Anita,

Here are a few messages. I will try to be as clear as possible.

Jon-Hey I’ve ordered several books from school for my house and have not received them. Kids say you have them and I asked them to bring the books here.  Return them with kids next drop off.

Lindsey- I don’t have any books

Jon-Aiden says they are in his room and I have asked him several times to bring them back. It’s a series of 8 books.

Lindsey- No he only has a series of books from Christmas in his room I got him.

Jon-If they are Dragon Masters those are books I bought through the school that he said he brought to your house and they need to come here.

Lindsey-What details did he give about the books being at my house and when did they get these books?  I’ve never heard anything about books ordered.

Jon- they are books ordered through scolastic orders they brought home from school in October.  He brought them to your house. So, the Dragon Masters books that are a series of 8 books need to come here. Ella has 2 books there and I keep asking them to bring over to my house.  Also he says he left his red folder at your house.

Lindsey-I looked and Ella’s 2 books I have on her book shelf but I was never aware of the book orders etc. I don’t see any books from Aiden. And no red folder here. I can talk with them. (kids get here tomorrow)

After reading I feel: he needs to be discussing the books with me versus the kids. (they are 8 and 9).  He should have told me about these book ordered way before now.  Or that the kids brought them to my house. They bring home books all the time from school. It was October and this is January.  I feel like he is talking in circles and I get confused.

Lindsey

Anita,

A few things have happened since I spoke with you last.  Things are progressing well with Jason.  We ran some errands Sunday and had dinner.  I came over Monday and spoke with him about my anxiety which I mentioned to you in my post on 1/3/21.  I also gave some details regarding my marriage, describing my anxiety etc.   He listened and asked questions and was supportive.  It appears we are spending time together whenever we are free. I really like him so far.

He asked me yesterday to get Mexican food with him so he picked me up from my house and then we came back after. This is where things get a little tricky for me to describe without specific details but I will try.

So we went upstairs to my room and things were fine.  Then I made a decision (which I’m not sure of now) and things went forward from there.  It felt very awkward.  A specific thing happens every month and my body decided it was not over for the week.

I realized it was not over because I needed to light a candle in the room which I’ve  never had to do before.  So you only imagine afterwards.  He acted really well with the entire situation.  I’d say a 10 out of 10.  I was impressed.

But I’m embarassed today because of that and how awkward it started and it did not go very long.  I am having minor anxiety and I want to text him something about talking Sunday but I’m not sure if I should wait. We also seemed to resolve things last night. My main problem is I’m going to set here waiting for him to message me and it’s causing anxiety.  I just do not know what to say.

Lindsey

Anita,

There have been some changes.   I think I described the sexual issues-Jason pressing for more in a way that was not totally  correct when I sent you the message.  I asked to talk to him after I ended things the next day and he came over that night and said definitely we can talk.  Which was a good sign.  Here are some things he brought up.

While he didn’t mean to push, I initated things so he had a perception that it may go farther. He also said that of some actions I took during the event also made him think something was going to happen.  He did not blame the situation on me at all.  In fact he said we could continue the way things were and he was fine with it.

So i sat back and started to thing about it.  I realized that not finishing what I started could be a way to control the situation and I am the one able to stop things. Also, during that time is when I feel that he likes me the most-which is not an healthy frame of mind.  To an extent I am expressing myself because it is hard to do that during a conversation. I feel affection.

His personality seems to be very laid back.  He does not really think much ahead of time.  For example we were in his room and he made a comment and I said “are you going downstairs to get a drink.  He replied I’m not sure I haven’t thought ahead to that yet.” We spent time together on New Years (which I asked and maybe that’s ok)  He asked me the next day to go eat with him and return some things at the mall.

So here is the issue at hand. I texted him yesterday and asked if he want to talk tonight. At this point we like each other and I feel like he needs to know a few things before moving forward and getting intimate in the future.  I am not going to go into any details of my marriage as far as what happened.

My very good friend told me yesterday that after she had a miscarage. her husband cheated on her and to keep him happy she joined a sex club with him until she decided to get divorced.  My point to him is going to be  that trauma makes people do things that they would never do normally.  I was also going to explain to him the root of my anxiety.  I am  not sure if I should add that I do not know how to be in a normal relationship with someone.  It brings out my anxiety.

He did mention that my anxiety has gone down since I have been spending time with him.  I just want to explain that the anxiety is not me.  I feel like it is unattractive and gets in the way of me and my personality.

Lindsey

Anita,

I texted him late yesterday and said I didn’t want things to continue after the sex discussion he had.  I felt pressured.  He responded defending himself and I just said it was fun meeting him.  There was no I’m sorry can we try to work things out from him.

