Hi Allison Jade,

Your mom might simply be afraid of losing you on some level. It makes it worse is that you would “leave” her for someone who is seemingly her opposite. I have a feeling that even if they had the same political views she would find something else that’s wrong with him.

Make a decision to see her no more than once a year. Tell her you will not talk about politics, religion, or any thing of that ilk. Have your fiancé be amazingly neutral. And if she pulls this stunt again, no longer subject him to her.

Good Luck,

Inky

Hi Anyone,

If he is abusive, it’s a good idea to call a social worker. Even a parish nurse from their current or old church. There are professionals who protect older people too from this kind of thing. I would also have neighbors visit them. A lot. Abuse thrives when no one’s looking. If your parents are visited (A LOT) your brother will know that other people care for and are looking out for them. Who knows? He may feel embarrassed that they don’t REALLY need him for rides to their appointments because there are truly many volunteers who would LOVE to schlep them around and take care of them. He may even move out one fine day, who knows?

The other problem is your parents are “only” seventy, and they may not even realize they are old. They may truly think: “We can handle our son. We’re HELPING our son”.

Also take just your mom away to be with you for a couple weeks. Call it a women’s retreat. Go wherever. She will get much needed relief from your brother, and your father can deal with him man to man maybe.

Best,

Inky

Hi Bakedbean,

Here’s a thought, and it’s pretty wild.

What if this new guy IS your type, and your soul is pre-set to recognize him? And what if when you met your first love you were attracted to him because he looks like the new guy that you hadn’t met yet?

We do have types, even when they aren’t what we think of as “our type”.

Thing about it.

Best,

Inky

Hi ImJWL,

I wouldn’t date anyone until I was divorced, myself.

But if you are going to date, please tell the guys that you are still married. Some people are actually looking for a real relationship, and would feel used if they found out (later) that they slept with a “technically still married” person. I myself would be furious if I slept with someone and then found out that he was still married. Even if he assured me again and again that they are separated, I’d be all, “Really, buddy? Why should I believe you? Why didn’t you just say that before? What else are you hiding?”

Best,

Inky

Hi lola,

I agree: If you love him, stop perpetually going to him with this! It’s almost like you are determined (subconsciously) to self destruct the relationship! I don’t know, if my husband started acting like this, I would distance myself (silent retreats, sorry, babe!).

The truth is, that it’s possible that one day you will break up. He is not your parent. You are not his child. Even if he was your parent, parents let their children down all the time (waving my hand here).

The good news is, after each relationship, we get more and more jaded regarding abandonment and rejection. Which, ironically, frees us to love totally and unconditionally.

Best,

Inky

Hi Jenni,

It sounds like you were his long distance FaceTime girlfriend when he couldn’t have one in real life. As soon as he’s with a local physical girl, you naturally become the Official Back Up.

I have a feeling he will try to contact you again (before your birthday or a holiday). Be especially vigilant around Valentine’s Day.

No more long distance boyfriends. There are plenty of local guys who wouldn’t give you this much trouble.

Sounds Good to Me,

Inky

Hi Lala,

Managers are the worst! There’s something about being in a management position that brings out the worst in people. (Apologies to managers who happen to read this).

The good news is that HR (and everyone) know what a jerk he is. Who knows? Maybe he was moved to his current team in the past because someone else had reported him to HR previously?

It’s good to have allies around you. So if this happens to you again (by anyone) all they’ll hear after their power play is you and your friends cracking up as soon as he leaves the room. Bullies HATE being laughed at! In fact, even if you are the only one that’s laughing, that gives everyone else permission to smirk and roll their eyes at him even if they dare not say anything to his face. Give him a nickname. Say “Hello, Sunshine!” whenever you pass him. If he says anything to you, reply with, “If you say so, Sunshine!” Remember to give him a good wink.

Another trick is to say, “I notice you always get cranky when you’re hungry. Do you want a donut? No, Sunshine, seriously, we insist!”

Best,

Inky