an evening celebration for my part-time job. That night, after receiving and celebrating a promotion to a senior position on my part-time team, I began a drive back to the suburbs just past midnight only to wake up to the winds of a cold, lonely highway.

    It was Wednesday morning at 1am when I fell asleep at the wheel while driving the long stretch between the city and the suburbs. I awoke to a dramatic and jolting swerve into a bush, grazing the windshield at first, and then, within a blink, shattered glass and metal crashed into Highway 280’s center divide.

    Shocked by the sight of stark headlights on cement, smoke rising, and a deflated airbag that had just slapped me in the face, I thought, “Was this a dream? Please let it be a dream.”

    A few speeding cars left me behind in a body ridden with shock, invisible and alone on the interstate. In deep dread and fear at the realization that it wasn’t a dream, I lifted my leg in throbbing agony; it was the heavy deadweight of broken bone. I looked down to see the orange toenails of a swollen foot hanging dementedly, disconnected from my leg.

    The police officer that found me came by to peek into my car through the wreckage, flashlight blinding as it pointed at my squinting eyes and pained body. He told me that the ambulance was on its way and asked if I had been drinking.

    “Yes… earlier,” I confessed before he went back to his patrol car that felt miles away. I worried that he had moved far away in case my car exploded; I was petrified of dying there on that freeway from the flames of this grave mistake.

    The blinding sterility of the hospital emergency room ‪at 1:30am was cutting. Cutting off the green chiffon dress I had recently celebrated a job promotion in. They tore it straight up the middle. Cutting open my underwear without remorse, cold scissors sliding over me, leaving me vulnerable and without voice.

    I was exposed on a cold, hard table overlooked by shadows of examining strangers. After some tests, drugs, and hazy memories, I discovered hours later that I had fractured my left hip, broken my right ankle, and needed emergency surgery.

    The call I had to make to my parents at 6am the next morning was the hardest one I’ve ever had to make. I woke them up to tell them that I hadn’t made it home that night; rather, I had been in the hospital for the last five hours, I was in horrible shape and needed emergency surgery, which they needed to be present for.

    My father also had to track down the ‘95 emerald green Civic they gifted me that was impounded somewhere unknown to me and was unrecognizable to us all.

    In the months following, I was in a wheelchair, non-weight bearing on both legs, recovering and being taken care of by my family. I was forced to slow down, meditate, reflect, and tune in with my ailing body and spirit.

    It was a painful and humbling process, especially because I had little independence to even go to the bathroom, bathe, and prepare food for myself. The identities I carried like designer purses were suddenly made irrelevant; the superficial relationships I lent my body to felt wasteful; and my loneliness was alchemized into gratitude as I saw my body and life heal.

    Thinking back to the time before the crash, I realize how disembodied I was. I had been awake for twenty hours that day when I crashed my life as I had known it. I had been giving my body away to strangers, acquaintances, substances, and busyness to feel more alive, yet I was numbing myself to a point of not even realizing how tired I was.

    If I had paid a bit more attention to my body, I would have likely realized that I was tired and in need of a break to rest, express my loneliness in ways that nourished me, and breathe in deeply. I wouldn’t have made the decision to go to yoga at 5 a.m. the same day as a work celebration that was expected to go into the night, or I would have found a safe friend to stay with in the city.

    I wasn’t listening to the wisdom my body was giving me, and I wasn’t listening to anyone else, my mother included, who expressed love or concern.

    Six years later, I still think back to this time of trauma and healing often. If I could whisper something in the ear of that twenty-four-year-old sitting in that dim garage seeking others before herself, I would share four things that I’ve found to be immensely important for our physical, psycho-spiritual, and social health:

    1. Slow down and tune in. Ask yourself and your body curious questions.

    Being really busy doesn’t mean you’re living your best life. Spend time being with yourself and your body, feeling into it, and paying attention when it becomes too difficult to do so. Talk to your body, ask it what it needs, and be willing to listen with patience and non-judgment, sometimes even in silence.

    Meditation, journaling, and internally focused exercise like yoga (with rest) or solo dance are effective ways to tune inward to the wisdom of the body and the heart.

    I was so busy around the time of this calamity that I was living on autopilot, with little time to check in with myself. Western culture happens to reward busyness and doing the most; I felt validated and worthwhile by constantly being on the go.

    I also began to identify with always being busy, and I would judge myself critically when I “wasn’t doing enough.” This is still an uphill battle sometimes, and reminding myself and allowing time to slow down is helpful.

    2. Honor your feelings, even the uncomfortable and “negative” ones, by giving them space to be as they are; they will change, as all things do.

