Tiny Buddha

Tag: meditation

  • Radical Acceptance with Tara Brach: If You’re Hard on Yourself, Read On

    Radical Acceptance with Tara Brach: If You’re Hard on Yourself, Read On

    Have you ever thought, “Something’s wrong with me”? I suspect we all have at one time or another.

    We’ve thought we’re too quiet, too loud, too eager, too lazy, too sensitive, too dramatic, or generally not good enough.

    And social media doesn’t help much. Every time we log on to Facebook or Instagram we’re bombarded with everyone else’s accomplishments, adventures, and best angles, which can easily lead us to conclude our life is somehow lacking—that we are somehow lacking.

    From there, it’s just a quick leap to self-flagellation.

    We can all be our own harshest critics. We can beat ourselves up for our mistakes, flaws, and failures, as if we’re supposed to be perfect. As if we’re supposed to have everything together and should never have bad days, negative thoughts, or painful emotions.

    But this is all part of being human. These aren’t shameful defects to hide or change. They’re realities to accept.

    If you’ve found it difficult to accept your humanity and treat yourself with kindness and compassion, you may benefit from Tara Brach’s eCourse Radical Acceptance.

    A world-renowned psychologist, author, and meditation teacher, Tara Brach has a talent for helping people embrace the present moment and overcome the blocks that prevent them from giving and receiving love.

    Her books and courses have helped millions of people heal and find peace and presence, and this particular course has received close to 600 glowing reviews.

    I’m happy to share that Udemy has offered a discount for Tiny Buddha readers, bringing the cost down to just $9.99 from now until February 19th.

    The eCourse includes four and a half hours of on-demand videos, broken down into bite-sized pieces, that you can access any time, anywhere. It’s powerful, easily digestible, and chock-full of life-changing wisdom.

    You can get instant access to Radical Acceptance by joining here, and browse through Udemy’s many other course offerings here.

    I hope the course is helpful to you!

    **Though Udemy is a Tiny Buddha sponsor, you can trust that I only recommend products and courses that speak to me personally. If you have any trouble getting the course for the discounted rate, you can contact Udemy’s customer support here.

  • There’s More to Life Than Work: Goodbye Hamster Wheel, Hello Balance

    There’s More to Life Than Work: Goodbye Hamster Wheel, Hello Balance

    “Most of us try to do too much because we are secretly afraid we will not be able to do anything at all.” ~Rick Aster

    I’m standing in my art studio. My palette is loaded with paint. My canvas has been prepped and ready. There is a paintbrush in my hand, but I can’t move. I don’t know what color to pick or what shape to make. I start questioning my color selection, the size of my canvas… and everything else under the sun.

    A few months ago, I wrote myself a reminder to allow my art to flow through me. Making art is a refuge for my mind—a mind that struggles with anxiety, depression, and “Hamster Wheel Syndrome.” You’re not familiar with that malady? Let me explain it to you with an example of what my brain sounds like when hamster wheel syndrome kicks in:

    “Do people really like pinks and greens together? Is it too feminine? Should I make my shapes big and bold to contrast against the girlie palette? Maybe I should do a test on a smaller canvas first? Maybe I should just pick a different pallet. It’s cold in here. I’ll get a hoodie. I think I need more coffee… Man, this art table is messy. I’ll organize it first… I only have three hours until my dentist appointment… The grocery is near by the dentist. I’ll plan on going there too…” And on and on it goes.

    According to UrbanDictionary.com, hamster wheel syndrome is “when someone just keeps running in circles (and making the same mistakes) in their life instead of progressing.”

    I believe that this only really scratches the surface about what it truly means to feel my wheels spinning, with no break in sight, for days at a time.

    When I’m in my studio, brush in hand and ready to go but I can’t move forward due to my brain throwing ten different options at me every three seconds, I feel paralyzed.

    I am a highly efficient person with a creative mind. I’m an abstract painter, essay writer, and fastidious business owner. I can get more done in two hours than many get done in a day. And I’m not saying this to brag. It is a blessing and a curse.

    If you’re like me, you know how exhausting this type of hamster wheel efficiency can be. IT NEVER STOPS. If I’m not checking things off my to do list, I’m compiling them into spreadsheets, using new methods of organization that I thought of while I was trying to sleep at 3am.

    I am addicted to efficiency. It makes me feel productive and useful. But as there can be too many cooks in the kitchen, there can also be too many ideas and tasks to process at once.

    When the multitude of ideas leads to overwhelm, paralysis is the result, and for a person like me, when I’m stagnant, I get even more anxious. If I stay in that state for too long, depression kicks in. Then I’m really in trouble.

    I begin to feel guilty that I’m not getting enough done; like rest is a failure. Sometimes it’s hard for me to sit down at the end of the day, so the pace continues until bedtime, even though I know where it will lead.

    Now I’m no psych major, but I believe hamster wheel syndrome is a compulsive disorder that at first makes me feel efficient, but then yields the same negative result every time—an inability to move.

    I’m so addicted to coming up with things that will keep me busy in order to have a feeling of accomplishment and, more importantly, for others to see me as accomplished. I put a lot of pressure on myself!

    I am a wonder of time management and productivity. I get up early in order to exercise before making breakfast and getting everyone off to work and school. Then I’m in my office at 8:00am, checking off tasks from my to-do list, and yes, I’m the type that if I’ve done something not on the list, I’ll add it just so I can cross it off.

    Then, when I’m nauseated because I forgot to eat, I shove food down my throat and move to the art studio where I now have to flip into thoughtful and creative mode, and there I stay until 5:00pm.

    The problem is that when I’m not moving at that horrendously cray cray pace, I’m comatose, lying on the sofa, binge watching Law & Order and denying the fact that I will, indeed, have to get up and be productive again. And if I get to this point I’m happy, because it means that hamster wheel syndrome hasn’t reduced me into a tornado of indecision, just that it has made me too tired to function.

    I have two speeds: To-Do List Annihilator and DEAD.

    After just coming out of about a four-month depressive period due to over working myself, I realize that this pace isn’t healthy or sustainable. So, what do I do? Well, I’m way too fired up about my art and my business to slow down. I think the solution is to be rigid about both my work time and my relax time.

    I work with a business coach and recently, she has put us into three-people “accountability groups.” These groups are meant to help us stay on task. I realize that a common problem for artists is that they just can’t get themselves out of the art studio to give their art business attention. This is not my problem.

    At first, the others in my accountability group were proposing only evenings and weekends for our weekly meetings. Since diving into my own business, I’ve heard many people say that I’ll now be working twenty-four hours a day and through the weekends. That entrepreneurs have to work longer hours to yield any sort of progress. That we are supposed to eat and breathe our work all the time.

    I have one thing to say about that: SCREW THAT.

    I didn’t start my own business to hamster wheel myself into a constant, walking panic attack.

    I am passionate about my art and I want it out there, but I also love my family. I love to surf and hike. I love to watch movies and lollygag at coffee shops. What I don’t like is the exhaustion that hamster wheeling causes and the expectation that in order to be successful, I don’t have a choice in the matter. I’ll say it again: SCREW THAT.

    So, in an effort to calm the rodent, here are five ways to slow the hamster wheel down:

    1. Exercise, yoga, get outside and play

    This really is on every single list I write. It is so important for me that when I don’t get up to do something active four or five days a week, I can feel myself getting wound up internally and eventually depressed. Just moving my body releases the bound-up thoughts and allows more grace to seep into my day-to-day life.

    It’s easy to get caught up in our heads when we spend all our time staring at work or screens. Getting outside and being active transfers all that energy from our brains to our bodies so we can feel energized and balanced.

    2. Meditation

    I would think that due to my hamster wheel, seated meditation would be hard for me, but it’s not. I relish in the fifteen minutes when I sit, breathe, and be still. I’m pretty good about being consistent with it, but I’m also human, so I try not to be hard on myself when time goes by and I haven’t been active in this practice. I’ll start to notice that wound up feeling after a few weeks and start a daily meditation practice again.

    The beautiful thing about meditation is that we can do it many different ways. If not seated meditation, try walking meditation or deep breathing exercises, even painting or gardening.  Any mindfulness practice can help pull us from big picture overwhelm to a present state of calm and relaxation.

    3. Lists, lists, and more lists

    It helps me go into my day with less anxiety by simply knowing what I would like to accomplish in the next eight hours.

    I have a huge master to-do list that I update on Mondays. Each morning when I get up, I make a daily list from that list.

    Now, before you roll your eyes at me, hear me out: My daily to-do list is only time-sensitive items that need to be accomplished that day and pieces of larger projects that I’ll give some attention to knowing that it won’t be completed as a whole. The result is a slow and steady progress.

    It’s so easy for us to get overwhelmed by the litany of to do’s associated with the big picture.  By breaking it down into smaller pieces, we are able to look at projects in more manageable baby steps.

    4. Stick to a realistic work week.

    My workday is from 8:00am to 5:00pm. I put everything down at 5:00pm, with few exceptions. My weekends are my own. I shut down the computer on Friday evening and don’t turn it back on until Monday morning.

    I simply refuse to allow my business to take over my whole life. My art is my work and I’m lucky I feel so passionate about it. When I stop on the weekends, it allows excitement to build for Monday morning. Plus, playtime is an important recharge!

    Being passionate about our work is a gift, but when that passion takes over everything else, our self-care, family, and friends tend to get neglected. Playtime is important to recharge and we should all prioritize it as much as we prioritize our work.

    5. Judge progress in years, not weeks.

    For a while, I was thinking about growth in terms of what I’ve accomplished in the past month or two, and I felt a need to cram as much as possible into my days because it didn’t seem like much. As a result, I was living in a constant state of fear, overwhelm and a feeling of failure.  It wasn’t until I compared my current situation to where I was at this time last year, that I realized how far I’ve come.

    We don’t need to work ourselves to the bone to see progress. Slow and steady wins the race, and it’s much easier to see accomplishments built over long periods of time than in the seeds planted over just the past couple of weeks.

    —

    I think that the above can be applied to anyone, in any type of work.

    In the end, we all want the same things: success in our work life and a healthy, happy home life. I have absolutely no doubt that stay-at-home moms, lawyers, restaurant workers—really anyone—can fall prey to hamster wheel syndrome. We must take care of ourselves, mind, body, and soul. Otherwise, we fall out of balance and fall prey to anxiety, depression, and a host of physical ailments.

    I yearn for the day that I don’t have to give so much attention to being a balanced person. However, I also want a career, to spend time with my loved ones, to go surfing and skiing, to cook my own meals, and to be able to tend to all the errands that come with life. That’s a lot to want, and so I have to put equal attention to the activities that will feed my energy.

    I have to remember that the hamster is not in charge! The wheel doesn’t have to spin twenty-four hours a day. In fact, it isn’t reasonable to think that it can. The hinges that support that wheel will burn out quickly if they don’t get a break and some oil.

    While I like to burn bright, I must remember that fires need to be fed. And with that, I’ve just reminded myself that I’m hungry, and so I stop. To be nourished so I can nourish.

  • Introducing Buddha Groove: Meditation, Yoga, and Inspirational Gifts

    Introducing Buddha Groove: Meditation, Yoga, and Inspirational Gifts

    Hi friends! I hope you’re all enjoying the holiday season so far. Since I know a lot of us spend the beginning of this month looking for the perfect holiday gifts for the people we love, I wanted to take this opportunity to introduce you to Tiny Buddha partner Buddha Groove.

    A family-owned business, Buddha Groove was one of Tiny Buddha’s first sponsors many years back.

    Buddha Groove partners with artists all over the world to offer products that feed the spirit, inspire the mind, and revive the body. Many of their designs originate from artisan traditions in places such as South America, India, Indonesia, Tibet, Nepal, Thailand, and several other world regions. Buddha Groove also partners with many independent artists across the U.S.

    Their wide assortment of spiritual and wellness items and meditation gifts include…

    Buddha statues, like this:

    Translucent Blue Buddha Statue

    Cold Cast Bronze Medicine Buddha Statue

    Meditation malas, like these:

    Chakra Wrist Mala

    Knotted Amethyst Meditation Mala

    Singing bowls, like these:

    Blue/Gold Tibetan Singing Bowl

    Blue/Gold Tibetan Singing Bowl

    Spiritual jewelry, like these pieces:

    Breathe Pendant

    Abstract Chakra Figure Pendant

    Books and coloring books, like these:

    Inspirational Quotes Coloring Book

    Mindfulness Guidebook for Kids/Parents

    Yoga gifts, like these:

    Namaste Blessings Card Set

    Yoga Frog Figurines

    Although I consider myself a minimalist, I know that creating a tranquil environment can go a long way in fostering a sense of inner peace. And I also know that it’s much easier to be mindful and consistent with my meditation practice when I have lovingly chosen tools to support me.

    The same is true of the people we love. What better gift to give than a gift that aids in creating calm and comfort?

    Buddha Groove offer free shipping within the continental USA and ships internationally through a third party company. They also offer no-hassle returns within 30 days on all items except media, books, cards, and products containing plants.

    You can browse their full collection here and read a long list of reviews from happy customers here.

    I hope you’ll enjoy browsing through their site, and also hope you find something that speaks to you for the spiritually inclined individuals on your holiday gift list!

    **This is a sponsored post containing affiliate links. That means that a small percentage of each sale supports Tiny Buddha and helps keep the site going.

  • How to Dissolve Social Anxiety by Doing Nothing

    How to Dissolve Social Anxiety by Doing Nothing

    “Your thoughts have to understand one thing: that you are not interested in them. The moment you have made this point, you have attained a tremendous victory.” ~Osho

    “What do you do when you go out alone to the forest for the whole day?” my friend asked.

    “Nothing. I just sit there, enjoy the peace, and let my thoughts be,” I replied.

    “So you meditate,” she said.

    “No,” I objected. “I just sit there and do nothing.”

    “But that’s meditation,” she insisted.

    I smiled and shrugged my shoulders. “Okay, if that’s what you want to call it.”

    At that time, most people and society were a big, mean, frightening monster I kept trying to get away from—if not physically, then at least mentally by blasting music through my headphones, escaping far away in my daydream world, or by drowning my invasive negative thoughts and feelings in drugs and alcohol.

    Yet, the real monster was inside of me and didn’t plan on leaving any time soon.

