Hi thefallenone,

Sometimes you can go for years and years without knowing where you’re going, what you’re doing or why. Then one day something ignites a spark, an excitement, a compulsion, a passion. THAT’S IT! Follow that Golden Path.

Blessings,

Inky

YES!

The trick is ~ never lie. Just tell the truth and have yourself always come out on top through a thought/event/conversation.

Blessings!

Let us know when the Blog is up so we can Follow you and Comment! I believe Blogger is free (?).

So I just visit here everyday, like you do.

What I have noticed is that obvious ads and “Go to my website” directives are a no-no. However, if someone asks for help and you say, “This website is great” that is allowed. The website as part of your signature is in that nebulous grey area. What we can do is “Report”. If everyone keeps doing that, it won’t be an issue. Now, I haven’t because I’ve noticed that such people tend to give up and go elsewhere when they see that no one is going to pay for their services when we can get that HERE for FREE. LOL.

Just To Clarify:

When my old boyfriends would contact me, I WOULD dread the cold call “coffee date” offer. And no, there was no negativity or immaturity about it! I would truthfully get that “I REALLY don’t want to do this” feeling. My DH had a “coffee date” query from an old GF and he had that “Dread” feeling too. The hardest part was saying “No” to them gently. Our rule is to NEVER do something that feels “Off”.

Now, if I ran into them, that would be a different story! That is more natural, and then it would more easily feel like old times. So if Spider could “orchestrate” that and make it look like an accident, that would give her more traction SOLELY based on my experience! What would be better of course, is to let The Universe do its magic and their paths DO cross again on its own!

And the “I look fabulous, he looks shlubby” is for her TO get some perspective. People age. People change. The thought you have of the beloved in your mind is often NOT what that person is like years later.

• This reply was modified 9 years, 4 months ago by Inky.

Hi spider29578,

We may be the minority, but grieving for several years isn’t UN-normal. I think many people feel this way for an ex but would never admit it years after the fact! Again, pride.

I’m glad you recognize that your current partner is way better than the ex. Your heart, though, isn’t “done” with the ex.

What helped me WAS seeing him years and years later. Then you really have perspective smacked over your head. Instead of a gorgeous boy you see a balding guy. The quirks that made him adorable at 20 are intolerable at 30. You grew. He hasn’t.

In these days of social media I’m surprised he hasn’t “Friended” you or you can’t see what he looks like or what he is up to online. (If you can’t find any trace of him online, it’s just as well, actually.)

If you really want closure/”closure” one day, find out what event/place he’s most likely to be at. Then observe him like a ghost. If he looks good and normal after all this time, THEN go up to him, looking sparkling, “Hey stranger! What are you doing here!?” Otherwise if you call him to meet up for lunch/coffee he might have days to dread the meet up. This way he’s caught off guard and you look happy and fabulous.

Best,

Inky

Hi grantg5,

There is nothing so intoxicating as someone saying (truthfully), “I have unconditional love for you. I only have Pure Love for you. I Love You love you!” And then you are just there. Never reaching. Never demanding. Never grasping. Kind of like a butterfly house. If you go in one and are very still (and don’t run around hunting them down), the butterflies eventually will land on you. And for your favorite butterfly, who knows??

Now as for the present, give yourself a break. It is still VERY soon after the breakup. I’d be worried if you WEREN’T having some residual reactions!

Blessings,

Inky

Hi Molly,

They say “Revenge is a dish best served cold” and “living well is the best revenge”. Well, they are not trite sayings!

Years and years after I had my first love break my heart we met at an event. I was looking my best and my beautiful DH was beside me, dressed in a blazer and tie. DH was obviously the best looking person in the room and treated me so kindly and lovingly, basically modeling to everyone how to act as a good person in general!

Well, First Love couldn’t stand being “convicted”, I guess. He did not dress up and had not aged well, but still carried his “Everyone wants me I love no one” attitude! The problem is, he wasn’t this gorgeous boy any more, now he was this creepy middle aged man! He muttered to my DH, “Who wears a tie??” and skulked off, never to be seen again. Like, no one knows if he’s still alive!! I’m serious.

So you see, everything will work out for the best, TOWARDS your best.

Inky

P.S. I know looks aren’t everything, but that was the “currency” that “did it” in the revenge story!

• This reply was modified 9 years, 4 months ago by Inky.
• This reply was modified 9 years, 4 months ago by Inky.

Hi jj2013,

Well, wait a decade before the kids are born LOL!

Believe it or not, you will be shown a little more outward respect because they will WANT to see their grandbabies.

What I have done with the other side of the family is say, “OUR kids” i.e. “Look, our kid won the game!” or even say, “A doctor she’ll be! She takes after your (___) side, doesn’t she?” (I know you’d never say this LOL). Well, let me tell you, it works! When you bring them all on “the same team” with you via the kids everyone’s happier. That said, DO NOT have children with him yet!

I know you are in the midst of a toxic brew. Moving is your best option here.

Inky