Posts tagged with “trauma”
3 Things to Do if Youâre Wondering: Why Canât I Just Be Happy?
Do you sometimes see people running around enjoying life and wonder what youâre missing? Sometimes I used to think I must be a horrible person. I had so many things going for me, and I still couldnât be happy. I would ask myself, is there something wrong with me? Am I a narcissist?
Then sometimes I would decide I was just going to be happy. I would fake it until I made it and just accept thatâs who I was. But it wouldnât take long for me to feel overwhelmingly depressed.
I had a little dark hole that would …
Releasing Fascia: A Simple Way to Reduce Tension, Pain, and Disease
âTake care of your body, itâs the only place you have to live.â ~Jim Rohn
I hear this happens to so many, but when it happens to you, itâs unsettling. I didnât know what was going on with me, and I wasnât getting any satisfying answers either.
Most days were good, and I felt fine and went about my regular routine wearing my many hats: mother of two young kids, human mom to three fur babies, a household-manager-of-all-the-things and full-time dental hygienist. And then out of the blue, it could hit me like a ton of bricks⊠the backache, neck …
Learning to Speak Up When You Were Taught That Your Feelings Donât Matter
âA proper grown-up communicates clearly and assertively.â
This is something I have heard many people say.
By that definition, I wouldnât have classed as a proper grown-up for most of my life.
There was a time when I couldnât even ask someone for a glass of water. I know that might seem crazy to some people, and for a long time I did feel crazy for it.
Why couldnât I do the things others did without even thinking about it? Why couldnât I just say what I needed to say? Why couldnât I just be normal?
Those questions would …
Anxiety Sucks, But It Taught Me These 7 Important Things
âAnxiety is the dizziness of freedom.â ~Soren Kierkegaard
Let’s be clear:
This isn’t an article about positive thinking.
This isn’t an article about how silver linings make everything okay.
This isn’t an article about how your perspective on anxiety is all wrong.
The kids call those things “toxic positivity.”
No toxic positivity here.
This is an article about my lifelong relationship with anxiety and what I’ve learned from something that won’t go away. At times the anxiety spikes and feels almost crippling. I have a hard time appreciating the learning at those times, but it’s still there.
That is what …
How Iâve Stopped Letting My Unhealed Parents Define My Worth
âDetachment is not about refusing to feel or not caring or turning away from those you love. Detachment is profoundly honest, grounded firmly in the truth of what is.â ~Sharon Salzberg
A few months ago, my father informed me that heâd been diagnosed with prostate cancer. Although he seemed optimistic about the treatment, I knew that hearing such news was not easy.
After a few weeks, I followed up with him. He ignored my message and went silent for a couple of months. Although his slight ghosting was common, it made me feel ignored and dismissed.
In the meantime, I …
How Iâve Navigated My Grief and Guilt Since Losing My Narcissistic Father
“One of the greatest awakenings comes when you realize that not everybody changes. Some people never change. And thatâs their journey. Itâs not yours to try and fix it for them.â ~Unknown
In 2021 my father died. Cancer of⊠so many things.
Most of the events during that time are a blur, but the emotions that came with them are vivid and unrelenting.
I was the first in my family to find out.
My mother and sister had gone on an off-grid week-long getaway up the West Coast of South Africa, where thereâs nothing …
One Thing We Need to Survive Crisis, Loss, and Trauma
“What man actually needs is not a tensionless state but rather the striving and struggling for a worthwhile goal, a freely chosen task.” ~Viktor Frankl
A couple of years ago, I was sitting in my little mountain cottage, writing away on a new novel. It was a cold and dark February afternoon. So, first, I felt pleasantly surprised when I saw something bright lighting up behind me: I thought it was the sun coming out. But when I turned around, I noticed that my porch was on fire!
Before I knew what was happening, I was standing out in the …
How I Learned That My Pain is Valid and Worthy of My Own Empathy and Love
âSit with it. Sit with it. Sit with it. Sit with it. Even though you want to run. Even when itâs heavy and difficult. Even though youâre not quite sure of the way through. Healing happens by feeling.â ~Dr. Rebecca Ray
Itâs July 2022 and Iâm in the middle of a red tent at Shambala Music Festival in British Columbia.
I sit elbow to elbow, knee to knee, heart to heart with a group of women who I am meeting for the first time.
