Dear Tee,

ahh, I think I am not a typical case and not responding well to treatment…

Oh I hope you feel better soon…

What kind of expectations do they have? To provide for them financially, or in general, about how you should live your life and what career path you should take? Do you feel that your mother treats you kindly, talks nicely to you, but underneath you feel she expects you to follow a certain path or be a certain way?

Providing financially is okay for me and I’m doing that. But it’s also general like my father now don’t tell me things to do in certain way but still kinda pinpoint what others are doing and it’s frustrate me a lot like why do you have to care what they’re doing? Can’t you be satisfied once with what we have? Same with my grandfather whenever I call him.

For my mother she’s just still overly protective (I know there’s some fault of mine as well for this) She literally tells me to lock the door before sleep. Like mom I know I’m not a child anymore.

Yeah, it’s a way to separate ourselves from our fears and our resentments – because by writing them down, it’s like we observe them, we don’t identify with them. So we’re less consumed by them. Which means – more regulated, more able to think clearly. And also, once we write it down, we gain clarity about what bothers us, and it helps us deal with the problem.

Right and you know I got another idea for this. Taking voice notes like as I said before when I was feeling frustrated after talking on call with my father, I take voice notes to let out that frustration, but my anger is I think nearly at tipping point so maybe I will confront things to him.

Introspection, courage, curiosity, fast learning, openness to new ideas… to mention just a few   But in fact, you are worthy just by being born. For some people, their talents are hidden because they have been abused, and so they may have become addicts etc. However, they are still worthy, they only need to connect to their core, their true self…

It’s like diamonds covered in dirt – they aren’t always visible, but they are there. Your talents are visible, but I am just saying, even if they weren’t, you would still be worthy…

Thanks! And yeah, I agree also since you mention addiction, I think it’s also something which is wasting lot of my time. I’ve read more about CPTSD, and it’s also mentioned that anorexia and Technology addiction could be the part of it and it’s relatable for me. For me even though when not working it’s not easy for me just not waste time on screen for no reason at all.

I am sorry you’re not getting the desired results. Is there someone you can consult about it?

No I can’t. because I’m supposed to be “Expert” in this. I talked to the people working on the same kind of projects and they are all telling me the same things that I’m already doing. Which is making me even more anxious… But I’m trying to ground myself by not getting attached to the results.

Hi Tee,

 

well, she wanted to tell you she loves you, and probably expected to hear the same from you… Because you’ve been dating for a while, visiting each other, watching the stars together… I don’t think it’s extreme, but for you, it’s too much. Because for you, telling someone you love them comes with a lot of load, with fear of vulnerability, and perhaps fear of their expectations… Perhaps for you it’s like something that would start an avalanche of scary things, and you don’t want it, right?

Well in-person we met like total 5 times only. And yeah so for me telling someone I love them comes with lot of responsibilities (Which I’m always trying to run away from) Because then there are just lot of rules as a lover you know. And after admitting I prefer to follow those rules no matter what.

Hm…. yeah, or it’s fear of getting hurt? I think in people with avoidant attachment, it’s rather the latter…

Hmm I guess so, But right now I don’t feel hurt (much)

Well, that eagerness might have lasted for a month or two, and then you’d likely get cold feet… I mean, now you were more patient and self-aware than with your previous date, which lasted for only a short while. And you could better control your impulse to run away, which is great! So I think you are actually doing better now than a few months ago, but it’s still probably not enough for her, since you’re not very “eager”.

Yeah finding the “right” woman ain’t that easy. But yeah thanks I do feel like I did good progress regarding this matter

Actually she kind of did – remember when she got angry when you didn’t contact her while you were at your parents’ place for a week? Also now, she was surprised that you weren’t more upset when she told you about her ex. And even the fact that she chose to meet her ex and is considering getting back with him is to me a proof that she isn’t getting what she wants in the relationship with you.

I am not judging you or anything, I am just saying that these are all signs that she probably didn’t like your coolness towards her, although she might have appreciated it otherwise, in other situations.

