Posts tagged with “control”
How I Am Learning to Trust My Body More and Control It Less
āIām a beautiful mess of contradiction, a chaotic display of imperfection.ā ~Sai Marie Johnson
I donāt identify as having an eating disorder. I donāt struggle with anorexia, bulimia, or binge eating.Ā Yet I exercise precise control of my weight, down to the pound. If I gain a mere two pounds, I can feel it. First in my stomach. Then in my face.
Thatās when the self-loathing kicks in.
I beat myself up for gaining those two pounds.
I wear a shirt to sleep at night, instead of being naked like I am when I am two pounds lighter.
I …
How I Finally Starved the Disorder That Was Eating Me Alive
āIf we are ready to tear down the walls that confine us, break the cage that imprisons us, we will discover what our wings are for.ā ~Michael Meegan
It’s weird, isn’t it? One day youāre playing hide and seek with friends without a worry beyond the playdate youāre having or dinner options for that night. But in a blink, those carefree days vanish. Thatās what happened to me, and my teenage years started ticking away right in front of my eyes. Eleven, thirteen, fifteen, seventeen, nineteen…
And a realization hit me: āItās still eating me alive.ā
Maybe it wasnāt …
Overcoming Codependency: Breaking the Cycle of Unhealthy Relationships
āA codependent person is one who has let another personās behavior affect him or her and who is obsessed with controlling that personās behavior.ā ~Melody Beattie
From a young age, I felt insecure in my own skin. I was a highly sensitive child and, subsequently, struggled with low self-worth for most of my life.
Although I had many friends and a good family, I consistently looked for approval outside of myself. I grew up believing that the opinions of others were the only accurate representations of my core worth.
As a teenager, I witnessed the crumbling and eventual demise of …
5 Ways to Heal from a Highly Critical, Controlling Parent
āYouāve been criticizing yourself for years and it hasnāt worked. Try approving of yourself and see whatĀ happens.ā ~Louise Hay
When I was growing up, it felt like nothing was good enough for my dad. And all I longed for was his acceptance and love.
He had this temper that would blow up, and heād blame me for how he felt. He would outright tell me his behavior was my fault. That if Iād behaved better, he wouldnāt have had an outburst.
When he told me I wasn’t enough or worthy, I believed him. I was constantly walking on eggshells …
Anxiety Sucks, But It Taught Me These 7 Important Things
āAnxiety is the dizziness of freedom.ā ~Soren Kierkegaard
Let’s be clear:
This isn’t an article about positive thinking.
This isn’t an article about how silver linings make everything okay.
This isn’t an article about how your perspective on anxiety is all wrong.
The kids call those things “toxic positivity.”
No toxic positivity here.
ThisĀ isĀ an article about my lifelong relationship with anxiety and what I’ve learned from something that won’t go away. At times the anxiety spikes and feels almost crippling. I have a hard time appreciating the learning at those times, but it’s still there.
That is what …
How I Learned to Let Go of Attachment to Things I Want
“The happiness we seek cannot be found through grasping, trying to hold on to things. It cannot be found through getting serious and uptight about wanting things to go in the direction we think will bring happiness.” ~Pema Chodron
When I was a kid, my parents used to take me and my younger brotherĀ fishing during the summer with some family friends. Sitting in the backseat of the car as we drove through the countryside, I had no worries about the future. It was a time of innocence.
On this particular trip, which stands out in my memory, I would …
One Thing We Need to Survive Crisis, Loss, and Trauma
“What man actually needs is not a tensionless state but rather the striving and struggling for a worthwhile goal, a freely chosen task.” ~Viktor Frankl
A couple of years ago, I was sitting in my little mountain cottage, writing away on a new novel. It was a cold and dark February afternoon. So, first, I felt pleasantly surprised when I saw something bright lighting up behind me: I thought it was the sun coming out. But when I turned around, I noticed that my porch was on fire!
Before I knew what was happening, I was standing out in the …
3 Life-Changing Insights for Control Freaks (Lessons from an Ant Infestation)
āFreedom is what you do with what’s been done to you.ā Ā ~Jean-Paul Sartre
āSo did you figure out what your shadow totem is?ā
This was the first thing out of my husbandās friendās mouth as I sat down to dinner at a local downtown restaurant, across from my husband and a couple friends we were meeting up with.