    Acknowledge the feelings that you tend to want to escape from: loneliness, sadness, and jealousy, for example. Be conscious of when you want to jump to fix it or distract from it quickly, before giving space to the feelings and letting them air out.

    Recognize that these feelings are great feedback and wisdom for you regarding what you might want physically, emotionally, mentally, and even spiritually. Most importantly, know that these feelings change like all feelings do, and that no state of mind (or anything) lasts forever.

    I was doing everything in my power to escape my feelings of loneliness. I was willing to give my body away before giving myself time to hear what it was telling me. While it was telling me to rest, to give myself some attention, care, and love first, and to slow down, I was ignoring and numbing it.

    3. Take time to play and creatively express yourself.

    Play games, move your body and express yourself to a song, create music with whatever is in and around you, draw or paint something without judgment, tell jokes to yourself or others, climb trees and convene with nature, speak in babble to a friend.

    I especially notice that my energy shifts dramatically when I dance, climb, or draw. My emotions are moved when I laugh or when I get on all fours and walk around like our ancestors. I try to practice going to these mechanisms before distracting myself from uncomfortable feelings or thoughts with technology binges or substances like food or pot.

    4. Massage your body.

    Feel into the places that feel tense and give yourself a rub. Notice your breath, inhale and exhale the tension out, and massage yourself just the way you like it. Consider this time and care that you are giving to yourself. It’s amazing how we can often give ourselves exactly what we need.

    We live in a society that tells us that we need this or we need that to be whole or worthy of something. Yet, we have all the wisdom we need to live a healthy, awake, and attuned life in our very bodies. Even just massaging ourselves with the power of our own touch can give us much healing and strength.

    —

    I was acting like I was in the passenger seat of my life, taking a passive responsibility over my health and well-being. Little did I realize that I was in the driver’s seat, literally and metaphorically, holding the power to destruct and rebuild in the blink of an eye.

    Since gaining my capacities and independence to walk, run, bathe, and feed myself again, I’ve also studied my body with psychological training, movement, and somatic therapy. I’ve become more attuned to my physical and psychic senses, using the multifaceted feedback that my senses are giving me all the time to assess what works for me, when I need rest, solitude, and healthy connection.

    Whenever I fall back into old patterns of giving myself away to external factors in hopes of being filled, I remember this time of my accident. The pain on the faces of my parents and brother when they arrived at the hospital to see me for the first time after the crash is especially hard to forget.

    I remember too that this precious body is telling me something with every step I take, and that it’s up to me to listen and take care of it with attentiveness and devotion. Moreover, as I am able to take attuned and devoted care of my own body and self, I’ve noticed my deepened, genuine capacity to offer attuned care to and with others.

  • Family Is Anyone Who Loves You Unconditionally

    Family Is Anyone Who Loves You Unconditionally

  • The Betrayal of Expectations: Coping When Life Doesn’t Go to Plan

    The Betrayal of Expectations: Coping When Life Doesn’t Go to Plan

    “What will mess you up most in life is the picture in your head of how it is supposed to be.” ~Unknown

    I expected to get into college. I expected to have a career after a lot of hard work, and that one day I’d meet a nice man and we would get married. We would buy our first house together and start a family, picking out a crib and the baby’s “going home” outfit and organizing a drawer full of diapers. We’d have more babies and go on vacations and grow old together.

    I expected that one day I’d take care of him until he took his last breath, and then I’d join a travel group with other retired women. My adult children would come over for dinner, and we’d take a family vacation with the grandchildren every year. That’s how it all played out in my mind.

    I had a linear view of life. You go to point A, B, C, and so on. You do what you’re supposed to do and you work hard. It was very simple, life with these expectations. Follow the recipe and then eat your dessert.

    Spoiler alert: Life was only that simple until the universe pulled the rug out from beneath my feet.

    It was an ordinary school day when my life fell apart. These sort of things usually happen on ordinary days.

    My husband and I were both teachers, and we woke up before the sun rose to begin our assembly line of breakfast and lunch preparations. Afterward we’d wrangle children and get them dressed and ready for departure, which was basically like herding cats. Then, he dropped them off at their respective places. I picked everyone up after school.

    In between all of that we worked and went to meetings and ran errands and bathed children and cooked dinner and tended to all the usual moving parts of domestic life.

    Except on that ordinary day, none of it happened.

    On April 27, 2016 I woke up and found my husband dying on the living room floor. Out of left field, in an instant, the life I expected was gone.

    I never considered the possibility of becoming a thirty-four-year-old widow with a one-year-old who I was still nursing, a three-year-old barely talking in sentences, and a six-year-old only two months away from his kindergarten graduation.

