Anita,

Yes I said I cannot afford $380 but I can give you $200. – his response “I think I can cover your half.”

Yes I told him I would pay the $380 and he didn’t respond or confirm that statement he started talking about something else.

I’m not happy here with what is going on.

What is all this half about?? We are not roommates

Lindsey

Anita,

He does not seem to be struggling financially.  In fact he does quite well for himself to the best of my knowledge.  We have never shared expenses before and have never gone on any trips.  Typically we go back and forth with dinner costs etc so it is somewhat even.

I have never had any discussions in depth on what each of us make but I do know his divorce was expensive.  I’m just thinking I need to be up front with him and say hey – I’m a single mom and I can’t afford the cost of these types of trips.  We can skip the massages and I can give you $200. I don’t think I need to tell him how much I make salary wise- not right now anyway.

It seems rude of me to say hey you invited me and now you are asking to pay.  I’m 100% positive this was an issue in his marriage.  I think he wanted to split everything with her but details of that I’m not sure.  I know they split chores 50/50…so take it from there maybe.

Lindsey

Anita,

Hello and hope you are doing well.  Things are good here.  The kids and I are going to get Aiden’s haircut tonight and he has baseball practice Friday and Saturday evening.

There is a new movie coming out so we might see that.  Things are going better and better with Jason.

He asked me to go on a 2 day vacation with him next weekend.    He mentioned the other day about us both paying half.  I thought to myself “uh ok you invited me” but thought it’s 2 days $100 or pushing it- $200 isn’t a big deal.

He was talking about massages yesterday and it sounded great but in the back of my head I was thinking that’s really expensive to get at a hotel.

So he just texted me a few minutes ago saying my half is $380 if that’s ok.  Umm no not really. That’s a ton of money for me for a 2 day vacation.  I’m not sure how to approach this conversation and I’m a bit annoyed.  Am I overreacting? I think $200 is more than adequate and skip the massages. they are probably $150 easy.

Lindsey

Anita,

I agree that cookie idea was a bad idea and tossed the idea out the window.  He messaged me later saying he was thinking about me and we had a short conversation.

I think I might be catching a cold from my children and I’m over this week in general.  Just trying not to overthink or worry and ready for tomorrow evening when I see him.

I told Jason yesterday that I blocked the guy sending  messages and I’m going to elaborate on that tomorrow.  I’m going to say that I feel I disrepected him regarding the situation as a whole.  I will explain I stopped speaking with the guy so much once we got serious but kept texts going because he was helping me get a job.  I should have been assertive and made him stop texting me that way.  Instead I put the situation to the side and ignored comments. We can go from there conversation wise.

Anita- Thank you very much 🙂

Anita,

Yes I feel things intensely I agree. Mostly likely anxiety and abandonment triggers.  I really was not able to calm down but I did speak with Jason about an hour ago.  He stated “This has been on my mind.  Do I trust you? You are making it hard.”  So at that point I thought ok this guy is breaking up with me and I’m about to freak out.  I called him (asking first) and we spoke.  Some of it was reassurance from me and I stated at this point I was not going to  have a friendship with Chance.  This is more of a casual friendship anyway and our relationship was more important.  He said that I did not have to do that about Chance but I do.  I am not going to set myself up for another text or situation again.  At the end of the conversation he stated we would talk on Friday after work when I came over.  By the end of the conversation I feel like I had reassured him a bit about the situation and things in general.  His 2 requirements when we started a relationship were no cheating and no lying.

You are right about the vulgar language stated above.  In the past I ignored Chance’s language but I have spoken to him less since I started dating Jason.  I’ve never had a male friend that texted like that.  I just didn’t think until now about setting up boundaries or that really it was that big of a deal.

This morning:

Lindsey: Stop saying some of the gross things you text me.

Chance: I always talk to you like that

Lindsey: yes and it’s gross and you need to stop

Chance: You’ve been weird the last month

Lindsey: You just get too vulgar sometimes.

Anita,

I am sorry for the late reply.  I hope you had a good Valentine’s Day as well.  Things are still going strong with my relationship.  He got me a necklace for Valentine’s/Birthday (it is the 17th) and we went to dinner.

It has been a very eventful week or 2. I organized my daughter’s 10th birthday party at a paint your own pottery place and it went very well.  I dressed them up for Valentine’s Day this past Monday and they looked very cute.  we have had sports events and last Thursday we had a major snow storm- 8-10 inches so the kids were home with me going to school online.

So.  I found out in more detail his divorce situation from 3 years ago.  He was still in love with his wife and is almost positive she cheated on him.  This new revelation made me  worried.  Is this guy ready for what may lie ahead? While we have only been dating 3 months (and maybe that is key for me to realize) this is different from any relationship in the past for me.

Is this a common reason people get divorced? Yes I think so.  Can someone heal in 3 years and move on to a healthy relationship that could be long lasting? I don’t know I’ve never been in that position.  Putting myself in the position? I would not be for a long time-maybe 3 years?  He did state this is long term as he does not do short hookups/casual relationships normally.

I brought this to his attention regarding what happened with his ex wife. Initially he thought my question was more serious but I explained I’m talking about boyfriend/girlfriend-what if he decides this is too much?  He stated that he is is very leary of getting hurt and wants to enjoy what we have now.

Sitting back I don’t think I should ask the question again and be in the moment.  However you know that is hard for me to do.  Also I need to apply this to myself. Am I ready?  Because I’m also not really thinking past how great things are now.  Do I want to introduce him to my kids? It’s a passing thought only. I mean it’s not anytime soon.

It’s causing anxiety again and I would appreciate any advice-if there is any to give.

Lindsey

Anita,

Happy Friday, hope you have been well.  Officially I have a boyfriend LOL.  Things are going good with healthy communication so far.  I feel now in the dating world versus when I was in my 20’s that intimacy seems rushed.  I don’t really understand the hurry.  We are going to have a talk about that Monday along with things that I’ve found make me feel a bit objectified.

My dog has food allergies and just got the results back from the vet.  He is allergic to 7 things but are common with allergies. I need to go get him some treats and I have been feeding him new food for the past few weeks that he is not allergic to.

Mediation is February 2nd so I can put all of that behind me.  Last night ex and girlfriend called kids on their I Pads.  They asked questions directed negatively toward me.  She asked “Ella you look tired” and they both repeated that to her. Also he asked questions about if she had completed her work and a badge for Girl Scouts.  While I ignore this behavior it has an impact.  Ella was quiet and there were no questions as to what she has done during the week, how they kids are doing, any type of personal questions. He seemed to struggle with conversation and seemed fake.

I do not want these behaviors to effect the kids but I have to ignore their behaviors.  Everything is directed at me.  How do you constantly ignore this?  Walk out of the room when they call?

Lindsey