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anitaParticipantGood 🌄 Peter:
In the past, I would feel embarrassed for having submitted an emotional, silly message like the one I submitted at 9:12 pm last night (my time).
But this morning I felt embarrassed by the dry, clinical, emotionally- detached posts I had submitted so often over the years (you can look at my first response today to “A”, a 9 years ago thread in which you posted as well).
But now, although the faint taste of embarrassment is still in my mouth (for the dry-clinical post to A, and for the silly-emotional post to you last night), I feel almost okay with both.
For the post 9 years ago- because I didn’t know better. THAT was my best at the time.
And for the post I submitted to you 13+ hours ago- because it is better. Emotions are okay. Emotions are welcomed.
I no longer need to suffocate, flatten.. suppress them under a cover of clinical, dry analysis (which is what I did as a child, surviving a highly chaotic, out of control, scary emotionality dished out by my mother).
The thought that last night’s post (and similar ones I submitted to you before) are unwelcome, or makes you cringe- crossed my mind. If this is the case, please tell me and I won’t post such in any of your threads anymore.
Our emotional languages are changing over the years.
Looking at your reply to A 9 years ago, you wrote that following an ex’s decision to end contact with you, it “Hurt” (your word, big-case letter, H- a direct expression). That was simple and direct. But that was a 1 2 1 exchange, not a literary piece directed at an audience (I hope you submit these pieces in other, more popular websites where they can be read by more people)
I still want to process your last 2 amazing posts a bit later.
🎶 🤍 Anita
anitaParticipantHello 👋 A
I read through our communication above, 9+ years ago, and realized how un-attuned I was to you, particularly in my first reply (didn’t do much better in the following three).
What you described was a very deep emotional connection that you had with this man, and you were deeply grieving the separation. I responded not with attunement, but with dry analysis.
You needed to be witnessed, to be seen. You needed your emotions to be mirrored back to you and validated (saying something like: ‘I can see how deeply you feel about him and how much it hurts’)- not to be analyzed, at least not right away (if at all).
First, you needed attunement, empathy, understanding of yourself as a person (not as a case study 😔)
And worse: in my first dry-cold analysis reply, I came across (I see it now, looking back) as suggesting that you weren’t with him long- enough to expect commitment, and that you were not patient enough with him (which was not true).
Overall, my tone was clinical while yours was emotional and even spiritual. A mismatch.
I suppose it’s a good thing that I forgot to get back to you in “ten, twelve hours or so” back in March 2017 and it’s a good thing you didn’t remind me of that.
Following my last reply to you, I continued to be analytical and clinical in many of my replies to members over the years, and it is only recently that I’ve become aware of it.
I doubt you’re reading this after all these years. It’d be a miracle, really, if you do and if you’ll get back to me.
✨️ Anita
April 13, 2026 at 9:27 pm in reply to: On Purpise and Shame- what is my purpose? What is yours? #456926anitaParticipantOn purpise, distilled: it’s about feeling good. Feeling alive ✨️ in a good, uplifting way. Like what I feel right now, and it being okay: not being afraid that me having fun is upsetting someone else.
It feels good to feel good. It really does
I was not permitted 2 feel good growing up (in). My mother didn’t allow it. She demanded that I feel B.A.D.
And now, half a century+ later, I feel very good (🍷 is involved), it’s so good to.. feel good.
🤔 🍷 🎶 Anita
anitaParticipantPeter: “The land ahead can only be entered by those who no longer define it, only to dwell within it”-
Dwelling within it can be facilitated by 🎶 and words that go with the music
Listening now: “Nothing compares, NOTHING COMPRES 2 U”
Wondering what’s your music, Peter, the music you listen to late at night 🌙 – if you do.
Not defining at the moment, but dwelling, facilitated by music:”It’s never as good as the first time. Never as good as the first time…”
“Nothing can come, nothing can come between us… In the middle of the madness, hold on.. It’s about faith. It’s about trust”
“I don’t have to look no more.. girl, I just can’t live without you.. ”
(red 🍷 involved here, Peter. It facilitates the dwelling.)