    I remember how my social anxiety got worse around some people, usually the ones who seemed to feel superior, arrogant, and judgmental toward others. At least that’s how I perceived them in my subjective reality as a socially anxious person. But this wasn’t the only determining element for the intensity of my fears.

    Authority figures were frightening, too, even the kind ones.

    The truth is, when you have social anxiety, you have such low self-esteem and an intense feeling of inferiority that you think pretty much everyone is superior to you.

    So as a general rule, my brain decided that everyone is better and cooler than me, and that pretty much everyone thinks I’m ugly, stupid, and worthless. Therefore, I better stay away from people if I want to avoid mocking, judgment, and rejection.

    Every time I didn’t respect my brain’s wish, an alarm in the form of severe anxiety would go off.

    Actually, that alarm went off even when just the thought of some people crossed my mind.

    But after hours of my special meditation, these thoughts lost their grip. I would think of people, and no unpleasant emotions would arise, or if they did arise, much less than before.

    I would feel at peace… until the chaos of the city and society would get the best of me again. It would usually take just a day or two before I’d feel pretty much as my old anxious self, which might seem too short to be even worth the time to get out of a big city. It might seem like my few-hours long trip was meaningless.

    Yet, every meditation made me a little bit stronger and a little bit more peaceful.

    Nothing is meaningless. That’s one of the precious lessons I’ve learned from nature.

    When everything seemed to lose its meaning, I would look at nature’s beauty surrounding me. I would look at plants and know they are not meaningless. Besides having their special roles in the ecosystem, they appease me. So if they are not meaningless, nothing is, because in nature, everything breathes and lives as one.

    There are many more lessons the natural world has taught me.

    You know what’s best about being surrounded by meadows, trees, birds, and butterflies?

    You feel the life around you, but you know there’s no judgment or rejection involved, not in the same sense as in human society. No thoughts. Nature just is.

    Especially plants. There’s something about them that is very calming.

    Wild landscapes inspire me to just be. And when you “just are,” without judgment of good and bad, you become incredibly peaceful.

    You have probably heard of Jim Rohn’s quote, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” While it might not always be true, I believe it generally is. That’s because we are influenced by our surroundings and social interaction.

    Spending time in nature is like becoming infected with that peaceful just be feeling.

    What does this have to do with social anxiety?

    At first glance, it doesn’t have much to do with the “social” part of anxiety, but read on.

    Social anxiety is born out of a feeling of unworthiness, of not feeling good enough, of judgmental thoughts defining you as “bad” and defining other people as “bad,” “good,” or “better.”

    When you just are, all the good and bad disappears and gives place to indescribable peace.

    You become stronger and untouchable.

    As I sit there on a meadow with the forest surrounding me, I just let my thoughts be.

    I don’t try to stop them, create them, or analyze them. I don’t even observe them.

    I probably can’t say I get lost in them either.

    It’s more like I get lost in the peaceful part of myself while I let all the thoughts do whatever they want. I let them be, and with that, I let them go.

    I am emptying myself.

    One of my friends once said, “Why do you say you are emptying yourself? You should say you are refilling, not emptying.”

    I say emptying because I don’t think that you have to fill yourself up to become the highest version of yourself.

    Your true self is blissful, happy, loving, and peaceful. Unhelpful thoughts cover up that peace and make you get lost in the labyrinth of heavy and unpleasant feelings like anxiety, low self-confidence, fear, anger, and sadness.

    When you let go of those thoughts, you automatically become everything you ever wanted to be.

    So in the end, I like the idea of calling “just sitting in nature, doing nothing” meditation. After all, it creates the effect meditation is supposed to create.

    If you haven’t already, I invite you to try this “meditation” yourself. Sit there for a few hours. Or at least for one hour. Needless to say, looking at your phone doesn’t count as “doing nothing,” so leave it at home or in your pocket.

    No need to analyze, observe, stop, redirect, or create your thoughts. Just be there. Don’t try to be present, and don’t try not to be. Don’t try to be without thoughts, either, because as soon as you try to do anything with your thoughts, you are creating new thoughts, more thoughts, and the “just be” state is gone.

    Just be. And let thoughts be too. It’s one of the best paths to yourself because when you lose all the unhelpful thoughts, you find yourself.

  • How a 10-Day Silent Retreat Helped Heal My Grieving Heart

    How a 10-Day Silent Retreat Helped Heal My Grieving Heart

    “In a retreat situation, you are forced to come face to face with yourself, to see yourself in depth, to meet yourself.” ~Lama Zopa Rinpoche

    When I was at university, doing a ten-day silent Vipassana meditation retreat was considered a hardcore rite of passage only the toughest among us attempted. Those who lasted the distance referred to it as a “mind-blowing” and “life-changing” experience.

    “Think of how you feel after an orgasm,” a friend said when I considered finally doing a Vipassana meditation retreat to reconnect with myself after a decade in full time employment. “Imagine feeling for two months like you’ve just had the most powerful orgasm.”

    I couldn’t. I really couldn’t imagine how ten days of enforced intimacy with my own messy mind would result in two months of post-coital bliss. Nor could I imagine sitting still and keeping silent for ten days. Nor was I prepared to sacrifice half of my annual leave to find out.

    What finally got me to commit to the meditation cushion for a ten-day marathon of silence was a shattered heart. I needed a radical act of self-care.

    I had just spent two long years caring for my terminally ill husband. His funeral was followed three weeks later by the largest cyclone in Australia’s living memory. It made landfall within meters of my veranda, destroying an entire community. In the confusion that followed, I found things out about my husband that would have been best buried with him.

    I was shell-shocked, as if a bomb had detonated inside me and ripped my heart to shreds. A psychologist suggested happy pills. But I wasn’t interested in medicated happiness. I didn’t even want the post-coital bliss my friend had spoken of.

    I just wanted to feel whole again. The psychologist advised against a ten-day silent meditation retreat. It was too dangerous, she said. There wouldn’t be anybody there to catch me should I crash hard.

    But I knew that only I could pull myself up from the abyss. Avoiding my grief was not an option. I needed to confront my pain head on.

    Two months after my bereavement, I took myself off to an austere meditation center in Sri Lanka to follow the teachings of S. N. Goenka.

    Here is what I learned:

    Impermanence is the foundation of everything.

    When I showed up at my first ten-day silent meditation retreat, I had just witnessed the impermanence of everything, and it had left me devastated.

    Sitting in meditation for ten hours a day, continuously scanning my body, becoming aware of the rising and falling of my physical discomfort, I learned to accept that everything in life is constantly changing.

    In the afternoons, when the meditation hall turned into a sun-drenched hothouse, the physical discomfort of sitting still became almost unbearable. Resisting the urge to shift my legs or scratch my sweaty head taught me to become a detached observer.

    Every day a cool evening breeze would follow the intense afternoon heat. The tickling of my scalp, the tingling in my legs, the stiffness in my hips, all of it fell away as day turned into night and I stretched out on my rock hard mattress.

    By observing what was happening to my physical body, I learned to trust that emotional discomfort and pain rises and falls in the same way as physical pain does.

    Meditation teaches you how to become a detached observer.

    I learned to focus on my breath, to feel it rising and falling. I practiced watching my mind fill with dark clouds, like a lake with storm clouds reflected on it. I glimpsed brief moments of clarity as I allowed the clouds to drift by. I learned to label my emotions and set them free rather than stay attached to the pain.

    I learned to train my mind to be in control of those dark storm clouds that kept on brewing. They didn’t magically disappear as I sat in meditation ten hours each day. But I learned not to chase after them and become swept up in every little tempest that flared up.

    I learned to simply watch what was going on in my mind. It felt like watching a giant movie screen from the back row of a cinema.

    Meditation teaches us that we can control our emotional pain. By focusing on the breath, we are able to step back, assume the position of a witness, so that it doesn’t overwhelm us.

    It’s a lesson I’ve taken with me into everyday life. When a friend says something hurtful or when someone cuts me off in traffic, I know how not to be reactive.

    Meditation gives you a new perspective on who you are.

    As I sat and listened to the constant chatter in my head for ten days, I realized that our identities are a product of the stories we tell ourselves.

    Old stories from the past showed up. The tortured narrative of my dysfunctional family suddenly made sense. My parents had remained attached to the narrative of their suffering as deprived war children. Unable to craft new stories for themselves, this victim narrative defined them in adulthood.

    Sifting through the details of the aftermath of my husband’s death, trying to make sense of his unfaithfulness, I understood that I had been given the tools to rewrite that story.

    I couldn’t undo what had happened. I’d never be able to have another conversation with him to set the record straight. I couldn’t give our story a happy ending. But I had the tools to use what I had learned to craft a new narrative for myself.

    One stifling hot afternoon, focusing on the beads of sweat forming on my forehead, my focus became laser sharp.  I understood that if I didn’t want to live my life by the victim narrative, if I wanted to be in charge of myself again, if I didn’t want to turn into a bitter woman with a prematurely aged face, I needed to forgive those who had compounded my suffering.

    Writing to the women whom I had considered my worst enemies was profoundly liberating, both for me and them. We were able to make peace with ourselves and with my philandering husband.

    Suffering is an inevitable part of life.

    All of life is suffering. It’s one of the key principles of Buddhism. Human nature is imperfect as is the world we live in. The Pali word Dukkha means suffering, discontent, unsatisfactoriness. We all experience varying degrees of suffering all the time.

    Some of us had come to the retreat feeling stuck in life, stressed by our jobs, frustrated in our relationships, directionless and ready for some kind of transformation. I wasn’t the only who had brought a deep feeling of grief to the retreat.

    I was the only one who had lost a loved one, but grief has many faces. Some of us were grieving collapsed marriages or failed relationships. It made me aware that we will all experience deep sadness in our lives, not once, but many times. It made sense to learn how to deal with it.

    Life had just dealt me an overdose of suffering as if to hammer home this important point. Sitting with my physical and emotional pain for ten seemingly interminable days forced me to make friends with it.

    I was able to put it into a new perspective. I hadn’t died, I hadn’t lost a limb, I had no permanent battle scars. My adopted hometown would recover, the ravaged landscape would heal, and so would I.

    I realized that being able to hold my husband in death, to comfort him on the journey through his terminal illness, had been a chance for deep transformation. I understood that we are in charge of how we respond to suffering.

    Suffering arises from attachment.

    Burying my husband and sorting through the debris after a category five cyclone had shredded my hometown to bits, I had glimpsed how suffering is linked to attachment. Sitting on my meditation cushion for ten days, I grasped the core of the Second Noble Truth that all suffering arises from attachment.

    We are all driven by our desires and cravings. Our unhappiness is a result of our tendency to cling to or grasp at what is unattainable. We become attached to material things; we want to hold onto happiness; we chase after pleasure and we are in denial about the impermanence of everything.

    As expected, I didn’t explode in multiple orgasms, nor did I crash into the bottom of the abyss, both of which would have been a form of attachment.

    On the last day of the retreat, when we were at last released from our vow of silence, everybody was experiencing some kind of high. Something fundamental had shifted for all of us.

    Endless chatter quickly replaced our noble silence. Having sat side by side, experiencing the full rainbow of emotions, we were keen to share our experiences.

    A small group gathered around a self-confessed retreat junkie, who glowed like a 3D postcard version of the Buddha, sitting in full lotus pose for most of the retreat. He had made it his life’s purpose, he explained, to go from retreat to retreat so that he could stay permanently within that blissed out sate.

    I was tempted to quote one of our teachers that it’s just as dangerous to get attached to bliss as it is to get attached to pain and suffering. The aim of meditation is to let go of any form of attachment. But I bit my tongue, because I knew that he would need to find that out for himself.

    Meditation is a personal self-care tool we all have access to.

    Of course the ten-day meditation retreat didn’t magically cure my pain. It took many more weeks, months in fact, on the meditation cushion to heal my heart. But with every retreat I was inching a little further away from the abyss.

    Six years on, I have found love again. My house has been repaired and my garden has grown back into a lush jungle. Life continues to ebb and flow, oscillating between moments of happiness and suffering.

    You don’t have to be at your personal rock bottom to experience the life-changing benefits of a silent meditation retreat. What I learned has stayed with me. Meditation remains my personal self-care tool that allows me to negotiate the inevitable ups and downs of life, from the trivial to the tough stuff.

  • My Proactive 8-Part Plan for Beating Anxiety and Negativity

    My Proactive 8-Part Plan for Beating Anxiety and Negativity

    “Nothing can bring you peace but yourself.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

    I’m on a much needed and looked forward to vacation with family whom I love dearly, and yet I’m entering the belly of the whale. Perhaps it was triggered by my habit of making sure everyone is okay and having a good time. Perhaps it’s because the act of preparing for and traveling to Baja was exhausting and now I’m just tired.

    Whatever the cause, my anxiety starts as an uncertainty, an insecurity tickling the back of my skull. Then it attacks my ego, assigning me responsible for the self-created and the mostly non-existent negative body language that whoever is sitting next to me is giving off. The way you picked up your fork makes me think you’re angry. The look you flashed when I coughed causes me to cower.

    From there the insecurity spreads like a plague until it’s part of every thought, every action. At some point, it doesn’t even seem to originate in the brain anymore. It becomes a vibration within. A simmering under my skin that makes me jump at the smallest of noises. A discomfort that makes eggshells appear under my feet.

    Once here, it’s like I can’t do anything right. Every action is disappointing. Every thought is wrong thinking. The big picture comes crashing down making it hard to breathe. It settles onto my shoulders and around my throat, like an over-zealous travel pillow. Tears usually follow accompanied with sides of hopelessness and embarrassment.

    Anxiety attacks. No really. It attacks. It’s calculated, methodical, and unforgiving. It makes me think that it’s All. My. Fault. It’s exhausting and it can happen anytime, even on vacation.

    I’ve been dealing with anxiety since I was a kid, although I didn’t know what it was until I was well into my thirties, at which point I had to make a decision: to be a stressed-out, anxiety-ridden person, which also meant living with the idea that there was something wrong with me; or to accept the fact that I’m a person and all people have struggles.

    Anxiety and negative thinking are my struggles, and I choose to handle them in the same way I handle having seasonal allergies or a bad back.

