Anita,

Hope you had a great Friday-

I did not end up sending any flowers to Jason.  Because of COVID they did not have to go to court and he found out from his attorney that it was final on April 28th.

I hope you have a good weekend! I am out to dinner soon!

Anita,

Good point. Seems to me anxiety is also like a drug addiction. You can temporarily relieve symptoms (reassurance)  but the need or more drugs or reassurance comes right back.

Do you think it would be too much to send him an Edible Arrangement because he finally got the divorce finalized?  I mean it is big milestone after 2 years. The arrangement is basically made of fruit with options of the fruit dipped in chocolate etc. You can get it delivered.  I figure a very small one that’s not elaborate may be OK?

Lindsey

Anita,

This separation/anxiety/attachment issues I have really just suck in general.  I do attempt to apply some of these aids but not all of them. It does not seem to help but maybe the more I do the activities my brain chemicals may start to catch on.

What is funny about the situation with Jason is that I am not ready to talk about a future with him yet either.  In my opinion I do not know him well enough to make a decision of him meeting the kids, etc or even talking about love (scary for me)

4 1/2 months of dating is not a long time period.  I think we are both very happy with our current situation.  He shared that one of his check marks for getting very serious is actually being divorced on paper- which makes sense.

So in summary I would have to continue the relationship and just see where it goes.

Lindsey

Anita,

If I do that I will probably call him 2 days later.  Then he will probably wonder if he should be in a relationship with me based on my actions of ending things kind of impulsively.

Lindsey

Anita,

Thank you for the advice last night- I read it before I went to bed- and I think you are correct. Yesterday was a bad day and I was not thinking clearly.  I do know that it is not healthy for me to continue any relationship with the feelings that I have. I think they will get worse if Jason and I continue to get serious.

My goals: improve the anxiety/abandonment attachment that I have (not sure how to do that- you can only talk and get support from your partner to a limited degree)

Keep a healthy relationship with open communication moving forward

The main worry is that “I’m happy where things are” is something that is a theme with past relationships and possibly our relationship. While 4-5 months in a relationship does not give any indication that will happen it is in the back of my mind as a road block ahead.

Lindsey

Anita

i haven’t responded to his messages.

I think my main concern is if you are with someone at 6 months and they have given no hints or indication that things are going nowhere- basically someone to waste time with you that is a problem for me.
I would want to know that upfront. I don’t really understand to a certain point his story- it becomes obvious when something is going to stay stagnant. I’m not the type of person to just date someone for a year.
Lindsey

Anita,

I spoke with Jason a few minutes ago on the phone. I was just talking about my general anxiety and he was talking about work things.  So then he stated is there something else that’s bothering you? And I was like well yes but I think it’s a very akward thing for me to bring up because I know the answer and I proceeded to tell him what we spoke about with his ex girlfriend. He said he knew that was going to come up again because of my facial expression when we were talking.

I mean I said how I felt, I’m happy with things right now.  No one knows the outcome or what will happen. I’m not ready to think about anything more serious. He agreed I just wish I had more reassurance about it. I feel very uncomfortable about bringing it up. In fact I feel worse now.  I feel he thinks I am trying to push things or my frame of mind is disturbing or he’s like oh boy here’s something I have to deal with again with these women.

I just want to end things honestly.  I feel that I cannot and will not put myself in any type of situation like this where I would basically get my heard broken.   I am not doing well with this at all. I really just wanted to break up with him and be done with it. I’m serious.  I can’t talk with him anymore about this. It will just make things worse

Lindsey

Anita-

Good morning and Happy Monday. I hope you enjoyed your weekend- Mine went by entirely too fast.

The counseling appointment is tomorrow- the counselor had to reschedule.  I think your advice was spot on.  I lost a bit of the focus on the children and I was thinking that sharing examples of his mistreatment towards myself as a parent could be acknowledged in counseling with the counselor taking my side.

I do not believe that should be part of the discussion early on.  It should be focused on the children.  There may be things that will be addressed regarding the 3 of us getting along and negative things that they have done but not the main focus.  I think it will be very beneficial for everyone involved.

My relationship with Jason is going very well.  We are going on 5 months soon and I am very happy.  I have a classic example of my relationship anxiety and I need to address with him but need some guidance.

On Saturday we were eating dinner and he stated with his prior girlfriend when she brought up moving forward- being introduced to his children, etc.  He explained to her  that he liked where things were at and did not want to take the next steps. They had been together about 6 months. She does not have children and acknowledged with him that she lived 45 minutes away and was planning on moving this year out of state.

My worry is that what if that happens with me? I think this should be brought up prior to me having to ask. Now- I may feel at that time that I am happy with the way things are and do not want to move forward.  However- you cannot sustain an ongoing relationship in my opinion with things staying stagnant and not moving forward at some point.

I think this is a difficult topic for me because he is meeting the check marks for someone  I would consider moving forward in a more serious manner when that time presents itself.  I feel strongly that this subject should be addressed whenever either one of us comes to the decision they do not want to get more serious prior to the other party having to ask with the expectations that things will be moving forward.

Lindsey