Go to the graduation. Years from now, she will literally forget all the heartache she put you through, but she will remember if you weren’t there for her graduation.

What you should do is call the cops on the 20 year old for molesting an underage girl, your daughter. It is a Social Crime. Tell her that once she turns 18, it has nothing to do with her anymore, but it does have to do with the State law and protecting all the other naïve girls he WILL go after.

She will throw a fit first, of course. Say, “You can be mad”, and keep silent and calm while she has her tantrum.

Then let her “go” after her birthday. She will return one day, if only for $$.

When you walk across you will think “OMG, OMG!” and the butterflies will be crazy in your stomach I won’t lie.

But ~

1. The Walk only takes 3 seconds.

2. The further your last name is in the alphabet when they call you to get your diploma, the more everyone will be zoned out. The only people Watching with High Intensity will be your mom and boyfriend!

P.S. When you re-meet/run into the HS girls later on they will remember you as being “So nice” and “I wish we hung out more”. And they will really believe that!!

Good Luck!

Two things:

1. Your friend either a) never liked your fiancé, b) is jealous that you’re marrying first or c) she was with him at some point (!!!) Yeah, one of my friends got very luke-warm very fast when I became engaged. It was a bummer. Some people are like that when it comes to buying a house/promotions/weddings/pregnancies.

2. Keeping Friends ~ Some “years” or “classes” in school bond for life. It’s the weirdest thing. When you’re older you look at these people and sometimes think “Unhealthy”. Most people, believe it or not, maybe have one (1!!) bosom-friend from school left by the time they’re 40. (And no, FaceBook doesn’t count LOL). In your 20s everyone is starting their life. 30s, everyone is into their family/careers. If you can hold onto a friend for more than a decade, that is a triumph.

At your wedding NO ONE will think about “Where are all her oodles of friends?” They will be thinking, “The bride is beautiful”, “Which table am I sitting at?” “Where’s the reception?” “We’re so lucky we found parking!”

Your friend herself? She has to get over this. Her other friends will be getting married and then having babies too. She can’t be mad at the world.

• This reply was modified 10 years, 6 months ago by Inky.

Hi Jamie,

I don’t have magic words of wisdom to fix it all, but thoughts to consider.

The culture has done a number on us with the concept of Youth and “What that means”, and “The best times of your life”, the “lifelong friends”, Etc. When you watch movies about high school, they’re all the same: I don’t fit in, but now I’m the hero. Movies about college: One big frat party with wild adventures.

Expectations: We have also had a mass brainwashing about Change, and How it will be Easy AND Great.

Change Itself: In a couple years, your life will probably change whether you want it to or not. School will end, the business might close or move, your friends will move away, one of the things you go after will likely manifest, you will probably meet someone, etc.

Rejection: The people making the decisions. They don’t know you. And, you can’t do their job for them, you know what I mean? They were wrong. For every No, put in two more applications somewhere else. You could have 100 Nos, but it only takes 1 Yes.

Good Morning!

You’re using this crush as a distraction from the iron hard reality that you will be divorcing. Maybe initially it was for that brief romantic feeling, but now it’s an emotional security blanket. It sounds like you won’t see him an awful lot, so in that sense he’s “harmless”. You will have that Peaceful Alone Place. But first, get through this divorce. It may be harder than you think it will be. And like Blue said, protect yourself.

What helped me, and I truly believe this is what did it (all three or one? who knows?):

1. I wrote a prayer for a family and put it in the Western Wall in Jerusalem.

2. I wrote a list of 30 things ~ qualities/looks/hobbies/religious belief/political belief/geography etc. of my ideal mate. Wouldn’t you know it, looking back, DH was pretty much everything on the list!

3. I did an Enchantment. Before I met Anybody, I wrote a rhyming poem and put it under a quartz crystal and a red rose under a full moon. Incense, candles. I put in a Call. The Universe answered.

• This reply was modified 10 years, 6 months ago by Inky.

He can start his own business. I don’t know what his major was, but something similar. Like, if he was a History/English major, or is good in researching he could do genealogies and make little books for the family, complete with the history of the house, etc. Then he makes business cards. Then he puts ads in the local paper. Then he becomes “That Guy, the one with the genealogy books”. He could make Family Histories, the History of the House, the History of the Town, whatever. Then once he pays taxes it becomes Real. He owns it. He has carved his niche.

Instead of seeking validation, $$ and amazing jobs from the world, he can create a niche that no one has thought they need yet and the world can come to him.

I would have a friend ask his help doing something to get the ball rolling. Then when he finishes the project and sees it’s no big deal, put ads in the paper. Before he can get mad at you for doing that, the phone will hopefully ring! LOL

Hi Jan,

In the old days they would send young people to a European tour after a heartache. Or summering with family friends (which turns into 9 months). Obviously, we can’t usually do that, but the intent was clear. Get physically away to clear your head. Get new sites to clear your head. Do something different to clear your head. Meet new people to clear your head.

Then when you return from your one great or many little adventures, you will be that much wiser, that much more experienced. If he took up, say, 60% of your Energy, several road trips, Comicons, Renaissance Festivals, Match.com dates later, he might only take up 30%.

My advice? Dilute, dilute, dilute his influence until he is a mere breeze in your hair.