Anita,

We are filing with the courthouse for the divorce in about an hour and I am a bit nervous.  I am going to start reaching out to a realtor in the next few weeks and get pre-approved for a loan.

I am reading up on how to remove someone from your life that you feel is not healthy for you and well, it’s pretty hard stuff to do.  I am sick of getting my feelings hurt and having expectations.  I feel like my kindness is being taken advantage of.  Looking back I definitely should not have made cupcakes (mostly for him) last Wednesday and then he acted rude that day.  I have kept to my rules and he is not talking at all.  I am countinuing to true and focus on  me and my kids but it’s hard.  Especially when I think about him dating someone in the near future.  I have anxiety that he might date someone now.

Lindsey

Anita,

I hope you enjoyed your Halloween and stayed warm.  The kids and I had a lot of fun.  I coordinated my daughter’s 2nd grade party and we went indoor trick or treating because it was so cold out.

I am disappointed in myself.  I broke a rule last night and messaged K asked if he was ok because he is having a bad week.  I am annoyed with myself and feel a bit ashamed.  The rules are in place for a reason.  I saw my counselor yesterday and sometimes afterwards I want to reach out to him.  I don’t know if it’s because we talk about him and I’m wanting to resolve things or what, I’m not sure.

He did respond that he was fine just having a bad week.  This is a dumb mess that I keep circling and I’m sick of it.  At least I wasn’t OCD’ing about it yesterday.

Lindsey

Anita,

I’m making homemade red velvet cupcakes (the trick is cake flour instead of all purpose flour).  Also brownies with Reece cups in the middle, and monster cookies.  (basically a mixture of different cookies types).

Lindsey

Anita,

Hope this email finds you well.  My anxiety continues to lie…dormant let’s say.   Busy baking lots of desserts for food day tomorrow and work and I also drop off food at my vet’s office every major holiday.  He and his wife are some of my favorite people.  I have Thursday off to spend with the kids at school for Halloween parties and a parade.  Looking forward to a fun weekend with them.

Continuing to enjoy time to myself more and more.  I am noticing lots of single women with children who seem very eager to start a serious relationship and get remarried.  I don’t think that is me and I’m not sure why.   I don’t think that was ever me.

I continue to keep my rules and seem to be getting more and more comfortable with K as a friend without expectations when we casually talk.  Although in my head we do stuff all the time, maybe it’s better for that to stay in my head instead of in real life.

Talk soon,

Lindsey

Anita,

That would be very nice.  I hope it’s possible.  I like how you used the staircase for my children, good point.

Lindsey

Yes, 1-5 rules are good and apply.  I guess this # 6 is a boundary?  Lindsey asked K to return text or answer a question instead of ignoring when he doesn’t want to answer question or whatever reason.  Here’s the thing-if he brakes the rule what do I do?

I told him he is basically a master bullshi**er.  He agreed and laughed.  He can make almost every situation not a big deal with how he words things.

Lindsey

Anita,

Yes, I am following the rule almost 100% ( the only time I initiated a text was Tuesday night b/c my ex’s car had been stolen and then found).  I was thinking of just stopping the talking all together even if he texts because of him on occasion ignoring questions during a conversation.  So instead I set that boundary with him asking him to answer questions instead of not responding.  It’s already been test today and yesterday with continued questions.  But the real test will come later.

Lindsey

Anita,

So how did you walk turn out?  Crazy? Perhaps not.  Walking in the rain can be peaceful depending I guess on the temperature.  Continuing to keep my distance, my mom leaves tomorrow morning.   I am glad that I was able to come to terms in peace with her finally.  My mental health continues to be good.

Here is my thought.  If I’m putting on my honest hat and finally listening to my inner voice, K is not good as a friend and I want to create distance.  I’ve reached the critical point.  I am working on not responding the next time he either snapchats my phone or sends me a work message.   Cross you fingers for me.  It sounds horrible to say he is a bad person so I will say he is a bad friend.

Lindsey