Anita,

I’m glad I could make you smile today.  I’m sorry you had a difficult day.  They are not fun at all. Example stuck in the middle of the aisle today at Walmart because my car is messing up again. Shawn was on his way but the body shop gave me some pointers via phone and it started so I made it home.

Back to Shawn.  After the text break up in July he texted in August.   He pulled the no texting back in August.   I sent a friend request to him on social media but then deleted it twice and this was beginning of October. (I know, I know).  About the text not returned he said it was too much for him to handle at the time.  (He could have sent that info via text-thanks Shawn)  His daughter had many complications with the chemo and they just ended up just getting home. So 3-4 months in Memphis.  He reached out Sunday night via text.  We talked and he came over.  We are figuring out when to meet again via not having kids for either of us.

I have some explaining to do about my anxiety and how it effects my thinking.  I also need to ask some things of him that I need in a relationship.  There has been poor communication along with the fact that he sucked as a boyfriend.

Lindsey

Anita,

Thank you very much for your support.  It’s usually needed at the right moment.  I’m going to have lunch with the kids tomorrow.  I just thought of that.

Lindsey

Anita-

Have started minimizing communication.  Set up to where no meeting for clothing drop off. I keep electronics with  me and clothing goes in book bags to school.  There is  still sports equipment issue- I have arranged for it to be placed by the fence line at a Vet’s office beside my condo complex.  When he pulls into the parking lot I leave.

I am on the waiting list for an appointment next month for the child psychologist.  The paperwork with the attorney has been filed and I will be getting emailed the petition.

2 interesting things happened this morning.  I don’t know how this happened-really I don’t-but a guy from high school sent random nice messages and then  flirted and now I’m going to visit with him when I go home on Oct 19th for a week vacation. He messages with me multiple times a day.

Now-I know I am not ready to date.  There was a situation this am where I had to text my ex to keep the kids on some of my days when I go down to Florida to visit.  He said that was fine and then accidentally texted me instead of Amy.  They were discussing my test I sent to him.  Basically dissecting my words.  It’s kind of hard to explain.  This was disturbing and the root of it-hurtful-that is the root. So later on Stephen (i’m just going to say his name who cares) messaged me and I focused on one word and my anxiety went crazy.  I said to myself you are absolutely not going to do this.  So I wrote down the conversation and sat back and realized that I was making something into nothing.  I do believe part of this has to do with the morning situation with my ex.

Here is the thing I don’t like to admit. He makes me feel less than. So in the future if something like this comes up I will use the app. No texting with ex.

Anyway I’m on vacation all next week and I can’t wait. Lots of naps and reading and dog parks and organizing.  I hope you are proud of me I think i did good.

Lindsey

Anita

Let’s see….So my car is Ok.  I got it back yesterday to have a car for the weekend to drive.  They ordered parts and I will drop off again Tuesday am.  I can’t remember the part that was damaged but it’s a wear and tear kind of thing.  Worst case scenerio $700 but that’s if some of the other parts are damaged while taking them out to get to the actual broken part.

I put my resume on 2 sites.  I have not really heard anything back but will try to get on the site this weekend to look.

As far the ex and his girlfriend go-they are bad people. That’s the bottom line. On Wednesday there was a group text sent to all parents on Aiden’s traveling baseball team. My ex stated that the 3 team moms are putting together a fund raiser for the team.  Now one of the team moms is his girlfriend Amy.  He never sent me any information prior to the  group text.  I texted him to give me the information-more than once – and I still don’t have any info.  I sent a group text last night asking for the team moms to text me about it with my number and I haven’t heard anything.  These things keep happening and it’s wearing me down.  Not really emotionally but it’s just starting to make me numb.  There is really no way to stop him about things like this.

I told my ex that I have a name and I’m calling to set up counseling for the kids. He got very nervous-that was my impression about going to the child psychologist.  He was giving me rules like we would not talk about things that happened prior to the divorce. He said he would go into the session with me and I wouldn’t talk to her by myself. We would only talk about the kids.

Now i’m just going to schedule an appointment and not tell him.

So the kids are not in school today for a teacher work day.  We are going to do something fun after work-the weather is really nice.