You mentioned Moses. Do you know his Hebrew name? It’s “Mo’she” (emphasis on last syllable). You mentioned Egypt. In Hebrew, it’s “Mitz-rah-im”. I miss Hebrew
Oh, and “Sabath”- it’s really “Sha- baat” (emphasis on the last syllable)
🎶 Anita
anitaParticipantHey Dopamine Deprived (DD) Confused:
The empty and pointless feelings- don’t push them away, don’t fight them.. breathe them in. There’s a possible transformation in doing just that.
🤢 => 🙂 Anita
anitaParticipantNeed to come back to this within the next few days
anitaParticipantHaving “those feelings” would make you calmer?
This answer makes me think of advertizements on TV 📺 (when I used to watch TV 12 years or so ago): if you buy/ have this or that you, you’ll be happy!
What if you rest in what-is: in what you feel when you do, in what you don’t feel and be okay with it.
In other words, radically (as in completely) accept what is and what you feel?
🤢 Anita (👍 this emoji!)
anitaParticipantMy goodness, I so happened to come across this thread and I can see that on March 3, 2017 (right above), 9 years, 1 month and 10 days ago, I wrote: “Will be back in ten, twelve hours” and I never returned to this thread.
I am always careful to return, but must have forgotten/ didn’t make a note of it.
I will B Back tomorrow.
Anita
anitaParticipantDouble posting: what feels weird and against your beliefs?
And what could make you calmer?
anitaParticipantWhat would make you calmer, Confused? What would it take? 🤔
anitaParticipantYes, I know it’s hard when the mind is in turmoil. I so wish your mind will be calm. Not numb but calm 🤍
anitaParticipantTo relax the pressure, the Serenity Prayer comes 2 mind: “Grant me the serenity to accept the things (and people) I cannot change”-
You are not as powerful as you wish you were: to keep her, to lose her.. it takes work.. and it doesn’t work.
🍦 Anita
anitaParticipantHey Confused:
“I don’t wanna lose her but I feel like I can’t keep her”-
The verbs “lose” and “keep”- these are high pressure verbs. What if you can never “have” or “own” a person (so you can’t keep her or lose her)?
“How is it possible to be 24/7 attached and not feel in love and happy…?”-
Pressure to keep/ to not lose blocks in-love and happy.
If you relax the pressure, maybe . Maybe?
🦉 🌙 Anita
anitaParticipantHi Peter:
The message you addressed to me is the best message you ever posted for me. And your second message is a masterpiece, your best piece so far as far as I’m concerned (I’m truly in awe!)
I would like to process and digest both, particularly the second, in the days ahead.
“To break the spell of captivity”- that speaks so much to me.
“The promise land must be lived, not explained”-
The promise land must be believed to be lived (my play with words)
So much in this masterpiece, Peter. WOW.
✨️ Anita
anitaParticipantHey night-🦉 Confused:
It’d have been better for you if she was calm rather than anxious, and not problem- solving problems that don’t exist yet, as a pattern (which is a problem).
Her anxiety isn’t helping your mental health, and your shutdown/ uncertainty isn’t helping her mental health.
She sounds like an honest, decent person, and I am sorry to read that she has health problems (that likely add to her anxiety and maybe even partly caused by anxiety).
It is possible that (and I am not saying that it is) better for the 2 of U 2 take a break, temporary or final.
Again, not saying that it is a good idea, just noting that it’s a possibility. Maybe your thoughts about ending contact make sense.
Yes, you thinking of her 24/7 show.. well, a 24/7 level of attachment.
It seems to me that the way things are and have been since Nov is not sustainable, that things aren’t going anywhere that’s good for either one of you. It’s like something needs to change.
“Idk how love is supposed to feel like”-
Why do Shakespeare’s words “To Be or not to be” 2B or not 2B.. come to my mind?
Both of you need to feel okay if it’s a love relationship, or at least each one of you needs to feel better together than you’d feel apart.
I’ll stop my spontaneous thinking here and let the night 🌙 owl 🦉 tell me what he thinks 🤔, if he will.
🌙 🦉 🤔 Anita
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