Dear anonymous03:

You are welcome!

“About me projecting my mother, I am going to ponder and reflect over what you said and see if I feel it holds true. What do you suggest I do next?“-

– if you figure that it holds true, or that it likely holds true, then you can try- if you choose- the following strategy that I came up with in regard to projecting my mother into people:  Notice when it happened (I noticed such projection when I was about to submit the post from the day before yesterday, and I shared it with you in the last paragraph of that post), then Pause (do not get lost in overthinking), Address the situation (in the example I shared about, I asked myself: Is Caroline..  my mother? What is the real threat I am facing here?), then Respond-or not: say or do something, or not (in this case I chose to tell you about it), and finally, Redirect (move on to something else). I call this strategy NPARR (Notice, Pause, Address, Respond-or-not, Redirect.

It also helps me to, once in a while, express to someone how it felt to be with my mother, how it hurt, how it scared me, how angry it (still) makes me feel,

anita

Dear Noor:

I read through our communication since June 30, 2020, the day of your original post on this thread. I will now re-read and reply (for the first time) to your Aug 1, 2023 post:

“Dear Anita, I really hope to hear back from you!“- you are hearing back from me, and thank you for the  (a big smile on my face).

“How have you been?? I hope things are well on your end. I occasionally think of our conversations on here and how much of an impact you made in my life“- I am fine, thank you! It feels good to read that I had an impact on your life, in a positive way, that is.

“I am officially married now“- (belated) C o N g R a T u L a T i O n S !!!

“It is still feels unreal knowing that I am now a wife when just yesterday I was so anxious about dating, meeting someone etc. Married life has only been for about a month now and everything has been going great so far“- notice how the anxious mind works: (things have been going great so far), but what’s next, will things continue to be going great? Or not. The anxious mind fears the future.

“Our wedding was a lot of fun, filled with so much love and happiness. We are still feeling the wedding blues of missing our special day since it was just everything we wanted–but it is now exciting to plan for our future. We are growing in our careers and constantly trying to plan our next vacation!“- good to read!

“I still get anxious about things here and there, for example, lately just anxiety about how married life will be“– the anxious mind worries about the future, overthinking the future, forgetting to experience the present. You wrote about it in your other thread (“Overthinking has replaced my present“) back on July 3, 2020: “Usually when anything negative happens in my life then my anxiety gets worse. My worst habit is overthinking and creating countless ‘what if’ scenarios,… I am always thinking about the future or the past and it has taken away my ability to enjoy my life for what it is right now… lately, I feel all I do is worry about future problems that may not even happen“-

– because negative things often happen, Notice whenever you perceive that something negative has just happened, and the resulting anxiety and overthinking that just started, and Pause. Next,  Address the situation (is the thing that happened really negative? Is there something I can say or do to make it better?). Next,  Respond (say or do something is likely to be helpful )- or not (say/ do nothing when that’s wise), and then Redirect (examples: take a cold/ hot shower, go for a walk). I call this strategy NPARR (Notice, Pause, Address,  Respond-or-not, Redirect).

“I am confident in my partner, and in myself, but the anxiety side of me can often take over in a way that can make me feel a bit down. So I am finding ways to still navigate this. I think a great part of it stems from not seeing the best relationships growing up and unconsciously fearing that what I have does not ever get jeopardized“- afraid that what you experienced in the past (witnessing bad relationships growing up) will be what you will experience in the future (maybe later in the day, maybe tomorrow, maybe next year…).

When we experienced in the past (particularly in childhood) something significantly negative, our brain naturally remembers it and is alert to the possibility- however unlikely- that the significantly negative event will happen again and whenever something negative happens, we get alarmed, anxious.

I re-read some of our communication, but if you shared about those bad relationships that you experienced growing up, you didn’t share much, did you?

anita

How are you, Mina?

anita

Dear Shookie:

I don’t know if you are following the activity on your thread, being that it’s been almost seven months since your last, unanswered post. If you are reading this and would like to communicate again, please let me know.

anita

Dear Arie1276:

I hope that you are still doing well, over three months since your last post above. I don’t know if you are still following the activity on your thread, so if you are reading this and would like to talk further, please let me know.

anita

Dear Janus:

Thank you for the hugs and appreciation. I don’t know if you are still following the activity on the forums, it being that your last post was more than seven months ago. If you are reading this, please let me know and we can communicate further (if you would like that).

anita

Hey back to you, Dear soma:

I don’t know if you are following the activity on your thread, it being almost a month since you posted the above (I did not participate in the forums at the time). Please let me know if you are reading this post and I will reply to you further.

anita

Dear Gaby:

“Did I make the wrong decision?“- no, I think that you made the right decision. Your now ex boyfriend’s situation is a mess, a big mess. I hope it gets better. It’s just that I don’t see a reason for you to continue to suffer from a mess that you didn’t create, and for which you carry no responsibility.

“Am I delusional in thinking that I made a big deal out of nothing?“- it (the mess) is definitely not nothing; you are not delusional.

“Or am I just experiencing typical grief that comes with a breakup?“- yes, I think so.

Feel free to post again, to express yourself. I’d like to read more from you.

anita