Lindsey

Anita:

Happy Friday!  The appointment was interesting.  Her name is Rachel and she is very nice, funny, and approachable. I would be friends with her outside of her being my divorce attorney.

My expectation was that she would handle everything and I would not have to do anything lol.  The good news is she is filing a motion that my ex is required  to attend  mediation again with me and agree to the changes I am requesting.  If he fights the changes (which he should not-none of it is about child support or custody)   we would go to court.

I’m nervous to have a 3 way phone call with him and the mediator Karen.  I don’t think this situation is going to be quickly resolved.  I’m tired about the situation in general.

I am going out with friends tonight.  I don’t remember the last time I did that.

Other than that a little stressed about work.  My manager stated yesterday she was seeing a few mistakes on a certain area of my work.  While I think it’s very minor-and so does a co worker I’m frustrated.  Is she looking at things more closely because I was struggling last year? I think my work is really good considering the long list of things our department is struggling with-mostly low staff.  I could keep going on with complaints. Am I being defensive?

Lindsey

Anita

I feel very thankful to have you as a friend and sounding board. I’m glad that you were impressed.  I do feel a little better today but there are times when I look around and think what is going on with my life.

I am waiting to schedule a phone meeting with the attorney.  She texted me this am.  I have a to do list-next is call the children’s psychologist to schedule an appt.

Other than that just making it along lol.  So far no storms brewing (not real storms) hoping it stays calm.  I pick up the kids today a 4. Very excited.

Lindsey

Anita,

Spoke to an intake worker and then a court Advocate. Here’s the thing.  My ex said a lot of hateful things via text message to me over time. But I reacted to the messages. I said bad things to him.  I don’t have a full list of texting going back and forth but I bet he will have them. For this order of protection to happen I have to document everything in a report and we would go before a judge and  have a hearing. I would have to testify.  there is no telling what my ex will say.  I’m worried he could make me look just like him.  I’ll look like a fool to the judge.  It will be an emotional gamble I don’t want to go through.

If I don’t go that route I would hire an attorney and they would set up a guideline report with everything so it’s just about schedules/kids etc.  There will have boundaries and it will be filed with our divorce paperwork.

I’m very tired and I want to go to bed.  The intake worker gave me home but not the court appointed advocate.  This is not going well. I just want him to be accountable for his actions.  I feel like participating in the ugliness with him makes me look just as ugly. It’s been impossible to not react and ignore his words.  My reactions and ignoring him care inconsistent.  30% better than last year at this time maybe.

Lindsey

Anita,

I’m sitting here looking at my computer on about 4 hours of sleep and I don’t know where to begin regarding what happened yesterday after our  last convo around 2pm. I really wanted to call in to work today but I don’t really think that’s the best idea. I’ll just be behind on my work and that’s another thing I don’t feel like stressing out about.

So I pick up the kids around 4:15 from aftercare at school. My ex picks them up around 4:40 from my house because Ella has cheerleading practice and Aiden has football practice.  Ella missed a Thursday 2 weeks ago because she didn’t want to go.  She was very upset so my ex didn’t take her but was very frustrated. So yesterday she started crying again saying she didn’t want to go.  I told her she needed to go but was also frustrated in general because I work until 6 and I really didn’t have time to fight with her about it. I told my ex ahead of time that she was not wanting to go again.

Somehow this turned into him yelling at me in front of my house and her outside crying.  I do remember saying some mean things to him too before everything escalated. I was trying to get her to get in the car and had her shoes in my hand. He said he was calling the police. So I came inside and told her that so that she would get in the car.   She was refusing and crying and came outside telling her dad not to call the police. He continued to yell at me.  I was trying to get them both to stop.  He was out of control yelling as he was driving away.  My son was in the backseat the entire time.  My neighbor came outside and I am still so embarrassed.  I think other neighbors heard.  He then attacked me verbally saying it was all my fault via text.  He said I was doing this on purpose because Ella does not act like this at home. He’s continued to send emails stating I manipulate Ella, etc just about my character.  I had that circus planned for Sunday and he stated the kids are not going.

I am so upset.  I have no idea what to do. I feel like I am being harassed.  I feel mentally exhausted. I am calling an attorney today.  I feel there is no hope.  I have to deal with him until the kids are 18. I do not see things improving as the years go by.

Lindsey