Hmm I see so I guess in some situations I might have didn’t showed my coolness

Not necessarily. She might appreciate someone calm and composed, i.e. stable and not overly emotional in everyday situations, someone who will not explode easily at people or make rash decisions. So maybe someone a little different than her. Someone to ground her. However, it doesn’t mean that she likes when you are being cool and not eager towards her. Because those are two different things – how you behave with others and how you behave with her.

Yeah so about this, I’m still learning how to express myself and not always hide if I’m showing that I’m not calm with that thing yet even though I am, That would be lying, Don’t you think so? And Yeah I accept it’s just my non-attachment towards her talking

So yeah I talked to her If my coolness is bothering or there’s something else? She can share anything without hesitating.

She told me that “When I started talking to you I thought you’d be obsessed with me, Because that’s how it went for me in the past, and Because I already love you, Things would go much faster between us, and yet I enjoyed every moment we shared together I was waiting that you’d break your “rules” just for me (Because I already talked to her about my fear in relationship) and take steps further, So I tried to do it but you still stopped me and I agree with you, You wanted things to go slow but it did hurt me because no one ever said me No like that. But the thing is that I couldn’t make you feel very attached me and it frustrates me a lot. “

I was speechless after hearing this! I couldn’t even say anything for a minute. I was thinking like what should I even say to this.

But I said “I’m sorry you feel that way but I’m still working on myself, healing myself if I take things faster I worry that I might hurt your feelings and my first priority is that not giving you discomfort or hurt you just because of me.”

She went on trip with her sister so when she’ll be back she’ll think about this matter.

Yeah, that’s your avoidant attachment style. You keep a distance, you put on a guard, you don’t allow yourself to get too close… In this situation now it might be useful, since the girl still has feelings for her ex. And it doesn’t leave you too affected emotionally, in fact you feel a sense of relief…

Well I think I did put my guard down, and I did felt close to her. But not like what we could say heavily attached? But yeah I do feel sense of relief

I guess she is disappointed a little that you are so “calm and composed” about not having her in your life. That you don’t love her and miss her more. That’s what the sigh means, I guess…

I guess you’re right. She wants extreme kind of love but now that I’m much aware I’m taking things slowly

Yeah, you stopped her from expressing her love, I guess because you didn’t want to express it to her either? You were afraid of deep emotions. And also, perhaps the belief that “I am hard to love” was still present in you a little, so how could she possibly say that she loves you – it must be the breeze and the stars…?

It could be that she agreed to give her ex another chance because she is missing more “attachment” from you, more eagerness to be with her? I am not saying it is your fault that she is conflicted, but it could be that she feels she’s not important enough to you, and this contributed to her conflict? Has she ever complained about your emotional “coolness”/reservedness till now?

I mean like we discussed I was already anxious and afraid of taking things so fast.

I guess that’s why I stopped her from expressing her love, and I don’t know I’m just believe in slow love more? Like aging wine. It gets better, In No rush.

If she’d met me few month ago, she’d get exactly what she wants. More attachments and eagerness haha

And No She never complained about my emotional “coolness”/reservedness only praised it many times.

But like I told you before she’s like a high school girl she just feels “a lot” so it’s obvious that she wants someone like that?

So I talked to her this evening. She and her ex had a meeting and apparently, He wants her back and she said he’s not like before (Which I doubt it somewhat) she’s still feeling conflicted but she said she don’t want to cut ties with me…So she didn’t gave him any answer and told him to wait…

So I told her take her time, I’ll support her decision.

