Regarding me,  moving to intimacy would basically be putting myself out there and being vulnerable, which is something I do not like to do.  K has stated it’s the same for him.  It will also increase my anxiety for sure.

Anita,

Last night was very relaxed at K’s house.  It is difficult to work around  him not pushing for any type of intimacy, basically that would move things forward to the next level.  I do believe this is better overall for my anxiety.  It allows me to slowly adjust to learning about him.  Taking a step towards intimacy of any kind would maybe make me feel pressure (not sure why) and I think my anxiety would go haywire.  I don’t understand this about myself.

We were texting when I got home later. I’m a bit nervous.  We ended up talking about our ex’s and what we regret.  He stated it seemed like there was some serious mental abuse in my marriage.  He said he just got that impression with hints I’ve made and I had mentioned control being an issue.  I kind of just sat there on my phone b/c there is so much more to the story you know? There’s 6-7 years of varying degrees and types of abuse from my ex.  I replied with I was not sure how to talk to him about that stuff b/c it was worse but I’m just trying to move on.

Lindsey

Anita,

First I want to thank you for being there for me yesterday and being patient.  Late last night K texted again apologizing for yesterday and not communicating better.  I would say that is a good sign.  I explained that I over reacted and it is not a problem, not to worry about it.  However, I am disappointed in myself.  I have got to get better with my anxiety.  I have got to not focus so much on K for my current happiness.  It is really hard because my brain wants to focus on him and be OCD about things and it just really sucks in general.

Lindsey

Anita,

we had made plans earlier in the week for me to come over and watch a show on Netflix today.

i do not know much about this ex. I was over last Monday when the roommate Tony mentioned her coming and bringing a dog for him to see. I don’t know what kind of drama is going on. Tony is a bit of a mess and my impression is K sometimes kind of looks after him.

I guess a good thing was my text sent earlier wasn’t mean just worried.  I think K sometimes just goes off the grid so to speak.  I think it’s just something I’m going to have to keep in mind.

Lindsey

Anita,

i ended up sending him a text asking what was wrong and I was in no hurry to move anything along if my texts were giving that impression. I just don’t understand. I said if anything we r friends and he can tell me if something is wron.

lindsey

Anita,

so this whole anxiety thing started yesterday at the pool around noon.  I sent a Snapchat of myself in a chair. U could see my legs and a Starbucks cup with a pool day sign.  I thought is was tasteful he never replied to it and sent me a text at 5pm asking how my day was at the pool. We exchanged a few lines, he had drank too much Thursday night and said he hadn’t done anything and still felt bad.

I responded in a joking manner maybe I should make some more banana bread that might help bc he really likes when I bake. No response this was at 6. Then I sent a hey text at midnight with no response.

He has sent pictures of himself on Snapchat so I really have no idea what I did.  I don’t think a picture with my legs in it is a big deal.

Lindsey

Anita,

i feel like I was pushing a little.

Lindsey