Anita,

Honestly I can’t say that I know M;  we wanted different things and it ended in a big mess and was it not a good experience.  He could be nice to me but also cruel.  A learning experience.

I agree I’m getting a little ahead of myself worrying about Saturday.  It has always turned out well and K has never put me in an uncomfortable position.  I do hope it turns into a date.  I believe I might be ready.

Lindsey

Anita,

So far so good.  I’m sleeping through the night without any medication and my anxiety is down about 50%.  Everything is going well with K. I’d say it’s on track.

Trying to make sure I’m not depending on him to  make me feel better.  Hope all is well.  Going to his house for a cookout before watching Hame of Thrones.  I’ll keep you posted.

Lindsey

Anita,

i have been very mindful to make sure he initiates texting and reaches out first.  Here is an example.  I watched game of thrones and when I was going to leave he said I should come and watch the finale the next Sunday.  I got home and had a bath and he had texted me thanking me for coming over and hope I had a good morhyday.  I responded and said I would come over the next suntans that I had fun.

So far so good.  He texts every day.

Lindsey

Anita,

i know of details with 2 specific relationships. The first he stated was toxic and they have a child together.  He does not see the child supposedly the mother doesn’t allow it but pays child support.

the 2nd was recent.  He states he was seeing a 41 y/o who works in a different department.  He stated before he knew what was happening he was staying with her all the time.  He ended it when her child called him dad or something along those lines.  He stated she has issues and still reaches out to him.  This story concerns me and makes me play things cool. I make sure he initiates all conversations.  I told him that I would never introduce or have someone around my children unless things were very very serious.

Lindsey

Anita,

what should I say if he does try to kiss me?  I was leaning towards I like you but I’m trying to take this slow.  If you’d like to go on a date I would go but I’m not going to come to your house to just mess around. That’s not what I’m looking for.

Lindsey

Anita,

Yes absolutely.  I could say we are strictly friends but I’ve never hung out with him yet.  I’ve got to keep my guard up a bit. He’s different from M. But guys are still guys.  I’m trying to form a healthy friendship.

Lindsey

Anita,

Yes you are 100% right.  My brain gets into OCD fixation mode.  It’s really frustrating and makes me feel like I have no control over my life and it happens over and over again.

I’m going to try and sit back and relax.  In reality these instant messages could be taken as friendly  and not in a dating interest with K. I’m not in a position to date and I need to try and not pursue anything.  I think it would probably not go well based on my mental health right now.

Lindsey

Anita,

yes will talk on Friday because all this does is make me feel bad about myself.  It increases my anxiety in general.  I know it’s nothing to worry about but my brain thinks otherwise.  This is an awful feeling.  I have butterflies/ rocks in my stomach.

Lindsey