Posts tagged with “relationships”
The Closure in Accepting That They May Never Change
âOne of the hardest things Iâve had to understand is that closure comes from within. Especially difficult if youâve been betrayed by someone you love because you feel like you gotta let them know the pain they caused, but the peace you seek can only be given to you by you.â ~Bruna Nessif
Many years ago, I wrote a very personal post for Tiny Buddha titled Get Past It Instead of Getting Even: Revenge Isnât Winning.
The post described the challenges I experienced with my parents as an adult and, ultimately, my decision to cease all relations with them.
5 Big Lessons I Learned After Losing a Legacy Friend
âYou canât force anyone to value, respect, understand, or support you, but you can choose to spend your time around people who do.â ~Lori Deschene
Thereâs a term in IT called âlegacy systems.â These are computer systems that are ancient and abysmally outdated yet are kept around because organizations have centered some of their operations around them.
The exercise to replace a legacy system is challenging and possibly even painful because of the interwoven network of dependencies placed on these systemsâbut itâs not impossible.
The benefits of replacing a legacy system with one that is aligned with the current operational …
How to Break the Cycle of Painful, Dramatic Relationships
âNo matter how far we come, our parents are always in us.â ~Brad Meltzer
Had you asked me five years ago, before my healing and personal growth journey began, if my upbringing and childhood wounds were shaping the choices I was making in relationships, I would have scoffed at you and said, âNo way. Are you kidding?â
Somehow, I had normalized the dysfunction I grew up in: the absentee father, the mother with mental illness, the lack of stability and safety, the enmeshment and codependency, the attachment wounds that left me spending a lifetime searching for someone or something to …
How Highly Sensitive People Can Feel More Fulfilled in Their Relationships
âTruth can be stated in a thousand different ways, yet each one can be true.â ~Swami Vivekananda
Highly sensitive people naturally bring some really beautiful, love-promoting qualities to their romantic partnerships. But these same qualities can sometimes end up undermining the strength of their relationships. This was true for me in my first marriage and led, in part, to it ending in divorce.
We HSPs are known for our caring, conscientious, and considerate natures. It matters deeply to us that we do our best to be loyal and caring in our relationships.
And because we tend to have high …
How to Overcome Relationship Conflict with the Internalized Other Practice
“You can only understand people if you feel them in yourself.â ~John Steinbeck
In the early stages of my relationships, I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what the other person was thinking. Hours of pondering whether they liked me, over-analyzing every text message, and worrying that every fight meant it was over.
Over time, in a good long-term relationship, these challenges settle down. While longevity is not the only marker of a successful relationship, feeling safe and comfortable with someone over a decent stretch of time is undoubtably lovely. All those fear-based worries and insecurities fade,
When Itâs Time to Let People Go: How Iâve Lightened My Emotional Load
âLove yourself enough to let go of the people, thoughts, and habits that are weighing you down.â ~Karen Salmansohn
More than a year ago I started unpacking and cleaning out my âbackpackâ of life in a different way.
I have always tried to remain friends with exes, and even though we didnât necessarily socialize together, there was still the odd keeping in touch, helping them with a favor, or âHappy Birthdayâ text.
While most of them are generally nice people, the truth is that if I never dated them, I probably wouldnât be friends with them now. Weâre just on …
When the People We Love Shut Us Out: What I Now Understand
âHave patience that is all unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like closed rooms, like books written like a foreign language.â ~Rainer Maria Rilke
I started thinking about a distant relative on a walk in the woods. I had thought about her more often when she suddenly stopped speaking to our family, well over a decade ago. I would reach out to her through email, but after not hearing back over the years, I thought about her less and less and eventually stopped trying to connect with her.
On this particular walk, I began to
Caretaking Your Sensitive System for More Love in your Relationship
âSometimes youâve got to look straight into the tired eyes of the woman staring back at you in the mirror and tell her that she deserves the best kind of love, the best kind of life, and devote yourself to giving it to her all over again.â ~S.C. Lourie
I learned the hard way that in order to have an intimate relationship (and life) that feels deeply satisfying, nourishing, and fulfilling, highly sensitive people (HSPs) need to attend more to their emotional well-being than non-HSPs.
Before I knew I was highly sensitive (which is a normal trait …
Overcoming Codependency: Breaking the Cycle of Unhealthy Relationships
âA codependent person is one who has let another personâs behavior affect him or her and who is obsessed with controlling that personâs behavior.â ~Melody Beattie
From a young age, I felt insecure in my own skin. I was a highly sensitive child and, subsequently, struggled with low self-worth for most of my life.
Although I had many friends and a good family, I consistently looked for approval outside of myself. I grew up believing that the opinions of others were the only accurate representations of my core worth.
As a teenager, I witnessed the crumbling and eventual demise of …
How Following Our Instincts Now Can Protect Us from Pain Down the Line
“There is a voice inside of you that whispers all day long, I feel this is right for me, I know that this is wrong. No teacher, preacher, parent, friend or wise man can decide what’s right for you. Just listen to the voice that speaks inside.” ~Shel Silverstein
Some time ago, a guy I knew suggested I go swimming with him and a friend of his. I accepted.
I didn’t know him well. Sometimes he would say hello and be warm, while other times he would ignore me. Since he was a longtime friend of a girl I knew, …
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