    Let me explain. I live in a state of sleepy sneezes when things start blooming. In the months before spring arrives, I begin taking bee pollen daily so I’m less prone to lethargy and allergy attacks. I injured my back last week surfing, so I’m not going to lift heavy things and after a period of rest, I’ll start doing stretches and exercises to strengthen myself so I can get back in the water.

    I’m not going to wait to get to the point where I’m laid out and feeling sorry for myself, and I’m not going to jump into an activity that will exacerbate the situation. I am being proactive about my well-being.

    When I was about thirty-five, my anxiety got so bad that it led to a depressive state. I was panicked all of the time and I began to realize that the life choices I habitually made were feeding my negative state of mind.

    I wasn’t living a healthy life style. I didn’t find my job fulfilling. I was angry that I didn’t have what “you” had. Something was always missing and I was constantly reaching outward to fill the empty space.

    The problem was that nothing from outside myself was helping. I realized that drinking alcohol and eating poorly (i.e. binging on sugar), sitting in front of social media, smoking cigarettes. and watching hours of television were all the same type of abuse.

    I had been using all of these things to dull myself to, well, myself. I had been living un-happily for the majority of my life and so unhappy had become my default.

    I also had to admit that my discontented state was a direct product of living dishonestly. I hadn’t been communicating about the things that I knew would make me unhappy because I was only worried about what would make me look good to others.

    So, I acted based on the assumptions of what others thought I should do (without asking them, of course). Then I got pissed off when others didn’t act the way I wanted them to. The result was that I pushed away the people I loved and in turn, felt isolated and angry.

    When I started seeing all of these things that were making me unhappy, the natural question to ask myself was “Well, then, what the heck makes me happy?” The shocking answer was that I didn’t know. Something had to change.

    Drinking alcohol was the first thing to go. It was a raging red flag that had been waving for a few years. I finally decided to pay attention.

    Once I had a few months of sobriety, an odd thing happened: I started painting. It wasn’t a huge stretch for me, as art had always been in my life in some way, but painting had never been my favorite medium.

    But there it was, in all of its colors and shapes. Abstract painting. I didn’t really care what the painting looked like. That wasn’t the point. The point was the present state of mind that creating art brought me to. I didn’t think about my to do list, my sadness, or my insecurities. I was just painting.

    When I was a kid, I loved to make art. The art studio in my high school was where I was most comfortable. I loved getting my hands dirty in clay. I left spatterings of paint and ink on my clothes because I liked them there. I felt at home when I was doing art.

    At thirty-six years old, immersing myself in abstract painting reminded me of what it was like to actually feel like myself again.

    I had to come to terms with the fact that since I was thirteen years old, I had been living the life of a person that I thought I should be, not who I really was. I had to let go of all aspects of that person that wasn’t authentic to me and remove all of my masks in order to follow the life I want to live.

    I felt relieved to finally be exposed. I didn’t have to hide anymore. I admitted that sometimes I am more of an introvert than extrovert. That if all I’m doing is chasing a paycheck, I’m never going to be okay with a nine-to-five job, even if it comes with an impressive title. That I am not ever going to be like anyone else but me.

    I recently had a discussion with a friend regarding how to be the best and most useful person to the world. She was given the advice to follow her authentic passion, as following passion leads to happiness and a happy person is more useful to themselves and everyone around them.

    I don’t really remember how old I was when I started making art, but I’m pretty sure that it’s the first thing I found that felt good to my soul, and it was life-saving to be reminded of that. Now, having come full circle, I have four years of my authentic work under my belt. I have quit my day job and I’m pursuing my passion of being a professional artist (which is something that I deemed not possible very early on).

    I don’t know what prompted me to pick up a paintbrush four years ago, but I believe it was a gift from my Self to myself. The really cool thing is that I don’t want to be anyone but me anymore. I’m so interested in giving attention to this person that has always been there, but I ignored because I didn’t think she was good enough.

    It was difficult to grasp that the only one judging and bullying me was me, but I have to remain compassionate to that misguided part of myself as well. She was only doing the best she could.

    Anxiety is still a part of my life. I am not “cured.” But just like I treat allergies or an injured back, I have decided to be proactive in dealing with my anxiety.

    When I’m actively practicing the below, I’m better rested and less reactive. I am able to clearly see my options leading to less confusion and better decisions. Most importantly, I can feel when anxiety is welling up and I have the tools to tamper it down before it is out of control.

    When I am active in the following, my anxiety is manageable:

    1. Choose to live authentically. What moves me? What do I feel I am here to do? What is going to make me happy? Whatever it is, don’t judge it. Do it.

    2. Practice acceptance. We all have hard things to deal with. Every last one of us. That’s life.

    3. Meditation in the mornings sets my base line for the day and helps me sleep at night.

    4. Painting every day keeps my hands busy and creates an outlet for the mental energy that cannot be released otherwise.

    5. Exercising outside in nature, particularly surfing in the ocean every chance I get, allows me to see that the world is sooooo much bigger than me and all decisions are not mine for the making (see the above mentioned back injury).

    6. Reciting my gratitude list regularly, and telling the people I love that I’m grateful for them, helps me to see the positive side of life instead of focusing on the negative.

    7. Eating right and treating my body with respect keeps me feeling whole, healthy, and balanced.

    8. Reminding myself that this is a practice. I am not perfect. It’s okay not to be.

    It’s not always easy. When I started writing this, I was entering the belly of the whale. Now that I’m many paragraphs in, I already feel more at ease.

    By identifying and accepting this particular whale, I don’t have to be swallowed. Just by writing this, I have taken the unknown out of the scenario by calling the anxiety out for what it is. Once I have given it a name, it’s not quite so scary. It just is what it is. Some people have diabetes. I have anxiety.

    We cannot choose whether or not we have problems like anxiety. We all have our issues and that’s just part of being human. Rather than be at odds with anxiety all the time, we can choose to learn more about it and actually co-exist. We have a choice about how much say we allow anxiety to have in our lives.

    I find that I prefer to swim along-side my whale and learn more about it rather than being engulfed by it. Frankly, more and more, I’m finding that I’m just grateful to be able to go for a swim, and so I dive in. Deeper and deeper. Excited to find what else is beneath.

  • How to Calm Your Mind Without Sitting to Meditate

    How to Calm Your Mind Without Sitting to Meditate

    “Our way to practice is one step at a time, one breath at a time.” ~Shunryu Suzuki

    Sitting meditation has always been challenging for me; practicing mindfulness, even harder.

    As a self-confessed worrywart who has contended with constant ruminations, flashbacks, and nightmares for most of my life (more on this later), all prior attempts at being fully present and not thinking merely served as reminders of how little control I had over my mind. Then I took up hiking and stumbled upon a form of meditation that literally transformed my life.

    Initially, just being out in nature on scenic trails cultivated calmness and cleared my head. Almost immediately, I realized that hiking provided a respite from intrusive thoughts that have plagued me since I was a tyke.

    They include flashbacks of my mother’s numerous suicide attempts in our decrepit Chinatown apartment, my father’s drunken rages, and recurring images of shootings, savage beatings, and other gory crime scenes from my gangbanging days.

    Ruminations include the sound of gunfire along with the replaying in my head of toxic utterances in Cantonese that translate to “Giving birth to you was my biggest mistake,” “I wish you were never born,” and my own father yelling “You bastard!”

    Somehow, walking in nature enabled my mind to slow down and rest, which felt liberating.

    Unfortunately, the novelty soon wore out. Merely walking and hiking wasn’t enough to prevent symptoms associated with post-traumatic stress from returning. I reverted to rehashing the past and worrying obsessively about the future.

    However, I had gotten a taste of the benefits of mindfulness meditation and discovered that it can be practiced while engaging in an activity I enjoyed. These revelations motivated me to keep at it.

    After reading what was available on walking meditation, which typically advise focusing on the flow of our “in” and “out” breaths, I developed my own techniques for practicing mindful walking and hiking.

    My favorite is to look ahead and select a destination point or object and stay focused on it. It can be a shadow on the ground, boulder, bush, tree, manhole cover, light pole, store awning, mailbox, and so on. Once I reached it, I chose another landmark or object, usually a little further away.

    Rough or uneven trails forced me to concentrate on each step for safety reasons. My brain automatically blocked out discursive thoughts; otherwise I could slip, trip, or fall. Other techniques I came up with include fully feeling the ground of each step, following the flight pattern of birds and insects, observing cloud patterns, and being conscious of sounds and scents—moment to moment.

    Zen monk Thich Nhat Hanh, often called “Thay,” which means “teacher” in Vietnamese, is revered throughout the world for his teachings and writings on mindfulness and peace.

    He has brought the practice into institutions, including maximum-security prisons, helping inmates attain calmness and inner peace while being confined up to twenty-four hours daily. Many of them have professed that mindfulness meditation is the most difficult endeavor they have ever engaged in.

    We live in a culture where many of us want quick results with as little effort as possible. This applies to how we approach our work, health, pastimes, social interactions, and problems. This mindset is the antithesis of mindfulness.

    In my opinion, it is virtually impossible to tackle mindfulness meditation without patience and discipline. Fortunately, these attributes can be enhanced by engaging in the art itself.

    When I started mindful walking and hiking, my ability to stay present was measured in feet and seconds.

    As a highly competitive, emotionally undisciplined, and impatient person, I could have easily succumbed to my frustrations and given up. But the short periods of calmness and inner peace I attained—supplemented by my stubbornness—provided the necessary resolve for me to stick with the program.

    As I continued my mindfulness “training,” catching my mind when it wandered occurred sooner, and the ability to refocus took less effort. Using kind, positive messages such as “rest” and “focus” was more effective than phrases such as “don’t wander” and “don’t think.”

    Insight and mindfulness meditation are usually practiced separately. Personally, when I am procrastinating about something or seeking a solution to a problem, ideas and answers usually emerge effortlessly during or immediately following my walks and hikes.

    These epiphanies and aha moments tend to be inspired by kindness and compassion, as opposed to ego.

    I was severely beaten by a rival gang member as a teen. For over forty years, I suffered nightmares, flashbacks, and ruminations of the attack. Both conventional and unconventional modalities of therapy failed to provide much relief.

    One morning, I was enjoying a relaxing hike when the familiar image of my attacker suddenly appeared. For the very first time, I remained calm and found myself viewing my lifelong enemy as a kindred spirit. I saw him as someone like me, most likely abused as a child, who desperately sought empowerment by joining gangs.

    This awakening, along with my spiritual practice, enabled me to cultivate compassion and forgiveness. The nightmares and flashes of the attack ceased at that point and have not returned.

    Mindfulness can be practiced pretty much anywhere and at any time. I do it first thing in the morning when I wake up while still lying in bed, in the kitchen, in the shower, at my desk, and most recently while getting dental work done.

    Whether I devote a few seconds by pausing and taking a deep belly breath—or hiking for several hours—benefits are reaped.

    As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, practicing mindfulness has transformed my life. With a family history of mental illness and a violent upbringing, I have been diagnosed and treated for multiple mood disorders, including manic depression, post-traumatic stress, addiction, and rage.

    My mindfulness practice has empowered me to rest and calm my mind, as well as intercept and suppress negative thoughts. It serves as a powerful coping mechanism for me.

    For the majority of my life, I was at the mercy of gambling urges and other cravings. When I encounter them now, I pause, acknowledge what is happening, take a few deep breaths, focus on my surroundings, and allow the urges to pass.

    Staying relaxed enables me to respond instead of react, which places me in a better position to reflect and gain insight into the underlying issues that triggered the desire to self-medicate.

    My mood is much more stable and I have better control of my emotions. The benefits I received from mindful walking and hiking has inspired me to practice it throughout the day.

    I used to loathe driving because of my road rage. I was terrified of myself, often wondering when I left the house if I would end up in jail or the morgue. My level of stress rose in proportion to the amount of traffic I encountered.

    Practicing mindfulness meditation in the car keeps me mellow as well as alert. I have become a patient and compassionate driver, smiling at other motorists and limiting use of the horn for safety purposes. Another insight I gained is that my past aggressive behavior on and off the road attracted like-minded people.

    The mental discipline I gained also enabled me to embrace Buddhism, which has interested, yet eluded me for many years. All of this empowers me to attain and maintain equanimity. Now, I can even sit and meditate for long periods without feeling restless or irritable.

    So for those who find sitting meditation challenging, or for individuals seeking different ways to practice mindfulness, I recommend mindful walking and hiking.

    Not only is it a fun way to quiet the mind while getting some exercise, but it can be life-changing—helping us let go of worries, stress, tension, and even the most painful memories from the past.

  • How to Relax in Meditation When You Have a Busy Mind

    How to Relax in Meditation When You Have a Busy Mind

    “The Tao is always at ease. It overcomes without competing, answers without speaking a word, arrives without being summoned, accomplishes without a plan.” ~Lao-Tsu

    As a longtime meditator and participant in the awakening process I am constantly on the lookout for hints that illuminate the path. I am open to these hints regardless of their source, so many of my teachers have been young children.

    We may have many differing reasons to practice mindfulness and meditation. Regardless of the specific motivation, all meditators experience distraction and mental rebellion from time to time, and it can be quite frustrating. Many new meditators never get past the frustration and ultimately give up before they see the fruits of their efforts.

    Although I never had a formal meditation teacher, I became engrossed in my own meditation process at a fairly young age.

    Fortunately for me, I learned a lesson from an unexpected teacher, fairly early in the process, who helped me to transcend distraction and mental rebellion during meditation and throughout daily life. I’d like to share this lesson with you in hopes that it helps you to get more out of your meditation and life.

    My wife regularly visited a large park in Tokyo for weekend strolls, picnics, and to walk the dogs. One day at the park a young Japanese girl unwittingly became my teacher.

    We had agreed to meet a friend, Yuuji, for a picnic one Sunday. Yuuji brought his wife and his eight-year-old daughter, Kotomi, and we brought our dogs.

    One of our dogs, Leila, is a Chinese crested dog, which is a small breed. Kotomi really loved dogs and wanted to walk one of ours, so we let her take the lead for Leila.

    Kotomi was so excited to walk a dog for the first time! It would also be Leila’s first walk with a stranger.

    My wife taught Kotomi how to hold the leash, how to keep Leila next to her during the walk, and so on. Kotomi listened and nodded that she understood.

    Our little Leila was always great on walks, but as my wife handed Kotomi the leash, Leila looked at me incredulously. Clearly this was going to be a battle of wills.

