Hi Meera,

What can I do to avoid this, my reaction is so involuntary that I dont get time to think before I react.

Yes this happens for a lot of people. It is due to the old conditioned mind to act out in the way it is used for some many years (or lives if you believe in past lives).

So then what can you do to break the pattern? Mindfulness is the best option for you. At the beginning try being mindful about very simple actions in your day to day life. Right after getting up in the morning start your mindfulness practice. On the bed after you open your eyes watch your foot going from the bed to the floor. Then watch your other foot. Then watch your steps. Each step walking towards the washroom. Watch your hand reaching the toothbrush. Feel the toothbrush touching your hand. Watch your other hand reaching the tap to open it. Feel the bristles while making it wet. Feel the water touching your hand. Watch your hand along with the toothbrush reaching your mouth. Feel the toothbrush touching your mouth. Do everything in slow motion like an action replay of any sport on television. Whenever possible practice this for the other activities in the day.

When you are able to do this for simple routine activities like these then you will be able to apply the same technique for emotional or anger, or behavioral issues too. And finally you will be able to live in moment-to-moment awareness of everything happening around you and inside you – which is the secret of all life.

Hi Riya,

I’m sorry for the late reply.

You need to chant the words either slowly or loudly or mentally however you are comfortable. You are definitely not saying to the guy you mentioned in the post. But then don’t bother about whom you are saying this. You just need to simply say out –

I’M SORRY PLEASE FORGIVE ME THANK YOU I LOVE YOU.

Please take a look at these links –

https://www.laughteronlineuniversity.com/hooponopono-4-simple-steps/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ODoqHI8CYf4

If you prefer an audio then there are lots of videos on YouTube too. And if you don’t like the tune or the way of rhythm there, you can create your own rhythm too.

take care 🙂

Hi Lily,

Thanks for getting back. Yes please go through the self worth website. And another suggestion is to work on being assertive (and not aggressive). I see most of the issues mentioned are about not being assertive. About saying/doing right things at the right time. There are lots of books, online articles and videos on it.

Take good care of yourself, buddy.

Ok Deblina, do practice the simple technique of Ho’oponopono to help you heal quickly out of the situation. There are lots of articles and videos on YouTube where you can find lots of information about the technique and about its benefits.

Hi Marcos,

I have read your post. Maybe I do not know your entire story. You mentioned that you miss the single life so I am considering that you are at a different location than where your wife is. Please tell me if that is not the case.

But what are your chances/possibilities/options of-

i. going back to the location where your awesome wife is

OR

ii. having your wife to the location where you are currently (if that’s not a suitable location then point no. iii.)

OR

iii. both of you move to a different common location where you could be together?

Hi Isabelle,

Maybe I will say something that you already know and some others in the past may have already told you about “your relationship with yourself”. That sounds common but there is a meaning to it.

Just for a moment think of yourself without this person (P). How does that make you feel? Based on what you have mentioned in the post it doesn’t look like you feel complete without him. Truly speaking there is nothing like the ‘others complete us’. We have to complete ourselves.

Is there a written guarantee that when both you and P are together that you will again have that “Reassuring. Warm. A feeling of the chest warming up in his presence.” May be it will be there initially but later on?

“I feel like a drowning person who has finally found a buoy to hold on to.”

Will this mean that if this person is not with you then you will drown? Then as I said above there is no guarantee and this can happen again. Then you are back to square one. The same feelings, the same frustration, then the need to have someone else in our life and the cycle continues. I can understand that its a human feeling but if someone else is causing us to drown then we are not on the right track with ourselves.

“I guess that I should give myself time.”

Yes I believe this is exactly what you should do but without having the need to make or break the relation with P. Maybe when he writes and email you can respond too and when you decide to meet you can meet too. But this time there will be a “detached expectation”. Meaning – even if he writes an email or calls me to meet or NOT, I am still fine with it, with myself, because now I love myself, now I am going to be happy with myself and nobody else will complete me. Being with him is beautiful but even without him I’m good. In that way nobody else can make or break you.

“Any advice on how to find the courage to end this relationship with my friends-with-benefits would be most welcome.”

So if you do as stated above, then you do not need to do anything. Because if you have “detached expectation” and if you guys interact again, interaction with him will be effortless. And if he does not contact you again, you are still effortless in love with yourself. And you won’t need any strong emotions like “courage” to break things.

“I am afraid that I will not find someone else”

I wish I could sugar coat things and tell you that “No no this is not true you will definitely find someone again”. Instead I will tell you the realities of life. There are so many people out there (including famous celebrities) who are good looking, have money, a good career, but are yet single even at a later stage of life. Nowhere I am saying that you won’t find anyone. But there is no guarantee. And even if we find, life will again throw its own challenges. It is not necessary we will have a nice, blissful, peaceful, loving relationship. But the only thing that would matter is a nice, blissful, peaceful, loving relationship with ourself….and then another person in our already existing beautiful life may come or go.

Hi Riya,

right now i need someone to help me cope up this situation.

I suggest to practice the simple technique of Ho’oponopono at other times of the day and especially when those thoughts come in the head or when you feel sad. That will only be your true “healing” of the heart.