I read the post from @Hailey in this thread: Hi there everyone!

I’ve gone through the same unfortunate incident about a year ago. I was in love for the first time and I fell in love with him more and more every day. We were so good together for 2 years but my relationship was kept a secret from my family ( if it’s questionable to understand for u why, I’m a South Asian girl so most of the times families don’t support our affairs ) and I was in fear of getting caught to my fam because I was scared that they might try to separate me from my bf. One day unfortunately they got to knew about us and I had an argument with my family. They threatened me to break up with him ( not for any fair reasons at all ) and I cried a lot and I was so mad at them. I went to sleep that night after calling my bf and I was so much in love with him. And I woke up next day feeling such an emptiness in my mind my brain. I couldn’t even feel anything for my bf. I cried a lot everyday and I’ve been feeling numb toward him for almost an year now but breaking up with him seems so hard for me because well he’s still a big part of my life. I still wanna know what happened to me and I wanna figure it out and if there’s anyway I can recover what happened, I would. I’m still trying cause he’s all worth it and we’re worth it. But some nights I still feel that I love him but then that feeling again gets vanished and I’m depressed. It feels like I’m on an emotional rollercoaster. Could someone reply to my text if there are still any of you whore reading this thread ? Thank you! God bless!

and i found similarities on the fear and the “feelings vanishing after appearing for a little bit” things.

Yeah i am sorry, i tend to do that a lot since i’ve had this happen to me..No matter what anyone says to me i just find problems to the solutions, its exhausting 🙁

Yeah maybe i didn’t describe my symptoms well enough? Idk..

I think i definitely did, at least until 10 days ago, now i feel somewhat better, but still not like my old self.

Hey anita

Yeah i dont feel like it’s helping me at all tbh..

I know and i appreciate it.

But i tried to say goodbye to her and it shatters my heart, not having her in my life and not talking to her again, it makes me sob and hurt. Feels like the wrong thing to do.

I think i woke up feeling “not well” and i realized it affected my relationship with her, then i started spiraling and obsessively checking for my feelings for her for the next 4 months (until now) because i didn’t want to lose her.So i think depression happened first.

Hey anita

She basically told me that i created a “scenario” that i was not familiar with, something like that. But i am not sure if that’s the case at all. When i woke up feeling like this (11th november, 1 day before the stomach repulsion feeling) i remember telling my friend “i feel weird, like i am anhedonic and i don’t want to do anything, and that affected my romantic feelings (i said “i feel like my romance is dead”) and i don’t feel the motivation to go and meet her in a month. Next day is when all went to shit. So, perhaps it was just emotional burnout that i didn’t handle well and it has nothing to do with attachment and fears??

I am sorry that u went through that, i understand since my mother was kinda like that, but i never thought like u “where is the next aggression” and stuff, i was always open and available to receiving love from my girlfriends. That’s why it feels “wrong” to me to blame it on attachment issues.

I forgot to mention, when i first woke up like this, i felt like my feelings were locked in a box and i couldnt reach them, i told her today and she asked me “why would your feelings be locked away? what are you protecting them from?”

Idk i guess that’s the only feeling i got from it..

To be a member of the family

Hey anita

Oh u mean someone asking how u feel for real?

Damn, mine could be too, even tho i can only feel deep sadness in waves, now that the girl is fed up with me and she is considering leaving because it’s hurting her too, i cried a lot.

Yeah pretty much, she did show love but not consistantly.. Idk really, havent thought about it, i think kinda made me feel like an exile of some sort?