    Leila totally ignored Kotomi’s lead and began sniffing here and there to her heart’s content. Kotomi, feeling Leila’s weight on the leash, pulled the leash over her shoulder and leaned into the walk, forgetting all technique.

    Not wanting to submit to this stranger, Leila leaned back against the leash and bucked against the girl. Kotomi just kept moving forward as if Leila wasn’t even there.

    I kind of felt bad for Leila, but she wasn’t experiencing any physical harm. She was testing her new walker, which is not uncommon for dogs that have never been walked by anyone other than their family members. Curiosity had me, and I wanted to see how this scenario would play out.

    Leila put up a great fight, but it was all for naught because Kotomi seemed oblivious to it. She was just excited to be at the park. I wondered if she had forgotten that there was a dog on the other end of the leash.

    The dog fought; Kotomi just moved forward.

    After five minutes, I began to wonder how long Leila could keep up her fight. Ten minutes passed with Leila still locked in resistance mode, so I considered taking the leash myself. But then, like the flipping of a light switch, Leila joined the walk.

    Just like that, she surrendered to Kotomi and began smiling as she walked next to her new friend. For the rest of the day she was the perfect dog. She sniffed, wagged her tail, and even let Kotomi pick her up, the first stranger ever to do so successfully.

    Kotomi had won a fight that she never even took part in! She just moved forward mindlessly.

    After this experience I began applying the “forward motion” principle to my meditations to astounding effect. I just gave up any expectation that my mind was going to cooperate and instead simply moved forward.

    How does that principle play out in meditation?

    You know how it can be in meditation: The mind gets distracted again and again. There may be some physical aches and pains that the mind clings to. Then the mental resistance starts with statements like, “I’m not doing this right,” or “I have too much mental noise,” or “I don’t feel like meditating today, I’ll do it tomorrow instead.”

    But now is the only time that we ever have! Tomorrow never was and never will be. It’s a figment of the imagination. Either we are moving forward in the moment or we are not.

    Admitting the reality of now, I decided to sit in meditation for the allotted time, regardless of how my mind felt about it. I was not going to let distraction or frustration have any power. I determined to let the mind fight the good fight, while I moved toward my goal of deeper relaxation and clarity.

    My mind was worried about work-related issues, reminding me of things that I already knew. Here’s what happened.

    “Did you check the tests for grammar errors?” I took a deep breath, tensed my entire body and released it, relaxing my body and expanding my awareness globally.

    “Don’t forget to print the tests first thing tomorrow morning!” I tension-released again, going deeper still into relaxation, opening awareness again in every direction.

    “Remember to ….” In midsentence I tension-released into spaciousness.

    I began to notice that my mind would go into little frustrated narrations when a thought arose, “Jeez, another thought,” or “Ah, again,” or “When is this going to stop?” Then it occurred to me that my reactive opinions of thoughts are also thoughts, so I decided to relax and expand at each such occurrence.

    After a few minutes of expansive releasing, secondary thought ceased, but there was still the feeling of frustration when primary thoughts arose. I then included feelings into my breath-releases.

    In short order, thought felt far away. Although thought still occurred, there was no feeling that it was my thought.

    The breath-release-expansion continued at each distant thought, and after a time overt thought and emotion ceased entirely.

    What was left were just little blips of thought and emotion, unformed and out of context. They came up out of the unconscious like little ripples in the stream of awareness.

    There was a sudden insight into how the mind worked. Thought begins with these tiny little blips that the mind reacts to habitually by stringing them together with memories, effectively creating narratives, stories, and images that pull awareness out of the present.

    It was like seeing behind the curtain in The Wizard of Oz, only to find a weak-willed con man at the controls. A debilitating illusion was broken.

    Silence.

    The lesson of moving forward worked! Just like every little step that Kotomi had taken in the park, I moved forward, step by step, into a timeless clarity that was interrupted only by a beeping alarm. Thirty refreshing minutes had passed.

    So, when you sit down to meditate, decide how long you are going to be there and be there for that allotted time, relaxing ever deeper into expansiveness. Accept that the mind will sniff here and there and rebel. Just keep moving forward through relaxed awareness into spaciousness.

    Eventually something unexpected may happen. Before long the mind begins to follow your intent, silencing quickly.

    When you stop fighting the mind, something else unexpected may happen. You may also cease to concern yourself over the mind’s assumptions, opinions, narrations, regrets, instant replays, and so forth.

    Once there is insight into the mind through direct experience, there is no longer any need to fight or correct it. The dog will come along once it tires of the fight, and before you know it, you will have a new friend who supports your meditations—and your life.

  • 4 Ways to Boost Your Happiness and Overcome Hedonic Adaptation

    4 Ways to Boost Your Happiness and Overcome Hedonic Adaptation

    “Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.” ~Dalai Lama

    One of the biggest challenges in life seems to be the attainment of happiness. Everyone wants to be happy (or so they say). But what does happiness truly mean, and how do we not only find it, but embrace and maintain it?

    Researchers have come to the conclusion that happiness has three separate elements. First, there’s the amount of happiness you are genetically predisposed to have, which accounts for about 50%.

    Studies were done on identical twins who were raised together and on some who were raised apart. The researchers discovered that their happiness levels were extremely similar despite complete differences in rearing and environment.

    In her book, The How of Happiness, Author Sonya Lyubomirsky calls this the “happiness set point.”

    The second element of happiness is life circumstance, which makes up about 10%. These are the things that occur that you cannot control, including such things as gender, age, where you grew up, ethnicity, relationship status, occupation, neighborhood, and health.

    Studies have shown that life circumstance only accounts for 10% of our happiness, which means whether you are a garbage man or a millionaire developer, it won’t really impact your happiness level all that much.

    In fact, you would probably be surprised to hear that many African societies that live in extreme poverty are some of the happiest. They’re happier because they have a sense of community, and a sense of community is not tied to material wealth, status, or possessions.

    The third element of happiness is what we do and how we think. This element accounts for 40% of our happiness, and is really the only element we have control over. What this means is that our intentional activities and strategies we take to achieve our goals can seriously influence our happiness.

    The biggest problem we face with intentional activity and thought is a little thing called hedonic adaptation. Humans are fickle, and unfortunately, when wonderful, amazing things happen to us, the newness of it slowly wears off and we become immune to whatever it was that brought us that new form of happiness.

    For example, if you buy a new home with stunning views of the ocean, and every morning you wake up and sit on your patio having a cappuccino or watching the dolphins frolic in the water, slowly the scene won’t appear as beautiful. You will become accustomed to the sites and sounds, and sitting outside every morning won’t bring the same pleasure.

    We can’t change our set point any more than we can change the color of our eyes or hair (not withstanding contacts or hair dye!), and life circumstances will usually be dependent on our upbringing, so it can take time to change them.

    However, we can fight hedonic adaptation and increase our happiness levels by making proactive choices for joy every day.

    If you don’t wake up and choose to remind yourself that you are lucky to have spectacular views, then the joy you get from that activity will fade. On the other hand, if you choose to wake up every day and think, “Wow, I’m lucky” it creates a positive reinforcement in your mind and will help increase or maintain your happiness levels.

    Everyone is different and there are a number of things you can do to increase your happiness. Here are four that seem to work for me.

    1. Stop worrying; focus on the now.

    Eckhart Tolle believes that one of the main causes for unhappiness is the fact that we live in or obsess about the future or the past. He says:

    “Realize deeply that the present moment is all you ever have.”

    “It is through gratitude for the present moment that the spiritual dimension of life opens up.”

    “The power for creating a better future is contained in the present moment: You create a good future by creating a good present.”

    How many days and weeks and hours have you spent ruminating about what could have been or what might be, all the things you need to do, or all the things you should have done? If you’re at all like me I’m sure that answer is way too many.

    This is wasted time, wasted life, and wasted energy. The only moment that matters is right now.

    When I left my job and started working on my own business I began obsessing about the outcome. Would I get clients? Would I be any good at this? What if I suck? What if no one cares what I have to say? What if I run out of money?

    Luckily, I had a life coach who helped keep me on track, and eventually I realized I was wasting my thoughts on things that may or may not happen, but that did not influence me in the present. The only thing I could control was what I was doing at the moment. If I am moving toward my goal and taking little steps forward, then I needed to stop worrying and let it be enough.

    2. Meditate.

    Nearly everyone extols the benefits of meditation, and I have to agree. Meditation can help you stay in the present and calm your mind, even if only for a few minutes a day.

    Meditation is renowned for reducing stress, improving concentration, slowing aging, encouraging a healthy lifestyle, and increasing self-awareness. Meditation is a very centering practice. It allows you to focus on the core of who you are and what you believe without all the conflicting, self-effacing thoughts that can run through the mind.

    If you have problems with concentration, try guided meditations. There is no right or wrong way to meditate. Take it slowly and do what works for you. What is most important is making it a part of your daily life as much as you can.

    3. Develop strategies for coping.

    We live in a stressful time in so many ways: politically, economically, and emotionally. We are connected and disconnected at the same time. If you focus on all the bad that is going on, you certainly are going to be a bit stressed and depressed.

    Start off by focusing on what you can control and let go of those things you can’t.

    As we speak they are demolishing the building across from me, which requires eight hours of jackhammering and bulldozing, six days a week.

    It is extremely stressful, noisy, and discomforting, but they are huge developers and there’s really nothing I can do unless I want to pay a massive amount of money to get out of my lease. So, I have to find ways to cope with the stress of this activity rather than just become frustrated all the time.

    One of the ways I cope with stress is to write. Writing is a huge source of stress relief. Some people like to garden. Some enjoy working out or reading or hiking, or social activities like playing pool or even just taking a bath and relaxing in a hot tub.

    Everyone is different. Think of something that will take you away from the stress and strains of your day and will help you cope. If you are unhappy with your job it won’t do any good to keep complaining about it. What will help is creating an exit plan and starting to research and apply for new jobs, or maybe considering going back to school

    Focus on those things you can change and what you can do to make your day, your life, and your existence less stressful. Can you carpool instead of commuting? Can you ask your husband to take the kids for one night so you can have girl time? Do you need a “guy weekend”? There is nothing wrong with asking to get your needs met.

    4. Invest in real-time connections.

    As I mentioned earlier, some of the happiest places in the world are those that live and exist within a community. Each is a member of a whole and they seek to help one another. I believe having connections with other human beings is one of the main reasons we exist and is a huge factor in the derivation of happiness.

    Researcher Brené Brown says, “I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.”

    Brené has spent her life studying vulnerability and connection, and she believes that in order to gain a deeper purpose and more meaningful life, we need to become vulnerable with others. I tend to agree with her.

    In order to be vulnerable you have to connect, and I don’t mean trading pithy comments on Facebook; I mean truly connect. True connection means to understand, accept, and hear someone and to allow yourself to be understood and heard and accepted.

    How can you do this? Start with people who are already in your life that you think you can forge a deeper bond with, or join a new social group that revolves around an activity that you like. Take up bowling or attend meditation classes. Seek out those who are interested in similar pursuits and it will be easier to form an initial connection. What you do from there is up to you. The world is open.

    These may sound like generic answers to a really big problem, and maybe they are, but they’re a good start.

    Take out a pen and paper or start typing. Make a list of a few things you can do every day to apply this advice—what might help you stop worrying, when you can make time to meditate, which strategies help you cope with stress, and how you can invest in real-time connections. Then do what you’ve written.

    Try these four things for thirty days and see if you feel any differently. If you don’t, try another thirty days or move on to a new strategy. What matters isn’t whether you win or lose or succeed or fail but that you showed up every day and you did your best. Life is a journey, not a race to the end.

  • Mindful in May: Get More Present and Help Fight Global Poverty

    Mindful in May: Get More Present and Help Fight Global Poverty

    It’s that time of year again! I’m excited to share that Mindful in May, the world’s largest online mindfulness fundraising campaign, has launched.

    Join thousands of people across the globe and learn from the world’s leading teachers and well-being experts in this comprehensive one-month program.

    For a limited time you can get a free taste of the program by accessing an exclusive video interview with Joseph Goldstein, one of the world’s leading mindfulness teachers, and also download two free guided meditations.

    Get free access to this teaching and learn more about Mindful in May here.

    The Mindful in May program includes:

    • Access to a world-class online mindfulness program delivered to your inbox, starting on May 1st
    • Downloadable guided meditations
    • Exclusive video interviews with world leaders in the field including Joseph Goldstein, Sharon Salzberg, Daniel Goleman, Tara Brach, James Doty, Mark Nepo, Sara Lazar, and many more
    • Daily emails to support you in making meditation a habit
    • Access to a private online community to keep you accountable and support your daily practice
    • An opportunity to help make a positive difference in the world by transforming the lives of those in need of clean water

    Whether you’re new to meditation or looking to reboot your practice, Mindful in May will help you create greater ease, calm, and well-being in your life—and through your involvement, you’ll help transform the lives of those in need of clean, safe drinking water.

    One in ten people on the planet struggle to survive without access to clean water, with one child dying every ninety seconds from a water-related illness.

    When you register to Mindful in May, you’ll be invited to make an optional donation or get sponsored and dedicate your month of meditation to transforming the lives of those in need.

    Register for Mindful in May today ($39 for early enrollment) and meditate to make a difference.

  • How Listening to Depression Can Help Us Overcome It

    How Listening to Depression Can Help Us Overcome It

    “These pains you feel are messengers. Listen to them.” ~Rumi

    My first diagnosis of depression came at the age of fifteen. Depression runs in my family; it wasn’t a case of overmedicating. It was genuine, and the black dog has followed me all my life.

    I’ve been on eight different antidepressants and a handful of anti-anxiety drugs. I’ve been in and out of therapist offices and hospitals for most of my life, and I expect that I’ll continue to do so.

    My mindset (and that of my family and doctors) was that depression is an adversary to be defeated. If only we found the right medication or the right therapy, we could solve the problem. But that mindset ignores a positive effect of such a negative condition: depression’s ability to induce change.

    Depression lies to you, but it also tells you the truth. And that truth leads to change.

    Silencing

    As I began my career as a lawyer in New York City, my depression worsened. Law is a perfect profession for depression to get worse. I was taught to look for mistakes, to be cynical. A pessimistic mindset is an advantage for a lawyer.

