Anita,

So far plans still underway for tonight.  My washing machine broke last night so I’m having to deal with that which is never fun.   It will not be fixed until Tuesday so I have to find time to go to the laundry mat today.

I’m feeling some anxiety about this evening.  One a little that he might cancel last minute but I’m about 90% positive he will stick with the plans.  Two, my friends are not happy with this-they do not think he is right for me mostly because of the back and forth he has done.  My close friend from work actually had some harsh words to say to me about it- his name is Ben and he thinks nothing good of K to summarize.

I know you probably think this is not the best idea either for me to continue to see him.  I feel to an extent I like him very much, more that I probably will admit out loud, and it is just something I need to see through.  He is a very nice person with issues just like me.

Another friend of mine said hey, go and have fun, you deserve it, don’t think about the negative things people have said, just enjoy your evening.  So I’m going to try and do just that.  I have a boundary in place which is that I will not go any farther beside 2nd base if that even happens.  I’m about 75% sure that we might just end up cuddling.

Lindsey

Anita,

So far, so good.  Plans confirmed tomorrow night, my house, movie (I’m renting) he’s bringing food.

Lindsey

Anita,

Hope you are having a good morning.  Kind of out of the blue K asked me yesterday to do something with him tomorrow night and I said ok.  We have not decided what we are going to do.  I don’t know what I’m doing.  I’m wondering if I should send a message to him later in a joking manner about not flaking out on me at the last minute.  This is all my anxiety. I should just sit back and relax but I know I won’t.  But I’m trying.

Lindsey

M. – having an affair while I was basically having a nervous breakdown. I knew it was making things worse mostly my anxiety but I couldn’t see my way out.   I needed the opposite of an affair whatever that is.

mother/siblings: calling for help when I’m very stressed out and upset.  With mother end up arguing about all the things she has done wrong or she isn’t helping by saying things to make everything worse.  I shouldn’t call her in the first place.

K- he has issues, a mess basically (so am I) Continuing a friendship with the hope of something romantic even though I know it is a very, very bad idea.

Anita,

I think some of the anxiety is coming from feeling rejected.  These are feelings I get from my mom.  I was reading over the other articles and Mark mentioned about thinking of the good things you bring to the table when you feel or get rejected.  I know this has to do with my mom.  K honestly has more negative qualities than positive.  I can do better.  So why don’t I DO better??

Lindsey

Anita,

It has been a long few days and many things have happened.  What I am learning about myself is when I get stressed and overwhelmed emotionally to the point of  not able to take anymore I tend to do destructive things with people close to me.   I was calling my mother and texting her and just lashed out at her and was very angry in general.   I did this a bit with my sister and my dad but nothing like I did to my mother.

I ended up not going to the birthday party on Sunday.  I came over Saturday with the cake and decorations and got in my car and started crying.  I don’t feel welcome in the house and there is so much hurt and anger-I did not feel it was wise for me to be around my ex.  I took my son Aiden out to dinner Sunday night and he opened his gifts and I got him his favorite cupcakes.  It turned out very nice.    There is a lot of drama going on with my ex and the girl he is dating as far as gossip I’m not sure of the specifics.  But I turned off some of my social media and I’m watchful of where I go and when and keep to myself.  I do not want to get involved in any of that stuff.

We had a phone mediation yesterday and our 1 of 2 office mediations will be next Wednesday.  It turns out I am going to get more financially than I thought and he is not happy about it.  Some of the drama I mentioned above was him walking around saying he wasn’t going to pay me anything to friends in the divorce.  So I feel better about that situation.

As far as K goes-there will not be a romantic relationship ever at this point.  I do think I was reaching out to him a bit more than I should during this time because on Sunday I sent a text about my dog being sick and I never heard a reply.  There is a pattern I know if getting my hopes up for a week or so after we talk and he is open about his feelings.  I’m trying to work out a way to still be his friend but I’m not sure how that will work out.  He is not talking right now again but he checks my snapchat photos almost as soon as I post them.

I feel very tired but I’m just trying to make the best decisions for myself and my kids and I’m just exhausted.

Lindsey

Anita,

Struggling.  It takes me a few days to truly process anything that significantly hurtful ( the naked photos).  I feel like hibernating all weekend.  Sunday is my son’s 6th birthday at my ex’s house.  All the neighborhood kids and parents will be there along with friends.  This will include male friends who know about the photos and the woman.  His father is in town too so he will be there and I’m sure my ex has painting his own picture of events that are far from reality.   I feel like people will be staring at me and talking about me.  I am going to try and focus on the kids.  Do you think it would be wise to maybe bring some Xanax with me or take it before the party?

On a side note, do you think K is putting the carriage before the horse regarding the whole sex thing? I’ve never had someone say to me I’m good at sex but bad at everything that comes after that.  I mean-what does that even mean??

Lindsey

Anita,

Yes it reads well.  I am very scared to move forward and I’ve said the same to him.  And that’s not considering his stuff.  I think it is a good sign and he is not trying to just get physical and be like oh well with the other stuff.  I do believe there are genuine feelings here but I just don’t know.

Lindsey