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What Should I Do?

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This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Mark 1 month, 1 week ago.

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  • #319761

    Moonchild
    Participant

    I feel so lost. I’ve been living with my much older boyfriend for 9 months now. I know he has a past, and children with other women. A few months ago he blocked me on all social media out of nowhere. No fight had happened to deserve this. I asked him why and he lied and said he didnt block me. I know what being blocked looks like on Facebook and on Snapchat. But I didnt argue. I played dumb because inside I was hurting. And I didnt think anything would make him tell the truth. Shortly after I caught him outright in the lie and his response was to angrily shout how social media isnt important to him and he shouldn’t be questioned all the time. It was over a month of no more texting, no more calls, no more meme sharing, selfie sending, anything. And at home he was cold and distant. When he would get angry about something he would sometimes go 3 days without speaking to me or looking directly at me. I spent most of my time crying and upset. I am a very sensitive and emotional person and I know that that irritates him. He would get so upset when I would cry but it got to the point I would cry almost instantly when crawling into bed at night. So I started sleeping downstairs. It’s a long story but I found out he was having an online affair with one of his exes he has a daughter with. I demanded he choose and he refused. He said he shouldn’t have to. So I started to leave without a word and he threw himself down and screamed he chose me. And he cried for the first time in front of me. Fast forward to now and a week ago he didnt come home. I called him and texted him, genuinely worried. He finally texted me back that he was going to visit his brother, who lives 3 hours away and would be back in a little over a week. It seemed so odd and unfair that he wouldn’t tell me about this trip. And that he would take time off work when hes already used his vacation time with me and hes been struggling with the bills this month. Also at the time we were texting, he should have already been there but he said he was at a rest stop to sleep. The next day at 7PM i begged him for proof of him being at his brothers because I was feeling insecure and scared. He sent me a screenshot of a picture of him and his brother he took when his brother had come to visit us a few months ago. And the time on his screen read 9PM. 2 hours ahead. Which is the time zone in which the ex he cheated on me with lives. I called him out on it and he blocked me. It’s been 6 days and I’m still blocked. Hes still gone. And honestly I’m spiraling out of control. I havent gone to work. I’ve drank every night. I spend the entire day and night laying in our bed. I’m terrified and I dont know what’s going to happen when he finally walks through that door. I dont know if his ex and daughter will be with him. I dont know what to do. I have no where to go right now. And I have no explanation or anything from him. He just blocked me and hasn’t said a damned thing. He hasn’t dumped me. He hasn’t told me to move out. Absolutely nothing. I am hurting so deeply. And every time I think I hear keys in the door my heart thunders and I freeze. What do I say or do when he walks through the door? How do I cope with these feelings? Sleeping is near impossible and my chest feels so tight all day. I am a mess and I have no idea what I’m supposed to do right now ?

    #319841

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Moonchild:

    The key sentence in what you shared is this: “I have no where to go right now”. It is the key sentence because you do  need to leave his place and go somewhere else.

    The way he behaves toward you, so disrespectfully  and irresponsibly, no woman can be emotionally okay with this kind of behavior, there is nothing you can say to him that will change his hurtful and disturbing behavior. So you have to leave. You have to find another place to live in as soon as possible, a safer place where you are not terrified, where you don’t get repeatedly hurt (“I’m terrified.. I am hurting so deeply.. I hear keys in the door my heart thunders and I freeze”).

    Any such place?

    anita

    #320215

    Mark
    Participant

    Moonchild,
    I wonder why you want to stay with him?

    Mark

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