Anita,

No I don’t think he is trying to build a court case against me or anything like that.   I do think he enjoys hurting me because I chose to divorce and leave him and he was hurting.

I think he enjoys having a woman around in general.  He does not want to be alone.  I also think he is thinking of himself.  While this woman has a child of her own and likes my children, they are going super fast to have only been dating a few months.  But I guess that’s just my opinion.

I’m doing everything in my power to limit my contact with him.  This all makes me feel bad about myself and I’m not sure why.

Lindsey

Anita,

Last night Ella was wearing ear rings the girlfriend got her for her birthday.  She also stated the girlfriend went with them out of town for Ella’s birthday this past weekend.  This  of course was never told to me.   And I yelled and cried and said I hated his guts etc.  And now I feel like crap.  I feel like I’m playing into his trap.  I’m not acting in the manner I want to act at all.  I feel powerless.

Having any type of discussion about the girlfriend or how much she is around the kids is a waste.  I’m not going in the house and he isn’t going in my apartment or my condo.  The keys are because I have a dog (our dog really) and he helps take her out if i’m out of town, etc.

I need help.

Lindsey

Anita,

No one has ever described anxiety and stress like you do and I really enjoyed reading how you broke down the process in your post. It makes me think that maybe I will be able to fix this.  That my body is just reacting to things differently than some people.  I think my body has been used to the fight or flight for years with my ex husband and it’s easy for my body to go back in that mode.

I have an appointment this Thursday and I’m going to work on techniques to use at work whenever I’m feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, foggy brain, etc.  I’m not sure how much to share yet with my manager at work.  Just trying to stay focused and hopeful with things.  I want to learn to recognize when I’m going to flight mode and how to bring it back.

I do hope you are feeling better and I will talk to you soon.

Lindsey

Anita,

I like the way you think.  I’ve never fully thought I was one specific diagnosis but small parts of many.  I’d like to know more about why your psychiatrist gave you that diagnosis and why you disagreed.

is there anything you can recommend for my impulsiveness?

lindsey

Anita,

Look up Bi Polar spectrum disorder and it will match up with me more.  I’ve found through research that every person with bi polar has their own unique symptoms.  Most also have anxiety, ocd, ADHD, etc.  It can be very difficult to diagnose due to overlapping disorders.  I do not have any of the classic mania symptoms.

I was misdiagnosed with major depressive disorder since 19.  I was not given my correct diagnosis of bi polar spectrum disorder until about a year ago.  Anxiety meds were making me have panic attacks which is a sign of bi polar.  Also none of the mainstream anti depressants were working.  In fact some of them made me more depressed.  Busapar gave me panic attacks

lindsey

Anita,

not sure where to start.  Apparently looking back I was having a bit of my bi polar version of mania: reactive, decreased cognitive abilities (concentration, poor attention to detail, over tired, irritable) it happens every 3-4 months I think. The mania is a slow build up I don’t realize what’s happening until I crash.  This has caused issues at work.

I’m terrified of either losing my job or getting poor ratings.  The last year has impacted my performance at work.  I have a new boss that is really wanting to help me improve.  So far she has pointed out 2 areas of improvement and I’ve fixed them.  Friday was a really bad day at work I was in her office for awhile.  I can’t continue on this path and I’m so worried.

To top things off, this am I went to pick up the kids I pads from my ex’s house. There was a card propped up right in front of them-strategically places of course. And I looked. It was from his girlfriend and she said what an amazing person he is and how lucky she is etc. and that she loves him.  They have been dating 2 months.  It feels overwhelming having to deal with her soon around the kids etc. I feel so overwhelmed.

Lindsey

Anita,

I’m trying to understand why this new girlfriend bothers me so much.  I feel like my feelings have layers.  One layer is I know that he is pretending to be a person he’s not during the initial dating phase.  Now it’s 2 against 1 and he is telling her things about me that are not true so he looks like the model ex-husband that’s always doing the right thing.  I feel threatened because of my mental health issues.  I’m afraid that he is going to build this new life and I am going to be the one that picks up the pieces.  My parents think he is a good dad and would pick a decent girlfriend but when you abuse your wife you are going to do it again and I don’t want it to be in front of my kids again.  I feel  like I can see everything but no one else can.

I just feel very exposed.  My stomach constantly hurts and I don’t really want to talk to people very much.  I picked up my kids yesterday and am glad to have them around for a few days.  I called in sick yesterday but I really don’t feel all that much better.

Lindsey

Anita,

Thank you.  I am trying to get my focus back.  I called and told him that I do not want the children to be around this woman again unless he is serious with her and they have been dating for awhile.  Then he needs to sit down with me and discuss.  He agreed….as of now.

So I am trying to grapple with not being in control in regards to my kids.  I worry about them so much. I just really want them to be ok.

Lindsey