Dear soma:

I am earlier than I said I’d be, after reviewing some of our recent communication. “care to give me any advice on this?“- yes: slow down, calm down, be patient with yourself and with him.

Don’t RUSH- emotionally and otherwise. Turn down the speed by which your emotions travel. Make it easier for him, he needs things being easier for him, doesn’t he?

anita

Dear Clara:

You are welcome!

“I will try to look at the books you recommend”– well, I didn’t read any of the three books I mentioned, so I can’t recommend any of them (I googled the topic earlier today, and came across these books and other books/ online sources), but I do recommend that you read about the anxious attachment style.

“So, yes, voice out clearly“- yes!!!

“As a child, there was no personal space for myself“- time to take your personal space now, to voice out clearly what you need.. to no longer make do with no personal space/ no- Clara!

“I think I struggled to forgive my parents for a quite a period of time, while they didn’t even know what I was angry or irritated about“- isn’t it something, how visible you were to them physically, even while taking a shower, but you were invisible when it came to your emotions.

“I think somehow I know people can be a source of danger“- don’t hide your legitimate needs out of fear. It takes courage, and you, Clara, you have what it takes!

Thank you for the good (Mon) night wish, and good Tues morning to you!

anita

Dear YOR:

You are very welcome, and I am glad to read from you again, and to read and that you will keep in touch!

Good things: you are regaining your health, you absolutely love your new job, and your parents are supportive of you!

“In those things, a different book appeared – about karma and his religion. I had a feeling to read it.. or open it.. but I didn’t yet“- better donate it to a library, I am thinking.

“I cannot comprehend how people change so easily“- fully accept that he changed, grieve the man he was and is no more, and you will move on.

anita

Dear SadSoul:

“Oh no! I must have given you the pox by association online“- Aha, it is you! ( Jeeeeez grrrrrrr emoji)

“I’m my mind I’m making you dinners of braised chicken in onion gravy, baked potatoes with lots of butter, cheese, and sour cream, and steamed carrots broccoli and cauliflower“- I am hungry and raised chicken in onion gravy reds the most delicious!

“Could it be from the bear spray?“- maybe the shock reduced the efficacy of my immune system. Maybe.

“The sky is clouding… the birds are whispering to each other… The coffee is fantastic“- I will make myself hot tea (English Breakfast), and brb.

anita

* I recently learned to send emojis using my phone (I don’t know how to make it happen using the computer). I sent the emojis to Helcat, but after sending this message using the computer, I will try to cheer you up, Caroline, by sending you emojis in a following message.

Dear Caroline

I know all too well how it feels to suffer like you do, similar to you: unresolved anger, tormenting.

“not sure how to express it“- if you are still awake, in dim lights, while you sit comfortably in a chair, or in bed, type away your anger: hit the keyboard keys with a bit more force than usual, an angry force, and just let the words jump from out of your head=> the keyboard=> the computer screen.

“I was angry because someone told me I was wrong.  And I was obsessing over people telling me ‘No’ all the time and pointing I was wrong.  I feel like I should just shut up forever because everything I say is stupid and wrong“- everybody says unwise, wrong things sometimes, including the people who pointed to you as unwise or wrong. If ever person who says unwise, wrong things would forever shut up… nobody will be talking.

If you want to share more about what happened recently, and perhaps about things we talked about previously that are connected to your recent experience, please do.

anita

You are welcome, Franco, and please post again anytime you would like more input/ advice.

anita

Dear Franco:

“I fear she might reject me due to my inexperience… The feeling of shame is overwhelming… This situation stems from a past rejection that led me to avoid pursuing relationships, causing my insecurities to mount… The rejection hurt so much at the time that I don’t pursued any romantic relationship“-

– the past rejection you experienced hurt you so much indeed. I am sorry that you experienced so much hurt. And I am sorry that as a result, you experience mounted insecurities, fear and shame.

“Recently, I met a woman… I’m open to any advice.“- the woman you met, I bet she experiences insecurities too, that she is afraid as well. Maybe she experiences painful shame, or knows someone who does, someone she cares about, and she feels empathy for that person. Maybe when she sees you being shy or whatnot, she’d feel empathy for you too.

When I was young, I was drawn to shy young men, not to the confident macho kind. And I did not like those who had girlfriends before because that made me feel jealous. Maybe the woman you met would be delighted to know that you lack experience with other women (I would have been, in her shoes).

“I… am sociable, and run a small business“- she may be impressed that you run a small business and that you are sociable, and this may be her focus (different from your focus, which is the experience you lack).

“I was thinking of going to talk in person where she works, when she is alone in the shop, to break the ice, and after a few days, send a message on Instagram and tell her that I like to know  her better, if She seems interested I will ask her out for a coffee or a drink“- reads like a good plan to me.

My advice: get to know her as a friend to begin with, little by little. Pay attention to what she values, to what she thinks is important in life. See if there is a compatibility before you consider the possibility of a physical relationship.

anita