    Lawyers have high rates of depression, anxiety, and substance abuse. I don’t know whether depressed people become lawyers or becoming a lawyer makes people depressed. It’s probably a combination, though ultimately it’s irrelevant.

    My depression found expression physically and emotionally. I had chronic tension headaches; when I woke up feeling like head was squeezed into a vice, I knew the pain would last all day. My back and neck were steel cables of tension.

    I gained weight from a combination of lack of exercise and poor diet. On the weekends, I would order huge amounts of food, seeking solace and finding only regret.

    Emotionally, I was ashamed. Ashamed for being depressed and ashamed for hating my job. It was the prize so many of my law school classmates had competed for. Why didn’t I want it?

    More than the shame was an overarching sense of sadness, like a gray filter applied across the screen of my life. It felt like other people were seeing in color, but for some reason I was seeing in black and white.

    I remember discussing a medical leave with my therapist (she was supportive, and I owe her much). But I was crushed as I realized that a leave was only that—I’d have to return to the office.

    Late one night, unable to sleep, I found myself scrutinizing my apartment’s lease agreement, looking for a way out. My apartment was bathed in darkness. In the pale glow of my laptop’s screen, I broke down, shoulders heaving with sobs.

    I had been trying to kill the messenger. I wanted to silence my depression, as if I could put my hands over my ears and make the noise stop. But instead, I needed to listen to what my depression was telling me.

    Listening

    In those times, depression felt intractable. It was a heavy stone that I wasn’t strong enough to move. But I think, more subtly, depression can signal change. Pain is a messenger.

    Just like physical pain, emotional pain is a signal. Your body is telling you to change what you’re doing. And those changes can’t take place if you don’t stop and listen.

    And how to listen? Sit in stillness, observing what thoughts and emotions arise in the silence. No control, only observation.

    I learned to focus on my breath, observing its rising and falling, without focusing on a specific object or mantra. I learned this meditation technique at a vipassana retreat near Kathmandu, Nepal, and it still serves me well.

    Meditation clarifies the difference between genuine pain and temporary discomfort. Genuine pain is a messenger of change. Temporary discomfort is a passing phenomenon we all experience at one time or another.

    It’s like exercise at the gym: it can be unpleasant and uncomfortable, even though you know it’s good for you. In contrast, some pain is like breaking an ankle. You have to take time to heal.

    In this sense, meditation is a guide to distinguishing between depression’s truth and lies. Depression tries to trick you: it lies to you (in the form of cognitive distortions like catastrophizing) while sometimes telling you the truth (the genuine pain that you’re in). Meditation separates the truth from the lies.

    Recognizing

    I relied on meditation to help me recognize the pain I was in. Not only had I run away from my depression, I had chastised myself for even feeling it (“you shouldn’t feel this bad”) then felt guilty for being depressed. Meditation cleared this fog of avoidance and guilt.

    It also taught me to stop trying to figure out my depression. Attempting to intellectualize how I felt was a fool’s errand. I had to recognize my depression in a visceral, bodily way.

    When a stove is hot, you pull your hand away so you don’t get burned. It doesn’t matter if the stove is gas or electric, or who turned it on. None of that information will prevent you from getting burned. It’s happening; the exact causes don’t need to be figured out to act accordingly.

    And this is exactly what meditation taught me: to focus on the sensations (breath, bodily discomfort, thoughts) instead of attempting to rationalize those sensations. That’s why vipassana retreats require you to surrender your books and journals. Experience the phenomena, don’t intellectualize them.

    Acting

    In the end, my thoughts were just excuses. When my lease was up, I told myself, I’ll quit in six months after I get my bonus. When I got my bonus, I told myself, I’ll quit in six months when my lease is up.

    Once I stopped attempting to reason with myself, it became clear that I had to quit. My depression had lied to me before, but it wasn’t lying this time.

    I’m not recommending recklessly quitting a job without a plan. I had to sublet my apartment and figure out my finances before I left. But my depression had led me, finally, to make a decision.

    Then I had to take the leap. As I told my boss I was quitting, I felt a strange combination of anxiety and exhilaration. I shook.

    I left New York City. I remember sitting at the airport and deleting my work’s email app from my phone. It sounds like a millennial’s cliche version of catharsis, but deleting that app felt immensely freeing.

    I’m still in the process of letting myself be sad sometimes, and I doubt that process will ever truly end. I’m still on medication. But the gray filter over my life has lifted.

  • Getting to Know Yourself: 5 Ways to Discover Your Joyful True Nature

    Getting to Know Yourself: 5 Ways to Discover Your Joyful True Nature

    “Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” ~Aristotle

    Four years ago I left a corporate career, belongings, a nice home, and family and friends, ejecting myself from the outer world and fiercely diving into an inner journey.

    Jumping into the deep end of the pool—an inner terrain I was wildly unfamiliar with, having been very oriented to the outer world—has been quite the adventure.

    I wasn’t totally sure what I would be looking for (myself possibly?), but something about the way I had been living my daily life, with angst in the backdrop, told me that this was the right move.

    Extreme, and yet right.

    Having been steeped in a spiritual practice and inner work these past four years, it is clear to me that one of the biggest purposes this type of journey serves is to help us really meet ourselves. It pushes us to take responsibility for understanding ourselves, our patterns, and habits so they don’t unconsciously run our life and relationships.

    Some would call this mindfulness.

    With mindfulness—a loving, non-judgmental moment-to-moment awareness—we have a tool to personally mature, become more intimate with our inner workings, and create space to cultivate wisdom.

    To take it a step further, in knowing the depth of our body, heart, and mind, our ego can drop away and we can show up more present for life.

    Or, as Dogen says, “To study the self is to forget the self. To forget the self is to be actualized by myriad things. When actualized by myriad things, your body and mind as well as the bodies and minds of others drop away.”

    This process of actually studying the self—sounds great, right? Who wouldn’t want to know themselves at a deeper level? But how do we actually go about this?

    Through my committed journey of self-discovery—including months of meditation retreats, weekly somatic coaching sessions, living in a Zen Center the past four years, and working in an industry that supports this work—I’ve discovered five valuable tools that help in getting to know ourselves:

    1. Becoming familiar with the mind, its relentless habits, recurring stories, intricate workings

    Take the time to totally stop and get to know the mind. Know that you can witness all that arises without having to react or do anything with the content of what’s arising. Instead, you can watch it and see how thoughts, sensations, feelings, and images come and go, like clouds passing by in a vast sky.

    The mind is a phenomenon that is always producing thought, and oftentimes, they are just that—thoughts, not truth. When we learn to bear witness to our experience, we learn that we do not have to identify with it.

    Instead of thinking “I’m not good enough” and feeling down or “It won’t work out” and feeling anxious, we can observe what’s going on in our minds and choose not to get caught up in it.

    There are countless resources out there to help you start a meditation practice, which will help you develop mindfulness. You can find a local sitting group or utilize online resources. Two of my favorites are HeadSpace and UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center.

    2. Getting to know your younger self—the child you, teenage you.

    There is so much wisdom in these earlier versions of yourself.

    A friend and I recently discussed how we need to let go of the past in order to be our highest and best self. While I think this is true, I don’t know if it’s possible to consciously let go of the past without first knowing it.

    Growing up, I had rough teenage years in a broken home. After my mom died when I was twelve, my new step-mom created an unsafe, chaotic environment. As a teenager, I was defiant, sassy, rebellious, fierce, independent, and angry.

    Not until recently, when revisiting the past, did I realize that I felt ashamed of teenage Cat and thought she no longer served a role in my life. I had this belief that I needed to “grow up” teenage Cat instead of meet her.

    When I asked her for her wisdom in meditation, she had so much to tell me. While I saw that certain patterns from that teenager version of myself no longer served me, I also recognized warriorship, strength, and survivorship that are all large parts of who I am today.

    By meeting and honoring her, I could transform her from the “useless, rebellious teenager of the past” to the fierce, courageous risk taker who protects this precious life.

    I invite you to find an old photo of a time in your childhood—any age range—and ask that child what wisdom s(he) has to show you. Let yourself be surprised by what comes forth.

    3. Meeting grief 

    Oh, grief. The word itself seems to have a sigh and unfamiliarity automatically built into it.

    In our American culture, we don’t frequently acknowledge this natural wellspring in life. But there is tremendous value in doing this; as Rumi wrote, “Joy lives concealed in grief.”

    My sense is that many of us spend our days avoiding the grief we have all experienced from being human—our broken hearts, crushed dreams, and dashed hopes. And this grief, unfelt, accumulates.

    The past several years, I’ve shed more tears than I ever thought possible, and my life is better for it. Grief has a way of clearing out the staleness of the heart and opening it; of healing wounds that continue to hurt only because they have not been attended to.

    You don’t have to go hunting for grief to know yourself. If you naturally allow yourself to find compassion and patience for yourself, it will show itself. And while you may have this belief (like I did) that once it starts, it doesn’t stop, the truth is actually the very opposite.

    Once this grief is felt, there is a clearing that makes room for joy. And a clearing away of old stories and unexamined ‘stuff’ is a beautiful way to know the self; it makes room for the true nature and effortless joy within us to arise.

    4. Getting clear with the ego

    “You need to get really clear about your small self,” a Zen teacher told me not too long ago.

    I would’ve been terrified by her directness months before this, but at this time in my life, I felt ready to meet truth.

    One way to get to know the self is to really understand where we get caught. For example, I saw that I worried about what people thought. Because of this, I couldn’t really show up authentically and instead showed up in the mask I thought would be most liked.

    Another small self (aka ego) I saw was the part of me that’s drawn to status and power as a way to feel safe and secure. I also recognized that growing up, I’d formed the belief that certain classes of people with particular material possessions, degrees, and job titles were better than other types of people.

    Ultimately, I have found that our small self is steeped in old, dated, unexamined stories and beliefs that keep us fearful and suffering.

    Find the courage to get to know the conditioned parts of yourself that constrain you and get you stuck. Be gentle. There’s no need to judge it or shame it; all these parts of yourself are welcome, and all is okay when held with compassion and patience.

    In my experience, you can usually feel this somewhere in your body—for example, the way the jaw or hips tighten when a certain stressed pattern arises.

    5. Finding honest relationships—those you trust who are committed to self-awareness in the same way you are

    The reflections and support from a good friend, a therapist, a spiritual teacher, or coach can be an invaluable resource. Without the resources I’ve sought out over these past few years, this journey of knowing myself wouldn’t have been possible.

    It is with the compassion, love, and support we receive from others when we show up honestly that we begin to learn how we can meet ourselves in the very same way.

    —

    We all have access to knowing ourselves. We’ve just layered ourselves under habits of thinking, avoiding, running, and being busy and distracted instead of meeting what is—our beautiful, joyful true nature.

  • 3 Free, Life-Changing Events to Check Out in January

    3 Free, Life-Changing Events to Check Out in January

    inspiration quote,New year new your cloud text on blue sky and sun rise at morning time,Motivational typographic.

    As the New Year approaches, many of us are making lists of ways we can improve our lives and better ourselves.

    If you’re looking to transform your body, calm your mind, or push yourself outside your comfort zone, you may benefit from participating in one of these three free events from Tiny Buddha friends and contributors.

    Transform Your Body

    On Tuesday, January 10th, at 7:00pm EST, Tiny Buddha contributor Rena Greenberg is running a free webinar, entitled The Fastest and Easiest Way to Remove Subconscious Obstacles to Weight Loss and Feel Great Fast in 2017.

    In this webinar you’ll learn:

    • How to stop the endless cycle of dieting by tapping into the wisdom in your subconscious
    • How to lose weight without feeling deprived, by changing the way you subconsciously think about food
    • Quick and easy ways to change your behavior and eliminate overeating, binging, snacking, and emotional eating
    • How you can lose weight and get healthy with powerful self-hypnosis technology

    About Rena Greenberg:

    Since 1990 Hay House author Rena Greenberg has helped over 200,000 people, all over the world, lose weight and achieve optimal health. Her groundbreaking wellness seminar for weight control has been reviewed and sponsored in over 75 hospitals and in 100+ major corporations such as Walt Disney World and Home Depot.

    Her clients often say they “owe their lives to her,” because she finds the fastest and easiest ways to help people release subconscious blocks to losing weight and find lasting health, happiness, and freedom.

    Sign up for Rena’s free weight loss webinar here.

    Calm Your Mind

    No practice can improve your state of mind more effectively than meditation. It can reduce stress and anxiety, enhance your focus, increase your resilience, and even improve your physical health.

    From January 2nd through January 4th the non-profit Heartfulness is offering three free online video masterclasses in meditation, conducted by the teacher of Heartfulness, Kamlesh D. Patel.

    The masterclasses will be available online, starting at midnight, and will be accessible throughout the day. Each class runs about one hour.

    About the Masterclasses:

    January 2nd: Relax

    In the first class, learn Heartfulness relaxation for physical well-being, as well as the Heartfulness guided meditation on the source of light within your own heart

    January 3rd: Rejuvenate

    In the second class, be guided through a simple rejuvenative technique to unwind the mind at the end of the day, let go of stresses and emotions, and simplify your life.

    January 4th: Connect

    In the third class, learn to connect with your inner self by listening to the heart’s voice. Observe your deepest feelings, make wise choices and weave your destiny.

    Sign up for the Heartfulness free meditation masterclasses here.

    Push Yourself Outside Your Comfort Zone

    Do you wish you could do more with your life, but hold yourself back because you’re afraid of rejection?

    Whether you’re seeking new friends, a new job, or any other new possibility, you’d likely benefit from getting comfortable hearing with word “no.” Every “no” is one step closer to a “yes.”

    Tiny Buddha contributor Jacob Sokol’s free comfort zone challenge can help.

    About the Challenge:

    If you’re up for playing, the game will help you…

    • Expand your assumptions about what you think is possible in your life
    • Develop the skill of asking for what you really want
    • Overcome your fears of rejection and develop more courage

    The goal of the game is simple: collect NOs by asking for things you’d like.

    As a side effect of playing, you’ll stop taking things so personally and start to rewire your nervous system to feel rejection-proof.

    Once you get told no, you’ll want to come share about it in Jacob’s super engaged free FB group. The group shower you with celebration and share their own stories of getting NOs.

    The challenge will begin on Jan 1st, 2017 and will run until the end of January. It’s completely free, and you can join at any time.