<p style=”background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 7.5pt 0cm;”>Yeah, that’s your avoidant attachment style. You keep a distance, you put on a guard, you don’t allow yourself to get too close… In this situation now it might be useful, since the girl still has feelings for her ex. And it doesn’t leave you too affected emotionally, in fact you feel a sense of relief…</p>

<p style=”background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 7.5pt 0cm;”>Well I think I did put my guard down, and I did felt a little close to her. But not like what we could say heavily attached? But yeah I do feel sense of relief.</p>
<p style=”background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 7.5pt 0cm;”> </p>

<p style=”background: white; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0cm 0cm 7.5pt 0cm;”>I guess she is disappointed a little that you are so “calm and composed” about not having her in your life. That you don’t love her and miss her more. That’s what the sigh means, I guess…</p>

<p style=”background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 7.5pt 0cm;”>I guess you’re right. She wants extreme kind of love but now that I’m much aware I’m taking things slowly </p>

<p style=”background: white; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0cm 0cm 7.5pt 0cm;”>Yeah, you stopped her from expressing her love, I guess because you didn’t want to express it to her either? You were afraid of deep emotions. And also, perhaps the belief that “I am hard to love” was still present in you a little, so how could she possibly say that she loves you – it must be the breeze and the stars…?</p>
<p style=”background: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; orphans: 2; widows: 2; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-color: initial; word-spacing: 0px; margin: 0cm 0cm 7.5pt 0cm;”>It could be that she agreed to give her ex another chance because she is missing more “attachment” from you, more eagerness to be with her? I am not saying it is your fault that she is conflicted, but it could be that she feels she’s not important enough to you, and this contributed to her conflict? Has she ever complained about your emotional “coolness”/reservedness till now?</p>

<p style=”background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 7.5pt 0cm;”> </p>
<p style=”background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 7.5pt 0cm;”>I mean like we discussed I was already anxious and afraid of taking things so fast. </p>
<p style=”background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 7.5pt 0cm;”>I guess that’s why I stopped her from expressing her love, and I don’t know I’m just believe in slow love more? Like aging wine. It gets better, In No rush.</p>
<p style=”background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 7.5pt 0cm;”>If she’d met me few month ago, she’d get exactly what she wants. More attachments and eagerness haha </p>
<p style=”background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 7.5pt 0cm;”>And No She never complained about my emotional “coolness”/reservedness only praised it many times.</p>
<p style=”background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 7.5pt 0cm;”>But like I told you before she’s like a high school girl she just feels “a lot” so it’s obvious that she wants someone like that? </p>
<p style=”background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 7.5pt 0cm;”> </p>
<p style=”background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 7.5pt 0cm;”>So I talked to her this evening. She and her ex had a meeting and apparently, He wants her back and she said he’s not like before (Which I doubt it somewhat) she’s still feeling conflicted, but she said she don’t want to cut ties with me…So she didn’t gave him any answer and told him to wait…</p>
<p style=”background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 7.5pt 0cm;”>So I told her take her time, I’ll support her decision.</p>

Hm.. that’s not a good sign, since it means she still has feelings for him. And that she is considering going back to him, otherwise she wouldn’t want to meet him. BTW, was he the one who left her? Because usually that’s when we still have feelings for the ex…

I know but I’m not disappointed because I wasn’t much attached, I didn’t ask if her ex left her, or she left him

I guess you meant that you don’t want to beg her either, right?

Lol NOPE!

I don’t know how you feel about it?

Well I know it’s not really normal, but I feel good like I’m saved from emotional frustration and etc. 😅

Like how Americans say “Dodged a bullet?” Idk if it’s relevant here 😂

 how did she react to your relatively detached reaction?

She wasn’t surprised she already sees me as someone who’s “Calm and composed” She told me this in our first date and I said It’s what you see but I do have anxiety like some other people…

Even this time she told me – you seem not agitated about this at all. I just asked her reversibly do you really want me to?

And yet still she kissed me good before she left with little sigh…

I guess I didn’t told you, Remember when she came to my place and cooked for me? Well that night after dinner we went on my terrace for stargazing, and we were talking and she was about to tell me I love you, I just shushed her and told her that, let’s take it slowly and kinda also sarcastically said it’s the “mild breeze” talking

She laughed and also said yeah I’m being eager. but that’s a “twinkling” talking.

Ola Tee,

Thanks, that’s one of my greatest wishes!

I hope your wishes come true 🤗

I see – so you’re on the lookout because you’re afraid you might say something that these people won’t like, and they’ll start judging you and thinking poorly of you. This is most likely the consequence of fearing your father and never knowing when he’ll lash out at you (my father’s anger was always on the edge so whenever he was around even he was calm I was anxious that at any time he’d flip out). Now being around authority figures gives you the same anxiety… because you’re projecting your father into them.

