MissCat42

I agree with anita.  You two have been a long distance relationship for a long time.  This does not mean you know each other that well.  I only trust a relationship if I have experienced disagreements and worked them through with my partner in a kind and satisfactorily manner.  Plus if I would need to have been through different situations, circumstances, stress, and around others with my partner in order to trust the integrity of the relationship.  I would see different behavior and the true character of the person this way.

I see the cracks of your boyfriend’s character from this passive-agressive snarky behavior.

Mark

How much grief?  It depends on your patience.  Do you want to give him and his grief space and time?  Or do you want to walk away?  If you need attention from him during his grief to reassure your insecurities then best walk away else have patience.

Connie,

This guy’s behavior sounds like he has an avoidant attachment style. “Avoidants get easily overloaded with too much intimacy and need to regain their space and autonomy by moving away. When their partner gets too close, or stay close for too long, avoidants start to pull away.”

Look it up in learning more about it and how to deal with it.

How long did you know him before he asked you to be his girlfriend?  How many times did you meet?

Javairia,

Congratulations on this epiphany of wanting to get back to your True Essence.

I reminded about that trope, How do you eat an elephant? Answer: One spoonful at a time.

You can start by practicing by being mindful.  This means to me is that you are aware of what is going on within and without; your thoughts, your emotions, your environment, etc. at the present moment.  For each moment’s awareness, you can choose what you want to be, what you want to do.

For each instance, you can make a conscious decision to be a good person – whatever that means in the moment.  Life is a series of moments isn’t it?

You seem to know or remember what that good person you want to be again so choose towards that.

Mark

Thank you for that compliment Alexandria.  Probably best you give me your DM app of choice and I can reach out to you.

Alexandria,

Your post says that your boyfriend and you were broken up when this happened.  My understanding of what “broken up” means is that the two of you are not together which means to me that there is no relationship which means there can be no cheating.

Am I missing something?

Plus he was not conscious while getting felicitated and had legitimate feelings of guilt.  You can hold him to your standards of honesty but in my view, this was a non-incident during a time when you two were not in a relationship.

I evaluate people based on their character, values and their track record of behavior.  It sounds like this man is a decent person who tries to do the right thing.  If you want to judge and distrust him based on this one non-incident then that’s your prerogative but in my opinion, you need to let that go and move on.

Mark

Kay,

Choosing the right therapist is like choosing the right girl/boy friend.  Therapists are not all the same.  Go forth and find the right one for you.

Good luck!

Mark

Lispol,

We see the world through our own lens. We don’t see the world as it is, we see it as we are.”  – Anais Nin

Why can’t you take what your mother says at face value.  I suspect this is a deeper story than what you have presented.

You don’t feel loved by your mother and this is more proof of that?  Your mother does not really tell the truth to you and this instance is yet another example of that?  That you see your siblings as the favorites and you are the poor child of the family?

View this as an opportunity to explore what really underlies those feelings of confusion and hurt.  You have the power to change the story you are telling yourself and hence how you feel about it.

Mark