    I was thrust into an alternate reality of gnarled, tangled grief, and it was in this new place that I had the painful realization that the life I knew, the one that was familiar and most comfortable to me, was over.

    My husband and I planned each of our children down to the day. We even had number four, the one who would never be, scheduled in the calendar.

    But now I was a single mother. A widow.

    It’s kind of embarrassing to admit, but during this time I wasn’t only mourning the loss of my husband. Sure, I missed him so much that I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I lived my days in exile, not knowing where I belonged. The tediousness of my new life as a single mother wore me down to the bones. The loneliness that festered inside of me created a painful hollowness that felt hopeless; the unfairness of this cosmic roll of the dice made me want to give up more times than I would like to admit.

    But there was something else I was grieving: the loss of the life that I expected to live. My dashed expectations. The trajectory of my life that was forever altered, now headed in an unknown direction that felt like it would surely kill me.

    We expect our lives to materialize the way we envision them in our hopes and dreams. When life doesn’t go as planned, it can be difficult to reconcile the disappointment of our new reality. Resistance is the first defense. We don’t want to believe or accept the change.

    This wasn’t the life I chose. I deserved something better, I thought. “This” seemed so patently unfair. Surely there were worse people who were more deserving of this kind of lightning to strike them instead—so why me? I clung to those thoughts and let them bury me deeper and deeper into the abyss. The resistance might have been the catalyst to the darker parts of grief.

    It’s such a disappointing, embarrassing revelation when you realize that you never actually had complete control. It feels like you were lied to. All of those years you spent with your first-world blinders on, thinking that you could plan every detail. It was cute while it lasted. Now it just felt stupid.

    I realized what expectations really were.

    Nothing.

    My expectations were never real. They were nothing more than thoughts in my head. Assumptions. Desires. Never guarantees.

    It was always like that, but for me it had been on a micro level. Micro-disappointment, like not getting the job I thought I wanted. A relationship that ended. Losing a bid on a house. I never prepared myself for the real disappointment in life. Earth-shattering disappointment that makes your world crumble and introduces you to your new constant companion: pain.

    We usually think the bad stuff we hear about only happens to other people. We’re aware that it exists, but not in our reality. Just an abstract thing somewhere else in the world.

    Until it happens to us.

    I remember how mad my husband used to get when I’d be surfing Facebook, bemoaning that so-and-so got a new car, or how in love a couple seemed to be, and why can’t we go to Hawaii like so-and-so?

    “Everyone puts their best on Facebook,” Kenneth told me. “It doesn’t mean anything.”

    “No,” I insisted, shaking my head. “So-and-so and so-and-so are madly in love. Look at how passionate they are with each other. Why don’t we hold hands like that?”

    “We have three kids under five,” he said, rolling his eyes.

    I wish Kenneth lived long enough to know that the so-and-so’s got divorced. He would have told me “I told you so.” And for once, I would have gladly told him he was right.

    It’s memories like those that I like to lean into. Life can’t be as horrible or as wonderful as it appears in my head. There has to be middle ground.

    When I’m feeling an extreme of any emotion, I have to remind myself of this. It’s just thoughts in my head. Sandcastles built out of feelings, and sandcastles get washed away when the tide rises and brings in a new day. It’s not a matter of being a good or a bad thing. It just is.

    My expectations have been a thing that I’ve had to live with my entire life. I’ve always had high expectations for myself. Failure was not supposed to be a thing. As a widow, I found myself floundering in a new reality where I felt like I was constantly failing. Legitimately not capable of doing what I once could.

    I wasn’t the same mother to my children. This new me had less time and patience. She was more tired and overworked and in pain. I had to learn to live with the limitations of my new life. My disappointment pooled inside of me like poison. Nothing I could do was enough. I wasn’t enough. Those are all very toxic feelings to carry around when you are already drowning in grief.

    But there is only so much time you can spend falling deeper into your pit of despair. One day you realize that you are no longer falling and have in fact reached the bottom. There you are, alone with your despair, so sick of yourself that you can’t even handle your own negative thoughts anymore. You can’t take one more second of it.

    This is your moment to get up and wash yourself off and start over.

    When the despair stops roaring in your ears and you have a moment of quiet, you can begin to think objectively about your life. Your new life.

    I realized what was wrong with me. My problem, I decided, came from my expectations. They were the root cause of my despair.

    I expected a long life with my husband, even though he was always a mortal being who was never promised to be mine forever. I expected a lot of things, except for the only thing that was true about life: We are only guaranteed today. Yesterday is over. Tomorrow is unknown.

