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How to Help Someone Who Won’t Help Themselves

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“We work on ourselves in order to help others, but also we help others in order to work on ourselves.” ~Pema Chodron

Recently I got into a hypothetical conversation with someone who very quickly turned hostile and accusatory. Let’s call her Jane. My first instinct was to get defensive, but then I realized this subject was quite raw for Jane, and there was likely something going on below the surface.

Usually when people are combative seemingly without cause, there’s some underlying pain fueling it.

As we got to the root of things, I learned that Jane was holding onto anger …

Feel Happy and Stress-Free: 7 Simple Tips to Stay in the Now

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“No yesterdays are ever wasted for those who give themselves to today.” ~Brendan Francis

Anyone can be mindful for a moment or two, but developing your mindfulness muscle means that you have to take things to a higher level.

In today’s world it’s all too easy to get distracted from what’s truly important. Wherever you go and whatever you do, you see messages designed to get you to perform a specific action and distract you from the fact that you are already whole.

There are no reminders to be mindful unless we create them.

The responsibility is in your hands. …

What It Means to Really Take Care of Yourself

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“Be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars. In the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.” ~Max Ehrmann

Last year I realized that I lived twenty-eight years without knowing what it really means to love and take care of myself.

In 2010, I took some wonderful, worldly trips—Costa Rica, Bangkok, Taipei—trekking and exploring.

My husband and I bought a second home. I fully engaged myself in the improvements and the creativity of decorating a fresh canvas.

I ran several races, including a half-marathon, and finished well. …

4 Ways to Be Kind When You Don’t Feel Like It

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“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” ~Plato

I used to have a horrible boss.

I worked as a trainer in a big corporation. I can remember him coming into one of my training sessions and telling me off about something in front of my whole group.

He talked to me as if I was five years old and I’d done something terrible. When someone talks to you like that it’s difficult not to start feeling you are five years old and you’ve done something terrible. I wanted to sink into the ground.

He treated other …

50 Creative Questions To Create The Life You Really Want

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“If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.” ~Jack Dixon

The first time I picked up a brush to paint I was 28 years old. I had never painted before, not even as a child. I couldn’t draw (except lousy little doodles) and never even thought I would enjoy painting.

A friend of mine encouraged me to take a workshop about painting for process. Since she pushed so hard, I went.

My world exploded open.

On the first day, we stood next to a long table where cups of colorful …

How to Grow from Mistakes and Stop Beating Yourself Up

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“When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.” ~Unknown

The spiral staircase has always intrigued the yogi-designer in me. The visual draw, similarity to DNA, and cosmic patterns, as well as its mathematical genius, could be enough, but the structure can also mean more.

Picture yourself tripping up in work, life, or love. You’ve made a mistake, said the wrong thing, or didn’t come through with your end of the bargain.

You think, how did I let that happen? What a (fill in the blank) I am. I can’t believe I did that, again. If only I could rewind.…

Giveaway and Interview: The Book of (Even More) Awesome

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Update: The winners have been chosen! If you didn’t win, you can purchase a copy of The Book of (Even More) Awesome on Amazon.

Last year, I posted a review of The Book of Awesome, by Neil Pasricha—a compilation of blog posts from his wildly popular website, 1000 Awesome Things.

I was so inspired by his ability to recognize simple pleasures where I never even thought to look that I decided to follow suit with a post I titled 50 Peaceful Things.

Neil’s blog has been one of my favorites since he first launched three years back, …

3 Causes for Judging People (And How to Accept Yourself)

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“If we learn to open our hearts, anyone, including the people who drive us crazy, can be our teacher.” ~Pema Chodron

Every person you meet has something special to give you—that is, if you are open to receiving it.

Each encounter offers you the gift of greater self-awareness by illustrating what you do and don’t accept about yourself. An honest look will show you that the reactions you have to others give you more information about yourself than about them.

You can never know for sure what motivates other people, but you can learn what you are accepting or judging …

How the Word No Can Help You Achieve Your Goals

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“If you lose today, win tomorrow.” ~Daisaku Ikeda

From the moment we learn to walk and touch things, we hear the word no far more than we will ever hear the word yes.

“No, don’t touch that.” “No, that’s not for you.” “No, you shouldn’t eat paint chips.” OK, maybe that last one was just me, but you get the picture.

We are told no so much more than we are ever told yes during the course of growing up, so why is it as adults that hearing the word no can be so devastating? Shouldn’t we be used to …

The Surprisingly Simple Secret to High Self-Esteem

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“Concern yourself not with what is right and what is wrong but with what is important.” ~Unknown

I personally do not know anyone who, after all is said and done, is not after high self-esteem.

It may not be blatant or obvious to the eye, yet once you break down the motives and emotions surrounding the things people choose to do and why they choose to do them, you will find that what they really want is to feel good about themselves.

They want to have high self-esteem. So the big question is: How do we raise our self-esteem and …

Interview and Book Giveaway: And I Shall Have Some Peace There, Margaret Roach

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Update: The winners have been chosen! If you didn’t win, you can purchase a copy of And I Shall Have Some Peace There: Trading in the Fast Lane for My Own Dirt Road on Amazon.