    Join the free comfort zone challenge here.

    I hope you enjoy these wonderful events!

  • The Benefits of Meditation: 10 Minutes to Peace, Clarity, and Focus

    The Benefits of Meditation: 10 Minutes to Peace, Clarity, and Focus

    “Meditation teaches us to cure what need not be endured and endure what cannot be cured.” ~Unknown

    Do you feel overwhelmed at times? Or slightly lost? Do you struggle with anger, anxiety, or low self-esteem? Are you left with a mind that doesn’t seem to want to slow down?

    If the answer is yes, rest assured that you are not the only one. There are many who feel the same way.

    This is exactly how I felt five years ago. I was working hard as a musician, and I felt like I’d hit a brick wall. The harder I pushed with gigging, practicing, and writing, the more I felt my creativity take a dip and my overall happiness decline.

    I remember feeling exhausted, and my life feeling heavy and serious. I felt burnt out, and the worst part was that the harder I tried, the more disconnected I felt. It was a classic case of burning the candle at both ends.

    I was trying to be more creative and found that the opposite was happening.

    Overwhelming, worrisome thoughts and feelings would arise, and I wouldn’t know what to do with them. One after the other, they kept coming.

    I was very critical of myself at this time. I felt frustrated, stressed, and often, very low, with fear constantly knocking at the door.

    I started wondering, “Am I the only one feeling like this? Why do I feel this way? What’s going on?”

    Society had taught me that once I achieved what I wanted, I would be eternally happy. But I met people who had achieved their goals and amassed great wealth, and were still hugely stressed and unhappy. How could this be?

    In Our Lowest Moment Lies an Opportunity for Personal Transformation

    I recognized then that I was constantly blaming the outside world for things not going the way I wanted. I believed that life should make me happy. I slowly began to see this was far from the truth.

    One day, I said, “Enough! Stop blaming other people and circumstances and take a good long look in the mirror.” This was hard at first, as a part of me still wanted to point the finger, but I knew this wasn’t going to serve or help anyone, least of all me.

    I started reading a load of books, taking courses, and researching human behavior, covering topics such as psychology, self-help/development, emotional intelligence, spirituality, biology, and more.

    After all this research, I realized that in order for me to be happier and more productive and have a better quality of life, I had to take a step back and realize that being busy isn’t cool, it’s a lack of priorities; that being stressed and feeling sorry for myself wasn’t the right path; that happiness is actually closer than I may have thought. The journey had begun…

    An Inner Win to a Greater Outer Win

    I have discovered that we can overcome our negative thoughts and feelings and deal with all of our challenges with a greater understanding and a sense of ease.

    The secret is that first we must feeling centered within (our thoughts, feelings, and emotions), and then we can move to what our outer purpose is. This enables us to deal with challenges from a place of inner calm.

    If the mind and body are working together, we have a much greater chance of knowing what we want and how to face it, rather than constantly trying to fill the void within with external gratification. External gratification can be beautiful, but first we need a strong foundation, anchoring our drive so that it can serve us and the people around us in an authentic way.

    You deserve to live an amazing life. You deserve to be inspired. You deserve to be free and to live a life on your terms. And you can do all these things.

    Transformation starts with ourselves, so in order for us to move into a happier state of being, we first need to be kind to ourselves, and to have a little bit of discipline and the willingness to awaken our greatest selves.

    Creating Some Well Deserved Headspace

    Imagine you’re watching your favorite play. During the show many different scenes occur; there’s a love scene and moments of anger, tragedy, and betrayal, along with a whole load of excitement.

    Now, imagine that during the play, you run onto the stage and cause a load of confrontation because you don’t like one of the scenes and want to stop it.

    Once you jumped up there you’d probably feel a little foolish, and might leave with your tail between your legs, feeling baffled and confused after turning and seeing an angry audience now wanting their money back.

    Well, what if you viewed the mind in the same way? Let’s say you’re sitting at home, minding your own business, when an angry thought suddenly arises.

    It may have a character and there may be a storyline within it—something that happened that bothered you or something someone did that upset you. What do you do? A lot of the time, we get sucked into our negative, angry thoughts and are left feeling worse than we originally felt.

    We have metaphorically run onto the stage in our minds, and the angry audience is usually our close family or friends.

    Now what if I told you that you don’t even have to go into the angry thought? You can simply watch it and let it play, like you would at the cinema or the theater. You simply see it, with little judgment, and let it pass. The seeing of the thought is the beginning of liberation.

    This is one of the first major steps toward a healthier, happier mind. By simply seeing the thought, we begin to disassociate with it, leaving space for it to pass while we continue with our day.

    Mindfulness Meditation

    Mindfulness is the day-to-day seeing of the mind, called “awareness” in many circles. If we are mindful, we see our thoughts and let them come and go like scenes in a show.

    By simply seeing the thought, we are then left with a choice: to let it go or hold onto it. We then need to ask ourselves, do I want to react angrily, or do I want to let it go and deal with the situation constructively?

    Meditation is training for situations like these. This can simply be a ten-minute space in your day where you may sit, or a part of the day where your attention is focused entirely on what you are doing.

    You may have already had moments like this when you exercise, when you are in an intense state of creativity, or when you’re entranced by a beautiful sunset.

    You are focused, present, and not distracted. If we can develop this in our practice, we’ll be better prepared to handle challenges in our everyday life.

    Meditation can be seen as a little woo woo. The thought of a bunch of monks in robes come to mind, or maybe lit candles, bells, gongs, and floating off to some eternal bliss. We need to let go of the clichés to realize how much benefit it really has. The value it can add to your life is immense.

    Who Is Using It and What Are The Benefits?

    Mindfulness and meditation have really taken off in the west, with major businesses, military centers, schools, and celebrities all getting involved. The big question is “why?” Why does a major company like Google have its own meditation rooms and courses?

    Let’s dig a little deeper into the health benefits so you can see the potential of just taking ten minutes out of your day for your great self.

    10 Ways Meditation Benefits Your Day-to-Day Life, Work, and Relationships

    1. It lowers your stress level and improves your focus and attention.

    2. It reduces worry, anxiety, and impulsivity.

    3. It increases empathy and helps you develop positive relationships.

    4. It can improve your information processing and decision-making skills.

    5. It increases positive emotions.

    6. It improves your memory.

    7. It enhances your ability to set aside mental chatter.

    8. It decreases feelings of loneliness and helps reduce social isolation.

    9. It increases feelings of compassion.

    10. It increases grey matter in keys areas of the brain associated with compassion and awareness.

    Getting Started

    What do I do? Where do I start? What type of meditation do I do?

    I asked all these questions when I sat down to do my first meditation. There’s so much information out there, and it can be overwhelming at times, so I want to keep it simple and actionable.

    First, find a comfortable place to sit; it can be a chair or the end of your bed. If you can find somewhere that has few distractions, that will be helpful. Next, close your eyes and begin to focus on your breath.

    Write on your to-do list when you intend to meditate, or couple it with something you do regularly (i.e.: brushing your teeth, before/after a shower). This will help you make meditation a habit.

    3 Tips for Once You Begin Meditating

    1. Expectation

    Don’t expect the mind to stop. The point of meditation is not to stop your thoughts, but rather to clearly see the mind with clarity and non-judgment.

    Think of your thoughts as passing cars on the road or clouds in the sky. Remember, it’s a skill, so at first you may be a little shocked by how many thoughts there are. But don’t worry—this is perfectly normal. The mind will, with time, begin to free up a little and the thoughts will lessen. Ahh, peace!

    2. Effort—Finding the Balance

    We can’t force our mind to be quiet. Think about when you can’t sleep, so you say to yourself, “I can’t sleep,” and you start to try harder. What happens? Ironically, you struggle to sleep. So the idea is to have a nice amount of attention and focus but an equal balance of relaxation and rest.

    3. Unveiling Happiness in the Now

    Once we have a healthy balance of expectation and effort, we can then move to the realization of stillness. This is the realization that happiness is already here, in this moment now. This will become clearer once you are into regular exercises.

    Rather than trying to create peace within, we simply realize it’s already here. This is one of the first steps toward internal mastery.

    When Should You Do It?

    I normally recommend you do it first thing in the morning, but that’s only if that works for you. Everyone has different schedules, so choose a time when you know you’ll have ten minutes free.

    Common Road Blocks

    Watch out for the classic excuses, such as “I don’t have time to do it.” Yes, you do! As Tony Robbins once famously said, “If you don’t have ten minutes, you don’t have a life.” If you want to awaken your greatest self, give yourself that well-deserved mini break, so when you come back to your routine you’re rejuvenated and ready for the rest of the day.

    “I’ll do it tomorrow” is another classic, and it never happens. There is no time like the present, so just do it!

    And finally, the ultimate excuse: “This all sounds to be good to be true; this will never work for me.” We now have so many scientific studies to back up the benefits, so give it a go, follow it along, and enjoy them.

    Whatever the excuse may be, I promise you that slowing yourself down for ten minutes can begin to change your whole world dramatically.

    I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t like a bit more peace, focus, and clarity in their life, and it’s all here for us, right here, right now.

  • The Importance of Doing Nothing (and No, You’re Not Too Busy)

    The Importance of Doing Nothing (and No, You’re Not Too Busy)

    Relaxing

    “Doing nothing is better than being busy doing nothing.” ~Lao Tzu

    Whether it’s chores or children, to-do lists or bucket lists—let alone work—modern life moves at a demanding pace. It’s a hamster wheel and, unlike our beloved family pet, we’ve decided it’s not fun.

    But as a society we revel in being busy all the time. We consider those who do nothing on the weekend to be dull or lazy. We don’t have time to chew the cud. If William Henry Davies thought his lot “had no time to stop and stare,” he should turn in his grave and see what’s happened since.

    Somewhere along the lines, it’s become more than acceptable to live at an unhealthy pace—it’s become “cool.” Instead of saying, “Very well, thanks,” when people ask how we are, today we roll our eyes and reply proudly, “Hectic!”

    Where we live, lots of mothers rock up at school, claiming they’ve had four hours of sleep, have no time to walk the dog, and have already been to the gym at 6am. They set the bar high! I feel inadequate if I’m not still replying to emails at 8pm. My phone stays on all night next to my bed in case someone needs me. Every day. Even on holiday. Especially on holiday.

    Our house burned down a few years ago—moments after we’d left with our new baby. The fire started in our bedroom where her cot was at the end of our bed.

    A lot of the very important stuff we’d gathered around us was lost—clothes, photos, furniture. We knew our attachment to our losses would cause us pain, despite having walked our spiritual path for years.

    Buddhism teaches us that attachment causes suffering, so our lesson here was to let go. Our belief system helped avoid the useless “Why me?” type questions that plague us when things don’t seem fair.

    No one was hurt. We dug deep, counted our blessings, and tried to go with the flow of things. And we realized (because it was months before we missed “that pair of shoes” or “my favorite” CD) that most of the things we battle for, in the end, we don’t miss at all.

    I also realized that much of what I busy myself with all day does matter, but much of it does not. If I don’t do it, it makes no difference. No one notices! But for me, and many people I know, because our poor addled brains are never allowed to switch off, we are often unable to see which is which.

    This way of living is not good for us. Trying to juggle everyone’s balls is not good for me! Coloring with my five year old is—if I’m doing it wholeheartedly, mindfully, rather than keeping half an eye on the clock and the other half on the mobile attached to my side. She can color inside the lines; I can’t because I’m not concentrating.

    Cortisol, the stress hormone, is as addictive as adrenaline and long been indicated in serious diseases like cancer and stroke. It keeps you awake at night, depletes the adrenal glands, and leads to chronic fatigue.

    My husband, once a gym obsessed high-flyer in the corporate world, collapsed burnt out before he was thirty.

    He had to completely reassess the demands he made on his body and mind and dramatically scale back both his work commitments (which saw him constantly flying all over the world) and his fitness regime. He learned to relax, something he was not good at.

    It has taken him years of practice to heal, and he still suffers chronic fatigue if faced with long, stressful situations.

    A wise man once told us, “The mind is like a bucket of dirty water. The more you stir it, the harder it is to see what is in there. If you stop stirring and let it settle, the muck will fall to the bottom and you will be able to see the clear water.”

    But admitting that you want to settle isn’t easy in a society that only respects those who can keep it up 24/7. When everyone else is competing to see who’s the busiest, it’s hard to say, “I’m not doing anything this weekend.” People think we’re rude or that something’s wrong.

    But it’s vital to rest your brain and body. So here’s my advice. Start small. Start now. You have five minutes to spare. (Yes, you do). Only five minutes of meditating can help calm your mind so you can comfortably relax and do nothing, without feeling anxious.

    Meditating is as simple as breathing. You can do it before breakfast, in the bathroom, in your garage. Focus on the flow of breath in and out of your body, the movement of air, the rise and fall of your chest.

    When a thought creeps into your head (and it will), acknowledge it and release it. Bring your focus back to your breath.

    The more you practice this technique, the easier it will become and the longer you will go without such thoughts bothering you. At some point they will slow down and the quiet space between them will grow. You can do it anywhere, whenever you sit still for five minutes—on the train, in the bath.

    Breathe and watch the muck fall to the bottom of the bucket.

    Learning the precious art of being un-busy will calm you. It will give you greater clarity, focus, and concentration for times when you need the energy. It will improve the health of your mind and body, and probably even your bank balance.

    So, do you have five minutes?

  • 5 Breathing Techniques to Melt Your Stress Away

    5 Breathing Techniques to Melt Your Stress Away

    “Feelings come and go like clouds in the sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

    Breathing techniques are now such an important part of my daily routine. I couldn’t think of starting a day without doing my breathing exercises.

    I usually combine these with my morning meditation, which, through sheer perseverance, I have made into a habit and have been doing for the last few years.

    Almost everywhere you look, you can find stress—at work, at home, on the road. It’s hard to avoid it and even harder to not get sucked in.

    I used to let stress get the better of me on a daily basis through an incredibly stressful and demanding job. That was until I realized the dangerous effects it was having on my body.

    I worked in video production as a producer, where there was a new type of stress every single day.

    There were so many cogs that all had to fall perfectly into place for the production to move ahead, not to mention the number of people who would depend and rely on me. The deadlines were tight, and to make sure that every stage of production was complete, I often had to work long hours.