    I knew I wanted to live as best as I could. I wanted a fulfilling life that was hopeful, joyful, and meaningful. I’d have to change my expectations if I wanted all of that. It was impossible to get rid of the expectations completely. I’m only human. Besides, expectations do serve a purpose. They’ve helped me in life. They’ve also hurt me.

    The middle ground, I decided, was finding “flexible expectations.” I couldn’t be rigid in my thinking. I wanted to have standards and goals, but I needed to have wiggle room for the inevitableness of life not going as planned.

    I had to become more resilient and strategic about my setbacks. I needed to have long-term perspective and not feel like individual moments in my life were the be-all, end-all. I needed to be less attached to a prescribed way to live.

    You realize that in a world full of uncontrollable circumstances, the most powerful line of defense that you have completely in your control is how you think.

    Your attitude.

    Your perspective. Is that glass half-full or half-empty? You decide.

    How you think is your resilience. Your ability to get back up and dust yourself off. The way that you know life is worth living, not only during the moments of joy, but also during the challenges and pain and heartbreak, and this is the reason you persevere.

    Maybe my expectations never betrayed me after all. Maybe it was actually supposed to be one of my greatest teachers in life.

    Around a year after my husband died, I sat down and made a list of “good” and “bad” from the past year. It had gone by in such a blur that I felt like I needed to go back over the details. I anticipated a pity party as I recalled all of the terribleness.

    The bad: my husband died. Single.

    The good: new friendships, a loving community who showed up for us when we needed them, trips to Japan and Italy and Denmark, saw an old friend for the first time in eleven years, more productive than ever with my writing, my kids were happy and adjusted little people, we had a nice roof over our heads, I loved my job that didn’t feel like a job, we were healthy, I worked on the election (even if it meant precinct walking with the toddler on my back as a single mother—but I did it!), and so much more. I kept thinking of new things to add to the list.

    It was very telling. We tend to focus on the negative. My mind wanted to go back to the dark moments of the past year. But after re-reading the list, it was clear that the year wasn’t all bad. There were many bright spots in the hardest year of my life.

    Mooji said, “Feelings are just visitors. Let them come and go.”

    I try to always remember that.

    It’s okay to feel terrible. You aren’t broken for feeling that way. You just can’t let yourself get attached to the feelings. There will be days when life feels too hard. You will feel pain and loneliness and fear that will make you suffer. None of it reflects who you are, nor are they any indication of what your future looks like. They are merely the temporary visitors.

    When the feelings visit me, I acknowledge the pain. Hunker down. Maybe clear my schedule. Lower my expectations of productivity. Give myself permission to rest while I let the thoughts pass. Then I move on. It’s not that you ever forget the pain, but moving on is a way to compartmentalize it so it does not destroy you.

    Eighteen months later, I’m a different person than who I was before my husband died. It’s not the life that I initially chose, but in many ways I am living a more intentional life with a lot more choice. There is some degree of excitement in what I call my “renaissance.” There are no rules. You just live as authentically as you can, with what you have, doing the best you can, and that’s it. No secrets.

    Everything that you need to persevere is already inside of you, and this truth is liberating.

  • One of the Best Lessons You Can Learn in Life

    One of the Best Lessons You Can Learn in Life

  • It’s Never Too Late

    It’s Never Too Late

  • The 10 Most Important Things We Can Do for the People We Love

    The 10 Most Important Things We Can Do for the People We Love

    People. Life is all about people.

    We don’t have to have a ton of relationships, but we all need people in our lives who get us. Who’ve seen our freak flag countless times and love when it comes out.

    People who tag us on memes that capture our spirit, or Tasty videos they know we’d drool over. People who text us with random pictures of bumper stickers or book covers or bath mats or beard accessories with a note that reads “Saw this and thought of you.”

    We all need these kind of close connections to feel a sense of security and belonging in the world.

    We need people who think of us, look out for us, accept us, bring out the best in us, and challenge us to be the best us we can possibly be. And we need to be that person for them.

    It could be the family you were born into, the one that you chose, or the one that chose you after plowing down the big wall you erected to keep yourself safe.

    Whoever makes up your tribe, and regardless of its size, these are the kinds of relationships that make everything else seem manageable.

    Whether you’re having a hard day or a hard month or a hard year, a call or a hug from the right person can remind you that life really is worth living. And when things are going well, it’s all the more enjoyable for having people you love to share it with.

    Most of us would agree that our relationships are the most important thing. That a layoff or lost opportunity can be tolerated so long as the people we love are healthy and safe.

    And yet it’s all too easy to lose sight of the big picture when we’re knee-deep in the struggles of our daily lives. It’s easy to deprioritize the little things that keep relationships strong when we’re worried about our debt and our deadlines.

