Anita,

Yes, definitely no texting for today.  Hope you have a better day and I will talk to you later.  Get some better sleep tonight.

Lindsey

Anita,

I had a relaxing weekend.  Hung out at the pool with a friend on Saturday.  Cleaned and ran errands Sunday.  I would have gone to the movies but nothing is playing right now.  Heard a little from K. on Friday.  Not much at all.   This time last month he was quiet.

Feel like I’m not feeling much right now.  My cousin Michelle who is about 9 months older than me told me yesterday that several years ago my ex hit on my other cousin Lauren who is 32 and stated maybe he married the wrong cousin.  Apparently her husband heard what he said.  No one planned on saying anything to me- my cousin Michelle said she was sorry for telling me this morning-but it’s fine that she did.   She and I are pretty close and she is picking me up from the airport in Florida this Friday.

I’ve asked my parents to sit down together and come up with some healthy boundaries to follow with my regarding my ex and their relationship with him.

It takes me a few days to process this type of news.  For me, hearing these things that he does is like running into a large spider web.  You cannot see the web but you can feel it on your skin.  You walk around feeling like it’s still on you and paranoid that a spider is crawling on you.  His words do the same thing when he calls me names.

Lindsey

Anita,

Thank you, I will post often as I find a lot of comfort in your replies; they are full of wisdom and insight.  I had a counselor appointment this morning and it went well.  I had not seen her in about a  month so we had a lot of catching up to do.  I have a name for a mediator that I’m going to call and schedule an appointment so we can get everything underway with the divorce.

She obviously thinks I should only be friends with K and that I’m in trouble in a sense because I have feelings for him and it will be hard with his back and forth actions.

Lindsey

Anita,

Don’t let me use the “not divorced yet” to explain his issues and problems.  I’ll get focused on that.  I’ve got to remember the bigger picture.

Lindsey

Anita,

I’ve asked my ex for a divorce contract that he has been working on and it seems he is dragging his feet.  I’m ready to just draft my own contract and forward it to him.

Also, I really did not think about that fact that someone would not want to start a relationship with me until I am divorced.  I mean I really didn’t think about it but if it were me I definitely would not start something until a guy until he was divorced.  I think this is part of what holds K back based on a comment he made.  Which is fine.  It’s no the only thing stopping either of us.

It’s been a pretty normal week so far.  I had the kids Monday and Tuesday and then they will be going to Florida on Saturday with my ex to see my parents.  I will be going next Friday.  I am a little nervous about going but I’m just going to try and have a good time seeing family and friends.

Lindsey

**maybe this is a blessing in disguise.  what would have happened had I not had the kids Friday night and he came over to my apartment?  I think he would have the same behaviors the following days **  He looked very tired today when I saw him.  I think he’s going downhill again.

Lindsey

Anita,

Not sending anything else.  I think the reason I’m the most upset-just went in the bathroom-is because it’s really hitting me how unhealthy this friendship really is for me.  I don’t think he behaviors today or yesterday have been very appropriate.

Lindsey

Anita,

I felt late last night and early this am some general anxiety.  I think maybe I’m having a cycle.  I’m also struggling right now.  I had this idea because I have August 8th off so asked K if he could take some type off too.  I feel like I did this a little impulsively.   Well I internally flipped out when he said there probably wasn’t time because I was looking at my tier (tier 2-3) and not his tier (tier 1).  In my area there is time available to request off for that day.  So he said give him a minute to look.   Well it’s been probably 30 minutes or more.  And I’m having a lot of anxiety.  I’m just feeling very vulnerable first for asking, 2 he didn’t seem eager, and 3 it’s been awhile not a minute.  So now I’m in libo and wanting to just send a text saying forget it but not wanting to send anything.  And waiting for him to reply.

Lindsey