Hi Clayton,

The reality is that statistically you ARE going to lose her after college. Most people don’t marry their college sweetheart. It takes having at least a couple serious relationships before you end up marrying. Statistically speaking.

Now, you could very well be one of the few that do end up marrying the college sweetheart. In every class there’s always a few that do.

But instead of fearing the probable, use that knowledge of statistics to give yourself permission to totally live in the present and love fearlessly and fully. Don’t lose anymore precious time living in worry.

Best,

Inky

Hi Liz,

It doesn’t sound like he’s a bad guy, it just sounds like you two are incompatible.

I think it’s good that he didn’t try to break down your silent treatment or show up (like a stalker) at your house. If someone doesn’t respond, that’s on them! So you can’t fault him on that one, really.

Well, I say stop chasing him and move on.

Best,

Inky

Hi Olivia,

If you met a guy who didn’t do well in college, had no plan, was kind of lazy, doesn’t want to go out and resents it when he is… Would you honestly say, “YES! This is The One!! Let’s get married!!!” Probably not.

You have simply outgrown the relationship… and him. I say it’s high time to move on.

No guilt. You have my “permission” to leave, for what it’s worth.

Best,

Inky

• This reply was modified 5 years, 6 months ago by Inky.

Hi Elle Bee,

I hate to say it, but if she is:

1. A family friend

2. Works at the same place as his sister and

3. Has known him for a decade or so…

She is not going to just simply leave his life. Sure, there could be nine months or even a year where you don’t see her. But you will surely hear OF her and ABOUT her. She is in the atmosphere.

And make no mistake, she gets off on being the alluring older woman. This hot younger guy apparently thinks she is desirable too! Now, I don’t think they did anything necessarily. But the selfies, texts, the heavy duty flirting, the “mention-itis” of her name all the time, the planning to see her and his sister to meet in secret a freaking three weeks in advance….

Listen, you aren’t married to the boy. Just tell him you want a break. He’ll know why. You don’t want to be competing with some fifty year old. Life’s hard enough.

Best,

Inky

Hi Jamie,

Wow, this guy sounds irritating!

Why would you stick around with him to yet be disappointed for another year?

I mean, if you do choose to stay, you could enlist your best friend to tell him, “Hey, we’re planning a surprise party for Jamie”. He’d be pressured to step up his game, but he might resent it.

Is he embarrassed by you? (the social media tagging thing)

Don’t expect your money back. That said, don’t lend him anymore money until his debts are paid.

For his birthday have it more of an event with other people. Tell him birthdays are and will be made much of.

Tell him you’re taking a break from your screen/social media. When he complains say “This (people getting offended) is exactly the reason why I’m taking a break”.

And that advice is if you want to keep him. Do you?

Inky

• This reply was modified 5 years, 6 months ago by Inky.

Hi Julia,

I think I know what’s going on here:

You are out of your long term relationship and wanted a rebound guy to boost your ego.

He too is out of a long term relationship and wanted a rebound girl to boost his ego.

Basically you want him to be more into you than you are into him.

And conversely he wants you to be more into him than he is into you.

Thus the Projections!! Of course he’s verbally “worried” that you are becoming attached! He’s desperately hoping for that!

Please put the poor boy out of his misery. The next time he contacts you (don’t worry, he will!) cut him off immediately and say, “This isn’t working”. No explanations. Go games.

Good Luck!

Inky

Hi JC,

What gets a laugh track on TV often falls flat in real life. That’s what happened here.

This is mean, but it gets the job done (in my experience):

The next time she says something that humiliates you in public say right then and there: “You’re not that cool.”

BOOM! That will either end the hurtful comments OR the relationship. Both outcome totally worth it.

Good Luck!

Inky