If that’s so, the first thing you can do is to be aware of this dynamics. Perhaps you can also tell yourself that 1) other people are not like your father, and 2) you are easy to love (I mention this because you’ve realized this recently about yourself, and I think it’s a good phrase to repeat to yourself, even in a professional setting).  If “I am easy to love” is too much, you can repeat to yourself something like “I’ve got many talents and abilities, I am good and capable enough.” Perhaps this would help you be a little less anxious at business/professional gatherings?

Thanks a lot for clear and stepwise guidance! it’s much clearer to me and yeah, I do like “I’m easy to love” affirmation more, Because I started to believe that somewhat

Can you give me an example of a manipulative behavior you don’t like?

Hmm currently Passive aggressive and love bombing comes to my mind.

There’s another thing though.. I guess in past I may took some things as love bombing even though they were being genuine. Because it’s been hard for me to take compliments (Even from my gfs)

Alright, so you feel that if you were really honest with people, you’d be rude and without much empathy for them (or for some of them)? I mean, you would tell them what they deserve? And so you rather don’t say anything and don’t show your emotions?

Yes Exactly!

Good that she doesn’t use her emotions to manipulate you! As for the notion that to be a mature adult means to bottle up one’s emotions… well, that’s not really true. It sounds like something your mother would have told you when you were angry at your father?

Because in truth, to be mature means to be able to regulate our emotions, not to suppress them. Remember, anger is a signal, not a solution (Henry Cloud). If you cut off the signalling system, that’s not a sign of maturity…

Yes I remember the Henry cloud’s video now! I’ll take a note of this. Regulations my emotions, that’s we are already working on so
What single thing that been most helpful for regulating your emotions?

Okay, so it seems you feel a little threatened by her talents and abilities, you feel less-than in some aspects (perhaps in emotional expressiveness too?), and your inner critic would like to sabotage it. Just keep noticing it, and keep telling yourself “I am easy to love”, or something long those lines. If it works for you, of course…

Okay I’ll try this affirmations and update you

Well, I’d say it makes it easier, not harder, if you know how to spot emotionally unhealthy people. Because you won’t get into relationships that will drain you and that have no future. Or even if you enter such a relationship, you’ll quickly see it’s not good for you and you’ll leave. So I don’t see any drawbacks of healing, just positives…

Hmm that’s a positive perspective to look from

I think it’s a good sign that you confronted him in your dreams. And that you told him what you’ve always wanted to tell him! The thing is, you can’t really forgive him if you haven’t expressed the anger for what he did to you and how he treated you. You don’t need to express it to him, and it wouldn’t even be advisable, but you’d need to feel it and express it either to yourself or in therapy – before you can forgive your father.

Because anger in this case is a natural reaction to having been emotionally abused, and it is justified. Once you express your anger (either to yourself in private or in therapy), you can get clear about your boundaries, i.e. what you will and will not tolerate in the future. It will also enable you to forgive your father – as in not hold a grudge against him, not resent him forever. But it will also enable you to protect yourself from his anger and condemnation in the future.

So expressing anger (in a safe environment) is in my opinion the key to move on in a healthy way, which means: without resentment towards the person, but with healthy boundaries.

Okay means I should express this anger to myself first and then therapy? How do I do that to myself first?

About boundaries you’re right and for so long he haven’t disrespected any of my boundaries tbh

Yeah, you’d need to validate yourself. You’d need to tell yourself (and your inner child) that you are worthy, and that you’re worthy simply because you exist. You don’t need to do anything to earn your worth – it’s something all of us as human beings innately possess. I think that’s the bottom line: if you know you’re worthy, you won’t need others to validate you.

Okay so I know what you mean but my rational my mind always ask me questions when I tell myself things like that like how you could be worthy if you haven’t done something worthwhile?

So you want to talk to them about some topics that you already know their opinion on (something they don’t agree with you?), and you want to try to explain it to them once again? If I understood it correctly?

