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A Surprising but Effective Way to Get Out Of A Shame Spiral

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“I have found that, among its other benefits, giving liberates the soul of the giver.” ~Maya Angelou

As an aspiring daily meditator, I’ve been instructed by many a spiritual sage to think of my emotions as clouds drifting across my internal landscape. The idea here is that clouds come and go, so clinging to any one cloud is an exercise in futility.

I like this metaphor. It overlaps quite nicely with the cloud-classification skills I learned in third grade and haven’t since put to use.

The more time I spend on the cushion, the more I realize that some …

How to Find Peace in the Dark Corners of Your Life

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“The mind can go in a thousand directions, but on this beautiful path, I walk in peace. With each step, the wind blows. With each step, a flower blooms.” ~Thich Nhat Nanh

It’s easy to feel peaceful and positive when the sun is shining and life is going your way. It’s a different matter when you’re alone, afraid, sick, or so tired you have trouble getting out of bed in the morning.

As a three-time cancer survivor, I know something about getting through difficult times. I know what it’s like to feel exhausted and hopeless, but I’ve also learned it’s …

The Best Question for Self-Care: What Do You Really Need Today?

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“Each day is a little life: every waking and rising a little birth, every fresh morning a little youth, every going to rest and sleep a little death.” ~Arthur Schopenhauer

About a month ago I came back to my daily meditation practice after realizing I’d been pushing myself too hard, and I was amazed at how easy it was to sit, get into that groove, and just be. I expected to sit for ten minutes, but on this day, my body didn’t want to move. I was completely content in the stillness, in silence.

I have been meditating and practicing …

What to Do with All the Feels That Pile Up in Your Heart

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Straight whiskey. That’s my drink of choice, or at least it’s one of them.

Some nights I’ve kicked my heels up with a glass and sipped it slowly simply because I thought it sounded appealing.

Other nights I’ve clutched my glass in a shaking hand with a sense of internal restlessness I couldn’t attribute to anything specific because I had no idea what I was feeling, or why.

And on other nights still I have known what I was feeling and I’ve consciously chosen to drown it with Jim Beam, the buzz in my brain and the warmth in my …

An Exercise That May Help You Make a Big, Scary Life Change

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“Change your thoughts and you can change your world.” ~Norman Vincent Peale

Making a major life change, such as changing careers or moving to a new state, can be really scary.

Even if our hearts are pulling us in one direction, we may still be plagued with doubt, fear, and anxious thoughts, such as: How do I know if I’m making the right decision? What will my family think if I do this? Will I regret this?

Even after we make the change, doubts and worries can still linger.

In 2016, I was on the brink of a major …

9 Easy Ways You Can Speak Your Truth Today

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“We are constantly invited to be who we are.” ~Henry David Thoreau

When your circumstances invite you to present your true self to others, do you accept the invitation?

I think of authentic communication as sharing the unfiltered essence of ourselves with others, including our identities, feelings, needs, boundaries, and desires.

It’s taken me many years to learn how to communicate this way. I’ve written in prior posts that speaking my truth once felt like an insurmountable challenge, like rolling an elephant up a hill or finding another living being who actually likes Nickelback. (Anyone? No?)

I was plagued …

What to Do When You Feel Stuck, Stagnant, and Bored with Your Life

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“Sometimes when things are falling apart they may actually be falling into place.” ~L.J. Vanier

Earlier last year, I felt like I finally had it all. Good education? Check. Respectable corporate job? Check. Decent salary? Check. Fancy car? Check. Charming, funny, and handsome boyfriend? Check. Stylish apartment? Check.

I should’ve been happy. So why didn’t I feel like I was? My life looked perfect on paper. So why did it still feel so empty? I’d done everything I thought I was supposed to. So why did I feel like a fraud? I had everything I’d ever …

How to Reach Your Goal (And Why Three People Showing Up Isn’t Failure)

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“If you believe it will work out, you’ll see opportunities. If you believe it won’t, you will see obstacles.” ~Wayne Dyer

I’ve been part of a social meet-up group for the past few years, one that’s helped me through tricky times like quitting my job, dealing with anxiety, and having my first baby. When I first joined the group, there were three people who attended the events. (Yes, you read that correctly—three people!)

There were lots of people in the group itself, but only three of us would regularly attend monthly events. It meant that if one of …

It’s Not “Failing” to Leave a Toxic, Abusive Marriage

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“Forgive yourself for not knowing better at the time. Forgive yourself for giving away your power. Forgive yourself for past behaviors. Forgive yourself for the survival patterns and traits you picked up while enduring trauma. Forgive yourself for being who you needed to be.” ~Audrey Kitching

I have always been an extremely glass-half-full kind of person. I always see the best in everyone, and not only the best, but also the unlimited beauty and potential. And my god, it is glorious!!

I met and fell in love with a charming man. I was on a trip to Alaska to …

How I Stopped Feeling So Lonely and Disconnected

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If I were given the chance to relive my childhood, I wouldn’t take it. For the most part, those were times I’d rather forget. I didn’t get along well in school, and family life was less than ideal. About the only thing I liked about the seventies and eighties was the rock ‘n’ roll music.

