Anita,

True.  I was thinking about the recording – if Ella was 12 or 13 yes it could be done. But she is 10 and it would end up a disaster.

I do not have the specifics yet- I’m waiting to confirm that the counselor will see both kids at the same time. Amy is not allowed to be at the counseling sessions-it’s written in our mediation paperwork.  I would prefer for Jon and myself to meet with the counselor separatly and I will suggest that and see what they say.

Lindsey

Anita,

Yes it has been too long. How are you?  I hope you enjoyed Easter.   I had the children from 10-6 and we went to the movies,  the store for a toy because they received money for Easter and made breakfast to dinner.  Also decorated eggs.

Work has been extremely busy and I am working between 9 and 10 hours a day.

I set up a counseling session for the kids next Tuesday.  The kids came over on Easter at 10am and were talking about a huge fight between my ex and his girlfriend.

Apparently my daughter Ella told her dad she did not like Amy (girlfriend) and that Amy was mean to her. Also the kids told me that my ex pushed her towards the bedroom because she was in trouble and not behaving. ( A 5 out of 10 push)

I have attempted to discuss this with my ex.  Mostly the toxic situation in their home and my worry for the kids, especially Ella. He would not meet in person but we spoke on the phone and he projected everything as my fault. He denied ever pushing Ella.  He stated I was a “bitch” and all Amy ever tried to do was co parent and assist him and I working together and I ruined it.

He attacked me in every direction from “what this is your 3rd or 4th boyfriend?” to “Ella runs your house. You cry all the time and you do not give Aiden enough attention.”

The rest of the conversation continued to go south and I disconnected the line.  Mistake on my part.  I’m doing the right things and feel like I am verbally trashed in person.  While I am very aware of his behaviors this is making a big impact on me.

He says the kids come over to his house all the time and say things about me.  I feel like I am going to go into the counselor’s office and have no voice and be run over.  I do not think I am going to say much at all except I am worried about their well being as of the last 6 months. I have noticed changes.

I am just struggling. My relationship with Jason is good I’m just starting to think he is a bit weird but then maybe I am too. We all have our faults and he is a good boyfriend.

Lindsey

Anita,

Thank you for your support. Sometimes I just feel clingy on an emotional level.  I know I’m not extreme about it but it bothers me. It interupts the day and is like a song on repeat.

For example I sent him a message earlier stating I miss him b/c we skipped the weekend and he replied “you missed me” my interpretation as joking around. I made another comment and he replied with a smiley face.

I want more from him emotionally.  I was just able to recognize my feelings. That does not make sense to me based on my message from earlier.

Lindsey

Anita,

I understand but the strange thing is our relationship is right on track where it should be.  I mean this isn’t love yet but based on things getting better and better who knows?

We are committed and yes I would love to see him more but we both have 50/50 custody of our kids and that is not possible. Maybe it is because I will not see him this weekend and I am confusing “more” with missing him?

I am not at a point where I would think about introducing him to my children and he feels the same. We have discussed in the past the 6-12 months marke before introducing kids into the mix. Moving in together. No way lol.

I do not think I would remarry. I do consider at this point in my life having a life partner/companion.  I would not have someone move in until my kids are teenagers or out of the home.

To be honest I feel a little alarmed in general.  I feel a bit mixed up and have not reached out to him today.  I think I should be able to talk with him about it but these feelings seem very personal.

Lindsey

Anita,

That movie is hilarious.  He has his kids this weekend because his ex wife had them the entire week of Spring Break.  So next week will be the regular week for both of us with our kids.  We will go back to our regular schedule.

I think I’m going to tell him to watch it LOL.  That is a great idea.  We may get together this weekend-he just messaged.

Do you remember those Fun Houses at the carnivals that came every year to town?  Going through the house is like dealing with my anxiety.

Happy Friday!!

Lindsey

Anita,

He went on vacation to Colorado with his male friend last week. (Wednesday to Sunday) I was messaging with him on and off during that time.  He mentioned they ate marijuana gummies and he took Xanax with him on vacation.  This was prior to the statement “all the drugs we did.”  He is perscribed Xanax for general anxiety.

I have no idea what needs to be resolved with him and his ex and I personally feel like this is something I should know more in detail.  He once said that his ex wife’s anger had been building for a few years but did not elaborate.  He did say that she has disagreed with everything and they keep going back and forth regarding how they are splitting up household items.

I feel like I am missing important information and I want to ask him why he thinks his wife’s anger had been building for a few years before they split up.  I think that is appropriate.

Lindsey

Hello Anita,

Thank you very much for your support!  I am on the mend getting back on my medication.  As usual my overthinking gets in the way but everything is going good so far.

Busy week- we are slammed at work but it makes the weeks go fast.  My son’s traveling baseball games start next month.  I continue to have communication issues with the ex but what else is new.  I honestly do not have the energy to engage even if I wanted to.  Everyday I have a to do list.

I continue to have anxiety with Jason (probably normal for me) at times.  Mostly how far this will go and what will happen in the future – all things that you have to just wait and see what happens.

I do wish to be more confident in my relationship especially with body image.  That’s a work in progress.  I just wish I felt more….grounded with it.  In my brain the relationship is like a kite flying in the wind.  Who knows when the wind will turn and how fast or slow it will go.

Lindsey

Anita,

That is a great idea!  I’m definitely going to ask him in the future. My dog Bugs is a bit much because he constantly wants to play (Australian Laberdoodle) and only a year old. But he loves kids and Jason has a large home.

Lindsey