Yes kinda like that

I understand that you want to have a relationship with them, you don’t want to cut ties. And you don’t need to cut ties. The way you can do it – to have a relationship without hate on your side – is to process the anger you have against them, as I suggested above. Which means in therapy, or to yourself in private.

You can write down everything you resent them about, separately your father and your mother, and allow yourself to feel your anger (which is justified, remember, because what you went through was emotional abuse). Expressing anger will reset your system and you’ll be able to forgive them, but also to set some boundaries, that are respectful to you. You won’t allow to be abused like before.

So you’ll be able to love them, but also to love and respect yourself at the same time. That’s the only way I know of how you truly heal…

I agree with you, Expressing anger in healthier way that’s what I need to learn now

Happy birthday, SereneWolf! All the best to you!

Thanks Tee!

Perhaps you chase some big achievement, so you can feel worthy? So your parents would finally be proud of you and acknowledge your worth?

I’m not sure but I guess my subconscious wants that?

In reality, you are still very young, you’ve already accomplished a lot professionally (e.g. you are the youngest manager in your company). You’re also finishing your bachelors degree while working full time, and are planning to enroll an MBA. Apart from that, you’re constantly improving yourself, both your tech skills and your soft skills. You are learning how to be vulnerable in romantic relationships and are applying that with your new girlfriend. You are willing to self-reflect and challenge yourself… I mean, you are doing A LOT, SereneWolf! And you have achieved a lot in your young life. Whoever tells you differently is lying big time!

But I know that those critical voices are still strong in you, and this sentiment is coming from them. Luckily, as you said: I won’t give up. I’m stubborn too

Cheers to that!   And to another challenging/amazing year in front of you!

Thank you so much for always giving me good reminders!

Namaste Tee 🙏

I am doing a bit better at the moment, thank you. I do say this very cautiously because I’ve had improvements before, followed by a setback… but I am starting to feel a little more optimistic…

I’m glad to know that. Hope you’re having a good weekend. I have a question. What’s your absolute favorite thing to do on weekends that isn’t productivity related?

You mean, when you are among people, you worry what people will think of you and you want to be liked? And you say things you don’t really mean, or something like that?

Hmm not sure about that. But my main concern is I don’t like when people feel discomfort around me or specially because of me. It could be because of my childhood wound as well. You see my father’s anger was always on the edge so whenever he was around even he was calm I was anxious that at any time he’d flip out so I was constantly anxious and worried about his mood swings.

Well, you said that being among people drains your energy and you don’t know how to protect yourself from that. So I asked what are the behaviors you can’t protect yourself from. But I guess the real question is: what is so draining when being among people? Perhaps what you said above – that you feel the need to “people please”? As in, maybe you feel the need to be liked, and so you can’t be yourself and relaxed?

Okay I got it and I think It could a long list but generally I don’t like manipulative behaviours, and most of the time I can sense when people are trying to manipulate me or the others.
I also don’t like being around people who are always projecting negative energy and criticizing others all the time. Or when they trying to be dominant with me for what they want.
But I believe particularly sensitive to the emotions of others, and I kind of struggle with managing my own emotions in response to others.

So she is emotionally expressive – she expresses her emotions freely. She is not shy to show anger and upset, but also joy and excitement…. if I understood you well? How do you feel about that feature of hers?

I do think it’s kind of a healthy thing since I like things straight forward and it’s something that is easier to read from her? In my previous relationships none of them was this much emotionally expressive I had to ask them things so they can let out things you know.. Yet still I wasn’t sure about it. But Now I have this newfound appreciation for this kind of emotional authenticity? (Don’t know if that’s a right word)

Yeah, I’d say that in the relationship department, so far you were alternating between a bad connection and no connection. You gravitated towards “no connection” in the past months, because you were disappointed with previous relationships. But then you decided to still give it a try. And now you’re in the middle of an experiment, of potentially creating and maintaining a good connection…

Well yeah I guess so.. But now I’m realizing how much more work that I have to do.. and it feels like a lot

Hm.. I think that because of troubles with self-love, you easily get into the inner critic (or the outer critic), which then sabotages the relationship. So I think that for you, lack of self-love is what keeps you out of the relationship. Or when you are in a relationship, it prevents vulnerability and intimacy (because you’re afraid to be judged). So, although you may be in a relationship, you don’t really engage in emotional giving and receiving. I mean, it seems that so far you haven’t. Now, in this latest relationship, this might change…

Oh yeah that is right. So I need to work on healthy emotional giving and receiving.

