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The Negative Impact of Not Feeling Your Feelings

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“If the only thing people learned was not to be afraid of their experience, that alone would change the world.” ~Sidney Banks

I spent most of my life scared of my feelings. Having feelings and expressing them made me mentally ill—or so I was led to believe by a large number of mental health professionals. When I felt sad, they labeled me as depressed. When I showed any signs of anxiety, they gave me another list of mental health disorders I needed medication for. And if I was angry? Oh well, that was the absolute worst. That clearly proved …

The Art of Slow Living: How to Reclaim Your Peace and Joy

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“In today’s rush, we all think too much, seek too much, want too much and forget about the joy of just being.” ~Eckhart Tolle

We’re going to start with a visualization exercise. Set a timer for one minute, close your eyes, and reflect on your happiest childhood memories…

I was born into a family of wanderers, individuals who held a deeply rooted love of travel, and an even deeper sense of adventure. My happiest childhood memories are the times when we packed up our suitcases and hit the road (or the sky or the sea).

In the quiet stillness of …

If You Don’t Like the Cards You Were Dealt…

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“People are so caught up in their own negativity and losses that they give up on creating the future they want.” ~Grant Cardone

I have a friend. Let’s call him Ram. Ram is always angry because of the cards that he was dealt in life. He comes from a middle-class family that has no money or inheritance. He got a decent education but couldn’t go to a better college because his parents didn’t have the money to fund it.

He’s disappointed that his education has limited his opportunities. He’s frustrated that he has to spend money on public transport while …

3 Practices That Help Ease the Pain of Being Highly Empathetic

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“I do not ask the wounded person how he feels, I myself become the wounded person.” ~Walt Whitman

Empathy is the ability to put yourself in another’s experience and understand with depth the gravity of their situation. In general, I believe the world needs more empathy.

But I’ve learned over the course of my twenty-nine years that sometimes being a highly empathetic person is incredibly painful. And sometimes too much of a good thing is a bad thing.

Hearing stories of the pain that people experience can be extra painful when your mind tries to carry their pain around …

Pain, Suffering, Joy, Love—Meditation Helps Me Experience It All

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“I know, things are getting tougher when I can’t get the top off the bottom of the barrel.” ~Jesse Michaels

No one thought I was going to live to see twenty. Including me. In fact, I vividly remember telling my father that it would be miraculous if I saw twenty-five. It wasn’t emotional. It was simply a statement of fact. And yet here I am—mid-thirties, wife, daughter, one on the way, house, job, sense of purpose. What happened?

I was one of those kids with questions. Big questions. “What does it all mean?” questions. I used to wonder what …

Understanding Is Love (and the World Needs More Love)

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“Understanding is love’s other name. If you don’t understand you can’t love.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

I recently attended a weekend workshop, and there was a man in the group who always had a strange look on his face whenever we had to look for a partner to work with. I noticed that some people avoided him, like they didn’t want to work with him. Perhaps it was the vibe he gave off because of the way he looked at people.

At some point later in the weekend I sat with him. It was hard to put my finger on it, …

Our Odd Culture of Over-Sharing and the Quest to Be Relevant

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“Be yourself. Life is precious as it is. All the elements for your happiness are already here. There is no need to run, strive, search, or struggle. Just be.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

We show off our best moments—another sunshine shot from the beach, big smiles, cocktails and all. We try to be controversial. We ride the wave of the latest trend, showing we’re ‘on point’ and ‘in the know.’ We follow in the slipstream of something clever or enlightened someone else has said, rewording a little as if it’s now ours to own.

We hit send. We repeat.

As …

My Favorite Tip to Ease the Pain of Grief

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“It’s also helpful to realize that this very body that we have, that’s sitting right here right now
with its aches and its pleasures
is exactly what we need to be fully human, fully awake, fully alive.” ~Pema Chodron

Many people like to think of grief as an emotional experience. It’s something that dominates your internal, emotional space, and that’s it.

But it doesn’t take long when you’re in the thick of grief to experience grief that isn’t emotional at all.

You feel heavy. Like there’s a giant weight on your shoulders.

You feel like your legs are weak and shaking from …

What I Did When I Felt Lost and Purposeless

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“A good traveler has no fixed plans and is not intent on arriving.”  ~Lao Tzu

About a year ago, I came across an e-course titled “Find Your Purpose in 15 Minutes.” I found this course during a time when purpose was something I was actively looking for. For the first time in my life, I wasn’t sure what to do next, and without anything to work toward I was looking for a new motivation to pull me forward.

The e-course I stumbled upon represents a society increasingly concerned with fulfilling its destiny. There is an unsettling pressure, particularly from …

When Things Go Wrong, I Remember This Day

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“There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands. You seek problems because you need their gifts.” ~Richard Bach

I’d wanted to visit Alaska nearly my entire life. I’d always wanted to see the vast landscape, majestic scenery, and awesome wildlife. So as a single, middle-aged mom with two boys aged fourteen and twelve, we went.