As a kid growing up in Miami, I had an Asian look about me, even though I was of Hispanic descent. Many of the kids in school asked me if I was Chinese; some called me a stupid chink; and a few just beat me …

What Happens When We Compromise Our Core Values

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“It’s not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.” ~Roy E. Disney

I got out of the car and could immediately tell that something was amiss. There were far too many glum-looking people milling around outside the building my meeting was scheduled to take place in. I worked for Yellow Pages at the time, and I regularly met with business owners who were interested in placing ads.

At that moment two burly men exited through the warehouse adjoining the office carrying a filing cabinet. A man who was carrying what looked like a paper shredder followed …

Find Your “Rat People”: The Best Advice for People-Pleasers

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Deadly Women. I like Deadly Women.

Allow me to rephrase: I don’t have an affinity for murderous ladies, and I’m also not a fan of murder as a practice. I am decidedly pro-loving people and anti-killing them. And yet I enjoy the show Deadly Women and watch it with my sister, who shares my interest in true crime, whenever I’m home.

I don’t share this with many people. Why? Because it’s weird, or so I’ve thought. Maybe it’s more that it’s tough to explain.

I wouldn’t want people to judge me or somehow think less of me because …

3 Thoughts That Bring Me Hope, Perspective, Peace, and Strength

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“Wake up today knowing that whatever happens, you can handle it.” ~Unknown

Tears filled my eyes, and an angry wave of despair washed over me. I just wanted to wear the jeans I had worn for a couple years. The cute ones with the jewels and deep pockets.

I’m guessing many of you can relate; clothes don’t always fit the way we want them to.

Four years ago, a doctor told me I was dying because of anorexia. It’s been a long journey, a story for another day, but I am here and I am alive.

This past year, I …

How to Break Painful Relationship Patterns

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“Until you heal your past, your life patterns and relationships will continue to be the same; it’s just the faces that change.” ~Unknown

First of all: honey, you are not broken. We are all works in process. There is nothing inherently wrong with you. We all end up in a loop here and there. Sometimes it’s because we haven’t healed pain from the past. And sometimes it’s because we’ve healed our pain but still hold on to past habits. When we do this, past habits will promote the replaying of past events and, therefore, the pain will return.

This …

What I Believe and Why My Life Is Better Because of It

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“Seeing is not believing; believing is seeing! You see things, not as they are, but as you are.” ~Eric Butterworth

I didn’t always understand this, but I now know that my beliefs shape my experience of the world.

As I learned from Tony Robbins, our beliefs guide our choices, which ultimately create our results.

Our beliefs can either be a prison, keeping us trapped in negative thinking and behaviors, or they can be empowering and lead to courageous action and new possibilities.

For example, if you believe people are fundamentally bad, you may live life guarded, close yourself off to …

To Do What You Really Want to Do, You Need to Befriend your Inner Critic

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“Our ‘inside critics’ have intimate knowledge of us and can zero in on our weakest spots.” ~SARK

We live in a world that often glorifies the power of positive thinking and affirmations.

Don’t get me wrong, affirmations can be a powerful tool to help us acknowledge our self-worth. We need to learn to look for the positive and to be grateful for all the beautiful things in our lives if we want to be happy. Befriending your inner critic may seem to be in contradiction to these goals.

A couple of years ago I began to pursue the creative life…

7 Ways to Know If Your Sacrifices Are Worth It

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“The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.” ~Henry David Thoreau

Have you ever looked at the path you’ve chosen and questioned if your sacrifices have been worth it? If you’ve prioritized the “right” things, pursued worthy goals, and ultimately, made “good” choices?

Have you ever wondered if you’ll one day look back on your life and regret not only what you did, but also what you didn’t do, because maybe you’ll feel you wasted your time or somehow missed out on something important?

If you answered no to these questions, you’re my new hero. …

How to Stop Punishing Yourself for Your Breakup

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“The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves.” ~Pema Chodron

After you come out a meaningful relationship that you didn’t foresee ending, you begin to think about everything you did wrong.

If you were not the one who wanted to the breakup, you may spend a lot of time blaming yourself and wondering about what you could have done differently.

You might begin to believe you’re solely responsible for what went down and that you deserve to spend years in relationship purgatory by yourself, mourning the loss of the person you loved.

You …

When You Can’t Take Away Their Pain: Just Being There Is Enough

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“Just being there for someone can sometimes bring hope when all else feels hopeless.” ~Dave G. Llewellyn

Parents, if I were to ask you what your worst nightmare is, what would you say?

I daresay it probably falls somewhere under the category of “safety and health,” and the negative version thereof.

Death. Illness. Suffering.

It could largely summed up as “to watch or know my child is suffering,” an extension of that being “
 and to not be able to do anything to help or take it away.”

If you’re not a parent, I’m guessing you’re felt this same …

How I Lost 30 Pounds by Meditating (and All the Things I Gained)

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“Clear your mind. Your heart is trying to tell you something.” ~Unknown

I recently lost thirty-plus pounds without trying or intending to. I remember excitedly sharing this news on social media one day, after stepping on a scale in my hotel room and being shocked. I don’t own a scale, so between the time when I had last weighed myself and this day, I’d lost over thirty pounds without being conscious of it.

After my public announcement, people from all directions contacted me asking me questions. Everyone wanted to know how I did it and what could they do to …