Actually, when both parties are emotionally more or less healthy and free to be themselves, a deep intimate relationship isn’t that hard to maintain. It sort of flows spontaneously… But a lot of work goes into getting to that point of being emotionally healthy, that’s true.

Yes but finding that kind of a person isn’t easy either. With me, I got really emotionally invested and thought I can work and maintain on these things but yeah it’s definitely a two-person job.

There are no guarantees that she is “the one”. But as you grow emotionally more healthy, you’ll be able to recognize people who are wholesome and healthy themselves, and you won’t end up wasting your time in draining relationships…

Hmm really? How I’d be able to recognize that?

Yes, be mindful that a lot of those questions (“What if I get bored, what if I am wasting my time, what if I get to like her and will need to work hard to maintain the relationship?”) are coming from your fearful self. They are fear speaking through you. And you are learning now to face this fear, not to get into its trap again. So yes, be mindful, just notice it as a strong voice in you, however it’s not the only voice in you. It’s not the voice of your true self.

Yes I agree it’s nothing less than going on a war with my own self. Fighting with my own fear. Thing that I’m trying to do is that trying to make notes from my past where I took decision and I was right about it so my rational mind don’t always ask me question about it and be little more confident you know.. and I guess It could affect my self-esteem as well. But if you have better suggestion you’re more than welcome

Yes, surrender as in accept the things as they are, even if they are bad at the moment. And hope that they will get better… so yes, I am learning to accept it, but also not to lose hope…

That’s good! Keep it up! 😃

Wrist, ankle, forearm, underneath the collarbone, hip area… I am no expert, but am sure there are a lot of ideas on the internet.

I do have Pinterest board but it’s been a while and it’s not easy to choose.

I also had an appointment with my therapist. She told me I’m doing quite good progress. And I talked about CPTSD as well. So listened things carefully and ask me lot of scenario type questions about my childhood. But she said she isn’t sure about and said there is really mild signs about it. But still we can work on it.

One of the questions that could be helpful for us.

So she already know that It’s been a while that I’m living on my own.

So she asked me What happens if you buy something expensive without asking your parents? How they’d react and how you’d feel?

And I said I’d still feel hesitant about it because I’d be worried what they’d think and feel guilty because I haven’t even asked them.

So she asked me questions like that and said I still have fearful emotional pattern that I need to work on. Even though now I’m financially independent now I’m still attached to this kind of unhealthy emotional bond… She actually suggested me to talk more with my parents about this kind of things so they would be aware that I’m much more grown up than what they might think

Fearful emotional patten and self-esteem these two things mainly she gave me homework for… Because like we talked, she said because of long term of criticism from every side (even my inner critic) My self-esteem took lot of damage and I have to heal that…

Hi Tee,

Yes, definitely. I mean, a part of the problem could be that you’re an introvert and you don’t feel good in large crowds (I am like that too!). But a part of the problem could be that you see people as different, and yourself as alien, and this might contribute to feeling trapped or endangered in some way.

Well yeah you’re right and that’s why these days I do try to socialize more. (As an experiment) That’s why I noticed that and I told you… I’m just too much comfortable with my own company but I do need to get out of my comfort zone without draining my energy. And I’m an ambivert.

In what sense? Can you give me an example?

Like for me I’m not much emotionally expressive. Or like I just don’t get surprised with lot of human behaviour or things. I find it really normal. But her she like really emotionally expressive like a high school girl who feels too much you know 😂

Great! At least you’re aware what to watch out for, and even if you start comparing yourself with others, you can recognize it as an inner critic mechanism, and know that it’s a lie, it’s an illusion, not reality.