    It’s human nature—our negativity bias: we’re more sensitive to what’s going wrong than what’s going right. It’s how we’re wired, a means to keep ourselves safe.

    But life is about more than just being safe. Or at least I want it to be. I want to focus more on what I love than what I fear. I want to be proactive, not just reactive. I want to wake up every day and be the good that happens to someone else instead of just playing defense to prevent bad from happening to me.

    So this year, instead of focusing mostly on everything I want to gain or achieve, I plan to live each day with the following intentions in mind.

    I intend to…

    1. Be present.

    I will put down my phone and focus fully on the person in front of me. My texts and emails will be there later. The person in front of me won’t.

    2. Listen deeply.

    Instead of plotting what I’m going to say next, or collecting mental buckets of sage advice I can’t wait to dole out, I will listen completely, with the primary goals of understanding and being there.

    3. Speak truthfully.

    Even when it feels awkward and uncomfortable, I will share what’s true for me. I won’t exclude the messy parts, no matter how tempting it may be to try to appear perfect. The jig is up—I’m not. Not even close! And neither are you. Let’s be beautiful messes together.

    4. Accept fully.

    I will see your quirks and edges and shortcomings and peccadillos and will accept them all as crucial parts of the complete package that is you.

    5. Interpret compassionately.

    Instead of assuming the worst, I will give you the benefit of the doubt, as I would want to receive it. I’ll assume you didn’t mean to be rude or to hurt my feelings. That it came out wrong, or you were triggered and reacting from a place of hurt, or you were simply having a bad day. And then I’ll stop assuming and ask to verify, “Is everything okay?”

    6. Forgive often.

    I will take every perceived slight or offense and put it through my mental shredder before I go to sleep each night. And if I can’t let it go, perhaps because it’s too big to simply discard, I’ll tell you how I feel and what I need so we can work through it together.

    7. Appreciate vocally.

    I will let you know that I admire how you always stick up for the little guy and love how you make everyone laugh. I will compliment you on your passions, your parenting, and how you exude peace, because you’re awesome and you should know it.

    8. Give freely.

    I will give my love, support, understanding, and well wishes; I’ll give things new and old that I think will be helpful. If there’s something you need that I no longer do, I’ll send it with a note that reads, “I thought you could put this to good use. And if not, sorry for sending you clutter!”

    9. Remain unbiased.

    I will put aside everything I think I know about you based on who you appear to be, and will be open-minded when you tell me or show me what you believe and what you stand for.

    10. Love anyway.

    Even if you’re stubborn or moody or judgmental, I will love you anyway. And when I’m stubborn, moody, and judgmental I’ll try to do the same for myself. I’ll try to rise above petty thoughts and sweeping generalizations and keep sight of who you and I really are: good people who are doing our best to navigate a sometimes-painful world.

    Because we all stress and strain and struggle sometimes. We all get fed up, ticked off, and let down, and at times we all lash out.

    In these moments when we feel lost and down on ourselves, it helps to see ourselves through the eyes of someone who believes in us. And it helps to remember we’re not alone, and that someone else really cares.

    Someone who’ll stand by us at our worst and inspire us to be our best.

    Someone who’ll sit on a roof with us and and talk about everything big or nothing important for a while. Someone who might not always know which one we need, but who’s willing to ask and find out.

    This is the kind of friend I want to have, and the kind of friend I want to be. Because life is all about people. And all people need a little love.

  • Don’t Take It Personally

    Don’t Take It Personally

  • I’m Not Like Everyone Else

    I’m Not Like Everyone Else

  • Why I No Longer Depend on Anyone Else for Happiness, Fun, or Excitement

    Why I No Longer Depend on Anyone Else for Happiness, Fun, or Excitement

    “Never put the key to your happiness in someone else’s pocket.” ~Unknown

    It was Saturday night. I sat, at my breakfast bar in my apartment, alone and in semi-darkness. Only one small lamp was turned on in the corner.

    I was fuming, confused, and most of all, sad. I sprang off the breakfast barstool and began to pace. There were so many emotions circling around in me I had to keep moving in an effort to release them.

    I spun around and looked at the clock above my kitchen—it was almost 7pm! He had said he was going to be there by 6pm.

    Why was he not there? Did he not know I was depending on him? Didn’t he know I had planned my schedule to be there in time to hang out?

    I didn’t have any other plans and felt stuck waiting in limbo. Where was he? I felt the emotions rising toward my throat as they bubbled up and threatened to explode.

    I picked up my phone and called my boyfriend, trembling with frustration as the phone rang. He picked up on the third ring.

