Anita,

Yes I agree he has avoidant attachment style.  My therapist also had another word she used too.  I will ask her when I see her on Friday.

Lindsey

Anita,

“It” 2.  Kind of scary.  The first one is on video/HBO really good.  I read the book by Stephen King so I am a real fan.

Lindsey

Anita,

Just checking in and wanted to talk with you.   Anxiety has been pretty good this week-much better than it’s been in the past.  Still keeping to my rules-really they are not that hard to keep because of the payoff they give of less anxiety.  Today K has not spoken at all and this is what I was waiting for.  I’ve been a little on edge but not too much and it is getting better as the day goes on.   It is ok that he doesn’t talk today?  I can never figure out if this is normal.

I have the kids this weekend and hopefully it does not rain too much; there  is a carnival in town and they have soccer.  Sunday is a day to myself-can’t wait-plan on going to the movies sometime that day.

I feel like I’m getting better in my journey to making better decisions for myself and managing my anxiety better.  I know that I should probably run from K but well, I just can’t seem to.

Lindsey

Anita,

So far so good.  These rules seem too easy but K is talking right now.  I think the real test will come if (most likely when) he doesn’t talk for 2 weeks.  Also, I am wondering about this-earlier I went to him for a question about work. Should I not do that at all?  I mean to an extent that is seeking him out and I don’t think I’m going to make a habit out of doing it-you tell me what you think.

Monday night he told me that he thinks I’m an amazing person and that he just wanted me to know that and that he really wants a close friendship/relationship with me.  Also just for me not to have expectations.  I said it’s not exactly expectations-it’s really me being unsure.  And he responded for me not to be unsure about him.  He’s been texting quite a bit all week.  I’m just wondering when the bottom is going to fall out.

Lindsey

Anita,

Guess who followed her rules all week.  It feels good, like I’m in control of my anxiety.  He came back to work Thursday and has been initiating Skype texts.  I don’t say or do anything.   Said he slept for 14 hours a day, not sure what was wrong with  him.  Obviously we know.   I went to my counselor today and it was a good session.  We talked about my mom and K a bit.  We discussed my mental illness too.  Hope you have a good weekend.  I plan on relaxing by myself most of the weekend and meeting friends for breakfast Sunday before I spend time with my kids.

Lindsey

Anita,

I notice I have no stress or anxiety if I keep mostly to myself and I’m alone with my dog.  This can get tricky because well, that’s not how life works.  I love my kids but they have be a bit stressful lol.  I did not text K as agreed in my rules but he is not at work today again.

I’m not sure if I should check on him.  I think if he is not at work tomorrow maybe send him a note asking if everything is ok? what do you think?  I know that is against my rules but I do worry about him and he is a friend.

Hope you are having a good day.

Lindsey

Anita,

I’m trying to understand why I wake up sometimes and feel exhausted.  All day I’m irritable and occasional feel like it’s hard to pronounce words and sometimes my pronunciation comes out wrong.  This happened Saturday.  Unfortunately I had my kids and I felt like I was irritable in the morning.  I struggled and things got better in the afternoon it was just a very long day.   Sunday I pretty much just went to the library and watched TV and didn’t talk to anyone.  I feel better.

I feel like I had above average anxiety last week.  Mostly because I’m sitting next to K.  I feel like I have unlimited access to him with him being so close by.  And as a person with problems with addiction, unlimited access is not a good thing.  I’m at a loss if I talked to him too much or seemed too loud.  I’m worried that I came across odd or “too much.”   I know we set up some ground rules Friday and he never reached out to me via text over the weekend which I think is a very good thing based on my mood at that time.

This feeling of worrying that I did too much or said too much gets really old.  I know that all I can do is focus on doing the best thing now and in the future but it really sucks worrying what others think.

Lindsey