How does someone take you to a nice dinner, buy you their favorite book for Christmas, ask personal questions and then end up where I am now?  I want to understand the why.  Would someone really do everything listed above just because they want sex?  I’ve never been anywhere close to the situation I was in.

Lindsey

Anita,

Thank you so much!  I hope you had a Merry Christmas and well and are looking forward to the New Year.  Christmas flew by and the kids enjoyed their presents. They are currently in Florida until January 2nd and then school starts back on January 3rd.

I am waiting to hear back from the mediator so that we can sign all the paperwork and be done-that is a relief.

I have something to share with you.  I’m going to try and not be graphic because it deals with sex.  I also hope it is ok to talk about it on this forum.  If not just let me know.

Things have been going ok with Jason.  However, last night we had dinner and went back to his house and were talking at the table. We went over to the couch and he looked at me and said we need to have an adult conversation. I was taken off guard by this because I’ve never had anyone phrase it like that or ask pointed questions contraceptives and other things.  i was on auto pilot during the conversation.

He made a comment and I said wait-are you saying we are going to have sex soon?  He goes well yeah. I started to feel pressured right away. I said “but I don’t want to have sex right now.  Are you going to get annoyed if we don’t have sex in a few weeks?  I have no idea when I will be ready.”  He did not confirm he would get annoyed but…..we were doing some things and he asked repeadly to take off an item of clothing and I said no.    we were on the couch in the living room.  People sit on the couch.  I don’t think he is thinking I really like this girl I want to move forward.  I also think he is trying to CONTROL THE SIUTATION.  WE HAVE SEX ON HIS TERMS AND WHEN.

Number one-I’ve got to have a conversation with him about all this because I was very caught off guard.  I want to have the conversation right now but I delete his phone number after we text so I am not texting or going back over conversations.  Also this is not a conversation to be had on the phone or via text.  So now I have to wait.

Am i overrating? I’m not sure.  I’m disappointed but think to an extent I put myself in the situation by doing things with him. But isn’t that normal when you have gone out with someone 5 or 6 times?  I don’t know what to do.  I don’t want to just sit here on my computer all day thinking about it.  I’m really disappointed in general.

Lindsey

Anita,

This is hilarious.  It’s a different Jason.  I met him 2 weeks ago.  We had coffee and then he took me to dinner and we ran some errands. This was almost 2 weeks ago.

The comment about the negative trait in a relationship was asked on Friday night I believe.

Anita,

I have been wanting to write you for the last 3 days but things seem like more of a chore.  Things that have happened in the last week or so I feel tired writing about.

I don’t know that I told you but we had our last mediation on Friday.  My ex tried to add a few things via email when we were emailed our final paperwork to sign and return to the mediator. This would have been sometime in the beginning of last week.  I sat down and found that his girlfriend is writing about 90% of his messages on The Wizard app. (an app for divorced parents to communicate)  She is not just updating schedules; she is using passive aggressive tactics with her comments and the messages are really bad. I’ve mostly ignored them.  He was in rare form during the final mediation because I brought this up.  His behavior of putting me down in every possible way as a parents caused the mediator to say some strong comments to him at the end and she was taking up for me. I came home on Friday and slept all afternoon.  I slept a lot on Saturday too.  I do not think a lot was accomplished other than hopefully the nasty messages will stop.  I’m starting to document all of the small things he is doing to not cooperate as a co parent.  I feel very down about my life in general.

I have continued to see Jason.   I basically laugh at myself because this guy lives in a really nice house and has a new car.  I live in a condo and my car squeaks when I drive it.  I have no idea how to be in a healthy relationship.  What else can I do but laugh and keep a distance? After coffee I met him for dinner and it went very well.  He said that he likes me/is interested in me and on Sunday he invited me to run some errands.  This was last week.  We are supposed to get together this week.  I have a feeling that one of his faults is that he talks down to a spouse/girlfriend maybe if he or she gets upset.  That is the only negative thought i have to date.  I did ask him a question he found too serious and said he thought that was too intense for where we were. The question was “what is a negative quality yo have and how has that has effected relationships?)  I never replied because it annoyed me.  I didn’t think the question was that intense and I was sick of talking about superficial things.  I deleted his number and just thought oh well.

He text me the next morning and answered the question.  I was confused because he basically put up a boundary and then retracted it.  He said he was just tired-which i don’t really believe.  I think that he might have been worried he came across too harsh. And possible he is interested in me-even though my car squeaks LOL

Lindsey

Anita,

I have to say that’s one of the best comments/compliments I’ve heard from anyone in a long time.

Thank you so much.

Lindsey