Yes! And before there was time where I used to just blindly believe everything my inner critical voice told me because I didn’t know the difference between my own self and inner critical voice.

Well, this term “emotional self-sufficiency” just kind of came to me, I haven’t read it anywhere. I did look it up now and it has both positive and negative connotations. But what I meant is that we are wired for connection (Henry Cloud’s video “Why it’s important to stay connected” talks about it. I mentioned it a while ago and I think you watched it).

I see but this term is pretty self-explanatory so I get it, And Yes I’ve watched the video and I told you that I’m mostly between good connection to no connection back and forth

Healthy relationships are good for our health and well-being. For example, married men live longer. And for women, those women live longer who have a network of supportive friendships. So emotional giving and receiving is very important. In that sense I said that emotional self-sufficiency isn’t a good thing: it’s not good if we don’t have emotional exchange and connection with anyone. And if we guard ourselves from it.

It doesn’t mean we should be needy and clingy. Someone who is alone can be happy and fulfilled too. But someone who is emotionally healthy will not guard themselves from emotional closeness with safe and supportive people. Because that’s what makes our life richer and more enjoyable…

Hmm I see so you mean there should be a good balance right?

So you’re afraid you wouldn’t know how to react if your partner is sad or anxious?

I mean I know what to do but I just overreact in those particular situations and try to make them in better state ASAP otherwise I feel anxious as well.

I guess you’re filtering out the very strict and judgmental types automatically – you’re not attracted to that type of girls. I mean, your current girlfriend is self-confident, but she’s probably not judgmental like your father, so it doesn’t trigger the escape reflex immediately?

Haha I don’t remember I’ve been with any strict and judgmental type girl even as female or male friend. Creating the good supportive circle you know? 😌
But I think that possibility of turn this into something else is just scaring me like what If I like her more with time? Or what if I feel bored with her after some time? And like what if she is not on the same page as me? So questions like this as well her different but confident persona is something I feel…

I think that’s just an excuse. Because there are girls who like traveling and exploring similarly like you. Maybe girls wouldn’t appreciate some reckless feats, if that’s what you’re into. But definitely there are adventurous types out there, with whom you wouldn’t need to miss out on anything.

Well yeah I know but because I still haven’t met those types girls much it’s just my old belief I guess

Staying positive and optimistic in spite of persistent health problems and chronic pain….

Inner and outer you’re dealing with both of these things which isn’t easy at all. I’m proud of you and I hope you progress better and healthier way with that. 🤗

Absolutely yes. It’s when our rational mind is not in the forefront, and we’re in touch with our senses and our intuition… that’s when the best ideas come…

Yup. I love it!

Maybe this is same problem that you were talking about above – you don’t like crowds because they drain your energy? But maybe it can be applied to certain people too – they drain your energy and you don’t know how to protect yourself from that?

Yes exactly and I don’t know how to protect myself from that for sure!

As for not falling asleep in the afternoon, how about watching some of those videos on your watch list?   (Turns out it was already on my watchlist but I still haven’t watched it.) Because for me, such videos (not all, but with good presenters) can be quite captivating and not something I’d doze off with.

I agree! And turns out I already watched that video and when we were talking about implementing new things for fresher employees. Video was one of the reason for that idea! Also it made me think deeper about vulnerability as well as empathy. And how important connection is… But another thing I liked about the video is the storytelling. As a Leader I think it’s really important skill to cultivate.

I see… well, how big of a tattoo are you planning? If it’s huge and sort of “in your face”, it might not be good from a business perspective either – if you want to present yourself as a solid business person. But if it’s something more discrete, it’s very common nowadays and not a big deal. And if it would make you happy, why not…

Haha Nothing that shows too much. Like not on the face or neck. But l prefer around the shoulder, back, hands, biceps and maybe chest.  But yeah mostly desecrate. Yeah I know it’s normal nowadays but there are two things. One judgment from my family and another thing is that gaining enough weight so tattoos look much better. Have you got any tattoos though?