Itâs hot and weâre sweaty.
A teacher is leading a healing womb meditation, and she prompts …
How I Claimed My Right to Belong While Dealing with Imposter Syndrome
TRIGGER WARNING: This post briefly references sexual abuse.
âNever hold yourself back from trying something new just because youâre afraid you wonât be good enough. Youâll never get the opportunity to do your best work if youâre not willing to first do your worst and then let yourself learn and grow.â ~Lori Deschene
The year 2022 was the hardest of my life. And I survived a brain tumor before that.
My thirtieth year started off innocently enough. I was living with my then-boyfriend in Long Beach and had a nice ring on my finger. The relationship had developed quickly, but …
Finding Home After Divorce: What Brought Me Peace and Healing
âWe need to learn how to navigate our minds, both the good and the bad, the light and the dark, so that ultimately, we can create acceptance and open our arms and come home to ourselves.â ~Candy Leigh
Divorce is so common that my son, at a young age, asked if my husband and I could divorce so he could have âa momâs and dadâs house too!â And my daughter agreed because then âwe could get double presents on holidays!â Given my experience as a child with divorced parents, I assured them, âGuys, divorce is not really that much fun.â…
We Are Both Darkness and Light: How to Reconcile Them and Grow
âWe have to bear our own toxicity. Only by facing our own shadows can we eventually become more light. Yes, you are kind. But youâre also cruel. You are thoughtful. But youâre also selfish. You are both light and shadow. I want authenticity. I want real. I claim both my light and my shadow.â ~Kerry Mangis
Many of us can recall the painful moments that have shaped us. As we grow older, we become intimately aware of all the ways we were hurt, wronged, or betrayed. I think itâs a natural impulse, to number these moments …
Two Things Not to Do After a Traumatic Event (Lessons from Being Robbed)
âTrue emotional healing happens by feeling. The only way out is through.â ~Jessica Moore
Have you ever loved someone so much that you could no longer see who they really were? Or have you ever been young and naive to the danger that surrounds you?
I’m the first to raise my hand and say I did that! I’m a person who trusts people until they give me a reason not to.
Trust
Trust can be broken in so many ways by those you least expect it from; those you love and thought loved you. In some cases, it may not …
How Grieving My Parentsâ Divorce (20 Years Later) Changed Me for the Better
âThere are years that ask questions and years that answer.â ~Zora Neale Hurston
At the age of thirteen, my childhood as I knew it came to an end. My parents sat my brother and me down at the kitchen table and told us they were getting a divorce. In that moment, I could acutely feel the pain of losing the only family unit I knew.
Although my teenage self was devastated by this news, it would take another twenty years for me to realize the full extent of what I had lost. And to acknowledge that I had never …
The Secret to Letting Go (And Why Itâs Okay if You Canât Right Now)
âIt’s not a matter of letting goâyou would if you could. Instead of ‘Let it go,’ we should probably say ‘Let it be.'” ~Jon Kabat-Zinn
When I was in my twenties, I went to see an acupuncturist because Iâd been through a bad breakup and felt uncertain about my life path and purpose. âWentâ is a kind way of saying it; I was dragged. I didn’t want to go, but my family was going and thought it might be supportive with all that I was going through.
I was dealing with a lot of rough emotions and felt like I …
Looking Back: The Silver Linings of the Pandemic and Why Iâm Grateful
“You gotta look for the good in the bad, the happy in the sad, the gain in your pain, and what makes you grateful, not hateful.” ~Karen Salmansohn
The 2010 decade was difficult for me. Hardly a year went by without someone close to me passing away.
When the tragic decade started, I was in the midst of my residency training and free time was a luxury I did not have. When I graduated and became an attending physician, I was too busy caring for patients on my own to take a break.
In 2018, my world was shattered …
How I Stopped Being Everything I Hated About My Parents
âThe beautiful thing about life is that you always change, grow, and get better. You arenât defined by your past. You arenât your mistakes.â ~Unknown
When I was an angsty fourteen-year-old, I remember screaming at my parents that I never (ever!) wanted to become like either of them. And I meant it.
My dad was a workaholic who was never at home. When he was at home, he was emotionally unavailable, arguing with my mother, or heâd escape the stress of our house by going to the betting shop to gamble.
My mother had erratic mood swings, did not allow …