Hi Zariah,

I would tell him that you slept with someone else. This bit of honesty will even the score a bit. He will know that you can (easily) walk away at any time. It also gives HIM all the information to make an informed decision to stay with YOU.

And don’t tell him you applied to grad school. Only tell him if you get in. His knowledge can only make it feel worse for you. Not that he compares you with this other girl, but I get that it’s a mental thing for you.

What I would do is dump him and start over, but that’s just me. You’re going to want a clean start with no distractions when you go to grad school anyway.

Best,

Inky

Hi Laden,

Let him go. After you let him go you will one day find a regular person and have kids. Years from now you will run into this guy. “It’s him!”

“Who is that mom?”

You awkwardly say that that was the guy you would have chosen over your kids.

Don’t choose this guy over your kids. Act as if the future is now.

Best,

Inky

P.S. Don’t be surprised if, as life passes by, you see him and ~ surprise! He has kids. Many kids. He realizes, the richer and older he gets, that, freedom isn’t worth much.

Hi Jennifer,

This sounds counter-intuitive but what I would do:

1. The next time you see him, just sit quietly in the same room as him. Watch a movie, read a book. If he asks about you just say a peaceful, “Good.” If he says anything controversial or contrary, just say, “Interesting. I haven’t thought of it like that.” This is to give both of you the experience of being peaceful around each other.

2. Ask him to help you, give advice or get his opinion on something. Again, no matter what he says, keep you mouth shut, and just say, “Thank you.” This gives him the experience of acting in the role of Father.

It WILL get easier. When you are more than half his age (i.e. he had you at 30 and you are now 31) expect a definite energetic Shift. Look forward to it.

Best,

Inky

Hi Tori,

I would rather live in my car than live two more months in that place.

It’s over. But he’s entering into this creepy dangerous stalker zone. I’m worried for you. Don’t try to minimize all this.

I would just stay with the new guy (or live in the car, I’m not even kidding) and have the police be there when you collect your things.

Good Luck!

Inky

Hi Tuts,

One problem is that you (unwittingly) have framed the boyfriend as if he’s on audition for your parents’ approval. The other problem is that your parents still look at him as if he’s this older guy inappropriately after their teenage daughter (based on the math).

This isn’t the old days when marriages were prearranged and women were like cattle.

Your parents should have no input into who you marry. None! Of course, it would nice, in the tradition of all our dead ancestors if they PAID for your one and only wedding. But then again, that’s going back to outdated approval and property rights.

It may break your heart, but I suggest going to the town hall and just get it done. No drama. No big financial commitment. You’ve been together mostly for ten years. Then tell your parents in passing after you’ve moved out and in with him, “We are officially married you know. Between you not being crazy about him and his parents being dysfunctional, it was for the best.”

Good Luck!

Inky

P.S. Grandparents are crazy about any and all grandbabies, don’t punish them for not being crazy about the dad. It would be a new beginning where THEY have to earn BOTH your approval to see them.

Hi strongwoman,

This guy is:

1. Becoming close to your family (so he has a general “in”)

2. Talks to you one on one (separate from the family group)

3. His wife and his/your friend are jealous (uses triangulation to get attention)

Listen, I have been in your position. You don’t want to be rude to a family friend. But he is inappropriate!

What I’ve done:

When he calls (if you have a house phone/landline) don’t pick up the phone. Tell your husband “(Name) called”

When he calls your cell phone or texts (and this is hard, because we’ve been trained to be polite) DON’T respond. DON’T call back!

When he confronts you in person, or through your husband, or when your husband passes the phone to talk to him say, “Sorry, I’m just bad with the phone, was meaning to get back to you.”

When he invites you someplace, bring your husband or a friend. No need to tell him you’re bringing them. Or, just blow him off. When he calls say, “Sorry, I forgot!!” And always be “busy”.

Or, be totally awkward and tell him the truth. “You are super weird, and I’m more comfortable with normal.” Don’t engage in a debate.

One day he will move onto another unsuspecting nice family.

Best,

Inky

Hi Rachel,

If he’s doing this to you… and you stopped… chances are he will cheat on his girlfriend with someone else. Who he dares bring back to HER condo!

On some level the girlfriend knows. Or will one day confront reality with someone who would tell her.

As for you, I wouldn’t be his dirty little secret. Tell him it’s all or nothing with you, and now that you know he has this character flaw, it is now and forever nothing.

And, bonus, IF the girlfriend asks about you and him, tell her the truth. All of it. Don’t tacitly agree to protect him. That assumption right there is arrogant of him. (Half of all women WOULD tell!)

Best,

Inky