I recently received a copy of Margaret Roach’sbook And I Shall Have Some Peace There.

I was not previously familiar with Margaret’s wildly popular garden blog, A Way to Garden, but I was fascinated to learn about her transition from editorial director of Martha Stewart Omnimedia to full-time gardener at her country house in upstate New York.

I know a lot of people …

10 Places to Find Hope When Life Knocks You Down

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“He who has health has hope, and he who has hope has everything.” ~Proverb

In the spring of 2006, I was training for the MS 150, a cycling event to raise funds for the National Multiple Sclerosis Society. I was hopeful that I could contribute to MS research and support. Someone close to me has MS and I wanted to help.

About a month into my spin classes and outdoor training, I started to feel bad. I was tired, weak, and having some balance issues.

I never got to participate in the ride. In fact, shortly after the event date, …

How Being Vulnerable Can Expand Your World

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“What makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful.” ~Brene Brown

Vulnerability has never been my strong suit. It’s no wonder. In order to be vulnerable, you have to be okay with all of you. That’s the thing about vulnerability that no one tells you about.

Being vulnerable is not just about showing the parts of you that are shiny and pretty and fun. It’s about revealing what you deny or keep hidden from other people. We all do this to some extent. I bet you’ve never said to a friend, “Oh my god, I just love that I’m insecure.”

But …

2 Things You Need to Form a Strong Friendship

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“To have a friend and be a friend is what makes life worthwhile.” ~Unknown

Extreme Makeover: Friendship Edition! That would be the best phrase to describe a year in the life of a cross-cultural friendship with my best friend Marisa.

This is the first deep and meaningful relationship I’ve ever had with someone who doesn’t speak a word in my own language.

My relationship with her has exposed and challenged many of my cultural beliefs and ideas about friendship.

There is nothing wrong with being influenced by culture. We all are.

But it’s good to recognize where some of our …

How to Be a Leader without Really Trying

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“A leader leads by example whether he intends to or not.” ~Unknown

Ever since I can remember, I have always wanted to “be somebody.” For the majority of my life, I worked very hard at being whatever I thought I needed to be in order to be a great leader amongst my peers.

I wanted so deeply to inspire and move others, and to make a difference in a way that was unforgettable. I thought being a leader meant that I had to constantly prove that I was good enough to win the acknowledgment and appreciation of others.

For the …

How to Start a Gratitude Practice and Change Your Life

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“When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.” ~Lao Tzu

Somewhere in the distant past, out here in New Zealand, I recall someone saying to me “Be grateful for small mercies.”

Back in the 1950s, when I was a small girl, that meant being grateful for the simple things that made up the better part of my life.

As I grew, I forgot that piece of advice that someone, probably my beautiful grandmother, gave me way back then. But in 2010, I remembered it again.

Like so many people in the world in 2010, troubles …

3 Steps to Make a Bad Day Good

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“To a mind that is still, the whole universe surrenders.” ~Chuang-Tzu

The beauty of life is that we constantly have the opportunity to change it.

We always have the power to recreate it. We can change our thoughts, remember how to live instead of planning each moment, forgive the past, be present for the now, slow down the speed, and push the reset button on a day that has escaped us.

I recently had one of those days.

This past Saturday was wonderful, or so I thought it would be when I woke up.

I’d been invited to a traditional …

5 Ways for Parents to Manage Anxiety

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“I vow to let go of all worries and anxiety in order to be light and free.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

I thought I had relinquished anxiety after a few years of mindfulness and meditation. Then I had a baby. It is incredibly easy for us mothers to slide into permanent guilt and anxiety.

After a few minutes of watching my thoughts, I noticed they ran something like this:

“My baby is sleeping too much. Should I wake her? Oh no, she hasn’t slept enough and I woke her. I shouldn’t have woken her, I’ve ruined the day. How am I …

Zen Your Commute: How to Get Started with Bicycling

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“I cannot make my days longer so I strive to make them better.” ~Henry David Thoreau

Every weekday morning, I set off from my back gate on my bicycle, pushing away from the safe shore of home and entering the unpredictable current of urban life. Every morning, I look forward to the adventure.

Over the course of the ride to work, I watch the city wake up. I feel the particular nuances of the day’s weather—perhaps humid, with a storm building over the mountains, or maybe a faintly warm breeze crosscuts the morning chill, carrying a hint of spring.

I …

7 Things That Influence Happiness That You Don’t Need to Have

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“Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.” ~Unknown

When someone asks, “Are you happy?” we tend to look around at our peers and see how they are living.

If we’re better off than our peers, it’s likely that we decide to be happy. Therefore, one of the tricks of being happy is to change the group we compare ourselves to.

Silicon Valley gossip columns enjoy pointing out that Oracle’s software titan Larry Ellison, whose $40 billion net worth makes him one of the top ten richest people in …