It was going to be an epic trip—travel from our home in the Midwest to Anchorage, a few days to Denali and back, then down to the coast and a cruise all the way to Vancouver. So …

3 Negative Inner Voices and How to Challenge Them

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“Beautify your inner dialogue. Beautify your inner world with love light and compassion. Life will be beautiful.” ~Amit Ray

There is no better way to feel good about yourself than changing your internal dialogue. Yes, you have the power to change your inner voice. You can choose to speak to yourself in a positive way or a negative way.

Stop all activity for a moment.

Be still. Notice what your inner voice is saying. Do you hear anything? If not, ask your inner voice this question: How does it feel to be still?

Listen.

Is your inner voice declaring that …

What a Month of Daily Panic Attacks Taught Me About Anxiety

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“You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.” ~Jon Kabat-Zinn

It happened in the middle of an intimate moment, about a month before my wedding.

One minute I was enjoying a kiss from my fiancé and the next thing I knew, I was clutching my face and writhing in agony.

At first, there was a loud thud in my chest, as if my heart had skipped a beat.

Then out of nowhere I started getting this strange sensation—like the kind of feeling you’d get on an elevator that’s going down too fast. The feeling was so …

How to Step Out of the Drama Triangle and Find Real Peace

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“Keep your attention focused entirely on what is truly your own concern, and be clear that what belongs to others is their business and none of yours.” ~Epictetus

Are you addicted to drama? I was, but I didn’t know it. I thought I was just responding to life, to what was happening. I really didn’t think I had a choice! The drama triangle is so pervasive, and can be so subtle, that it just seems normal. But it’s not, and there’s a much saner way to live, I found.

Dr. Stephen Karpman first described the drama triangle in the …

The People Who Hurt Us Are Vehicles for Our Growth

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“You only see in others what you have in yourself.” ~Annette Noontil

I now recognize, after observing painful patterns repeat many times, how things that trigger me are just lessons I need to learn that are often delivered through other people. The more painful the experience, the more I can see (in retrospect) I learned from it.

Every now and then, when I find myself getting sucked into thoughts about the rightness or wrongness of a situation and how much pain it’s causing me, I take a step backward. I can see that people are just the mechanism to my …

You Can Have a Tender Heart and Still Be Fierce

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“Life is a balance between what we can control and what we cannot. I am learning to live between effort and surrender.” ~Danielle Orner

For too long, I felt myself pulled between two shores of my identity. On one side was my yoga teacher, meditator, healer identity—my tender side. On the other side was my activist, change-maker role—my fierce side.

I always felt like I was too tender for some and too fierce for others. It made me feel like I didn’t fit in anywhere.

Definitely the soft-hearted “woo” person in my activist circles. And I was definitely the …

The Life-Changing Benefits of Two-Minute Meditations

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“Smile, breathe, and go slowly.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

I felt everything, from my lower back pain flaring up to tightness in my jaw where I clinch and carry my stress. With my eyes still closed, I rolled my shoulders and repositioned the pillow under my butt. Five minutes had passed, and I had no idea how I would ever make it to forty.

I opened my left eye to see if anyone around me was fidgeting as well and saw rows of people sitting in perfect, cross-legged lotus position with straight necks and relaxed jaws next to me.

Our teacher, …

Living with Depression and Anxiety: How to Lessen the Pain

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“I am bent, but not broken. I am scarred, but not disfigured. I am sad, but not hopeless. I am tired, but not powerless. I am angry, but not bitter. I am depressed, but not giving up.” ~Unknown

Depression and anxiety. Two words we hear often, but unless we have actually lived with them, we cannot come close to understanding the tremendous impact they can have on one’s quality of life.

Depression and anxiety can make people feel as if they are worthless and better off dead. What a horrible plague. But it is 100% possible to tame these two …

Why I’m Done Fishing for ‘Likes’ on Social Media

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“There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.” ~Ernest Hemingway

Recently I was invited to listen to a recorded presentation about humility, and it literally rocked my world.

As I listened intently, the words “complete and whole” popped into my head. And then came the light bulb moment: “Yes!” I thought. “When one feels whole and complete, they’re more humble.”

As the presenter talked about the “look at me” culture of selfies and social media I felt my toes begin to curl and my stomach tighten.

“Oh …

Maybe I Don’t Need to Make a Big Change in the World

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“Be the change you wish to see in the world.” ~Mahatma Gandhi

As a teen, I was passionately idealistic about justice, love, and compassion. Reading the words of Martin Luther King, Jr., Mahatma Gandhi, Mother Teresa, and other icons of justice inspired a desire to make a big change in the world.

Older people would attempt to temper my enthusiasm with a dose of jaded reality, saying things like, “That’s just the way the world is,” and “You can’t change people.”

I vowed to never be like that. I didn’t want to give into the status quo and turn …

6 Ways Meditation Improves Your Life

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“Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness. If, in our hearts, we still cling to anything—anger, anxiety, or possessions—we cannot be free.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Back in 2001, I was a freshman in college, and my saving grace from anxiety was a yoga class. More specifically, it was the most glorious of poses we call savasana that kept me sane.

For those unfamiliar, savasana—or corpse pose—is a pose of surrender and noticing thoughts and sensations without judgment, much like meditation. (It’s the pose that looks like everyone is just lying around napping.)

Back then, …

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