    This was an incredibly stress-inducing job, and so often I felt myself getting overtired and angry due to the workload.

    Stress can make it near enough impossible to control your emotions. I found the more stressed I became, the more irrational I would become.

    Stress is also strongly linked to diseases, and chronic stress can give these conditions the green light to flood your body. Stress has been linked to cancer, lung disease, fatal accidents, suicide, and cirrhosis of the liver.

    Not to mention that stress can make you gain weight, look older, and ruin your relationships.

    After understanding that I was a very stressed person, often attracting stressful situations into my life, I decided to learn stress-combating techniques.

    The best methods I discovered were various breathing techniques. They’re quick to do and have amazing results.

    Now, if I ever feel myself getting stressed or am about to enter a stressful situation, I simply stop for a moment and use one of my breathing techniques. This instantly calms me down and has an immediate effect on my state of mind, allowing me to think clearly and rationally.

    Breathing is used in meditation as a method to relax the body fully and achieve a clear state of mind. We are extremely lucky that such a powerful tool, like breathing, is something that we can regulate and control ourselves.

    Practicing breathing techniques will not only give you beneficial life tools, but they are also a great starting point for your meditation journey.

    The techniques I have shared are simple and easy to learn. Some will bring calm and inner peace, while others can be used to kick-start your mental awareness and vital energy.

    Abdominal Breathing

    Abdominal breathing slows your entire body down; your heart rate and blood pressure reduce with each controlled deep breath you take.

    Your aim during this technique is to focus on your diaphragm, not your chest, as you breathe.

    To begin, place one hand on the chest and the other on the belly.

    Breathe in through your nose enough for your diaphragm to inflate with enough air to produce a stretch in your lungs. Then exhale slowly.

    Make sure each breath is deep and steady.

    Repeat this technique with seven to ten breaths per minute for ten minutes.

    Alternate Nostril Breathing (aka Nadi Shodhana)

    This technique will unite both sides of your brain while bringing calm and balance.

    To begin, sit in a comfortable meditative pose; this can be on the floor, on a chair, or on a sofa, wherever is most comfortable for you.

    Now, hold your right nostril down with your thumb or one of your fingers on your right hand. Breathe in deeply through your left nostril.

    When you’re at the peak of inhalation, let go of your right nostril and cover the left. Then, exhale through the right nostril. Continue with this technique for as long as needed until you feel calm and focused.

    Because this method connects your brain on a deep level, you shouldn’t practice this technique before going to bed.

    Instead, if you need to prepare for a big presentation or a difficult job interview, or you’re in any kind of nervous situation, take a few minutes practicing alternate nostril breathing to calm yourself. Doing this will help quiet your mind so that you can be the best version of yourself without having to worry about the nerves!

    Not only will you experience calm and balance, but you will also feel focused and super energized.

    Relaxing Breath (aka “4-7-8”)

    This technique is used to completely relax the body and nervous system. It can be used in many different scenarios—when you feel internal tension, when something upsetting happens, or simply to help you relax before sleep.

    Before you begin this technique, ensure you are sitting comfortably with your back as straight as possible.

    Place the tip of your tongue behind your upper front teeth where they meet the gum ridge. You will need to keep your tongue here for the duration of the technique.

    Start by exhaling fully. Usually, because of where your tongue is placed, this would make a natural “whoosh” sound.

    Inhale quietly for a count of four. Once reached, hold your breath here for a count of seven and then exhale fully for a count of eight. This is one full breath. You should aim to do four or five full breaths each time you practice this technique.

    Stillness in Breath

    If you are able to focus on your breath for long periods of time, then this technique is for you.

    This breathing awareness variation doesn’t involve any counting, merely observing.

    To begin, sit comfortably, close your eyes, and begin observing your breathing pattern.

    Once you have settled into the process of observing your natural breathing rhythm, turn your awareness to the point at which the breath switches from inhalation to exhalation. Then observe as it changes from exhalation to inhalation. Notice that there is a gap, or still pause, between the breaths.

    If you find that your mind wanders during this variation, simply keep guiding your attention back to this still pause between each stage of breath. The more you practice this technique, the more it becomes a continuous experience in which you will find peace.

    Stimulating Breath (aka Bellows Breath)

    Bellows Breath is used to invigorate your senses and sharpen your mind. If practiced well, you will raise your vital energy and feel an increased level of alertness.

    To begin, sit comfortably. You don’t need to be in a certain position or sit anywhere in particular for this technique.

    Inhale and exhale rapidly through your nose. Try to keep your mouth shut and as relaxed as possible. Aim to keep your inhales and exhales equal in duration but as reduced as possible.

    For beginners, you should start by practicing this technique for a maximum of fifteen seconds. As you become more comfortable, you can increase this time by five seconds each time you practice until you reach a full minute.

    Like alternate nostril breathing, this technique connects with your mind on a deep level and shouldn’t be used before you go to sleep.

    Next time you feel like you need an energy boost, instead of reaching for caffeine, try this technique and see how invigorated you feel afterwards!

    —

    By practicing breathing meditation for ten to fifteen minutes a day, you will be able to reduce your stress and anxiety levels significantly. You’ll start to experience calmness of the mind, the turbulence of day-to-day worries will simply fall away, and feelings of happiness and fulfillment will rise from within.

  • How Meditation Can Make You Healthier and Ease Your Pain

    How Meditation Can Make You Healthier and Ease Your Pain

    “If a person’s basic state of mind is serene and calm, then it is possible for this inner peace to overwhelm a painful physical experience.” ~The Dalai Lama

    When I finished graduate school I was a bright-eyed engineer with a fresh diploma in hand, ready to take on the world. I landed a great job at a multinational engineering firm and began my career working with people from all over the world.

    So it was a major downer when, not long into my new job, I began to suffer from chronic migraines. Every day I would wake up feeling fine, but within a few minutes I would feel so lightheaded I was convinced my head was going to float away.

    It wasn’t because of stress, though, just genetics. My mother, grandfather, and great-grandmother all had experienced similar issues with migraines.

    Lights. Noise. Crowds. Computer screens. They made me feel miserable.

    I was able to hide my symptoms pretty well from friends and coworkers, but I needed relief. My symptoms were not typical for migraines, so the doctors I saw couldn’t help much, and I didn’t have any luck with homeopathic remedies. My mother suggested I try meditation; it had helped her with her symptoms before.

    Meditation?

    Being an analytically inclined engineer, I was skeptical. To me, like many of us, meditation was something reserved for monks who wore funny robes and lived in the mountains, far away from the commutes and crowds and endless computer screens of the modern world that give the rest of us of headaches.

    But I didn’t have anything to lose.

    I started with one minute a day. And then two. And then five.

    The more I meditated, the better my symptoms became. There were setbacks, but in general my condition improved. After a couple of years, going to a bar or writing an email didn’t make my head feel like it was going to explode.

    I finally felt like my old self again.

    I wasn’t sure if the improvement was solely due to meditation, but my analytical mind wanted to know more about it, with the more facts and hard data the better. According to the studies I have come across, meditation can:

    1. Improve focus and memory

    A 2013 UC Santa Barbara study published in Psychological Science found that mindfulness training, including meditation, can improve our ability to focus on tasks at hand and recall details from memory.

    For those of us who have hectic jobs and find that our attention is constantly jumping from our mobile phone, to our desk phone, to our email inbox, to the person standing at our desk, or to the millions of other office distractions, a few minutes of quiet meditation in the morning can positively affect our critical thinking skills.

    2. Reduce stress and anxiety

    Research at Harvard Medical School found that meditation can physically change the brain’s amygdala, the portion of our brain related to stress and anxiety, and lower our levels of stress.

    This one might seem like a no-brainer (pun definitely intended); if we are quiet and still, we will be calmer. But for all of the skeptics out there, like myself, it’s reassuring to know that the anecdotal evidence of meditation reducing our stress levels now has physical changes to the brain as documented evidence to support it.

    3. Reduce the risk of cardiovascular disease

    A 2012 study published in Circulation: Cardiovascular Quality and Outcomes found that daily meditation can not only reduce stress, but can actually reduce the risk of cardiovascular disease as well.

    The patients in the study, all of whom had coronary heart disease, were divided into two groups: a control group, and a group that underwent a transcendental meditation program.

    Over the course of the multi-year study, the group that received the meditation training saw reductions in their blood pressures and stress levels, and had lower rates of heart attacks and strokes.

    Heart disease continues to be a global problem and could affect many of our lives as we age. But studies like these show that, in addition to the tools of modern medicine, we have one extra weapon in our arsenal to help improve our cardiovascular health.

    4. Boost our immune systems

    Another great benefit of meditation, at least according to a 2003 study published in Psychosomatic Medicine, is that it can improve our bodies’ ability to fight off disease and illness.

    During the study, a control group was compared with another group of participants who received meditation training. Afterward, the meditators were found to have a significantly higher number of antibodies in their blood compared to the control group, which help ward off disease.

    That means that regular meditation could help us get sick less often, giving us more time to have fun and be with our loved ones, instead of lying in bed and feeling miserable. Let’s remember that tip the next time flu season rolls around…

    5. Reduce physical pain

    According to a 2015 study by Wake Forest University published in the Journal of Neuroscience, meditation has the ability to reduce pain sensations in our bodies.

    During the study, patients who had undergone meditation and mindfulness training experienced less pain when exposed to hot surfaces than those who did not have similar meditation experience.

    This was also true for a group of “meditating” patients who had been given injections to chemically block their bodies’ natural production of opioids (i.e. our own internal painkillers), which kick in once we start to feel pain.

    The authors concluded that this has the potential to help mitigate chronic symptoms and reduce dependencies on prescription medicine, and that future work could help to determine the exact mechanism of how meditation alleviates pain.

    From my own experiences with daily migraines, I have full faith in the Wake Forest results. For anyone else suffering from pain, a few minutes a day could make all the difference.

    —

    Meditation is no longer a mystical practice hidden behind the walls of Tibetan monasteries. It is being studied by some of the most respected health organizations in the world, which are now able to use science to validate claims that have been around for thousands of years.

    The physical and neurological benefits that meditation can provide make it a valuable accompaniment to modern medicine for curing or alleviating health problems. If you have been suffering from stress, or pain, why not try meditation? It’s natural and free.

    A simple way to begin is to first find a comfortable seated position. Keep your eyes and body relaxed, and focus on your breath. Try not to fight all the thoughts and chitter chatter that run through your head. They’re normal.

    Just observe them and then focus on your breath again once they have passed. Like me, you can start with one minute and then have longer sessions as you begin to feel more comfortable meditating. The positive effects you start to experience from daily meditation might surprise you.

    What is there to lose?

  • 8 Meditation Mistakes to Avoid if You Want to Feel Calm and Peaceful

    8 Meditation Mistakes to Avoid if You Want to Feel Calm and Peaceful

    “Three things you cannot recover in life: the word after it’s said, the moment after it’s missed, and the time after it’s gone.” ~Unknown

    Do you meditate?

    I do. I come from a Buddhist family, and meditation is like an heirloom to me.

    I didn’t start meditating until I was an adult. But when I did, I meditated diligently. From forming a meditation habit to getting the latest meditation app, I’ve done it all.

    And one day I got a little worried.

    I didn’t feel much difference. I didn’t feel calm and peaceful like I was supposed to feel.

    In fact, I didn’t feel anything.

    Nothing has changed. I was still the irritable, depressed person that I was. Meditation felt like a waste of time.

    Later, I was shocked to discover how many mistakes I was making.

    I want you to avoid these mistakes so that you can meditate efficiently without wasting your time as well.

    1. You don’t embrace distractions.

    I used to hate distraction. I’d use earplugs, lock my door, and yell at everybody to shut up before I meditated.

    By all means, minimize distraction. But realize no matter what you do, something’s going to bother you. If you’re like me, you become more irritated each time you get distracted or interrupted. This is counterproductive.

    The whole point of meditation is to observe distractions as they occur, and not to be carried away by them. Embracing distraction is part of the practice. When you do, you’ll feel much more laid back, and everything else will fall into place.

    2. You only meditate with external aids.

    When meditation was popularized, meditation apps, meditation music, and guided meditation also became a fad.

    These external aids direct your thoughts and get you relaxed and concentrated. If you have difficulty meditating traditionally, they’re certainly viable alternatives.

    However, a big part of meditation is facing your inner thoughts on your own. This cultivates insight and wisdom. If your thoughts are being guided externally, you’ll miss out on an opportunity to self-realization.

    If you want your practice to be well-rounded, you should devote some time to meditate with only your mind and body, even if you do enjoy using apps or guided meditations.

    3. You seek escape in meditation.

    I used to abuse meditation to suppress my strong negative feelings. As long as I concentrated only on my breath, I could stop myself from thinking about my problems.

    But then I learned that focus isn’t a hammer of suppression; it’s a ray of light. The light of your meditative awareness will bring up your problems in the form of thoughts. It’s your job to face and neutralize them in the process.

    When strong feelings emerge, put your awareness on those feelings before returning to your focus. Otherwise, you would be suppressing your emotions to the detriment of your mental health.

    Observe the feeling, let it grow, and it’ll naturally dissolve.

    4. You’re doing the wrong meditation for your body type.

    If you feel physically or mentally uncomfortable while meditating, you may be doing the wrong meditation.

    I have a slight nose condition. Sometimes I wouldn’t be able to breathe comfortably through my nose. At those times, meditation became torturous because I would strain my tracheal muscle badly afterward. I decided to drop breathing meditation soon after.

    Meditation is not a battle. Fighting discomfort is neither healthy nor helpful. There’s no reason why meditation shouldn’t be comfortable. Stop doing your current meditation if you’re in a similar situation.

    5. You don’t try out other types of meditation.

    No one meditation technique is superior to one another. For example, most of us meditate to cultivate mindfulness. Breathing is not the only way to do so. Many meditation techniques can achieve the same purpose.

    There are mantra meditations, visualization meditations, walking meditations, contemplation meditations, as well as various schools of Vipassana meditations for you to choose from.

    After I dropped breathing meditation, I tried many other techniques and finally settled on mantra meditation. It felt much more natural to me.

    Learn different techniques from credible teachers. Try out the ones that appeal to you.

    If you’re already content with your current meditation, great. But remember you always have the option to explore different meditations. Maybe you’ll find one that you love even more.