    I had been waiting to hang out with him after work all day. I had imagined us meeting on time at 6pm and having a great evening together.

    In my head, I had imagined us going out for a bite to eat and then maybe catching a new movie at the theatre or going to a comedy club. My day had been uneventful and boring, and I was looking forward to having an exciting evening.

    I had planned and expected and prepared perfectly, and he was ruining it again! Like so many nights in the past, his job had kept him late and he was not there for me when I needed him.

    “Where are you?” I barked in his ear as soon as he picked up the phone. “I’ve been waiting. I’m here at my apartment waiting to hang out with you, and you’re not here. I’ve been looking forward to hanging out all day!”

    He seemed taken aback by my anger, and he fumbled for an answer to soothe me. He explained that work had kept him late and he was on his way back. He apologized for not updating me on his arrival time and assured me that he would be there soon. I spat out an “Okay, whatever,” and hung up angrily.

    And there it was—the usual start to our weekends together. I slumped down in a kitchen chair realizing I had done it again. What was wrong with me?

    My boyfriend worked a lot. Almost ten-hour days when you added it all up. And he worked Saturdays too. Still, I always seemed to depend on him to bring some excitement and joy to my monotonous days.

    Every Saturday would start the same: I would feel like I had been bored and waiting all week to have time together and do something fun, and he would usually arrive late or tired after work and I’d be crushed and irritated. I would then fire off some hurtful words that would give a sour taste to our weekends together right from the start.

    It was a vicious cycle. And I never understood why I was so dependent on my boyfriend and why I felt so abandoned and hurt if we were not able to hang out exactly when or how I wanted.

    It wouldn’t be until several weeks later that the cure to this vicious cycle came to me and the person to blame became clear.

    One Saturday night my boyfriend decided to go out with one of his close guy friends instead of hanging out with me. Immediately the abandonment and lonely bells started to sound off noisily in my head. I felt the anger rising in me, and I spent the next day simultaneously fuming and hurt.

    But the following day when my boyfriend and I sat down to talk about it, I started to realize something: While he could make an effort to text or call me if he was going to be late in the future, the real issue was not with my boyfriend. The problem was me.

    It took a few days of serious introspection, but I finally realized that I depended on my boyfriend for my happiness. I expected him to always be there emotionally and physically, to handle any issue I was going through.

    I unknowingly expected him to tackle any kind of emotional turmoil in my head, and to be there to take me out and show me a good time whenever was convenient for me, regardless of his schedule.

    In fact, if he didn’t do these things perfectly and at my convenience, I felt hurt and abandoned and lashed out. I saw it as a sign that he did not love me and did not care about our relationship.

    It was hard to admit, but having a boyfriend had allowed me to use another person as a crutch. I expected him to be perfect and give me all the things I was not providing for myself—emotional release, a social life, and validation.

    It became clear to me that I had put an unfair burden on him. I knew our relationship would not survive if I did not make a change.

    Here are the top three things I realized during that time (insights that can apply in romantic or platonic relationships):

    1. Expecting someone else to make me happy is objectifying them.

    In a sense, my boyfriend was a tool for my happiness. I had placed an enormous amount of pressure on him to perfectly handle all my difficulties and supply all the things that were missing in my life.

    But only I have the right toolbox that can “fix” what isn’t working. My boyfriend is not a tool. He is a whole person with his own emotions, struggles, goals, hopes, and dreams. Reducing him to a tool for my happiness is objectification, and it limits the growth and deepening of our relationship.

    It is unfair to expect someone to help you become a whole person. More importantly, we already have everything we need within us to live our best life; we do not have to look outside ourselves or to anyone else.

    This relationship has taught me many lessons, but perhaps the biggest one is that I cannot wait around for anyone else to bring happiness and excitement to my life. I have to go out there and create it! I also cannot expect one person alone to take my loneliness away.

    2. I alone am responsible for my happiness and excitement in life.

    Because I work from home and lack coworkers and social interaction, I am susceptible to feeling isolated. There were so many days when I would count on my boyfriend to come pick me up, take me out, or invite me to a fun event. If this did not happen, I would feel unhappy and angry. But really, I should never depend on someone else to bring me excitement, joy, or happiness. That is my responsibility!

    I eventually realized that instead of depending on my boyfriend to fill a void in my life, I had to start taking accountability and doing it for myself.

    From then onward, I started reconnecting with old friends and going out more. I said yes to different activities and invitations. Creative events like painting, spoken word, and concerts make me happy, so I now make a point to do these things with or without my boyfriend.

    Having my own friends outside of my romantic relationship—my own interests, my own invitations, and my own plans—keeps me feeling whole. It also reminds me that I have to take charge of my day, my emotions, and my social life.

