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lindseyParticipantAnita,
Ok, ok yes I agree 100% I didn’t include ok to flirt in the one sentence. Ok I can do this.
Lindsey
lindseyParticipantAnita,
rule about flirting is if he starts flirting, reply with one sentence only? This not going to work lol. I feel there is no way I’m not going to be able to flirt back. It’s like walking into a store and your favorite candy is everywhere.
And if I say hey, don’t flirt, well then it will make the conversation weird and awkard. There is no certainty that he be contacting me and will text and flirt.
Lindsey
lindseyParticipantAnita,
They are clear, I just read some of them and don’t want to do them-like when he starts flirting. I just need to remember if I don’t follow my rules, I will not be able to help control my anxiety and will stay in the same spot.
Lindsey
lindseyParticipantAnita,
I agree. I’ve just got to stick to my rules-that will take practice.
Lindsey
lindseyParticipantAnita,
Yes but he does not consistently exhibit those behaviors. I don’t like admitting that someone’s behavior dictates my anxiety. This whole move sitting next to him as been a bit stressful but you also learn a lot about a person when you sit next to them everyday. He talks to each person on the phone almost like he’s their best friend.
I feel like I should have been able to set my own boundaries but I felt lost and I’m not sure why.
Lindsey
lindseyParticipantAnita,
My anxiety is much better today and I did a 3 minutes breathing mediation from Mark Williams. I’ve tried others and he is my favorite. K ended up talking to me at the end of the day yesterday. I think part of my problem is I need someone else to set up boundaries and until they do I kind of flounder and have anxiety. I was wondering if you had any insight on that.
I feel much better today knowing I don’t have to go by his desk if that makes any sense at all.
Lindsey
lindseyParticipantAnita,
I think the “desk stopping by” was created by anxiety in my brain if that makes any sense. It was like a check list in my brain, a physical reassurance that I needed to do. I wasn’t sure what to do now that I was sitting in such close proximity-so my anxiety took over and answered for me. I will not get reassurance where I am looking. Thank you for your guidance today.
Lindsey
lindseyParticipantAnita,
I feel a little better. If someone doesn’t respond to text I guess it’s safe to assume they may not want to talk face to face right? The normal part of my brain is telling me Lindsey-think about all the crazy stuff he has done, what exactly makes this any different and has it helped you at all to be upset about it? No healthy brain Lindsey, it has not helped at all. So the unhealthy part of my brain is trying here Anita-I’m really trying here.
I’m dealing with a really unhealthy, up and down person. I have got to stop taking things personally.
1. do not reach out emotionally at all for assurance
2. do not reach out for assistance in general
3. if he flirts via text or snapchat, I will remain friendly but cut it off (this will be extremely hard)
4. if he doesn’t respond to text- I will not take it personally and try not to get anxiety
5. if A comes to his desk to talk – I will get up and leave (A is a female coworker)
6. If he is super texting one day, I will not expect him to do it the next day.
7. Should I stop by his desk? I don’t know people stop by everyone’s desk.
Lindsey
lindseyParticipantAnita,
Well I had started listening to a meditation for anxiety at lunch but my mom called to talk so I didn’t get through it. I went over to K’s desk to tell him about a schedule change I had heard about but he was on the phone and went he got off he didn’t say hey what do you need so I’m not doing very well right now. I thought of a few things for the list but right now my brain is telling me it doesn’t matter he’s not going to talk to me again i’m bothering him. But here is what I have anyway:
1. only 1 female coworker bother’s me (long story) – get up from desk and walk away
2. Do not reach out emotionally
3. Do not reach out for behavioral changes
4. if he starts flirting try to keep it on a friend level
5. texts one day- try not to text or worry the next day when he is quiet (this happened yesterday this is hard.)
Right now I have a lot of anxiety. I don’t think I should come by his desk at all anymore – maybe just talk through the wall? I don’t know but what just happened makes me feel really awful.
Lindsey
lindseyParticipantAnita,
Not sure what I would do without you. I appreciate your input very much. This anxiety roller coaster just makes me tired after awhile and right now I’m really tired and not talking to anyone at work kind of emotionally hiding lol. I will get back with you on this list this afternoon-which is a great idea-I want to put some thought into it.
I want to share with you a conversation we had last night. I messaged him saying maybe he should stop running so much. He said “Nah.” I said “ok?” He said “I like the way I am:) you seem not to.” I said “no I don’t mind how you are.” He said “that’s a good thing.” I said “when I want something, I want it right away and that’s not how life works.” He replied “never” I said “nope” and then “I like being your friend and not pushing for more, just explaining that about me.” He replied “I agree.” I went to bed.
Lindsey
lindseyParticipantAnita,
Guess who had anxiety yesterday because K had started talking to them the day before. I feel in a sense powerless. I went on a long walk yesterday but did not meditate and I’m putting a reminder on my phone because it just doesn’t enter my head again to do it when I wake up in the morning.
I feel unhealthy emotionally because I feel powerless to my thoughts and actions. I continue to do the same thing and follow the same pattern and it’s very frustrating. I know what’s best for me but my brain does a U turn all the time.
Lindsey
lindseyParticipantAnita,
yes I agree with you. I will look into the CBT exercises later online. I’ve been slacking on the meditation lately. I’m going to do it tonight, I start and stop meditation and not sure why.
Of course he is not working on his issues. He does not talk about them or face them- he runs away.
Lindsey
lindseyParticipantAnita,
Yes I am going to try and stop reaching out. He is talking more again and texted me yesterday. Said that he runs away from me. I did not push for more. I am working on taking deep breaths when I feel anxiety. Sometimes I will get intrusive thoughts and I’m getting better at allowing them to just come and go versus freak out when the happen.
I’m trying to learn and work with someone not talking to me for awhile does not mean they no longer like me, etc. They are working through their own issues.
Lindsey
lindseyParticipantAnita,
I’m trying to remember last time. Initally about 2 weeks ago I reached out to him about the nude pics I found on my kids computer and we started texting and it moved towards talk about future possibility getting together but he stops texting that after that day. Then he never answered about my dog when I texted him a few days later. He came up to me at work and started talking a few days later, and on Wednesday texted me asking me to do something that Friday, and we know what happened then.
So I’m reading and what I realizing is I’m reaching out to. And we are both dysfunctional. But he is very up and down. I need to stop reaching out.
Lindsey
lindseyParticipantAnita,
Today has been ok. Initially there was the increased heart beat and butterflies in my stomach when he first got here. I just kind of went with it. I heard him talking to others, some female, and it seemed to bother me less. I went and spoke with him a little bit ago about a call I received yesterday on one of his files and made small talk. I walked over versus talk through the wall. It was fine. I guess I just need some type of internal guide for myself with him. I mean technically we are friends. From time to time he crosses over that boundary and then afterwards I get really confused and get increased anxiety.
I need to try and monitor this and work on somehow staying across the board and not up and down with my emotions. I really don’t understand his actions. And maybe even though he’s saying hey, I’m not ready to date yet, I’m not really listening? I don’t know.
Lindsey
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