Anita,

I think my therapist means when I have to talk to him dropping/picking up kids or when he texts. But I am trying to cut off as much of that as possible.  And we are going to be meeting with the bank soon so he can put the mortgage in his name only, buy me out and give me half the equity.  That is the first step. Then I will be hiring a mediator to move forward with divorce.

The weekend went really, really good with the kids.  We went to the movies, had lunch, ran some errands, walked around the pound in the apartment complex.  Pretty relaxing.

I talked with K last night and he admitted to having depression.  He wants to hang out today and we set up some beginning frienship paramaters.  I told him I have anxiety.

Talk soon,

Lindsey

Anita,

I think they used to have somewhat of a relationship close to that before the kids came due to my mental health issues.  I really struggled with depression until Aiden was born and I got on Vibryd which literally made me start seeing in color.

I know their relationship started to change when the abuse started, which was when Ella was born.  My father has stated that they both to do not like him and only have a relationship with him because of the kids.  I don’t think she really texts back and forth with him or talks to him on the phone.  But she still acts and does things that I just don’t understand.

Can you tell me why you think my anxiety basically is like it just drank 5 energy drinks whenever a there is a situation with a guy?  The anxiety has OCD tendencies with some mood changes.

Lindsey

Anita,

It’s just not possible to cut out my family.  No one in the family is going to step away from my mother either.  I want to have some type of relationship with her in the future.  No one in our extended family would be supportive of this either.  It’s just not an option for me.

Lindsey

Anita,

We go Florida for holidays and my parents and brother and sister come here for birthdays, some holidays etc.

While I don’t see her on a daily basis at all, I would see her at holidays.  And I want my kids to see their grandparents.  My mom is a large part of my kids lives.  So I’m going to work around it.

Lindsey

Anita,

I would say I don’t feel any anger until I get around my mom or my ex.  When I get anxiety I also get OCD thoughts and behaviors and I’m not sure how to stop them without meds because when I get into the moment I’m not able to change my behaviors. I’m angry at my mom because:

1. She is not loyal.  She has no boundaries with my ex.  She pretends to have the same relationship with him even though we are separated.

2. Her behavior reinforces my ex’s behaviors as far as there are no consequences when he is abusive or rude.  No one tells him no besides me and he doesn’t listen.  He is still welcome in their home

3.  Instead of facing what she has done wrong or trying to talk through things she says either I don’t want to talk about it anymore or you are right I’m wrong about everything.

4. My dad gets really stressed out easily because of his panic disorder.  I’ve helped my mom in the past and talked with her when she has been really upset.  She’s been there for me too it’s just not consistent.

5.  My mom doesn’t realize it but she holds my mental health issues against me because they are similar to my dad’s side of the family and she basically hates them.

I don’t have tons of anger at my ex just overall irritation.  I feel like I have not really had actual feelings for M and K. I have been looking for anyone, someone to just make me feel better and not lonely.  I think it’s caused the opposite to happen.

Lindsey

Anita,

Ok.  I’m feeling pretty awful.  My dad called and said I needed to stop the talking and texting back and forth with my mom because it was getting ugly, which I agree with.  I just don’t understand how it got this bad and how to fix it.  He said a mediator is not needed and would not agree to it for me and mom.  We agreed I would still come in August.  He said me and mom would not fight it would be fine.

Also, I’ve seen K on 2 occasions at work today.  The first time today I thought well, he could have said hi even though we were kind of far away from each other.  This second time, he was walking with a coworker and I was sitting down in a chair on my phone and he could have definitely said hi to me.  My feelings are pretty hurt and I don’t understand.

Lindsey

Anita,

yes I know a few people.  I will have to run it by my ex which I’m not in a hurry to do.

Lindsey

Anita,

It’s hard to summarize but I’m going to try.  This was several texts and 2 phone calls.  The argument started because she sent a group text to me and my ex stating that she was disappointed in both of us and that we needed to work together and quit arguing for the kids.  I told her how wrong it was to send that text and her response was to hire a mediator and get everything on paper b/t me and the ex so we didn’t have to talk and I didn’t have to deal with  him.  I’m not doing that until I file for divorce and I will always have to talk to him in some manner.

One of my biggest complaints is she groups my ex and I together in the issues we are having and 80% of the problems come from him.  He is abusive and a narcissist.  So I told her she needs to be loyal to me I’m her daughter.  She is overly friendly and has no boundaries with my ex.  She puts the grandchildren first and the 3 of us are a package deal.  I’m trying my best with what I’ve got but there is an impact on the kids with this separation/divorce/arguing they have witnesses. Also she down plays the abuse stating I need to get over it and she has had it worse so has my dad growing up as a child.

The last phone call ended bad yesterday evening.  We have not talked since Easter when I called her crying that my ex had called me a bit*h in front of my daughter and I went home instead of going to Easter Brunch with them.  Her response was so what I’ve been called worse, don’t ruin my holiday like you ruin all of them.  She hung up on me when I said something like “that’s not how a mama acts, you’re not my mama.”

So at this point I’m just going to try to move forward with the counselor because things are not going to change and I need to accept it and work on my anger towards her.  We could have a mediator in the future maybe a family member.

Lindsey