    I started getting out of my comfort zone and outside of the overly introverted bubble that kept me so lonely all the time. Now that I have reconnected with and strengthened my relationship with my own circle of friends, I no longer put pressure on my boyfriend.

    I now know that even if he has to cancel plans or he chooses to hang with another friend, it does not make or break my day. I have my own support group and circle of friends to hang out with, and I can bring excitement to my own life.

    3. You can reclaim your power.

    If you’re like me, you are probably in the habit of placing your power in others’ hands. You may think thoughts along the lines of:

    If he doesn’t text me today, I’m going to be crushed

    If she doesn’t go to this event with me tonight, I’m going to be so disappointed and I’m just not going to go at all.

    If they don’t invite me to the party on Friday, my night will be ruined!

    I used to say these kinds of things often, and still have to fight against this kind of thinking. In all of these statements, I am letting someone else’s actions control my own mood and happiness. I am letting the actions of others affect what I choose to do.

    Oftentimes, if my boyfriend and I went the day without talking, I would let it ruin my entire day. I didn’t even try to find things that I liked to do to spice up my day, or hang out with friends, or do something exciting. I just wallowed in my pity and irritation. I allowed his actions to control me. I gave my power to him.

    I would also depend on my boyfriend to go to events with me. If he was not able to make it because of his job or an emergency, I wouldn’t go at all (even if I had been looking forward to it). Then, because I felt like I had missed out, I would be mad and disappointed with him.

    That is releasing my power into his hands. Now, even though I can be quiet and sometimes nervous about new social situations, I will make a point to still go to an event even if my friends or boyfriend cannot make it. As my mother used to say, “Don’t let one monkey stop your show.”

    Do you put your power in other people’s hands? Will someone canceling plans or doing something unexpected wreck your day, or will you empower yourself to create your own happiness?

    Even if someone changes plans or cannot go to a fun event with you, if it will bring you happiness, go anyway! Do not allow the actions of others to control your actions or emotions. Reclaim your power.

    —

    I am working to create a tighter circle of friends, and I understand clearly that I cannot depend solely on my boyfriend (or any other person for that matter) for my happiness and social life. Our relationship will not survive if I do not learn to take responsibility for my happiness and stop waiting around for one person.

    This had been a hard lesson for me, but it is one that I chose to act on every week, and I will continue to work on it because the journey to empowerment and happiness is a lifelong one.

  • Make Your Absence Felt

    Make Your Absence Felt

  • Let Go of What’s Holding You Back

    Let Go of What’s Holding You Back

  • Tired of Waiting? How to Thrive When Your Life Feels On Hold

    Tired of Waiting? How to Thrive When Your Life Feels On Hold

    “What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals.” ~Johann Wolfang von Goethe

    Silence. Not a word.

    Another day is over. The news you were waiting for didn’t arrive.

    Everyone else around you keeps moving. They know where they’re going.

    You don’t. You watch the days go by and think of all the things you could have done. You feel like you’re wasting your time.

    It seems pretty pointless. You’re not where you want to be.

    Sometimes we have to wait. You left one job, but the next one is not yet here. You want to go back to the soccer field, but your injury is not yet healed. You’re stuck in a city you just want to leave behind. Or you just simply don’t know what to do next.

    In May, my husband and I moved across the world from Germany, my home for over twenty-five years, to Canada, his home country. We had already applied for permanent residence for me months before we came.

    Give it a few weeks and it will arrive, we thought. Then I could start looking for a job. Start my career. Move forward.

    Weeks became months. August came and I was still hopeful. I checked the mailbox every day. Maybe today we would hear something. But still nothing.

    The heat of summer started to fade and I became more anxious. I was expecting to hear the big news any day, but the leaves turned colorful and pumpkins popped up in the stores and I still hadn’t received my permit.

    Over the course of a summer and a fall, I was watching my friends moving forward. Applying for new jobs, preparing for interviews, getting promoted. Friends from Germany I graduated with were starting their careers. Some of them started a family.

    I was waiting. And the longer the waiting continued, the more anxious I got. As a twenty-seven-year-old graduate, I felt like I had no time to waste.

    Even more, I was ready to work. Apply what I’ve learned. Improve my skillset. Learn new things. Contribute to a cause. Be part of something. Instead, I had to wait. I felt slowed down. Left behind.

    But as fall came, something in me started to change slowly. I started to come to terms with my circumstances. My situation hadn‘t changed; I had. I realized that there were five things that, with the help of my husband and family, helped me turn this waiting period around.

    1. Stop feeling sorry for yourself.

    This first point is crucial.

