Hmm perhaps it wasn’t the same then? Or maybe it’s because i know her for longer and u could be right.

Nowadays mine doesn’t last for long either 🙁 But i think if i am up close i can feel feelings normally but with anxiety.

Sometimes i wonder if that’s all in my head and i made it bigger than it was..

Is it normal? i’ve never paid any attention to it.

Yes it felt intense at times, mostly during the whole video call. I felt excitement, connection and even passion.. Idk how that’s possible through a screen. I also made scenarios about us hanging out for days and i told her. So that’s an avoidant thing? Didn’t know.
The truth is i don’t trust myself now and it feels like something is “blocking” me? Something is “missing” ? Feels like even that is not enough proof for me. Maybe i’ve learned to only feel the infatuation/obsession and i have to re-wire my brain in a way.

What patterns are u seeing? I am legit asking because i wanna notice them too.

Also, at times, while i was glaring at her, telling myself how pretty she is, my mind would often say “but is she? is she pretty enough?” and momentarily the looks of her would get somewhat distorted, like i was looking at someone else. But after a while it would go back to normal. This kinda freaked me out but i tried to let it go.

Hey anita

Yes everything feels far away and part of another life. I guess this is what’s happened to my experiences.

It’s weird isn’t it? I remember the therapist asking me “tell me about your life” and i started telling her about after my 17 and forward. She noticed and asked me, “why don’t u start earlier?” I didn’t know why to be honest, haha. Maybe the feelings were removed from those memories..

I know but it still feels not right to be like this 🙁

Hey anita

Yes exactly, the sudden emptiness of something i used to enjoy and like so much is confusing and annoying..

You know, i might have been the same with you because i don’t really recall any period of my life in which i felt content or truly happy, perhaps 2-3 years here and there but other than that it has always been kinda dull, going with the flow and by the day, not really having any goals or anything to be excited to wake up for. Also nothing gets my interest and my feelings were low/mute always.

But right now my mind feels calmer and i still don’t feel like before. Perhaps it’s because i keep checking 🙁

I really wonder how it all started so i can read the signs next time and prevent it from happening though..

I hope so anita, thank you for the encouragement 🙂

Hey anita

I mean the damage done to my mind (feelings), is that reversible i wonder?

I was never someone to ruminate a lot, just this time.

I hope it will, people say it needs 4-6 weeks to see results, i am on day 4 now 🙂
But what do we mean exactly when we say rumination? Thinking of the past?

I think i feel empty/drained.

Hey anita

Oh damn, i guess after such a long usage it was expected 🙁 glad you went through it and you’re ok now!

I read about the dosage and the results, but sometimes i doubt if what i am going through now is even depression.. I havent cried in a week almost, sadness is completely gone, i can’t get sad with anything right now, i mostly feel empty and irritated maybe, i even doubt if i had OCD, even if i had been obsessively checking feelings/crying for the past 4 months.. Mine is Tepram 10mg which is the same i guess.
Doctor booked me an appointment in two weeks to see how im feeling, but he said he believes it’s not gonna cover my symptoms.

Yeah i’m from Greece and i live here 🙂 , haha is it that short you think?

Almost every greek is proud of the heritage and stuff, sad thing is now this is the only thing we have to be proud of 🙁

Which place did u visit?

I guess doctors can be wrong many times yeah.. Was the withdrawl symptoms hard on the klonipin?

I can try practicing that but at the moment it feels off 🙁
even tho i have moments that i feel something