Hello Anita.

It’s not easy. I think they want to use me, give me much more work than other people. They give me more trainings.

And the late hours are killing me. I don’t like it here.

you are looking for.. someone to depend on.

yes.

As a child, you were too lonely for too long, and that’s the dark and lonely place in your mind and heart now. The solution is indeed to find someone you can depend on, and that someone has to be you.

I understand. But how. I feel like… I am not capable to..save myself. To be my own parent.

I don’t think that we discussed the topic of the inner child, have we?

No, I think we did not.

HI Anita,

Good to see you have replied.

And thank you for congratulating me. I have been so caught up in my “misery” I forgot I should be happy. my anxiety ruins everything, every change in my life. When I got my own place I was crying for days because it felt so gloomy, lonely, dark.. My fear ruins everything for me.

Now it’s similar to every change in my life that I go through. Regardless if it’s good or bad I always see it as a dark, lonely place. Maybe it’s because in my childhood no one really was there for me when I changed schools, lost friends etc.

And so now I am in a dark place too.

I will try hugging myself, thank you.

I will not always feel scared, feelings pass. I know. I know.

I know it’s my anxiety and I notice I start obsessing again. It’s always there in those moments. I have this colleague in new team, I really want her to like me. I think she’s cool but very… she lives her own life in a way, it’s not very outgoing and excited like the rest of the people. I think she would be a good friend for me in this team. Since then all I think about it how to make her like me. But I know I cannot do this, it does not work that way. But I really want her to like me.
I want to stop obsessing over it and stop thinking but it’s difficult. It’s not the first time I fantasize and obsess over someone I don’t even know. I hope this can stop because I have trainings with her and I don’t want to act weird or say something awkward. I want to be normal..

thank you both, Jasmine and Anita for your great support! 🙂 I really appreciate it and I needed this.

It’s okay Anita. It’s difficult sometimes to get the whole story here on the forum. The members can sometimes get the wrong impression.

And yes, it was a good idea. I was not thinking about it recently and I think it’s better if I not bring it up anymore. For now at least, when she clearly stopped giving any reasons for me to suspect anything.

You are welcome, Caroline. What I am reading in your last 2 of 3 sentences is courage. Think of preparing for the difficulties you expect to have, practically prepare, best you can.

Thank You Anita, I just saw this post (I am not using email notifications). I am starting next month and I know it will be hard but I am prepared for difficulties and I will take responsibility for my decision. I am sure if it’s too hard I will make it work somehow or change job in two years perhaps. But I am in a good space in my head.

Just quiet down (having a sitting practice is huge) and let the truth be revealed.  Yes there are many sides to every decision, so not saying just blindly follow your heart.  but rather use your inherent wisdom to gather as much information as you can and set your intention.

Steven, Thank you, That’s exactly what I am trying to do. And it works, that’s true. Thank you again for posting here!

you don’t want to be used as a means for an end, the end being meeting him and spending time with him, and you don’t want to be lied to, as part of being used.

that’s exactly how it looks to me and how I feel about it.  I spent a lot of time with them both and I felt it.. it wasn’t the flirting, they were not that obvious  but there was something, you know what I mean? Sometimes you just feel… there is something going on. And he was kind of.. mesmerized with her too. He even told me one time he was idolizing her, just like that. It was something he felt and knew and he said it like it was obvious, nothing new, for him. He liked her, he liked the attention and now he probably…got wiser. Because his wife was pregnant, so..come on.

And.. see? I’ve been talking about this like it is my business. I don’t like that, this whole fact that I am involved in this.

pretending that she wants to meet you and spend time with you because of a strong connection she allegedly has with you.

Exactly. she tells me this a lot, but I don’t feel it. I would describe it as we are coworkers or coworkers besties and that’s all. It’s a lot, I like her, yes, but it.. has its limitations.

it is not one of the worst crimes people commit against others, but it’s still wrong and hurtful to be used and lied to. So, if I was you, I will no longer allow her to use you.

I agree, it’s not the worst, knowing that we like each other. As I said, we do, but we would like meet once or twice a year, That’s how I see it.  I even suspect.. I don’t want to overdo it, maybe it was not on purpose, but now it looks otherwise.. she once came here for the whole weekend, to go for a concert. She arrived on Saturday and the concert was Saturday night, and she stayed till Sunday. She told us she was coming.. and none of us proposed a meeting. I could not meet and he, obviously couldn’t either. None of us said anything. But we all agreed to meet Sunday morning for a breakfast. The concert was.. not even particular band. It was music from various bands, like something.. nothing special and nothing particular. Some famous rock songs sang by different people. I believe it is not something you would drive for hours and stay for the whole weekend and spend money on. But I am not sure, right? I will never know. I am a bit angry for all this. (But it’s okay, it will pass, as you said it is not the worst crime.)

Her answer (“he is just annoying coz ‘he’s a guy‘”) reads like an answer an infatuated school girl would give when caught off guard with a question such as the one you asked her.

Yeah. So now I know. Also when I asked her she took loooooonnnggg to answer. I saw she was texting (you can see that in messenger) and it took long long time. And she answered something basic eventually and at the end she asked: is this what you were asking or … ?

So weird and shady and.. I don’t know. I think I have the right to be angry here.

So let’s see how this develops. I think she knows that I know. Even if she denied, she knows.. I asked this directly (good idea) so she is aware. We are planning to meet Saturday so I am hoping to get this resolved.

Yes, I  trust your feelings. My trust is not blind, it’s a result of spending a lot of time reading your posts and communicating with you over time, on a variety of topics

Thank you Anita. That’s very nice