    6. You don’t stick with one meditation technique for long enough.

    While you should explore different techniques, avoid switching around all the time.

    If you do, you wouldn’t be familiar enough with a technique, and there won’t be enough time for its benefits to come to fruition.

    Practice a technique until you know it inside out before you determine whether you should move on or not.

    The exception here is that if a meditation clearly makes you physically or mentally uncomfortable, you should stop right away.

    7. You have unrealistic goals.

    I used to meditate to reach “enlightenment.” Needless to say, I didn’t get there.

    And I thought it would make me at least a tad calmer, or give me some obvious health benefits. I didn’t get both.

    I was expecting too much. And it drove me crazy.

    Don’t expect too much, and don’t expect anything too soon. Meditation is not the magic cure that could banish all your stress and turn you into an enlightened being in just a few days, months, or even years.

    Remember, the masters meditated day and night for decades to reach where they are.

    Unrealistic expectations prevent you from focusing on your practice. When you have high expectations, you focus on results instead of the process. This is counterproductive, as it takes away the present moment awareness that meditation offers.

    Whenever I find myself expecting, I remind myself that I’m not trying to get anything from meditation. As I do so, the practice becomes much more enjoyable. And in the end, by releasing my expectations, meditation does make me more peaceful.

    8. You never learned how to meditate.

    If you don’t study meditation thoroughly, you won’t be able to discover your own mistakes. And if you continue your practice with these mistakes, you’ll waste your precious time at best and injure yourself mentally or physically at worst.

    Read a wide variety of books on meditation, watch videos and listen to lectures by different teachers, join a meditation forum online or social group in person. Expand your knowledge constantly. Use that knowledge to improve your practice regularly.

    If you can afford it, it’s best to learn from a trustworthy and reputable teacher. A good teacher will not only guide you through advanced meditations safely, they will also help you save a lot of time and avoid most mistakes from the outset.

    Guidance from a teacher is necessary if you’re interested in meditations using mantras or visualization. Some of these meditations are potentially dangerous to your mental health.

    Until you can get a teacher or become knowledgeable enough, stick with basic meditations. Avoid visualizations, contemplations, and esoteric mantras you don’t understand.

    Meditation Has Never Felt So Good

    Now that you know what to avoid in meditation, you’ll able to make much more progress than I have in a much shorter time.

    With this knowledge in mind, identify your mistakes and correct them.

    Then meditation will no longer feel like a chore. You’ll actually want to sit down and meditate. Not because you think you should, but because it feels so good. And you can be assured that no matter what happens during the session, you’ll remain peaceful, calm, and happy.

    Yes, it is possible.

    So get to work, and let a whole new journey begin.

  • Overcoming General and Social Anxiety: There is Hope

    Overcoming General and Social Anxiety: There is Hope

    Happy Woman

    “F-E-A-R has two meanings: ‘Forget Everything And Run’ or ‘Face Everything And Rise.’ The choice is yours.” ~Zig Ziglar

    “Face everything and rise.” Good advice, but how do we do that when we feel incapable? Well, I recently discovered an effective tool that we can rely on whenever anxiety comes for a visit. And I just can’t describe how grateful I am for that discovery!

    For over ten years I’ve been suffering from general and social anxiety. People who don’t know me well would be surprised to hear that, since I became a master of hiding my feelings. But when I found myself in certain social situations and could not hide those feelings anymore, they would erupt and turn into panic attack episodes, which caused me a tremendous amount of suffering.

    From the outside, one could say my life was as good as it could be. I have supportive parents, a loving girlfriend, a good, steady job, and a house. Unfortunately, my only brother and I are not in touch, but I guess this can happen in the best of families.

    I became a prisoner of my own anxiety. My fear generated physical and emotions symptoms, which generated more fear; it felt like an endless cycle. The weight on my back was so heavy that, despite accepting life, I had lost faith in it.

    After trying several types of treatments, I finally discovered meditation and then went on a ten-day Vipassana retreat. I decided to do this for a few reasons:

    • Evidence shows that this technique has helped prisoners, and I guessed that they had even bigger issues than me. At the start of the retreat, during an introductory event, they showed a movie about how the Indian government introduced Vipassana in jails due to its tremendously effective results.
    • The retreat was donation based, so I knew that no one was taking advantage of my weakness.
    • Deep inside, I knew that I was the person who could best help me. I wanted to learn about myself and understand what was bothering me so much. And the best way of learning, in this case and in general, is by experiencing

    In Vipassana, you learn how to disconnect from the outside world and to connect to your inner world—to experience your sensations and understand that, either good or bad, they will eventually pass. You learn how to become the observer rather than the participant, so you stop reacting to sensations and, therefore, learn to relax.

    Why sensations? Because everything we experience in life through our six senses—sight, hearing, taste, smell, touch, and the thinking mind—causes different types of sensations in our bodies, which we automatically label as “good” or “bad.”

    For example, hearing the birds singing in the morning will cause good sensations. On the other hand, hearing the barking of angry dogs would probably cause bad sensations. And those sensations instinctively generate a reaction—one of craving and clinging (we don’t want the beautiful melody to end) or aversion and hatred (we wish that the scary barking would stop).

    We fall in the trap of getting attached to the sensations, and over and over generate a reaction. Reactions of all types: fear, anger, sadness, judging, dependency on things or other people, hurting. All those bring us suffering.

    And here’s where Vipassana can help us. The whole technique is built on three types of meditation:

    1. Anapana (observing respiration)

    Observe the sensations in the nostrils area; breathe in and breathe out. Soft or strong, short or long, calm or agitated—it doesn’t matter, and we don’t need to control it; just observe it and let it be the way it is moment by moment.

    It’s been said that respiration is the bridge between our bodies and mind, the path to our unconscious mind. By observing it, we can reach its deepest levels and turn agitation into calmness.

    Use Anapana as your shield against anxiety! It works. It allows you to consciously take a breath when you drown in the sea of anxiety, and you can do it anytime you need it. Bring your mind back to focus and calm it down!

    2. Vipassana (observing sensations from head to feet and vice versa)

    Once we are trained to observe our respiration, we are ready to start observing other areas of our bodies. So we start from the head and go down to the feet, through every single part of the body. Side by side and eventually also from feet to head.

    Sensation will vary from part to part; they can be soft or strong, good or bad. But whatever they are, the common thing between them is that they will arise and then eventually pass. By understanding that, we can stop reacting to the sensations, keep our focus, and become the observer. We learn that through experiencing.

    3. Metta (wishing the end of suffering to every living creature)

    When we reach the point of inner peace, we become ready to share this peace, love, and harmony with everyone around us.

    —

    No doubt, Vipassana was the biggest present I could give myself, and it’s changing my life. I feel I have been reborn. The benefits are not just limited to the way I deal with anxiety now. It’s actually way more than that.

    As a result:

    • I have gained the ability to focus more on the present, and less on the past or future. As a result, I enjoy more of what I’m doing at every single moment.
    • I’m more accepting and tolerant of others, with no judgment. I’ve started donating and volunteering. I understand love better and am much better able to show it to my dearest ones.
    • I’m more efficient, able to make choices quickly and stick with them (in work and life in general). I’m learning to enjoy but not to get attached.

    My parents told me the other day that I’ve started to smile with my eyes again, something I used to do when I was a kid. True, the heavy weight on my back has now become much lighter. I’ve regained my faith in life!

    Vipassana is universal, courses are offered in most countries, and it has no connection to any religion. It’s pure science of mind and matter, so everyone, from any background, can do it!

    The best tip I could give to those of you interested in practicing Vipassana would be to contact the closest Vipassana (taught by S.N Goenka) center in your country and register to a ten-day course so you can learn the technique properly, under the best conditions.

    Those conditions include the best guidance, a supportive environment, and minimal distractions, all necessary to achieve results. And results will come if you are open to working and embracing this wonderful experience. You might have just made a life-changing discovery too!

    You can watch an introduction to Vipassana Meditation by S. N. Goenka here.

    Photo by Moyan Brenn

  • How to Change Your Life Without Doing Anything Big or Scary

    How to Change Your Life Without Doing Anything Big or Scary

    Victory

    “Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change.” ~Jim Rohn

    We’re human.

    Every single one of us participates in behavior that we know has a negative or adverse effect on our well-being.

    We also know that at some point we are going to have to stop these negative behaviors, because ultimately, they create bigger problems for us. However, most of us choose to wait until something breaks before we decide to take any action toward fixing a problem.

    I waited to change my diet.

    I waited until things got really bad and I was forced to react drastically in order to change my outcome.

    Difficult?

    Ummm, that would be an understatement. Let’s just say the list of what I had to give up was so extensive, it was easier to tell people what I could eat rather than what I could no longer eat.

    It was an extremely difficult transition, and I’m not going that route ever again. No ma’am.

    Everything you do to improve any area of your life, no matter how small, matters.

    Why?

    Because change is a process, and it’s an undeniable fact that a lot of tiny successes add up to bigger ones. If you make small steps consistently over time, it is impossible for your momentum to not shift in your favor.

    Consistency is key.

    If you add a marble to a glass every day, just one marble, eventually it’s going to fill up, right?

    It’s exactly the same with change, but somehow, somewhere, we got it in our mind that change was an all-or-nothing proposal.

    This mindset has left many of us completely paralyzed and incapable of instituting new behavior, because we only see the end result. Then fear paralyzes us because the process involved in getting to our end goal just feels like too much work.

    I tell people all the time to “chunk it out.” I don’t care what it is, just chunk the task out into smaller, doable, reasonable bites, and eventually you will feel the shift in momentum and make the final push toward achieving any goal.

    As I age, I know if I want to have a good quality of life, there are more changes in my future. There is no getting around it.

    Instead of waiting for things to break (as I have previously done), I’m taking an easier route. I’m going to be proactive rather than reactive. I’m taking my own advice and chunking it all out now, before another problem presents itself. I got the wake-up call.

    Here’s what I know for sure.

    I want to be strong going into the second half on my life.

    I do not want to wither away and die o-l-d. In order to reach that goal, I need to take consistent action toward changing my overall heath and integrate some new behaviors into my weekly routine.

    In the last four months I have started activity in three areas that I am certain will help me achieve my long-term goal of overall better health. Hopefully, my actions will inspire you to make small changes in whatever area of your life you’d like to improve.

    Meditation

    Our culture has us running around with our hair on fire trying to be overachievers.

    I have known for a long time that meditation would be a gateway to a lot of good things in my life, but my biggest draw for meditation was stress-reduction. Somehow I convinced myself I couldn’t do it because I didn’t have an extra forty-five minutes a day to sit and learn to quiet my mind.

    I have no idea why I thought it would take that much time, but it doesn’t much matter. I used this excuse to talk myself right out of participating because it would require time I didn’t have. If I were completely honest, I’d admit I just didn’t want to do the work.

    As my stress level grew, so did my awareness that I needed to take action.

    I took my own advice and chunked it out. I searched “guided five-minute meditation” videos on YouTube. Five minutes a day, twice a week. That’s where I started.

    Then I bumped it up to seven minutes…then ten…then fifteen.

    There are thousands of guided meditations on YouTube. You’ll never run out of options. I found a variety of lengths that suit me and I integrate them as I can.

    Now I’m going to hour-long meditations outside my home once or twice a month, and I love them.

    It took me months to get up to where I’m at now, and I’m still not doing it daily, but I am patting myself on the back for what I am doing instead of beating myself up for still not taking action.

    The whole point is to create the habit in a way that is doable, not overwhelming, and I’m very hopeful.

    Cardio Exercise

    The bane of my existence has always been routine exercise. I have probably joined the gym eight times in my life, and actually showed up and worked out maybe twenty times in total. The thought of getting on a machine to exercise makes me want to throw up, no joke.

    Run? Not unless someone is chasing me.

    Walk? Routinely, not so much. Every now and then yes, but I have to have a destination. My brain can’t embrace walking for walking sake. I keep trying, but have great difficulty in maintaining it as a routine practice.

    So what’s a gal to do?

    I decided to try cycling.

    I bought an inexpensive beach cruiser to test the water, installed big baskets on the rear, and now I do a vast majority of weekly errands on my bike. Cardio exercise, sunshine, and vitamin D, along with an opportunity to easily stop and chat with people during my ride, make this a huge win.

    I love the idea of having a task or a destination. It totally changes my perception of the activity in my head. I’m no longer exercising, I’m getting stuff done.

    I live two miles from the heart of a beautiful coastal city of about 60,000 people. We’re not small, but we’re not large either. The downtown area is speckled with lots of mom-and-pop operations, as well as places I regularly visit like my bank, the post office, the library, coffee shops, museums, and my local food co-op.

    As I ride my bike to and from any errands or meetings here’s what I’ve discovered…

    Endorphins.

    Serotonin.

    I had completely forgotten all about them. They make me feel really good. My brain has made that new association and is inspired.

    Winning!

    Yoga

    The healthiest older folks I know practice yoga. The benefits for the mind and body are life-changing. I have known for a long time that I would benefit greatly from yoga, but in my mind this fell into the “gym” mentality I had about exercise, and I was hesitant to grab this bull by the horns and take action.

    What’s a gal to do?

    Chunk it out.

    I didn’t sign up for a six-month package at a yoga studio. Nope. Once again, I turned to YouTube and decided what kind of time commitment I was up for (fifteen minutes), and got cracking.

    I started with targeted shoulder/back/relaxation stretching for newbies. I did this once a week for several weeks. Once a week.

    Then I expanded a little bit to a twenty-three-minute sitting yoga video for the same targeted area. I did this once a week for several more weeks.

    The next step was attending free classes that were held at the community center at my local food co-op. I found one that I liked and went a few times. Then found another. Now I go twice a week every week and will continue to so.

    –

    As expected, these changes have had an incredibly positive impact on my day-to-day life.

    Mostly, I’m proud of myself for finally taking action, and I love the sense of satisfaction I have from doing so.

    Self-empowerment through change is inspiring!

    When we prove to ourselves that we can successfully institute a new behavior, it encourages us to move toward more.

    In my opinion, zero to hero is not a recipe for success.

    Chunk it out.

    Make it doable.

    Proactive behavior has had a snowball effect in my life. The more positive changes I see and feel, the more I want to experience.

    Still winning!

    Winner pose image via Shutterstock