I laughed at the choice of question but then paused with wide eyes and replied, āYES, I DID! Oh my gosh. Itās an ant!ā
The backstory is that we had previously had a conversation about animal symbolism, and how figuring out …
I Donāt Know Who I Am: How Iām Finding Myself Again After the Abuse
āWhen you turn the corner / And you run into yourself / Then you know that you have turned / All the corners that are left.ā ~Langston Hughes
Nearly two years ago I left a long-term controlling and abusive relationship.
I didnāt know that I was in one. I just knew that I was desperate.
Abusers take everything away from you. I donāt just mean your money or your home or your children, although they take those as well. I mean everything, including your sense of self.
Toward the end of the relationship, I wrote in my journal: āI …
How Iām Overcoming Perfectionism and Why Iām No Longer Scared to Fail
āPerfectionism is a self-destructive belief system. Itās a way of thinking that says: ‘If I look perfect, live perfect, and work perfect, I can avoid or minimize criticism and blame.’ā ~BrenĆ© Brown
I struggled with trying new things in my past. I learned growing up that failure was bad. I used to be a gifted child, slightly ahead of my peers. As I got older, everything went downhill.
Whenever I tried out a new activity, I would quit if I wasn’t instantly perfect at it. If there was the slightest imperfection, I would get extremely frustrated and upset. I …
How Iām Overcoming Codependency and the Need to Prove My Worth
āEverywhere you go, there you are.ā ~Unknown
I have heard this quote many times throughout life, but that was it. I heard it, thought hmm, and moved on. Well, here I am at the age of thirty-nine, and I am really starting to see and understand it.
I first started noticing this idea showing up over and over again recently, at a time of a change in my career. I went from an ER nurse to an RN in the transfer center. So bedside nursingĀ to office work.
I noticed one day, as I was sitting in …
If You Stuff Your Emotions Down: You Gotta Feel It to Heal It
“Sit with it. Sit with it. Sit with it. Sit with it. Even though you want to run. Even when itās heavy and difficult. Even though youāre not quite sure of the way through. Healing happens by feeling.ā ~Dr. Rebecca Ray
Iāve spent much of my life resisting my true feelings.
Anger made me feel wrong. Sadness made me feel weak. Neediness made me feel āgirly.ā Love made me feel scared.
I became an expert at hiding when I was feeling any of the above.
Some people numb their feelings with alcohol, drugs, shopping, or sex. I numb with control. …
Iām Kelly and Iām a Heroine Addict: Why I Get My Fix from Fixing People
āSelf-will means believing that you alone have all the answers. Letting go of self-will means becoming willing to hold still, be open, and wait for guidance for yourself.āāRobin Norwood, Author of Women Who Love Too Much
My drug of choice is not the kind of heroin one shoots in their veins. My drug is the kind of heroine that ends with an eāthe feminine version of hero.
When I help someone, and they are grateful for the gifts I offer, my brain fizzes with a cocktail of oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine, resulting in a āhelperās highā I ride …
Eating Too Much While Working from Home? How to Solve Emotional Snacking
āWe eat the way we eat because we are afraid to feel what we feel.ā ~Geneen Roth
Sometimes I feel like asking me, a recovering overeater, to work from home is as unreasonable as hoping a sex addict will pen a report from the lobby of a brothel.
Snarky email? Feel annoyed. Get Penguin bar from cupboard.
Meeting over? Feel relief at no longer being on camera. Eat Wagon Wheel from cupboard.
Worked hard today? Need a reward. Wait, who ate all the kidsā lunchbox treats? Never mind, people, all good: I found the cheese.
This was me when …
How I Knew It Was Emotional Abuse: The Subtle Signs I Almost Missed
āI hope you find love, but more importantly, I hope youāre strong enough to walk away from what love isnāt.ā ~Tiffany Tomiko
A few weeks after breaking up from what I thought was a loving relationship that in reality was sliding into an emotionally abusive one, I had a dream.
In it, I was hiding from a group of dangerous people, but could see the footsteps of one of them coming toward me. Suddenly they saw me, and I pleaded to them, āPlease, donāt kill me,ā and they turned and left. When I emerged, I could see the victims all …
I Cheated on Him with My Higher Self (and Weāre Still Going Strong)
āItās okay to let go of those who couldnāt love you. Those who didnāt know how to. Those who failed to even try. Itās okay to outgrow them, because that means you filled the empty space in you with self-love instead. Youāre outgrowing them because youāre growing into you. And thatās more than okay, thatās something to celebrate.ā ~Angelica Moone
āHow could you do this to me? Itās obvious youāre with someone else.ā
That was the third and final message I received from my partner of nearly three years, several weeks after we had finally decided to break up. I …
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