    Some mornings you might not even want to get out of bed. What for? Even if you do, you feel no motivation to get anything started or done. What’s the point?

    It might seem like life has hit the pause button, but life is still happening. And it is still up to you what you do with your circumstances.

    So focus on what you can do. Live. Right now. Every day. Don’t make this all about the wait. Make it about you. Then there is really no reason to feel sorry at all.

    2. Watch your mouth.

    Words are powerful, even if they aren’t said out loud. The way you think and talk about your situation will determine how you feel about it.

    In the evening, when my husband asked me what I did that day, I quite often said, “Nothing, really.” Of course I had done a lot of things every day. What I really meant was: “I did a lot of things, but they don’t count.” They didn’t count in my head because it wasn’t what I wanted to do. It’s not what I though I should be doing.

    Silly, I know. And my husband would call me on it, which eventually changed my language. And that eventually changed my perspective on things.

    Share your crappy feelings with people. Be honest with them. But make sure these are people who help you. Who challenge you. Who don’t let you sit in it.

    Guard your thoughts when you are alone. Don’t allow yourself to sit in your negative feelings. Put a visual reminder on your desk. A quote maybe. Write it on your bathroom mirror. Have a copy of it in your wallet.

    You might not be where you want to be in the long run, but that’s life. It takes time. As long as you are on the right path, every step counts. And if you don’t know where your path is going, you were just given the perfect opportunity to find out!

    3. Don’t make excuses.

    It’s easy to find reasons not to do things. Especially when you’re waiting. Because what you really want is just around the corner. The present is just a weird in-between-space.

    Wrong. Now is the time to try new things. To step out of your comfort zone. To discover new passions and gifts.

    In the past months, I taught myself more about cameras and video editing, I took a guest blogging course, I started to take on a few creative projects around the house, I connected to new people in the city, and I explored my new home.

    Some of it might help my career. Some of it was purely for enjoyment. But everything I did helped me to learn—what I enjoy, what I am good at, how I want to live my life.

    So pick one thing you want to do. A creative project. A class. Your own book. Start it. Commit to it. Don’t be scared that it’s going to take you a lot of time. Let it take you out of your comfort zone. You don’t have to know yet where it’s going to take you.

    4. Don’t compare.

    So you’ve tried all of the above. You’ve done good work. You feel great.

    But then you start comparing yourself to the people around you. Friends, family, coworkers.

    Of course, you pick the ones who aren’t in a similar situation. Those who know exactly what they want. Those who just did the big move out of the city. Those who just got a job.

    Don’t. I know it’s hard, because it feels like it’s being rubbed in your face: you’re not there yet. And the whole cycle of feeling sorry for yourself, negative words, and cheap excuses starts again.

    Be happy for these people. Remember that one day, it’s going to be you. It’s just going to take a few extra steps. That’s fine. Because until then, there are plenty of opportunities and lots of life to live.

    One thing that helps me is to stay away from certain people and groups on social media. I don’t blame people for posting about all the awesome things that happen in their lives. I just know my weak spot. I know I instantly compare myself. So I unfollowed a bunch of people to avoid it, for my own sake.

    5. Keep moving.

    You know that exercising keeps you healthy. It makes you strong and helps you stay in shape. But it also improves your mood and your sleep. It reduces stress and anxiety. It helps your brain to function better.

    You, of all people, want a functioning brain. For all the reasons listed above. That’s why you need to move your physical body in this period of waiting.

    Find the way to workout that works best for you. I used to run a lot, so I bought myself a new pair of runners. When I am overwhelmed with my situation, I put them on and run it off.

    It can be as simple or fancy as you like—just do it. Sign up for a gym class. Join a soccer team. Go for long walks. Do yoga with the help of some YouTube videos.

    Of course, this point will look differently for you if you’re waiting is caused by a physical injury. You’re doctor and physiotherapist have probably told you already what exercises and how much of it will help your body to recover.

    In any case, commit to exercising. Make time for it. Stick with it.

    You Can Do It

    Waiting sucks. Especially when there is no end in sight and you’ve done everything you can.

    But changing the way you approach this waiting period can make all the difference.

    Imagine achieving a goal taking one step every single day.

    Imagine learning a new skillset that will help you when you can finally take the next step.

    Imagine discovering a new passion that will determine the way your life is going.

    Start by trying one of the steps above tomorrow morning when you get out of bed.

    Try a different step every day. Keep those that work and lose those that don’t.

    You can make this period of waiting in your life a personal success!

  • Wake Up with a New Sense of Hope

    Wake Up with a New Sense of Hope

  • Your Feelings Are Valid

    Your Feelings Are Valid