Or, Button’s Bistro (instead of Bistro on Button) as a second choice.

Hi redcar,

On the day you cheated, you found out that you, too, were only human, after all. No better and no worse than the rest of humanity. Now, if you’ve always imagined yourself a “good” person, a “morally upstanding” person, or had always looked down on cheaters that would be quite a shock to you! It is hard to settle and see yourself in the dreggy baseline of common humanity. (50% of people cheat). However! You, too, STILL deserve love and friendship!!

Now, I hate to say it, but if YOU cheated, and your old boyfriend would never IMAGINE you doing such a thing ~ how do you know HE hasn’t cheated during the dull moments? Keep in mind, you, too, would NEVER IMAGINE him cheating either!

We ALL have done things we’re not proud of. No exceptions. None.

To save his feelings, if he later says, “Oh, I heard from so-and-so that you cheated on me with Bob from the bar” YOU say, “Yup, just ask John, Joe, and Peter with the glasses about me. I’m their head hoe!” and laugh it off. Make a joke out of any rumors by then EXAGERRATING it. This will make them feel you’ve been unfairly maligned.

Be Easy on Yourself Now,

Inky

Hi PryingMiMi,

I would say, “I’m seeing someone.” This will go less awkwardly than you might imagine. He will say, “Oh! Well, OK then! Congratulations!” and maybe you guys can be friends and meet up AS friends one day. (Hey, it does happen!)

However, I would first make sure Guy #2 is the Real Deal. Tell Guy 2, “I’ve been talking to someone even before we met, and he wants to meet. But I don’t want to tell him I’m seeing anyone unless we’re actually Official.” He will either immediately confirm your relationship, or he will get a little pissy. But this conversation first needs to happen.

If Guy #2 hems and haws, or won’t commit, keep talking to and even meet up with Guy #1. And you won’t even have to tell the two guys anything!

Best,

Inky

Thank you J! 🙂

Hi bill,

When a friend gives up on their dreams and even himself, it can be downright painful to see a cheerily optimistic pal “going for it”. It would be different if you succeeded in terms of fame/money (what the world views as “success”). Then it would be downright jealousy and he wouldn’t talk about you at all, even to his shrink! It’s kind of like, “I’m in the mud, and goddammit, you’re in the mud, even if you don’t believe it! And not only that, I’m going to make you stay there! Who do you think you are, Lotus Flower??”

You know, I don’t hang around people who think so little of me. I would stay away from this friend for a while. And DON’T tell him your plans/dreams if you run into him. Keep your conversations to the present/mundane. Keep your goals away from the trolls, as they say. And if you do succeed in something and see him, don’t be surprised if he gets weirdly angry.

Sorry you’re going through this!

Inky

Hi Andrew 132,

I would make a list of what, where and who is the LEAST offensive to you and start from there. So, I, too, hate supermarkets, but if I had to pick one (and I do), that is my “safe” market. I also go at a certain time of day. Same with people. Same with things. Little by little, you’ll get out of your comfort zone. Or, more commonly, you’ll be stuck in it.

You’re not the only one who feels “different” and an “alien”. Those that act in the ways you described are just trying to be like everyone else. Or, they really are that way. (God help them!)

Best,

Inky

I just want to add ~ And I am not technically Buddhist! For twenty years, I, too, had my doubts about God/Jesus/Christianity. But here’s the thing ~ people like labels. When people ask me what I “am” I say “I’m a Congregationalist” more for THEM, not for ME. I was baptized there. My kids were baptized there. I’m on a committee. I even go to an occasional service.

And YET, and yet… I can read Tarot cards, almost converted to Judaism, read Buddhist books, can chant Hindu mantras, went to a Buddhist temple and was baptized in the Spirit (quite suddenly!!) so now I am technically a Born Again Christian.

Listen, it all comes down to your own personal relationship with The Creator and/or Jesus.

Don’t worry about what “Man” thinks. Go to the Religion/Spirituality section of your bookstore, pick up any book that resonates with you, and read your heart out! Go to any place of worship that the Spirit moves you to. Practice spirituality on your own or with others and see what works and where it goes.

Hi classic,

I know what you mean about certain issues that seem to follow you around wherever you go! It could be fate/karma, but for now, let’s just chalk it up to coincidence. Within the next ten years you will have the power to move to be with the one you love. In fact, I predict the moment you have your own money, car, will and intention to do that you will suddenly find yourself surrounded by homebodies who would never leave the area!

I would concentrate on one thing at a time. So this summer your goal is to get your license. Then in the fall get your own car or job, whichever one comes first. Then in the winter get the car if you have a job or the job if you have a car. Then during the holidays send out applications to the school that makes sense. This could be trade school, night school, getting an associates degree, a travel-work program.

It sounds like your parents are “done” so you have to do this yourself. But just remember support, advice and good wishes are here!

Good Luck,

Inky