Anita,

I feel like it is very easy to slip and go back to unhealthy behaviors.  I had IM (instant messenger) conversations with the new guy, K., Friday and Monday. Yesterday I did not speak with him and up until this morning I was overthinking/worrying does he like me.  My friend intervened before I did something desperate like reach out and give him my number.  I’m embarrassed and frustrated with myself.  I feel overwhelmed in how to change the way I think.  I have this constant need for reassurance and it makes me feel pathetic.

I think about companionship too much because I feel very lonely.

Lindsey

Anita,

I believe my episode with M. Showed how sick emotionally I had become.  Sometimes we meet people who bring out the worst in us too. What he was looking for and what type of man he is was shown early on.  I chose not to see any of it.  But he brought me to you and little Buddha and to  my counselor.  Ready for an evening with Game of Thrones.

Lindsey

Anita,

sorry I just noticed the first thread about the meds.  Lexapro really didn’t work.  I was so tired and out of it I almost lost my job.  My family saw a significant change in my personality and i appeared drugged to them.  I literally only wanted to sleep.

My very first anxiety attack was when I tried busabar when I was about 31. I slowly started noticing my anxiety before I was prescribed vibryd and lithium at 35.  I started noticing significant signs of anxiety at 38 and was given alprasalam as needed.  I do not believe the combo is making my anxiety worse, I believe it just isn’t helping at all. The other 2 drugs I’ve tried to date for anxiety are latuda and resperdone and they have brought on panic attacks.

I would like to thank you for taking the time to study my posts and give your patient insight and advice.  I meet with my therapist today and I really like her.  She thanks you for the idea of the paper summary of my meds and issues I want to work with, etc.  She has heard of this forum and I told her Anita has helped me in more ways than she will ever know. We are meeting every Friday at noon.  The one thing I took away from our appointment today is that maybe I’m not as crazy as I thought I was.  We discussed my mother, another insight you pointed out and I thank you for that.  I have to journal which I hate lol. I have some hope she can help with my self worth and self esteem.

lindsey

Anita,

You ask really good questions.  I guess what I mean by us growing up together is I was always with her.  She did everything for me; picked out my outfits, did my hair, and made most of my decisions for me really.  I had a hard time going to school and not being with her; I cried everyday the first week of school.  I can remember suddenly missing her at different times in grammar school.  I remember everything embarrassing me in middle school. I suddenly felt ugly when puberty hit and I was slow to develop.  In high school I continued to be very sensitive.  Dating was hard because I was really shy until around 17.  The summer before senior year of high school is when I started barely eating.  I was 17 and had a 21 year old boyfriend.  I started drinking and smoking pot.  I felt like I was not in control of anything in my life.  I could control what I ate but I didn’t like myself.  I knew I was different and felt hollow.

Ps- my counseling session is Wednesday May 2nd.  I’m an idiot lol.

Lindsey

Anita,

I get the shakes a little but no other side effects. I started the lithium/vibryd combo 5 years ago. Before that 10 years of trial and error with other ssri’s.  Lexapro worked for awhile but made me really tired.  I was diagnosed at 19 with major depressive disorder and tried Zoloft.  It didn’t work so I medicated with alcohol until 24 then got on lexapro from age 24-30. Tried a few other ssri’s from 30-35.

Started noticing a major issue with anxiety after my depression was under control 5 years ago at age 35. I was perscribed Xanax to use as needed.  Started having panic attacks about 2-3 years ago.  All the anti depressants perscribed to help anxiety bright out more panic. We started trials with others drugs about 6 months ago.   I was Recently diagnosed as on the bi polar spectrum and started the  risperdol about 1 month ago.

Lindsey

Anita,

ok so the psychiatrist appointment went ok.  I updated my list and gave her a copy, explaining I will give sheet to psychologist tomorrow to work out a plan.  We are increasing my risperdol from .25 1 pill and I’ll try taking 2 pills.  I have to play with the dosage and see what works for me and increase until I see results. I meet with her again I  2 months. If meds are not working I’ll call to come in.  Hoping it will help with my sleep and ocd thoughts and anxiety.

Lindsey

Anita,

Can I send a rough copy to you later to give to them?

Lindsey